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4 Colly birds, Carl Crawford, and an offer to Cliff Lee...

Holy Saint Nick, I'm already reeling from the out of the blue Crawford news and then I hear the Sox offerred Cliff Lee 7 years just to fuck with the Yankees?


Is this really happening?


Somebody call up Bob Cratchit and tell him to get Tiny Tim the fuck ovah to Yawkey Way because they're passing out enough holiday cheer to cure the rickets.



7 years? Who the fuck cares about 7 years from now? I'm too busy making room on my DVD shelf for anothah World Series set.


Seriously, in 7 years we'll be crushed under the unsustainable weight of the national deficit, the Chinese will own MLB, and zombies will roam freely.


Hey, just because Derek Jetah will turn 44 during the 2018 season, that's no reason to call him a zombie.


And you've gotta love this sentiment: Theo and the gang outbid everyone for A-Gon and Crawford while the Yankees outbid themselves to sign a shortstop that everyone else would have offered $5mil for one year, oh, and with the provision that he moves to third or to the DH position.


You guys are going to have to excuse me — I need to go call my doctah about an erection lasting longah than 4 hours.



Wow. That's the first I read of the Cliff Lee Yankeefucking. I'm thinking Theo is not happy being denied his bridge-year and whatnot, but Tito is probably fapping right now to a bunch of lineup cards showing the endless possibilities for the next five years.

ok, I might be back in.

Final panel said It. All. A-Gon? Crawford? Lee? I am so turned on right now.

... and zombies will roam freely. lol, hb.

When many folks were getting on Theo's case about not doing anything at the trade deadline, I felt he was prudent by not overpaying for a few months of service for someone. I felt, given the "bridge year", significant money coming off the payroll, the declining TV revenues and the fact that the talks about Gonzo would be rekindled in the off-season, there was the potential for a huge off-season. I never expected both Gonzalez and Crawford.

I wonder, given how predominantly lefty our line-up is, whether we'll keep Ellsbury, although his trade value right now would be very low. In any event, we have a potent line-up and if we shore up the bullpen, we'll be in pretty damn good shape, especially if Beckett and Lackey pitch anywhere close to their potential.

Favorite quote from last night...

"Fucking Theo", said one GM. "What a brilliant move."

I do believe the redsox were not happy with last year's offensive soft-on. 4 hours? What do you do about a 7 year pleat pusher?

The icing on the cake would be Lee snubbing the Yankees.

Or for me personally if to balance out the left handness they traded JD; if they eat some salary he may have more trade value than Elsbury.

Thank God I've got a case of Phenylephrine in my medicine cabinet.

h.b., you've done it again! if this strip doesn't encapsulate the strange tingly feelings coursing through my body right now, i don't know what can. whenever i read a perfect soxaholix strip like today's (and there have been many!), i think to myself, if i hadn't been born a sox fan, what miserable meaningless existence would i be living right now?

h.b. - This strip has got to be on Page 1 of your "Best of the Soxaholix" coffee table book (available from Amazon next Xmas holiday season...) As everyone else has said better than I, you nailed every emotion a Sox fan is feeling right now. Beautiful day today!

Oh, and Jeff: "7 year pleat pusher?" Maxwell House. Monitor. Keyboard. Many, many napkins.

Sooooo, I'm going to bring up the obvious question about this:

Do we play a permanent shift and just let Carl cover third base too?

I mean, he's very very fast.

Theo Ditka.

let's start with the lineup fantasy permutations:


Crawford doesn't want to hit leadoff.


If they get Russell Martin - he'd probably move in behind Papi and move Drew down to eighth.

Assuming the Giants repeat in the NL, I think we match up very well against them.

if they get russell martin i'll unfortunately never get to see them play, as i will have suffered a coronary.

Someone frame this strip. Because four years from now, someone will be here griping about how we have two contracts we can't move and the guys are just killing the club.

I mean, I love having these guys, but I'll bet my left nut this conversation happens on EEI before the contracts expire.

The problem with your pessimism, Soulie, is that the reality to get impact players is that you need to give them LT contracts. Even assuming that Crawford's and Gonzo's production in year 7 and perhaps year 6 aren't worth $20 mil/yr, you still get five years of 2 great players in their prime and with the other relatively affordable and young core of Pedey, Youk and perhaps Ellbury locked up for as long, you have an all-star-calibre core for at least five years.

As for the line-up, I doubt very much that Craw and Gonzo are going to hit back-to-back. You need to insert righty Youk between them. Normally, I'd say Craw at lead-off but he's stated he doesn't want to do that. Therefore:

Ellsbury (L)
Pedroia (R)
Gonzo (L)
Youk (R)
Crawford (L)
Papi (L)
Scuturo (R)
Drew (L)
Salty/Tek (S)

That way, they won't be able to shift as much on Ortiz if Crawford's on in front of him as a threat to steal and you have some pop even at the 8th spot. I think Francona's gonna have a tough time coming up with a line-up that avoids a lot of lefties in a row. Admittedly, you wouldn't normally bat Crawford 5th. Maybe you switch Crawford and Pedey and have two lefties at the top.

We might have two contracts that we can't move but I don't think that will deter JH and his bazillions of $$. This is showing me that $$$ is no longer an issue...just go get the best and play ball.

My priapism is about to burst.

If the B's pick up the pace a little bit, this could be the year we sweep the major hardware.

or at the very least, get to the finals/SuperBowl/WS. Amen, yazbread.

I'm with ya Larry. I'm not pessimistic here. Merely commenting on the irrationality of your average 'EEI caller. Living down here in DCLand, I get to avoid it. Win-win. And damn, isn't it Opening Day yet?

Understood, Soulie. I never listen to sports radio precisely because I can't stand a) rediculous arguing and yelling and b) the irrationality you correctly point out.

Fuckin' Theo. I'm driving along listening to the radio and find myself muttering... Fuckin' Theo.

Fuckinn' Theo.

Someone somewhere said Crawford would be batting third. I don't know who it was, but that gave me this sickness of a lineup:



Oh to be a 10 year old boy in RSN next summer.

Seriously, my nipples are hard.

If it lasts more than 4 hours, Natalie, you may need to call a Doctor.

Please, everyone. Give what you can to help rid the world of the heartbreaking scourge of Titluar Priapism. It's your dollars and cents that will fund the research so desperately needed.

Then again - uh, nevermind...

I have a cream that I've found is effective for that.


Battling evil!! For the good of the game!!!
What a load of horse shit!!

World's most hypocritical fans...

Ever the festering carbuncle, BigBra oozes.

Happy birthday to me: thanks Theo.

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