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Gantt Chaht Heah

Hey, we've got two, er, what's the friggin plural of Buchholz?


Holy shit, I haven't been this excited since we had the two Tatums, Ken and Jarvis.


And, hey, what's a little Tommy John surgery among friends?


Absolutely. Unlike the TSA, the Boston Red Sox organization does not discriminate against the medically infirm.


So we can tick the box indicating completed next to "reclamation project" on Theo's plan for the 2011 Red Sox.


Now it's on to "sign free agent short stop phenom" where, of course, phenom means overprice and underwhelm.


Wait are you sure that comes before the "lose to Yankees in bidding war for best FA on mahket followed by earnest speech about how we can't outspend the Yankees so we'll have to outsmaht them" part of plan?




Back in Boston and back at work. (Happy about the first half of that.)

My wife got the full porno-scan, grope, and explosives swab treatment last week. And she apparently will every time she flies because of her insulin pump. Because, you know, she just might have replaced the 100 ml of insulin that she depends on to live with a liquid explosive that can somehow blow up a plane without killing her first when she pumps it into her blood stream.

My wife got it too because of her cyborg heart stuff. Not pleasant.

My wife gets pulled out of line all the time since she looks eastern european. Without fail. I get barely a glance as a ruddy-faced Irishman. My plans for Irish jihad go undetected.


My hubby gets the security shakedown too because he has family that lives in the middle east and his passport reflects that.

When we were getting married he was held by homeland security in Seattle for almost 4 hours in a containment room, strip searched, and effectively humiliated and browbeaten, all for the pleasure of marrying me. He even got it when we went to Beirut when he was accused of being an Israeli spy. Good times.

It appears that, at least in Boston, the Irish jihad was successful. I married one of the tribe and remain happy to this day.

And h.b. -- I note your pessimism vis-a-vis the hot stove season which I'm guessing you think will be pretty cold. I hope you're wrong but I fear your sarcasm may be well-founded.

Clearly, the answer is "Buchholi".

Remember when Theo got rid of Nomar, picked up Pokey and OC, and was a "genius"? Back when he'd never have to buy his own drinks in Boston again? "Wunderkind", we called him.

I'm wearing a kilt next time I fly...or one of those one-piece GreenMan body suits...

I'm also going to moan and breathe inappropriately through the pat-down.

I hope they get NESN at Guantanamo.

@Kaz, you could help things along by wearing your green suit and saying, shocked everytime someone asks you a question 'But how can you ask me that? Can you not see I'm INVISIBLE?!?!'

I think Kaz is onto something with the moaning and heavy breathing. Awesomeness.

I think it would also be cool to put the removable RealDoll vagina into the tray next to one's shoes for scanning.

One of my good friends is an editor at a fetish magazine and had to travel with a few, shall we say, pleasure giving devices, in her hand luggage as they were rather expensive and she couldn't risk losing them. They were confiscated at Canadian customs because 'blunt instruments over 6 inches are not allowed as they can be used as weapons'.

Just don't try to go thru airport security with an aluminum-wrapped zucchini stuffed in your pants.

Kaz is on to something. Many moons ago, when going into concerts, I would ... Umm, I mean my friend would, sneak bottles in by finding the hottest girl working the gate and checking. By simply being loud and obvious, and loudly saying "Me 1st, me 1st" when you got there, not once was I ...Umm,I mean he, ever thoroughly checked. Never lost a bottle. Granted, this is a bit heavier security, but what's the worst that happens? I get groped by a woman? I'm OK with that. My wife may not be, but I am.

re: outspending vs. outsmarting, quoth jack handey, 'i'd rather be rich than stupid'.

@yaz - Irish Jihad? exploding potatoes and napalm guinness?

Re: scanners

I've gotten scanned at Baltimore's airport on any number of occasions. Never really bothered me that much until last week. Those two female TSA employees were laughing juuuussssttttt a bit too hard. Didn't care much for the finger pointing, either...

It's the shrinkage!! The shrinkage!!!!

Those full body scanners are garbage, they really can't detect anything, and the Libertarian in me says refuse them every single time. The worst evil foisted upon us by W. Bush was TSA and the Dept. of Homeland Security, uhhh buddy, wouldn't that be the Dept. of Defense's job? No? ummm How about the FBI to catch the terrorists? Wait, epic fail. So now we have less liberty and equally ineffective security.

On a baseball side note, I see Crawford in the Sox's future, with both Beltre and Martinez gone, Tek and Salty handling the catching duties with a stopgap 1st baseman till the trade deadline comes around and half the farm goes to San Diego for Adrian Gonzalez.

I've been on the no-fly list since 2003, my name is similar to an IRA man with a penchant for explosives....and I went positive in the "booth" once...my penchant for being around explosives in my chosen career...

and Theo doees not disappoint... Buck signs with Marlins, "we're comfortable with Salty as an everyday guy".

and to weigh in on airport security, we are doing it wrong. Go to Rome one time and see what you should do. Men in uniforms with big guns standing on top of ticket kiosks staring the crowds down. There was no fucking around among us thousands and thousandns of passenger types and lines actually moved pretty quick since no one wanted to speak or be stupid in that situation. I suppose that creates issues with our perceived liberty, but things worked way better than our method of painfully slow courtesy and respect. I dont need courtesy and respect and privacy, I need to catch my flight.

@Jeff in NC...

The Women in uniforms with the guns in Italy is great too. But that actually slowed our pace a bit. Gotta love a country that puts their high level police in skirts, heels and a Uzi. Take my liberty for that trade-off.

This stove better get rolling soon, passing out from boredom.

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