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Doug:
Hey, if anybody was worried about what the Red Sox should do in the offseason, I'm hear to tell you to just relax the fuck up...
Al:
I am always delighted when membahs of the media weigh in with their expert opinions.
Mike:
Seriously, I only wish the CHB wouldn't restrict himself to sports. I mean who knows the limits of his sagacity?
Bill:
Are you kidding me? I'm half expecting Jihadi John to show up at his next beheading in a Jetah jersey.
Bill:
I was going to retiah myself, but nobody does that anymore because it's too crowded.
Doug:
Like a wedding in Venice.
Mike:
Speaking of the undead...
Bill:
Sounds like a good weekend to staht splittin' and stackin' wood for the wintah hot stove.
Bill:
A fragrance that gives itself once, and once only...
Mike:
Well, to everything there is a season...
Doug:
So much for what Giamatti described as "baseball having no clock and, indeed moving counterclockwise, so is it to establish its own rythms and patterns independent of clock time."
Doug:
Still, I dunno about adding a pitch clock. Just doesn't seem right somehow.
Al:
That's what they said about playing undah lights.
Mike:
I confess that I still prefer day baseball.
Bill:
Christ yestahday I sat down to be engulfed in the sagacity of sports reportahs discussing domestic violence nonstop and a goddamn football game broke out!
Doug:
Seriously the sonsabitches. And I was totally waiting to hear what Boomah Esiason had to opine concerning the breakup of Mama June and Sugah Bear.
Doug:
But no friggin word on his opinion regarding the Hope Solo situation.
Doug:
But that pitching, tho?
Doug:
You wanna know just how much last year's unexpected World Series win tacked on to the '04 and '07 Championships has made me, Arturo?
Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Yeah, lay it on me, Mr. Doug.
Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Yeah, but just to show you haven't gone entirely soft, I know I'm safe in saying that if your happiness for the Orioles right now is a 1, then your schadenfreude for the Yankees not making the postseason is an 11.
Doug:
Pass the sauerkraut, Arturo, it's gonna be a great day.
Bill:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, the 2015 Boston Red Sox.
Mike:
Seriously, I'm enjoying the coming attractions.
Bill:
Who said there's nothing left to play for...
Bill:
If the Sox can just go 4-8 in the remaining games to finish ahead for Valentine's Year Massacre.
Mike:
Take it to the bank.
Mike:
Well, it is the season of mists of mellow fruitfulness.*
Susan/Circle:
Swell the gourd!
Al:
So this is the thing about getting old...
Al:
I first heard U2 when I was 16 years old laying in bed and listening to college radio.
Al:
I was instantly hooked on the band to the point where I tried to convince my parents to let me see them play at the Hampton Beach Casino when hahdly anybody knew who they were...
Al:
I finally saw them live on the first night of their two night stand at the Orpheum in May of '83 and proceeded to follow them with a vengeance in including tracking down every bootleg recording I could my hands on.
Al:
Fast forward to now when U2 has released a new album with a free download on iTunes and I'm like, "meh."
Doug:
Middle age could be worse. You could have invented the wrap sandwich and not been credited with it.
Mike:
Or you could have gotten famous writing a book about a Curse that got broken, and broken again, and, yeah, then again.
Bill:
In hindsight his getting injured on Opening Day was a foreshadowing.
Mike:
Well, in hindahsight winning the World Series seems to have been a foreshadowing.
Bill:
Still not complaining.
Your omniscient author in absentia:
So this turns out to be one of those days where I had so little to say that I actually forgot about posting a strip at all until just now. Sorry, creeps.
Susan/Circle:
Not with a bang, but with fish sticks for dinnah
Mike:
This is the tahtah sauce land
Susan/Circle:
Here the Gorton fishahman
Mike:
In this alley of karaoke bahs
In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
So have we reached the point where "under .500 Fridays" are secured for the rest of season?
In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
And all the chop your head off people are ascending.
In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
But's it's Friday so who gives a shit?
Mike:
Yeah, I had to quite literally guffaw each time I heard a flummoxed newscastah reading the lines "it's not really a 'cloud' but simply a collection of huge computers"...
Doug:
I'm reading this but I am as shocked, shocked as you the listenah to learn that it isn't really a cloud!
Mike:
And now I finally understand the fascination of "dot races" at ballpahks and stadiums across this once great nation.
Doug:
We are so totally fucked.
Mike:
On the brightside, we'll provide plenty of amusement for the robots.
Your omniscient author in absentia:
Had some rather urgent family business to attend to this morning—stepdaughter went into labor and I had to care for her dogs and get them to boarding. Meanwhile, Red Sox beat the Yankees with a display of power?
Doug:
So did everyone have a nice Labah Day?
Al:
Absolutely. There's nothing I like more than taking a day of solidarity with organized labah by getting drunk and not working.
Mike:
Meanwhile, formah socialist Rusney Castillo went to work ovah the weekend.
Doug:
Looks like his bat is on strike.
Al:
Seriously, the Cuba Libre is definitely half-full.
Doug:
Is that your third one?
