Warming up?

Bill:
Well, that's what you call a grindah.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, served with the same tasty salami as they were using last season.

 

---

Bill:
All of a sudden April doesn't seem quite so bad.

 

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Reaching for it

Doug:
I want one of these in the wurst way!

 

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Mike:
Hot dog boat vs. lobtah roll boat, who wins?

 

---

Al:
Who's driving?

 

---

Mike:
No, Who's on first.

 

---

Al:
I shoulda seen it coming.

 

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Doug:
You know who would have seen that coming?

 

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Mike:
Jackie Bradley, Jr.

 

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Al:
Fuck yeah he would.

 

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April showers

Bill:
If you would told me before the season stahted that the defending World Champions would be struggling to finish April at .500...

 

---

Bill:
I would have said, I think you're onto something.

 

---

Mike:
Yep, the World Series hangovah is to be expected.

 

---

Bill:
I confess I didn't see it taking the form of throwing to the wrong base or dropping pop flies.

 

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Mike:
But which of these problems would you want to have at the end of April? Throwing to the right base, or figuring out 40 percent of your rotation (Yankees), your No. 3 hitter (Orioles), or how you’re going to score (Rays)?

 

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Bill:
Yeah, like Tomase, I remain optimistic that everything we've shaken our heads ovah in April is totally fixable.

 

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Off DeKeyser and in for the win

In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
If you watched the Doubront denouement last night ovah the beatitude that is the Boston Bruins, then you are a better Red Sox fan than me...

 

---

In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
Well, with the exclusion of Ted here where such a ranking is not ever possible.

 

---

Y tu pine tar también

Doug:
I had a foreign substance on my neck once...

 

---

Doug:
Wait did it involve artisanal mezcal, cocaine, and a shemale who bore a striking resemblance to Maribel Verdú?

 

---

Doug:
I already told that story?

 

---

Al:
Naw, I think I saw it on FaceBook.

 

---

Mike:
Do you think BigBri is in on FaceBook?

 

---

Doug:
Are you kidding me? Dude's like the friggin' King of Kings of Farmville.

 

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TypePad Attacked with DDoS

Your omniscient author in absentia:
All,
TypePad, where Soxaholix is served from, was attacked with a DDoS and was offline for the past several days, as you most likely discovered.

I did write a Patriots' Day strip but was unable to publish it until this morning, April 23rd.

Now that things are back in order, the normal schedule will resume.

H.B.

 

---

Happy Patriots' Day

Mike:
You don't see a game like that every day.

 

---

Doug:
Gotta love the Red Sox reaction aftah Perdroia crosses home.

 

---

Al:
Gotta love the look on Showaltah's face... "Did I just eat a shit sandwich? Why, yes, I do believe I did eat a shit sandwich."

 

---

Mike:
So, Al, if Napoli keeps a rally alive by getting hit in the kneecap by a pitch, does that still qualify you for a pizza?

 

---

Al:
Yeah, I'll get the marinera.

 

---

Mike:
No cheese?

 

---

Al:
Appropriately.

 

---

Al:
Meanwhile, Happy Patriots' Day!

 

---

Mike:
Funnest day of the year.

 

---

Doug:
Now with extra security.

 

---

Al:
I hope everyone but Tsarnaev and his batshit crazy mom has an especially great day.

 

---

When the world hands you a cucumber...

Bill:
Hey, the Red Sox won!

 

---

Doug:
It may have been ugly, but sometimes you just gotta show up and see what happens.

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, it's like this dude's sweater vest shirt combo.*



*[Slightly NSWF]

 

---

Doug:
The robots aren't going to tolerate that shit, you know....

 

---

Unsprung

Bill:
The ol' "walk off errah," eh?

 

---

Doug:
My gut says the Red Sox would be in last place regardless of the weathah, but it's too friggin cold for baseball.

 

---

Bill:
It begins again in Spring... except when Spring doesn't begin in Spring but Wintah.

 

---

Doug:
And it's always coldah in the cellah.

 

---

RAM

Bill:
The good news is Pedroia and Uehara will avoid the DL.

 

---

Mike:
What's the bad news?

 

---

Bill:
Some people think robot sex is creepy.

 

---

Mike:
I pity the hatahs.

 

---

Bill:
Seriously. If you find robot sex creepy today, you're going to be in deep shit when the robots are running the place in the future.

 

---

Mike:
Robots nevah forget.

 

---

We've seen worse

Mike:
Hello, basement, haven't seen you in awhile.

 

---

Doug:
Lookout Kansas City, we're coming for you!

 

---

Al:
Let's see... Pedroia's hurt. Uehara's hurt. I would say it can't get worse but we know it can.

 

---

Mike:
And yet it won't get worsah worse because at least we don't have Valentine running things.

 

---

Al:
There but for the grace of God...

 

---

Doug:
Hey things may be bad right now, but, you know, pot vending machines.

 

---

The bat and the fury

Mike:
Papi gets old, and yet what he does nevah gets old.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Papi is the mausoleum of all hope and desire...

 

---

Susan/Circle:
And he gives the clutch hit to us not that we may remember time, but that we might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all of our breath trying to conquer it.*

 

---

There's always lunch

Al:
This morning I'm feeling like Sizemore on that Murphy bloop in the 3rd.

 

---

Mike:
Hesitant, stepping backwards, and in the end coming up empty?

 

---

Al:
Exactly.

 

---

Mike:
Somehow we'll survive.

 

---

Doug:
Sunset. Sunrise. Lunch.

 

---

Mike:
I'm thinking shawarma.

 

---

Doug:
Heavy on the tzatziki.

 

---

Al:
It's the only way.

 

---

Yes, I'm lying. But you're still going to have to trust me.

Bill:
You know I've always wondered what Bill Belichick would look like in a leather jacket, pistol in each hand, and walking out of a wall of flames.

 

---

Mike:
"President Kraft? This is Bill. CTU just informed me that the terrorists have kidnapped Giselle and Tom. We have 24 hours. I'll do what I must, sir."

 

---

Bill:
"I'm federal agent Bill Belichick, and today is the longest day of my life."

 

---

Mike:
You know what summah blockbustah I'm looking forward to?

 

---

Mike:
Jackie Bradley, Jr. The Movie. Starring Jacking Bradley Jr. as himself.

 

---

Bill:
With a cameo appearance by The Lacken.

 

---

Mike:
Release it!!!

 

---

Cotton mouthed

Bill:
Nothing like getting swept in the first 3 home games of the season for the first time in 30 years.

 

---

Doug:
I guess this is what they meant by the "World Series Hangovah."

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, take two aspirin...

 

---

Bill:
And call me when you when you staht hitting.

 

---

Now we are here

Susan/Circle:
Somebody's looking really comfortable in the big leagues.

 

---

Tara:
And how about his defense? That play he made in the 8th to get the force on Adams on that bouncing Cruz groundah into the hole?

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Yeah, they call it Xanderdu.

 

---

Tara:
Open your eyes and see
What we have made is real
We are in Xanderdu.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
And there you are.

 

---

Song of Al's Self

Mike:
So with Napoli's night, I guess I know what Al's doing for lunch.

 

---

Doug:
Lunch? I'm pretty sure I saw Al with crust in hand at breakfast.

 

---

Mike:
Pizza is large. It contains multitudes.

 

---

Al:
I CELEBRATE pizza, and sing pizza, And what I assume you shall assume.

 

---

Al:
The smoke of the wood hearth, Sea salt, flour, yeast, bufala, peeled-tomatoes from the vine...

 

---

Doug:
Urge and urge and urge

 

---

Circus Maximus

Doug:
Look, I know these are meaningless photo-ops and a chance to play Ceaser frolics with the Gladiators for the amusement and distraction of the plebes...

 

---

Doug:
But still you know Putin would have pronounced Napoli correctly.

 

---

Doug:
Am I right or am I right?

 

---

Bouncing back

Bill:
Well, it wouldn't be the first time the Orioles seem to have our numbah.

 

---

Mike:
Somewhere in Dracut, one Bob Flandahs is walking into work this morning feeling vindicated...

 

---

Mike:
"It's the collapse of 2011 all ovah again for these coddled brats."

 

---

Bill:
Gotta love Red Sox Nation. I mean anyone could be content with 3 World Series Championships in 10 years. It takes a certain panache to put all that aside to winnow in on the bad years.

 

---

Mike:
We choose to live in gloom. We choose live in gloom in this decade and do the othah things, not because they are easy, but because they are hahd.

 

---