Take a whiff

Bill:
Damn, that .500 record was so close I could smell it.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, what'd it smell like?

 

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Bill:
Naphthalene.

 

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Mike:
In the morning?

 

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Bill:
Yeah, smells like lavatory.

 

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Comments

[Harwich Rich]

I love the smell of mothballs in the morning

[h.b.]

Actually, we were going for the "urinal cake" use of naphthalene here to make that final frame work, Rich.

This strip is deep like that.

(And creepy.)

[COD]

I heard they call those crab cakes in the Bronx.

[h.b.]

And "cupcakes" at BigBri's house.

[LarryE]

I thought BigBri called them breath mints.

[Harwich Rich]

Sorry h.b.-a little slow on the uptake this morning ;)

[Kaz]

I know a team who...
Gives us fits
They'll pitch like crap and
Then get no hits

They'll come back next week
And blow three straight
Then over nine games
They'll go win eight

They smell like naaaaaaaapthelene
Naaaaaaaapthelene
Laaaaaaaavatory

[Harwich Rich]

At least its not the old horse troughs at Fenway...or is it???

[h.b.]

No worries, Harwich.

Now since others may be feeling sluggish this morning, and because I'm in a particularly expositional mood (which is another way of saying I've had two rapid double espresso shots) let me work the full metaphor like a celibate on a Real Doll...

The smell of .500 being like the smell of naphthalene being like the smell of a lavatory is meant to suggest that even if/when the Red Sox reach .500, the .500 record is but a mask to help hide the underlying stench of urine generated by the horrible April start. It may smell better at .500, but this season is still pretty stinky. Consequently, I will metaphorically direct my frothy, robust stream at that urine cake frequently and with phallic fervor.

[h.b.]

The best thing about the troughs? It's the simplest, most primitive way to separate the alphas from the betas.

"Oh, yes, gents, revel and quake at the majesty and awesome power of my frothy stream that knows no hesitation."

[h.b.]

(Note to self: Double espressos every morning henceforth.)

[Steve in MD]

We went to the game last night - great night for a ball game. Most of the Sox looked clueless at the plate, Crawford in particular. I knew we were in trouble the moment I saw the O's were strating a lefthander we hadn't seen before. Clay didn't pitch all that bad, but the fighten Showalter's did a good job manufacturing 3 of thier 4 runs.

[louclinton]

I don't usually comment on here, but I thought the umps gave the O's too many 5 on 3's

[Kaz]

Lou shoots, he scores!

[h.b.]

l.c. steps up the to the trough... and there is unrepentant froth.

[Rob in CT, er S.A.]

I sure wish I could share my favorite urinal trough joke with the assembled fraternity. But h.b. would likely get another nasty-gram from Google's T.O.U. Nazis.

Sigh... And today was the perfect segue into the story, too.

In any case, the naphthalene isn't masking the urine smell of the Sox season quite well enough yet.

[LarryE]

My question is, will the Sox ever score on the power play? Their batting 0-19 in those situations.

[LarryE]

I of course meant "they're"

[yazbread]

I'll have the urinal cakes with a side order of soggy cigarette butts.

[h.b.]

//the naphthalene isn't masking the urine smell of the Sox season quite well enough yet.//

Now you're onto something. The urine cake smell is unto itself not very pleasant. So there is no escaping a stink, it's just a matter of different flavors of stink.

[h.b.]

Moment of candid confession catalyzed by coffee....

As a kid, growing up a bit north, I was a hardcore Habs fan. And it's still somewhat of a dilemma for me regarding loyalty when the two clubs meet.

I root for the B's, of course, but there is still a tug on my heart from Le Bleu-Blanc-Rouge.

The "branding" we establish as kids is fairly permanent.

[Steve in MD]

There's also the lilac bouquet of being only a game and half out of the wild card...

[Steve in MD]

So are you saying that reading this creepy strip is like dating your cousin within the division?

[yazbread]

I can't figure out what will work best for the B's tonight. Reverse gooch? Double reverse? Double secret probation? Hopefully it does not come down to an extra man on the ice.

[Rob in CT, er S.A.]

h.b. - if the seductive drug that is caffeine is the muse for today's strip and commentary, then bring forth the Starbucks or D.D.! Great reading today.

(Make mine a cup of Jamaican Blue Mountain Roast. 100% Hawaiian Kona would work equally well.)

[Harwich Rich]

"h.b.'s phallic fervor"-can we fit that on a tee shirt?? No.but you could probably play jump rope with it ;))

[Bob]

Naphthalene? That's not very environmentally friendly. The latest urinal cake technology uses millions of friendly bacteria specially selected to target the uric salt and sludge deposits. They're called "Cameron Diaz."

[soxinsix]

Great reading today, much more entertaining than watching last night's lackluster effort. I wonder what would happen if h.b. upgraded to the triple espresso?

[louclinton]

God Damn, all this talk is making me hungry.

[h.b.]

Webby is in the kitchen with a fish taco. You wants?

[LarryE]

h.b.:

An unintended result of all this talk of urinal cakes is that, going forward, we might forever be reminded of Soxaholix as we pee on them.

[Harwich Rich]

Throw in Lisa and you got a deal ;O

[jar in chicago]

Maybe the Red Sox can put these in at Fenway. Then their logo really can take away the smell.

http://www.peetarget.com/Home.html

[jar in chicago]

Or maybe a Soxaholix urinal screen.

[Larry Lucchino]

Great idea. You should have copyrighted it. We will have to change them at least once a year, but we can sell the used pads to fans.

[Harwich Rich]

...but only if they are registered members of RSN

[Natalie]

I got nothin'.

[jar in chicago]

You forgot the word "on" Natalie.

[pseudosanity78]

So...men have frothy piss?

Is this an alcohol/caffine induced malady or can it happen at any time?

I know that us ladies can experience the 'fizzy' pee effect, usually brought on by having to hold it for a lengthy period of time or certain beverages, but this is the first I've heard of the frothy endemic.

I posed this same question to some friends of mine quitwe some time ago but they, being decidedly British, banished me to the cellar for three days with nothing to eat or drink but some English mustard and port wine. It wasn't as unpleasant as you might think.

[h.b.]

The "froth" is the result of the power of the stream rather than inherent to the stream, i.e., think of the froth from ocean waves against a sea cliff.

So only those of the strong stream can generate the proper frothiness.

And froth in a trough?

"Behold ye of the hesitant trickles!"

[Harwich Rich]

"How'd you like to see that angry?"

[Jeff in NC]

Urine waves against a sheet metal cliff.

Yep, thats pretty much how this season has gone. If I focus only on the frothy, robust strength of stream I see Winning! But it keeps falling back off the sheet metal cliff and down the rust stained beach, back to the swirl of yellow, white and Marlboro butt orange to the O's in the middle.

[pseudsoanity78]

So, does one admire the froth of another? Could you comment on it? Or is that like taking a peek at your troughmates willy?

[h.b.]

Alphas, being comfortable with their alpha status, may comment on another's torrent of riches.

Generally, though, just the sound of the frothy tempest, be it proximious at a trough or 5 stalls away and reverberating through the porcelain, will prove quite intimidating to most.

[Natalie]

h.b. is on fire today. Double espressos all around!

[pseudosanity78]

Though does the froth shake thine brow, keepest thou head!
We all know the riches it mightest bring.

As thou may only be one- NAY- two espressos away from greatness.

And we all deserv'd thine greatness!

Froth, be froth, and bringest thou to us in all thine effervescent glory!

[pseudosanity78]

And I hope the fact I reside in London affords me the right to a beer when you lot are still slugging down the lattes...

For some ridiculous reason I still feel ridiculous for drinking before it's not 'early' in the States. Figure that.

[Natalie]

Oh, pseudo, you are bringing it today too, girl. I kinda wish I were still in London- I'd join you in that beer. :)


I apologize to anyone who, like me, is now humming Phil Collin's Sussudio because of my first line...Just me? Okay, back to the froth talk.

[Kaz]

I, however, do not apologize for my Flaming Lips reference.

Heh...flaming...lips...napalm...chicks peeing...hehe

[pseudosanity78]

@Kaz, the hubby just bought the Mike Judge B&B collection for me and I literally just watched that episode...

'You know the chick who makes you toast...so what?'
'Uh-oh, I think this is college music.'
gigglin'

@Nat, me too, I'll have a pint for you.

[soxdownunder]

... which gave to his palate a fiine tang of faintly scented urine ... made him feel a bit peckish.

(Who needs James Joyce when theres exists this overhwelmingly creepy place. Twas a strange comment thread to wake up to, to be sure.)

Go Bruins.

[Harwich Rich]

I thought today was one of our finer moments ;D

[A-RodSlapsBalls]

My first experience with the Fenway Urinal Trough has stuck with me for 32 years. Luckily the advent of the Internet and eHow can now provide future generations with the guidance my father should have given me before stepping up to that frothy plate.

http://www.ehow.com/how_7452103_use-trough-urinal.html

[pseudosanitty78]

Is it possible to win a game in our own division....please?