The Ryan Express

Mike:
Man, is that Nelson Cruz an all around playah or what?

 

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Al:
Yeah, but does Nelson Cruz have his own hyperbaric chambah? Does he complain about the game scheduling? Does he bitch and moan about how the official scorers score?

 

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Al:
Huh, huh, huh?

 

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Mike:
Why do I get that feeling that the Ranger's pitchers aren't having chicken, biscuit, and beer gluts on Ryan's watch?

 

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Doug:
Can you imagine Lackey pulling his Lackey in Nolan Ryan's presence?

 

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Doug:
Nolan Ryan would just stare like a rattlesnake at Lackey until Lackey's testes undescended.

 

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Al:
Seriously, Nolan Ryan is so tough he has sides of beef as appetizers. His own branded beef.

 

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Doug:
Are you kidding me? Nolan Ryan once had a growth on his ass, he named it Ditka.

 

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Mike:
Whenevah Rick Perry is about to answer a question in a debate he remembahs the time he saw Nolan Ryan drown fish in a lake of his own piss and this makes Rick Perry ascared.

 

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Doug:
Rick Perry is running for President just to avoid Nolan Ryan.

 

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Al:
Nolan Ryan would run for President except for the naturalization requirements. Nolan Ryan wasn't born, he just appeared.

 

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Comments

[Bob]

Instant classic. Jesus that's good stuff.

[Bob]

Speaking of Jesus, Nolan Ryan never had to be saved. He's a complete game evangelical.

[Natalie]

Hilarious, and as good a theory as any as to why Rick Perry totally self-implodes in these debates. If not for my extreme disgust at his death penalty opinions, I'd feel sorry for the dude.


Gah, sorry, forget I said anything, and I'll go back to not commenting on politics on here. In other news, I read some persuasive arguments that the "anonymous sources" in Hohler's article were direct from ownership. If so, stay classy Werner, Henry and Lucchino.

[Steven Rockwell]

Remember when Robin Ventura charged Ryan after getting hit by a ball and Ryan just put Ventura in a headlock and started pounding Ventura's face?

The best part was when both benches cleared to save a 25 year old in the prime of his life from a 46 year old man.

Good times.

[h.b.]

No worries re politics Nat et al. The way this season has gone, it's not like we can piss in the proverbial pool of harmony any more than the Sox have already done.

BTW John Henry got rich as a way to compensate for not being Nolan Ryan.

[Kaz]

PS - David Ortiz has said leaving for the Yankees is appealing because he's done dealing with all the drama.

[pseudosanity78]

It speaks of Nolan Ryan's vast reaches that when I first began teaching my husband about the Great Game and asked him if he knew any players he said - 'I know that Ryan guy, he's a badass bowler, isn't he?'

It took me a second to recognize the cricket term, andother minute to supress my giggles and then respond - 'Yes, dear he is, in fact, that badass "bowler".'

[Natalie]

Fun factoid: I was at the spring training game where Ventura broke his leg.

[soxinsix]

Damn, that is one funny strip today, hb. Nice job!

[soxinsix]

Oh, and Schilling says he doesn't think Lackey can ever put on a Sox uniform again. Please God let him be right!

[James]

Outstanding.

[pseudosanity78]

Oh, and h.b. thanks for avoiding (if it was intentional) Sox gossip today. It was refreshing.

[louclinton]

I was on the road yestidday and listened to a lot of talk radio, both local and national a lot. I stopped keeping count of when I threw up in my mouf at 7.

[Scott]

If Papi leaves I may be finished with this team. Very disturbing. Plenty of other things to do with 4-5 hours of my time on a friggin weeknight.

[Kaz]

Also, can I just say Francona deserved way better than this. You want to shit on Manny...Manny's a big boy and he did a lot of stupid things. You want to shit on Damon...no problem, the lout thinks he went to the Yankees for more money when it was less considering the cost of living difference.

But to shit on Francona? Calling him a pill-popping maudlin loser who lost his wife and has a kid overseas so he can't focus on his job? Horrendous. This guy did nothing but give the team everything and it helped lead to 2 WS trophies in 4 years. To smear him like this is completely uncalled for and leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.

[Harwich Rich]

Why would he piss away all the good will he's generated in this town for 1 subpar season with the Skanks?? Oh yeah $$$

[jar in chicago]

Who was the last batter to get 10 hits off Ryan?

.....Robin Ventura

ba dum bum

[Harwich Rich]

Just throwing this out there-Do you think if Ortiz were to go to MFY he would be as loathed as Damon? Just askin'

[Harwich Rich]

Just throwing this out there-Do you think if Ortiz were to go to MFY he would be as loathed as Damon? Just askin'

[Harwich Rich]

Damn double posts ;(

[HunterStars]

jar in chi- you just made me spill my coffee!

[Professional Hitter]

I say there's no way Papi goes to the Skanks; it was such a planted, leading question ("would you ever consider playing for New York?") that grew to become a story of its own (ish). And besides, the MFYs have more than enough guys who can barely swing a bat and have no business playing defense, and that number is only going to grow in the next few years (cough-Slappy-cough-cough-McBluelips-cough.

[Follower of ...hold please]

Another fun factoid, I was actually at the game (a season-ticket holding colleague spotted his tickets that Ryan gave Ventura 5 licks before Pudge Rodriquez could get there and break it up. Proverbial pandemonium broke out...August night game, freakin' hot, and plenty of beer (and fried chicken) and a bonus brawl...good times

[Joe]

Nolan Ryan is a hero of mine because he had such a long, great career. He was also the last major league baseball player older than me (by 6 months) to retire. When he left I was older than everyone playing MLB!

[Joe]

Nolan Ryan is a hero of mine because he had such a long, great career. He was also the last major league baseball player older than me (by 6 months) to retire. When he left I was older than everyone playing MLB!

[pseudosanity78]

I hear ya Joe! I'm not qute there yet but it's creeping closer every year.

And it seems every time I see a player on the roster born after '85 I poo myself a little and think 'How can he be there!? He's 12!'

[LarryE]

Soxinsix -- you mentioned Curt Schilling, which got my memory banks active. Lots of folks thought that his mouth was too big and that he needed to talk far less. But could ANYONE doubt his work ethic and the fact that he left everything out on the field. God, it makes me long for the types of players we had in '04 and '07.

[da kine]

If Nolan Ryan left Texas, we could mess with it

[da kine]

If Nolan Ryan left Texas, we could mess with it.

[h.b.]

Oh, that was a good one.

[vancouversoxfan]

A real beaut today, hb.

BTW Ryan was so well-liked by his teammates that some ridiculously high number of them (somewhere between 30 to 50--damn failing memory)named their children (either 1st or 2nd name) Nolan or Ryan.

[Kaz]

My newest nephew was born a few days ago. His name is Nolan (not joking).

It's still continuing to happen, VASoxFan, that's how big Ryan was.

[sonomasox]

money, HB.

So, does anyone have a copy of Nolan Ryan's "Why I kick ass and you don't" for Mr. Cherington - I think he's going to need it.

[Bob]

Jeez, even Tank McNamara is piling on.

[cmdrflake]

I hated Damon when he defected to the MFY's I will hate Big (and little)Papi if he does likewise. But, Brian Cashman is not, repeat NOT Theo! He has no reason to fear the Sox for the rest of his MFY career, he has NO need for the 2012 model Smaller, more self centered Papi. May he find he has to play for, say, THE PIRATES! Oops, National League. No DH, just the odd pinch hitting slot. Kansas City. Yeah.

[soxdownunder]

Nolan Ryan is so tough that he got bitten by a rattle snake and, after days of intense pain, the rattle snake died. And so on.

[Harwich Rich]

Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about soon