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Doug:
Yeah, it may come down to "inhaling the right gas at the right time" which as anyone who has ridden in the elavatah with Al knows beats the hell out of inhaling the wrong gas at the wrong time.
Mike:
Seriously, I need the right gas at the right time to unremembah the time aftah Al's sopressata and peperoncini lunch fest.
Doug:
"Hello, Pentagon? Yeah, well, I think we found your WMD."
Al:
Ah, c'mon guys you're making me blush with all this praise.
Doug:
It's August... Arguably the worst sports month of the year in any given year but absolutely confirmed when it's a year in which the Red Sox are already waiting for next year.
Mike:
Seriously, meaningless baseball games and meaningless football games has me feeling like Mersault standing ovah a dead Arab.
Mike:
This absurd life with the fucking dahk wind rising toward me and all.
Doug:
If we were in Europe we'd have the whole month off.
Mike:
And high-speed rail.
Doug:
But we'd be obsessed with soccer.
Mike:
Yeah, there is that.
Mike:
They simply don't have enough seasoning in Triple-A.
Mike:
And even with more time an the minahs, the difference between the level of play between the majahs and minahs has nevah been more pronounced.
Bill:
So what you're saying is this is going to take time?
Mike:
Yep, as Gammons puts it, "[S]ometimes there is no shortcut from the future to the present.
Bill:
Tell that to the engineers working on the robotic Dutch Wives.
Mike:
The surprise signing of Rusney has made the outré 2014 season all the more, er, more outré...
Mike:
I mean has there evah been a season in which its identity is mirrored by the seasons fore and aft? 2014 began undah the laissez-faire champagne shadow of the 2013 championship season and it's concluding by essentially being a jump staht on the 2015 season.
Susan/Circle:
It's a Cuban sandwich and 2014 is the mustard.
Mike:
If we sign one more Cuban, Hemingway is going to walk out the door in the Left Field scoreboard.
Susan/Circle:
And then you'll call me Jig.
Mike:
The days will be pretty hot.
Susan/Circle:
Those are lovely hills.
Susan/Circle:
They don't really look like white elephants. I just meant the coloring of their skin through the trees.
Mike:
The beer's nice and cool.
Susan/Circle:
I'll scream.
Mike:
Do you feel bettah?
Susan/Circle:
I feel fine.
Al:
Yeah, he's now scored 49 runs and knocked himself in 30 of those times.
Al:
His comrades, meanwhile, have driven him in just 19 times this year. How is that even possible?
Mike:
Speaking of the difficult to wrap your head around, can you imagine how much worse things would be without Ortiz?
Doug:
I dunno, once you've dug the hole deep enough, going furthah down becomes an inverse hyperbolic emotionally.
Mike:
I passed the point of inflection months ago.
Al:
What is the magic numbah to elimination?
Mike:
Hey look! More optimism:
"The only silvah lining is asking what are the odds that everything goes horribly wrong a second year in a row and given that those odds are low it means that some optimism for 2015 is warranted. "
Bill:
Yeah, I'd feel bettah if that were being spoken by a fully robotic Japanese engineered Dutch Wife.
Mike:
Wearing a pink hat.
Steve:
Perfect. Give the dauphin two weeks worth to feast on inferior pitching to get his confidence back. Then back he comes with a vengeance when the rosters expand.
Bill:
I admiah your optimism.
Bill:
Christ, it's August 18th? Are you shitting me?
Mike:
Seriously. As sacharine as that story is, it can't help but warm your heart.
Susan/Circle:
And remind you of why you're a fan of the game.
Mike:
And a fan of the world.
Susan/Circle:
Yeah, despite everything, it's a pretty fucking great place.
Bill:
OK I know it's a low bah...
Bill:
Nobody intimidates the Cubans.
Mike:
Small island. Giant balls.
I didn't know Robin Williams personally, of course, and I confess to not paying too much attention to his most recent work but hearing the news yesterday of his passing rattled me. He was one of those artists whose personality and work touched many of us on a very personal level. When those kinds of people die suddenly, unexpectedly, it feels like a some part of you dies as well. — H.B.
Bill (thinking to himself):
Nevah knew he suffered from depression. Damn.
Doug:
Hey, this games was the awesome until those geeky kids came along with their "formulas."
Al:
Heh. I was told there would be no math on my final famous farewell tour.
Mike:
I can't imagine why the 5-Tool Greatest Playah Evah wouldn't embrace the numbahs.
Al:
This is where one might normally insert a snahky comment, but I think I traded it for a comment to be named latah.
Lisa the Temp:
Hey, peeps, long time no see.
Lisa the Temp:
I've been working my little fingers to the bone in the coal mines.
Lisa the Temp:
I mean that, figuratively, of course. There are no coal mines in Boston.
Lisa the Temp:
But there are fabric-covered cubicles where temps sit in the dark playing World of Warcraft.
Lisa the Temp:
See what the Industrial Revolution has wrought, peeps? It's tragic.
Lisa the Temp:
Does that give you the sads?
Lisa the Temp:
Well here's a glad from Lisa...
Lisa the Temp:
Remember that in baseball at least you get to use your hands.
Lisa the Temp:
And I know how much you like using your hands.
Lisa the Temp:
Yeah, I'm looking at you, creepy.
Al:
So Selig wants Manfred as puppet with strings to Bud?
Mike:
That's the thinking.
Al:
Who does Selig think he is Putin?
Mike:
Well, they say that 80% of life is just showing up...
Mike:
So here the fuck I am.
Susan/Circle:
Yeah, it so happens...
Susan/Circle:
It so happens I am sick of being a fan.
Susan/Circle:
And it happens that I walk by souvenir shops and highlight
reels
Susan/Circle:
dried up, watahproof, like a swan made of felt
Susan/Circle:
steering my way in a watah of wombs and ashes.
Mike:
But wouldn't it be marvelous to terrify a sabermetrician with a cut lily?
Mike:
Or kill Bob Costas with a blow to the ear?
Susan/Circle:
Fuck, yeah it would.
Your omniscient author in absentia:
**Update** Don't know what I was thinking, but family visit continues thru today, Tuesday.
[Previous] Completely forgot to mention I've got family visiting today so routine is thrown off. You'll have to yak without me, if there's something good.
Bill:
Well, that'll teach you to yell "fire sale" around a crowded watah coolah.
Doug:
Hey, I went to a Red Sox game and Miami Marlins money laundering scheme broke out.
Doug:
The New York Yankees, that's who.
Bill:
Maybe as a way of thanks the Yankees can ask Jetah to take some time away from his Final Farewell World Tour to come to Boston and personally help John Henry pick out a scarf for his wife or lovah.
Doug:
You know I've been told (and told) that's just the kind of noble and humble heroic action "Jetes" is famous for.
