2012 can't happen soon enough

Doug:
Hey, have you heard the good news?

 

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Bill:
There's good news?

 

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Doug:
Well, OK, it's not like waking up on Christmas and finding a Japanese Robot Girlfriend undah your tree good news, but more of the roll of tropical fruit Lifesavers in the toe of your Christmas stocking good news.

 

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Doug:
But still...

 

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Bill:
OK. Give me the so-called good news.

 

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Doug:
Well, first, Bobby V is talking the talk. He's on record as hating the Yankees.

 

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Bill:
I'd give that a Lifesaver good news rating of, uh, let's see... "Fruit Punch," you know, sort of silly. What exactly is "tropical" about fruit punch, anyway?

 

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Doug:
Ok, next, there are actual Red Sox trade rumahs afoot.

 

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Bill:
I'll give that a rating of "Tangerine." Tasty, yeah, but not unexpected.

 

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Doug:
Lastly, Ortiz accepts arbitration.

 

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Bill:
Well, that's a "Mango Melon" for sure.

 

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Bill:
But what about the bad news?

 

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Doug:
Ah, here's the lump of coal in Christmas stocking... Terry Francona has teamed up with Dan Shaughnessy to write a book detailing Francona's 8 years at the helm of the Boston Red Sox.

 

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Bill:
Oh, sweet Jesus... Of all the ginned up beat writahs, in all the papahs, in all the world, Tito walks into the CHB's ahms?

 

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Doug:
Shank will capture every detail. The Yankees wore gray, Tito wore blue.

 

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Bill:
Well, if there's anyone left who bought the PR spin about the breakup being "amiable" this should set them straight.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, if you're gonna take the low road, you might as well have a guy who knows terrain.

 

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Bill:
2011, the shiv that keeps on shiving.

 

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Comments

[soxinsix]

That's either the lump of coal, or the coconut life saver. I hate the coconut life saver.

[Harwich Rich]

Are the tadpoles and garter snakes safe yet?

[ParkerStPete]

The trade rumor link says the Sox are interested in "departing" with Jed Lowrie--does that mean the whole franchise will be leaving? That's definitely a cherry-flavored rumor.

[Bob]

Papi staying = Butter Rum.

Tito book = Wild Berries

Tito collaborating with Shank = Wild Berries Sour

Trade rumors = Mix-O-Reds

Winter meetings = Wint-O-Green

Japanese robot = Wild Cherry

[Kaz]

Want a better trade rumor? Adrian Gonzalez isn't happy now that Tito and Theo are gone, doesn't want to work with Valentine, and is looking to leave. At the same time, there's a 3rd as-yet-unnamed suitor for Pujols who is supposedly looking to ditch its current All-Star caliber 1st baseman (and it's not the Yankees). Valentine went to the Dominican Republic to "talk to Ortiz" in his first week as chief, even though Ortiz had already expressed a desire to go to arbitration to stay with the Red Sox before Valentine was penciled in as the coach. Pujols is also Dominican.

Now, the only part of all of that that I'm conjecturing is the upset Gonzalez part...but given the way he was handled by the media after last year's September nightmare, I don't think that's a huge stretch to say he's probably not happy here this off-season. So, who else has the scratch to go get Pujols? Who else needs some sort of razzle-dazzle explosive signing that would re-prime the engines of the fan base after a self-destruction not seen since Lindsay Lohan started doing rails of coke?

[Kaz]

Also, I just learned that Gonzalez reached out to management to get his friend Heath Bell a roster spot for next year...and the Sox offered Bell under what other teams were offering. Maybe he's also a little mad about not being able to get a friendly face on the team too.

[COD]

Your information intrigues me Kaz, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

[Kaz]

Ah, shit, the Angels just signed him for 10 years...we are so boned.

[Billy Mahty]

ESPN left out part of Valentine's quote, as reported in the NY Daily News: "I told Joe Girardi I used to love them, but now I hate them.”

Used to love the Yankees... lemon?

[jfm]

Funny as hell today. The real upside to the epic collapse and shit off season has been the sharpening of HB's pencil.

[ponch]

thank you for reminding me I have to buy several bags of individually wrapped lifesavers and fill my wife's stocking with only pineapple ones. Beware the traditions you start!

[Bob]

Kaz, that's what happens when you get your reference material from Carl Crawford's antiquarian bookstore.

[Bob]

The Angels got Wilson, too.

[Bob]

Now the Angels have signed Chris Paul.

[Kaz]

...and that morning slacker, Tyler Seguin.

Angels be SHOPPING!

[Bob]

Ten years, $254 million. Yikes.

[Kaz]

Bob, as an example to all of the other fat-cat overpaid atheletes, Occupy LA should fill the stadium every game and not leave until the salaries come down to more reasonable amounts!

[Jim Loomis]

In 2022, if everything goes perfectly with no injuries, the Angels will be paing $25 million for an overweight 42-year-old DH. But no problem. Their empty-headed fans will still be cheering when the scoreboard tells them to MAKE NOISE!! and waving their stuffed monkeys in the air.

[Bob]

He also got a full no-trade clause from the Angels. That was the sticking point with the Marlins.

[Harwich Rich]

Waving their stuffed monkeys?? How'd you like to see that angry? ;D

[rolo]

is there any place that I can put money on "Angels get a good year or two out of Pujols, a couple okay years, and then half a decade of Mo-Vaughn-on-the-Mets level awfulness"?

[Rob in CT]

More tangerine-flavored news, the Lakers had the Chris Paul deal overturned. Care to be in the gym with Gasol and Odom again after saying to them, "We don't need you as much as a real point guard"?