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Hart Brachen as himself:
Update to the previous post on the looming retirement...

I'm still mulling things over. As part of the mull wondering if as part of retirement if I should also peel back the Hart Brachen mask. This would allow the especially creepy among you to still see what I'm doing creatively (or not) outside of the Soxaholix ouvre. On the other hand, that also seems kind of self-indulgent. More soon...



I know this is especially macabre (and/or creepy) but it would have been kind of funny to "retire" by having someone claim Hart Brachen was on the missing Malaysian airliner.

Only you,h.b.only you. ;O

Grasshopper, Gods do not answer letters.

He's Keyser Soze, isn't he?

ON the missing airliner? I would expect HB to be the pilot.

what missing airliner?


ps In furtherance of my comment yesterday, I don't like FB because of privacy concerns. Not mine, necessarily. Anybody who cares (=nobody) knows who I am. Just that FS monetizes personal information a bit too much for my taste.

It would be really funny if it turned out HB was really LC or Bob or one of the creepy commenters all along.

On one hand, knowing HB's identity would be interesting. But in the absence of identification, I think the possibility of a multi-century Shakespeare/Bacon debate is intriguing. HB does like literature.

If it is all over, can we organize a Soxaholix Reunion at fenway this summer?

I agree with lc, Facebook leaves too much out there. The advertisers have enough dirt on me so they can try to fleece me as it is.

By Friday, HB will *reveal* his new Naked Soxaholix Survivor Strip.

My money's on Nat.

Plot twist: we have all been in purgatory for 10 years, Bobby Vee is the Smoke Monster, Manny is Hurley, and none of those WS wins is real.

04,07,13,18,46,67,75, 86


God, I wish I hadn't thought that....

If you spell my name backwards, it reveals my true identity.

...also that guy with no arms,no legs in the water.

hb = Ditka perhaps?

Naked humans? No. No. No.

Now I know why he ran under the couch as though I am watchin' NASCAR.

HB, no need to retire, just scale back this season to twice a week, or once a week--commit to the whole season & then take the winter OFF...a year from now you'll be fresh as a daisy, and glad you kept this perfect little strip of sanity. Don't reveal yourself! That mystery keeps the imagination going...

@yazbread, more like Locke and Demosthenes in Ender's Game, I think, with both collaborating to drive the agenda.

The Soxaholix and Curt Schilling arrived in Boston the same day. Coincidence? I think not!

Caterwauling like a Howler monkey ;D

My entire life I've been haunted by Clarabel the clown on Howdy Doody, who was mute but spoke into the camera the last words as the show went off the air ("Good-bye boys and girls!"). Now you.

I'm obsessed with this missing airliner story... (although not so obsessed that I could last more than 5 minutes on CNN- holy shit that network is atrocious)....

As for hb's reveal, I kinda like the not knowing, which is weird for me as one who tends to find herself in Google wormholes in a quest to learn everything. I dunno, since 2004, like the Sox, everything about Soxaholix has been house money. I am happy to keep sitting at the table and putting up my chips, but also aware this has been a pretty epic run....

DON'T GO!!!!


PS #dodgersuck


Said it yesterday - would like to know but never expected to so....

Been away physically for awhile; now caught up...(I'm with lc re: FB for some of the same reasons. Maybe I'm old school, but just don't wanna be "out there")...hb you have poured out a lot of humour and intellect over the years and I can hardly request you to give more, but I like Chip's idea...Once a week - stirs the pot; pokes the creeps and maybe gives you an outlet and keeps you fresh. Whatever your decision, we have been better for Hart's writing.

I get blood drawn today, so there's that.

Do what you need to do - but just so you know, you've been great comfort to a Sox fan in NYC. I quote the Feb 25 2005 Soxaholix posting frequently: "It's only arrogance if your wrong." I can't believe I've been saying that for 9 years now!

It's your rock show, we're all waiting for the encore.

After Johnny Carson retired he used to fax jokes to David Letterman. And then watch and was real happy when his jokes were used.

As Dave says "There is no off position on the genius switch"

I'm hoping that maybe even just once a month (in season) something so stupid/funny/obscene happens that you need someplace to make wise about it.

But it's been house money since 2004 and I'd be happy to buy the house a beer anytime.


Take some time. post something when you like. I will look for it every day. Make it an avocation. No need to forswear it for good.

You are brilliant!

Soooo,what's new??? ;O

Well, they drew my blood yesterday. In watercolors. Ug. Would have preferred oils.

Oh, like I haven't found and stalked your house already, Yeesh.

Peel it back...I have been curious for years. And it is not self-indulgent at all - you have brought smiles to so many faces for so many years! Go for it.

I'm assuming we'll have more word next week, so nothing too maudlin or sorrowful today.

Have a great weekend all. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday.

hello. i wish you would consider scaling back, maybe to weekly, rather than retiring entirely. this is my favorite red sox blog, the only one i've stuck with consistently over the past several years. the literary and pop cultural references, the comic strip format, the smart dialogue, i love it all. please don't quit.

For my money Soxaholix is the best blog there is on any subject. and I am beyond horrified at the prospect of its demise. But unto everything there is a season.... A major worry is that this will disturb the karmic balance of the universe and we won't see another WS title in my remaining actuarially determined life span (I'm in injury time now anyway).

If you do decide to exit, hb, I follow many others in urging that you emulate the departure of Teddy Ballgame. I cut a graduate seminar in the poetry of Lord Byron to go see that classic (seems like an excellent sense of priorities, 54 years on). The thing about it, even at the time, was that TW's behavior was absolutely in character. You could do worse.

It always troubles me when someone says they went to TheHead's last game. Not calling bullshit, but it wasn't announced as his last game, and there were just a shade over 10k people there and it was played on a Wednesday afternoon, in the time of 2:18.

Part of it is that my dad used to claim he went to it, and I later figured out it just wasn't possible that he did. Not for nothing, but Lou Clinton played RF, batted 6th and went 0 for 3 with a sacrifice.

Maybe it is time for the strip to end, since I think I pretty much posted the same comment back in '06. (look it up)

But, I will miss this space, and be grateful that hb sponsored it for so long.

also @sdu: sorry you're missing the Bums/'Backs tilt. That biking can be a bitch.


thanks lc - it really sucks for many reasons I will explain in the weeks ahead*. On a positive note, the 10 year old 'Sox fan went to his first two major league games. He LOVED it.



Well, lc, I dunno if I could *prove* I was there, but as I dimly recall the chatter was saying that it was indeed going to be his last game. I went on the supposition that it was. You're right: there weren't more than 10K people there, it was a cool, gray day, and IIRC Jack Fisher was pitching for the Orioles. The game didn't matter in the standings, and it seemed to me that Fisher was grooving his pitches for Teddy, who hit loud fly balls just short of the bullpen in both his previous ABs. After the home run (into the bullpen, finally), he rounded the bases with his head down, paid no attention to the crowd, and wouldn't come out of the dugout. I continue to think that would be a cool exit move for hb, if exit there must be.

It's a bit brisk out there. Had my pizza slices heated up, and in the 2-minute walk back to work, they're now not heated up. Oh, and my ear fell off.

Move along folks,nothing fun to yak about here ;(

Where's Piggy...someone must pay for this lack of nothing to yak about. Heads on sticks!

Big Papi is gonna celebrate his 40th birthday with the team.


There is an eerie silence here. Oh, I've been asleep and the butler must be out trying to impress a female of his species.
So, back to sleep, with Emi under the couch, I'll try the dusty little room by the beer fridge. No. The TV cabinet's better, much better, the cable box keeps it warm.

Yet another reason to cut the cord.


Not with a bang...

Some light reading ...

i like the stylized birdshit-splatter logo on the rays caps...
as for the strip, yeah, just do it when the spirit calls... it's supposed to be fun, not work...

Sure, I'd like to know HB's true identity. Suppose he is actually Eustace Plimsoll? Will we know any more about him than we do now? As far as continuing the strip, do you really have a choice? If the muse is there, it can hardly be contained. If it's gone... nothing to be done about it. I suggest you head up to Cannon Mt and enjoy some of the best March snow we've ever had. No finer restorative.

That wind is cutting today. Cutting like a teenage girl who just broke up with her emo boyfriend. Cutting like Susan Atkins. Cutting like Matisse when he got the yips. Cutting like a 7 year-old in a Southeast Asia sweatshop making Gap t-shirts.

The Sox come to Chicago for a three game series. April 15-17. All 7:10 starts. Want to see the team but don't want to freeze to death.

SI released their MLB preview today. Sox are projected to score 750 runs and allow 694. Adjusted Pythagorean expectation is therefore a 0.55 winning ratio, or 89 wins. SI knows nothing. Good news is the new mfy pitcher is on the cover. Ask Syracuse about last weeks cover... Or Kansas about the College Basketball preview cover...

I'm with the others encouraging you to keep Soxaholix (barely) alive. Hard to believe no Hart Brachen thoughts will ever occur to you again. If you post once or twice a month, or once or twice a season, it will still be worth checking int to see.

I'm of the opinion that Elvis has already left the building ;(

I feel ya Rich....

lc, your continued unheard zingers crack me up!

Zoink! Platt! Zounds! BAM!



LC is funny. Not funny ha-ha. Funny kill cat.


@Bob - that's why he was traded off the Sox in '64.

Curse of the Cat - the CHB's other best seller.

Haiku in four parts by a broken man:

The Show in Sydney?
Something fun to yak about.
But no bastard did.

Opening day: Fall?
Equator causing mayhem
SCG looked fab!

MLB in Oz?
SDU did not attend*?
Fractured humeral neck.***

Chairman Cat in bag
Bag in deep flowing river
‘Holic Strip resumes?**

* Mrs sdu took the 10 yearld old Sox fan and the had a blast! I sulked ans sweated and slipped in and out of lucidity at home,

** Sorry Commander but lc and I are ad idem on this.

*** !0 year Old Sox fan’s favourite line: //Dad broke his humerus but its not funny// . ( It seems he is here all decade, try the stupid fucking veal.)

sdu x

//SCG looked fab//

Right now, my boss is demolishing a bowl of Fancy feast, and is in his version of heaven. He will always feel superior to other of God's creatures.
I will depart with the admonition: Stay Creepy My Friends. 30

jeez, it was just the cat.

"it seems he is here all decade, try the stupid fucking veal". Classic

Sorry of the absolute radio silence. Day job is absolutely eating me up.

Still plan to do some additional strips, even if they are just here and there.

At the very least I want to have some sort of official closure.

Ah, -30-. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

@hb. nice.

see you in the series,


@sdu. chin up, mate. (if you can)
plot twist: I feel somehow responsible for sdu's condition. When we met (real life, look it up) in September, I told him that I enjoy road biking. He took one look at me and doubtless thought (my approximation only, he is a polite man): "if that old fuck can do it, then what about me?"



lc, glad I missed that part of the discussion. No telling where I would be right now

LC is blaming some road race goobledegoock. When the fact is, he snuck to Australia and beat sdu with a HurryCane.

word on the street is that sdu really busted his shoulder up while changing the litter box

LC could have been going after the cat with the HurryCane, and accidentally bashed sdu with it. I suppose. In many ways, that makes more sense. (In Australia, is Chairman Meow, Chairman Woem?)

Well, have a great weekend all. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday.

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