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Fixin' to...

Your omniscient author in absentia:
[Update: 11.19.10]
I'm at home trying to convince a rambunctious puppy not to jump, run, lick, or otherwise have any sort of fun at all. The seriously creepy work of writing a strip will not happen today.

No strip today. I need to take the lil' Staffy pup to the vet for some routine surgery. (He's just about 7 months now, so it's "that" time, poor fellah.)



If the little guy is feeling out of sorts without all his "junk" (to use a popular term these days), you can get him Neuticles! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuticles

Not that I endorse this product or the idea or anything. A friend told me about these years ago, and well, it isn't something you easily forget (like where I put my car keys!).

Extra hugs and love to your puppy.

If the Neuticles aren't an option, you can tie some Truck Nuts to his tail.
But seriously, give him a cheeseburger when he gets home, poor little guy is going to need a pick me up.

Just when you think society can't sink any lower, along comes Truck Nuts. "Mommy, what's that hanging from the back of that pickup?"

Steve, what's even crazier is that if someone came up with a similar product that looked like a pair of tits hanging over the back of the tailgate or a removable vagina shaped hitch cover, it would be denounced as perverted and vulgar. We are stupid.

Jeff, I don't know. The other day I was on the DC Metro and there was a young man on the car that had on a pair of blue jeans (worn at crotch level with his boxer covered ass hanging out and the pants crotch at his knees) that had these large back pockets. Embroidered onto each pocket was an image of a young women, naked, legs spread, in a hogtie. WTF, I thought, when the hell did this become acceptable in public?

Looks like Cashman and the Steiny-heiny Boys are trying to replace Jeter's Truck Nuts with Neuticles.

I'm guessing Eva Longoria is wishing she'd had Tony Parker de-balled right about now too.

no tailgate vajoo but how about a Tailpipe Va-jay-jay (holy god in heaven not at all safe for work)

Ah, that brings back memories. When I was a young LT in Germany, my roomate was a JAG officer. His very first case was a soldier from a nearby artillery unit who was charged with sodomizing a jeep's tailpipe. I think the guy got 3 years at Leavenworth.

Why is Colin Montgomery banging that tailpipe?

I keep a pair of Neuticles in my jacket pocket just in case someone, you know, steals my strawberry ice cream. I find it eases my stress to twirl the balls in my hand.

I kind of like the idea that, not knowing exactly what parts of our current world will survive the landfills and other reconstructions for the next 1000 or so years, future anthropologists and archaeologists will be defining early 21st century American culture by what they can make of neuticles, truck nuts, tailpipe fuckers and droopy drawers with hogtied nekkid chicks on the butts.

and removable vaginas I suppose, but they should have that part perfected by then I'm thinking.

This will not do anyone any good at the Google AdSpace probationary hearing.

No, but Craigslist will soon be buying ad space...

I thought the truck nuts were there to let you know the driver is a dick.

I also bet that Bristol Palin was wishing someone had neutered whomever knocked her up a second time. I mean, how can you preach about abstinence when you're a single teen mom of two?

If anyone's interested the Sox just posted Monster seat packages for May 21 vs Cubs. 3 seats, food, BP access, etc. Plus it's a tax deduction
Monster Mash

sorry, link not working. redsox.com/monstermash

AL Cy Young:

1) Felix Hernandez
2) David Price
3) C.C. Sabathia

You've kind of lost your leverage over convincing him to anything, H.B. What are you going to do? Threaten to cut his balls off?

Oh, it's my birthday, so everybody send me money.

That was a literal Laugh Out Loud re "What are you going to do? Threaten to cut his balls off?"

Happy Birthday Bob. sorry, all my extra cash has gone to help pay tuition for illegal immigrants- maybe next year

No offense HB, but much like going to the Foxy Lady were I go for the strippers but keeping going back for the food (ask Mo Vaughn about the steak sandwiches there)...I come here for the strip but keep coming back for the comments.

No offense taken, Joe. Gotta love the creepy commentators and their collective wisdom and humor.

You say it's your birthday? It's my birthday too,yeah. Just kidding,mine's in September. Have a good one,Bob ;)

Happy birthday, Bob. All the really beautiful people are born in November. (I celebrated mine on Wednesday...)

Bob, fellow Scorpio (mine was the 11th)...Happy Birthday!

Soooo...heading over to Pete's?

Yeah, probably. Unless the lovely Abby twists my arm (or something else) to go to a "nice" place.

Happy b-day Bob! Can't send cash, all my extra is paying the tax on my booze. Maybe if they really remove the sales tax, I'll have a little left over for your next birthday...or maybe I'll just buy more.

Nice places are overrated. Well anyway, happy day to ya.

Happy birthday Bob. No money but this post entitles you to one dinner at a good restaurant (like Mendy's or O Ya) next time the poster is in Boston at a 'legal conference'.

Definately not just soup.

Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick, I was born in the same month as Vermonter, Rob in CT and Bob?

As Slim P. says in Blazing S., "I am deee-pressed."

"The thinnest yellow light of November is more warming and exhilarating than any wine they tell of.
The mite which November contributes becomes equal in value to the bounty of July."
- Henry David Thoreau

Birthday beer cart!

Have a great weekend all. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday.

Happy Birthday Bobo. Enjoy the nice beer cart. Me thinks you need to convince Abby that Pete's is "nice."

Hope you do something creepy this weekend like donate to a political cause, maybe your boss will suspend you for two days.

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