Feed the Sox
After today, The Soxaholix will be on hiatus until the first week of January.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Mike:
OK, so are we ready for the talent portion at today's company Christmas Pahty.
Al:
My pahts are memorized and ready.
Doug:
Are you kidding me? I've been ready since 420 yestahday.
Mike:
OK. But let's run through it one more time.
Mike:
Remember to the tune of "Feed the World"
Anda-one, anda-two...
Doug:
♪
It's Hot Stove Time, there's no need to be afraid
At Hot Stove Time, Theo gets it right with the updgrades
♫
Al:
♪
And with our Sox of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world at Hot Stove Time
♫
Mike:
♪ ♪
But say a prayer, Pray for the other ones
Hot Stove Time it's hard, but when we're having fun
♪
Doug:
♪
There's a world down I-95,
And it's a world of dread and fear
♫
Al:
♪♪
Where the only words flowing
Are all bittah rants and jeers
♪
Mike:
♪
And the Hot Stove bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
♪ ♪
Doug:
Well thank John Henry it's them instead of you!
♫
Al:
♪
And there won't be headlines in New York this Hot Stove Time
Because the one guy that they did sign
♪♪♪
Mike:
♪
Well, he has a busted hip
And Cliff just gave the flip
♫♫
Doug:
♫ ♪
Do they know it's Hot Stove Time at all?
♫
Al:
♪
Here's to you
♫
Mike:
Raise a glass for Carl and A-Gon
♫
Doug:
♪
Here's to them in the Bronx,
all come undone
♫
Al:
♪♪
Do they know it's Hot Stove Time at all?
♫
Mike:
♪
Feed the Sox
Let them know it's Boston's time again
♫
Doug:
♪
Feed the Sox
Let them know it's Boston's time again
♪
Al:
♪
Feed the Sox
Let them know it's Boston's time again
♫
Wow. Way to finish off the year with a bang HB. Happy Holidays to you and yours, and to all the creepy commenters here.
Posted by: COD | 2010.12.16 at 09:21 AM
Brings a smile, h.b.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and so forth. For us, oyster roasts, beer, and enough chocolate to cure the wickedest case of constipation anyone can present. Hope all enjoy there own special kind of fun.
Posted by: Jeff in NC | 2010.12.16 at 09:22 AM
RIP Bob Feller
Posted by: Harwich Rich | 2010.12.16 at 09:28 AM
HB, Wow! Your creativity amazes me every time.
Happy Holidays everyone!!
Posted by: jar in chicago | 2010.12.16 at 09:40 AM
And if you want to sing it for yourself, here's the instrumental version with karaoke cues.
Posted by: Kaz | 2010.12.16 at 09:53 AM
lol
Posted by: Billy Mahty | 2010.12.16 at 09:56 AM
Terrific h.b. The last time anyone asked me and my buds to be in a talent show we did a frogs imitation: Bud -Wise -Er. For some reason they never asked again...
Posted by: Steve in MD | 2010.12.16 at 10:01 AM
Bah humbug to one and all. For us, La Tourtière on Christmas Eve, roast beef and yorkshire pudding on Christmas Day. The success of the pudding is inversely related to my level of inebriation. Failures have dominated over the years.
Posted by: yazbread | 2010.12.16 at 10:03 AM
I think somebody who a musician and who's played, oh, I don't know, at the Pru, should put this to music. But I wonder where we could find anybody like that...
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.16 at 10:09 AM
My family does the Prime Rib/yorkshire pudding on Christmas eve. I am so looking forward to it and to ribbing the yankee fans in the family :).
Excellent strips HB and looking forward to more come 2011. While walking the dogs (wearing my BoSox cap) at my parents this weekend I met a lot of other happy Sox fans. Everyone was excited about the how they "decked the halls of Fenway" and the line-up this holiday season.
Happy holidays everyone.
Posted by: rm | 2010.12.16 at 10:15 AM
♪♫ Jingle bells ♫♪
♪♫ New York smells ♫♪
♫♪ Cashman laid an egg ♪♫
♪♫ Bandwagon has lost a wheel ♪♫
♫♪ And Cliff Lee got away ♫♪
Posted by: Kaz | 2010.12.16 at 10:21 AM
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, hb and all Soxaholix!
Posted by: Natalie | 2010.12.16 at 10:33 AM
I think the silicon chip inside your head got switched to overload. :-)
Posted by: David Pinto | 2010.12.16 at 11:07 AM
My company Christmas Party is today as well. Although there might be music, there won't be a song as sweet as the above. Merry Christmas, h.b. and to all of Soxaholix Nation.
Posted by: LarryE | 2010.12.16 at 11:10 AM
Happy holidays, one and all! Thanks, h.b., for another stellar strip. My sister and I are going to work up this little ditty for our family gathering. Maybe the teenagers can download it to RockBand for Wii.
Posted by: MWL in MD | 2010.12.16 at 11:15 AM
God bless us, everyone!
Posted by: James | 2010.12.16 at 11:18 AM
Hmmm...I'll ask around, Bob, and see who I can find.
Stay tuned.
Posted by: vermonter | 2010.12.16 at 11:20 AM
Anyone want to get a beer downtown later? I'm thirsty.
Posted by: Jason O. | 2010.12.16 at 11:45 AM
brilliant, sir, most brilliant. You and everyone else here have a safe and happy holiday season and New Years as I keep the faith from the Dirty Jerz.
Posted by: ponch | 2010.12.16 at 12:03 PM
I can just imagine Doug with those Bono sunglasses as he belts out one of the most inappropriate lyrics in song history...
Enjoy your time off h.b.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Posted by: Hunterstars | 2010.12.16 at 12:06 PM
Love finding a nice new pair of Red Sox in my stocking . . .
Posted by: Seamus | 2010.12.16 at 12:15 PM
Jason,
I'm in if you mean downtown Burlington!
Posted by: vermonter | 2010.12.16 at 12:32 PM
absolutely brilliant, HB! Nothing like a walk off win to finish the year. Thanks again for all you've put into this creepy space.
My company party is not until tomorrow...after this, not sure if I can make it that long.
Best wishes to all here. Happy everything.
Posted by: sonomasox | 2010.12.16 at 12:33 PM
Spend Christmas eve with my wife's Québécoise family, or as they call it "Réveillon", tourtière, beef tenderloin, baked stuffed shrimp, and, of course, wine...usually sing a few carols in french (mine is particularly bad), but what the translation would be for Monsieur Roy?
Joyeux Noël to all or as we Anglais say, Merry Christmas
Posted by: Follower of Tito | 2010.12.16 at 12:39 PM
Mele Kalikimaka to all Soxaholix.
Posted by: Jim Loomis | 2010.12.16 at 02:27 PM
The GM that keeps on giving -
Bobby Jenks, 2 yrs, $12M Red Sox, done.
Anything else under all the wrapping paper all over the floor?
Posted by: Jeff in NC | 2010.12.16 at 03:06 PM
Happy Festivas all.
sdu
Posted by: soxdownunder | 2010.12.16 at 03:13 PM
Feels like Friday in here, huh?
Well, have a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year all.
Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday (January 3).
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.16 at 04:33 PM
How you gonna beat that? Best wishes of the season to the creator and all his admirers. I don't find this place creepy at all.
Posted by: Lazlo Freem | 2010.12.16 at 04:34 PM
Brilliant! And Merriest of Merries to us all!
BTW... the slightest of revisions?:
"Where the only words flowing
Are all bittah rants and Jeters"
Posted by: sanfransoxfan | 2010.12.16 at 05:12 PM
... and now the Feats of Strength ;D
Posted by: Harwich Rich | 2010.12.17 at 09:34 AM
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all! (and a Bah, Humbug to those offended by that...)
Posted by: Steve in MD | 2010.12.17 at 11:01 AM
Grand Slam on your final at bat of 2010, hb! Well done. Merry Christmas to you and all the happy Soxaholix. 2011 can't come soon enough, make it a great one.
Posted by: Jim | 2010.12.17 at 12:28 PM
Your minions allow you to set the bar pretty low H.B. And even by those standards, this one suuuuuuucked. Have a shitty Christmas and a fucked up New Year. May your truck day (the most low-rent day in baseball) be filled with flat tires and calls to AAA.
Hugs,
Bigbri
P.S. Crawford will pull a hammy in Spring Training that will hobble him all year. And once we get past your so-so starters, we'll feast on that shitty bullpen. And we'll steal 6 bases a game against Tek (the cowardly captain).
Posted by: BigBri | 2010.12.17 at 01:28 PM
I thought I smelled something.
Posted by: vermonter | 2010.12.17 at 02:26 PM
that's all you got, spaghetti dick?
Posted by: louclinton | 2010.12.17 at 02:30 PM
Lou,
That's not what your wife said...
BB
Posted by: BigBri | 2010.12.17 at 02:42 PM
Vermonter,
You sure it wasn't your ass?
Posted by: BigBri | 2010.12.17 at 02:42 PM
Bri, come on now, you needent vent your horrific off season frustrations upon us. We were not the ones who kicked sand into your vagina. You should redirect this hate to my friend Theo Epstein. He can be reached at:
4 Yawkey Way
Boston, Massachusetts 02215
Give that a shot. Oh and hey, this off season you at least get the opportunity to enjoy that multi year, over the hill, off season Jeter renew, Clown...
Posted by: thompson13x | 2010.12.17 at 03:26 PM
Hey yaz, if you want perfect yorkies every time pre-heat the dish/tin you're making them in until it's at its absolute hottest and then dump the batter in the tin and bake. Lovely and fluffy everytime.
A creepy Chrismas to all and to all a creep time!
Cheers to you all and wishing everyone a fantastic holiday season.
Posted by: pseudosanity78 | 2010.12.17 at 03:54 PM
Yeah, our "shitty bullpen"...
Evidently the only shitty thing about our bullpen now is the pants of more intelligent Yankee fans than yourself...and your's, but that's just called "Friday".
Posted by: Kaz | 2010.12.17 at 04:20 PM
Great strip!
Merry Christmas, etc., to all!
Posted by: SSA | 2010.12.17 at 11:40 PM
Don't worry BB, I'm sure the signing of Russell Martin and claiming Jordan Parraz off the waiver wire from the Sox will completely turn the Yankees around.
I hope your mom got you a Real Doll so you can have a friend in your basement dwelling this christmas.
Posted by: lobstaman | 2010.12.18 at 09:56 AM
H.B.:
Many thanks for making this a funner world with one great strip after another. How do you do it?
I read this creepy strip and Doonesbury; I watch Jon Stewart; am I missing anything important?
By the way: what sort of doofus calls himself "Big" anything? Can it possibly help ease the pain?
One way to find out:
Haddy Grimble to all.
Posted by: Big, important Urm ( seriously, I mean really reall huge, dammit!) | 2010.12.18 at 01:16 PM
Well...that didn't help much. I still feel like shit.
Try again:
Posted by: Dorothy the small and weak | 2010.12.18 at 01:18 PM
Actually Bri, while thompson13X says you should direct your hate to Theo, I think you need to add to that list Cashman (and his headwarmer?) and most importantly, the Yankee fans in the stands who were spitting on and pouring beer on Cliff Lee's wife during the ALCS (remember that series? "Yankess swept in 6").
You sound like you might have been one of those fans, so perhaps you should redirect your hate at yourself? Yankees fans helped Cliff decide it was worth leaving ~30M Yankees dollars on the table to NOT GO THERE.
Happy holidays - It's too bad for you they won't be as happy as ours!
Posted by: sanfransoxfan | 2010.12.18 at 01:19 PM
Wow. So much stupidity. Let me break it down one dumb son of a bitch at a time...
thompson - by July you and the rest of SAWX Nation will be bitching about how Theo's off-season acquisitions are under performing. Given the fact that you haven't been able to secure a decent shortstop since No-MAH left, it seems odd that you'd turn your nose up at Jeter. Jeter's a winner. We'll see who is smiling in October...
Kaz - was that even a sentence? In English??? If...you...could just point out a subject. Or a predicate I promise to do my best to figure out your retarded ramblings...
Lobstaman (poor man's Crab fisherman) - Just a week ago you shitheads were crowing about how great it will be to sign Russell Martin. So enjoy Tek all season long. He's awesome...
Big important etc., etc. - You are right. This strip does make the world "funner". Let me guess, MIT grad, right?
And finally, SanFran - Uummm, teams don't get "swept" in 6. Please stop pretending to be a baseball fan. I don't give a fuck that we didn't sign Cliff Lee. He had a horrible World Series and a 7 year contract was too long. Let him go to the NL. Fuck him. And don't lecture me on fan behavior. You can't find more poorly behaved fans anywhere than Philadelphia...unless of course you look in Fenway...
I'll leave you all with this:
The people said, "LOOK! The SAWX have gathered the finest players in the land! Isn't that great?!?"
"We'll see, said the Zen master...we'll see"
And now I must finish watching the Patriot Killers (NY Giants) destroy the Eagles...
Posted by: BigBri | 2010.12.19 at 03:45 PM
Yeah, that last part....not so much. Don't you wish the Pats were as good as the Eagles?
Posted by: BigBri | 2010.12.19 at 05:30 PM
Bri,
"swept in 6" was the very funny comment from the NY Post after your team was eliminated this year - hope this explanation helps. I love the Post - they were also responsible for "The Choke's on Us!" headline after Game 7 of the '04 ALCS. Today's Headline? "Giant Choke!"
Thanks for playing.
Posted by: sanfransoxfan | 2010.12.19 at 07:22 PM
I love it when the world tells BigBri to eat his own shit. That's how I know everything is as it should be.
Posted by: Kaz | 2010.12.20 at 08:36 AM
"And now I must finish watching the Patriot Killers (NY Giants) destroy the Eagles..."
Life just keeps dishing out the milk and honey these days.
Posted by: h.b. | 2010.12.20 at 09:09 AM
I could just see the microwave mac 'n' cheese slowly dropping from BigLie's slack jaw as the Eagles returned that punt.
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.20 at 09:17 AM
Please don't feed the trolls
Posted by: Harwich Rich | 2010.12.20 at 09:17 AM
My 11 year old son's comment to BB's post was "if i wanted a comeback, i'd have wiped your mom's chin". That's my boy.
I did not post of course, because it would have fed the troll. And as has been pointed out to me before by harwich rich, it does not go well.
Sanfransoxfan - "thanks for playing" was great. Still chuckling at that. Its going into my prsonal repertoire.
Posted by: Jeff in NC | 2010.12.20 at 11:22 AM
Good news for BigBriannna and other MFY fans: Goggle had instituted a feature that allows search results to be returned at a 3rd grade reading level. Much easier to catch those Lilo crotch shots for our feeble minded bretheren to the south.
Posted by: louclinton | 2010.12.20 at 11:35 AM
Your 11 year old has pretty impressive comeback stock there Jeff. I'd like to buy 50 shares of that.
(er, that sounded a lot less pedo in my head...don't mind me.)
Posted by: pseudosanity78 | 2010.12.20 at 12:11 PM
Yea, great line. Not sure how i felt about it coming out of my son's mouth, but you gotta love 'em, warts and all.
What i do know is this strip and you bunch of smartass wierdos make me laugh.
Posted by: Jeff in NC | 2010.12.20 at 12:50 PM
BigBra,
Eat shit.
There, I fed the troll.
Sorry Rich.
Posted by: Lazlo Freem | 2010.12.20 at 06:11 PM
stupid patriots
pfdu
Posted by: soxdownunder | 2010.12.21 at 01:03 AM
Jeff in NC - glad you liked - can't remember where I got it. btw, I did all my educ in NC (HS, Undergrad, Grad). Great state (Wrightsville B. surfer boy/lifeguard).
Our boy Cheese Faht (Big Brie) conspicuous by his absence. Sad - amusing in that "never gonna break a sweat engaging him" kind of way. Even your clever 11 yr-old zinged him.
Posted by: sanfransoxfan | 2010.12.21 at 01:27 AM
Wrightsville beach. Smallish world. My days and nights are spent on the other side of the river around Southport and Oak Island.
I think we hear from cheese faht onLy once every so often because it takes him awhile to make his list of dumb things to yell at everyone about. Then he got a good beatdown the other day for spouting out a greater than normal amount of stupid. So back to the basement.
Posted by: Jeff in NC | 2010.12.21 at 10:06 AM
Just read this... Spending facts, unspun. Now everyone can argue with real numbers in their arsenal.
"The New York Yankees lowered spending on players by $12 million this year, cutting payroll by $5 million and slashing their major league-leading luxury tax by more than $7 million.
New York was hit with an $18 million luxury tax yesterday by Major League Baseball. The tax was New York's lowest since 2003 and down from $25.7 million last year, when the Yankees won the World Series.
Boston is the only other team that will have to pay. The Red Sox, who missed the playoffs this year, exceeded the payroll threshold for the first time since 2007 and owe $1.49 million.
Since the current tax began in 2003, the Yankees have run up a bill of $192.2 million. The only other teams to pay are Boston ($15.34 million), Detroit ($1.3 million) and the Los Angeles Angels ($927,000).
Posted by: Jeff in NC | 2010.12.22 at 10:51 AM
Let's see, Jeff, that's about $7.7M per WS Championship for the Sox, and, um, $192.2M per WS Championship for the Yanks. I'd say good value for money.
Posted by: sanfransoxfan | 2010.12.22 at 03:03 PM
I might be able to split work really early today, so here's wishing all your creepy people a very Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
Even North Korea's getting into the Christmas spirit, threatening a holy war.
Anyway, have a great long weekend all. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday, and something really fun to yak about when H.B. gets his ass back in gear.
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.23 at 09:22 AM
Sexy Rexy as the new "Uncle Hulka with the big toe" ?? lol
Posted by: Harwich Rich | 2010.12.23 at 09:35 AM
If I'm a kicker of punter for the Jets, I'd be rather hesitant to go into Rex's office for a private coaching session.
Posted by: lobstaman | 2010.12.23 at 09:40 AM
Love the holy war. Take that, rosary beads to the face and a menorah to the gut.
Merry Christmas everyone! Not like anyone here looks for an excuse but time to eat, drink and be merry.
Posted by: sonomasox | 2010.12.23 at 12:28 PM
Merry Christmas in all it's many permutations to my extended Soxaholic family.Man,I'm eloquent tonight.(Something about animals speaking at midnight) ;D
Posted by: Harwich Rich | 2010.12.24 at 11:21 PM
Have a resplendent Christmas, you creepy bitches.
Posted by: Kaz | 2010.12.25 at 08:07 AM
Worth the wait! Hilarious!
Posted by: Realdoll | 2010.12.25 at 11:29 PM
I'm one of three people in the office today. It's actually very, very nice. Nobody yelling, nobody scheduling yet another meeting. Just quiet, productive time.
Well, productive for Soxaholix comment writing anyway.
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.27 at 08:45 AM
Anything fun to yak about yet? ;(
Posted by: Harwich Rich | 2010.12.27 at 09:29 AM
Yes, Brandon Webb and Zack Grienke to the Rangers and Brewers. Another way of saying "not to the Yankees".
We had this dork friend in the neighborhood where we grew up who consistently excused his in effective playground abilities with the basic statement that "I meant to do that". Like when we were throwing rocks at glass bottles on a ledge next to a building and he could never hit the bottles - "I was aiming at the wall, guys".
Posted by: Jeff in NC | 2010.12.27 at 10:23 AM
Have we clinched the division yet?
Posted by: yazbread | 2010.12.27 at 12:37 PM
I was aiming at the floor under the urinal.
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.27 at 03:29 PM
far better than aiming at your shoe.
Posted by: Jeff in NC | 2010.12.28 at 09:04 AM
Splashback got that.
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.28 at 01:26 PM
Is it New Year's yet...need HB back for some creative juice.
Most of you guys can keep us going for awhile but this silence is creepier than a trannie real doll.
Posted by: sonomasox | 2010.12.28 at 02:09 PM
For those of you who are working today, as I am, and need a boredom pick-me-up, I share with you this gem I found on NPR's 50 Wonderful Things from 2010: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_sfnQDr1-o
I have no idea exactly why, but I had tears running down my face from the first note of the song...Hilarious. Now not going to get anything more done today, just watch Baby Monkey (Backwards on a Pig)
Posted by: Natalie | 2010.12.29 at 01:50 PM
For those of you who are working today, as I am, and need a boredom pick-me-up, I share with you this gem I found on NPR's 50 Wonderful Things from 2010: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_sfnQDr1-o
I have no idea exactly why, but I had tears running down my face from the first note of the song...Hilarious. Now not going to get anything more done today, just watch Baby Monkey (Backwards on a Pig)
Posted by: Natalie | 2010.12.29 at 01:50 PM
Gah, double post, sorry. It wasn't THAT good a link. :)
Posted by: Natalie | 2010.12.29 at 01:52 PM
Tumbleweeds rolling/
Down the main street of my mind/
A gunslinger aims.
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.29 at 05:16 PM
Okay, almost time to split for the (half) day.
Have a great weekend all. And a happy New Year. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday.
Posted by: Bob | 2010.12.30 at 11:26 AM
Happy New Years to one and all-now where's my Infinium??
Posted by: Harwich Rich | 2011.01.01 at 02:04 PM
Cool. Got to post in another year. Contributed nothing. Streak alive.
Posted by: Lc | 2011.01.01 at 07:30 PM
Why couldn't BB be a J E T S jets jets jets fan so I could insert a clever foot fetish comment.....
Posted by: Redleghockey | 2011.01.02 at 10:12 PM