Still a bunch of idiots?

Doug:
Holy Johnny Jesus Damon!

 

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Bill:
He is risen!

 

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Doug:
And in the 4th year A.D. (After Damon) the ratings were down, and Herod of NESN said, "Bring me the one they call Jesus."

 

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Bill:
But what of this Damon saying he won't come back because he was booed and cursed at Fenway?

 

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Doug:
Look, even the real Jesus had a tough time in front of the home crowd.

 

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Bill:
So you think he's in?

 

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Doug:
Batten your stage poles and bleach your no-no holes, it's the Second Coming!

 

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Comments

[Kaz]

Hey, Johnny.

Long time, man. Long time. If this blog's denizens are where you've come online to see what the fans think of you and whether you should come back, then let's talk.

Maybe you saw what I wrote yesterday. Sorry about that, Johnny. It was knee-jerk. I couldn't even believe there'd be a chance you'd come back here after how you left us. We loved our caveman, and you saved us a lot of money on car insurance by switching to the Yankees. You have to understand that it wasn't about the money for us, the fans. You just up and left like a fart in the wind. We loved ya, you fart. Loved ya.

I've had the night to think about it. I hope you're still considering whether you'll come back to roam the outfield again for us. It's a small left field, I'm sure you could cover it all still. Hell, you think you can do center field for the final stretch and the playoffs, it's all your's. It's not like Ellsbury wanted it this year.

Well, I made you a video, Johnny. I hope you like it. Also, go fuck yourself, you dirtbag. Rot in Detroit, you whiny prick.

Love ya, man.

--Kaz

[Bob]

For some reason, the image of Lucchino in robes having a pitcher of water poured over his hands comes to mind.

Although I don't think of Damon as Jesus so much anymore. After all, Jesus rejected Satan. Damon went and played for him.

[Rob in CT, er, AL]

Now THAT was funny, Kaz.

[h.b.]

So true on the Jesus thing. It's old. And yet it was the first thing that popped into my head, so I ran with it

Per your Satan thing, maybe the time with the Yankees is a Nikos Kazantzakis style thing, i.e, just a dream, The Last Temptation of Damon.

[ponch]

Ugh. Really? I'm hoping it was just done to keep him from Tampa Bay, but why bring back a sell-out hitting .207 in August?

[Jeff in NC]

I really hate Johhny Jesus Damon (spanish pronunciation please). He says he might accept the trade only so he can help the Tigers for the future. He can go suck a dick and maybe that dick will fuck the lisp out of him. We need that asshole to come half ass it for us so the Tigers can do better next year? What a savior.

and for the fans of other teams who think we Redsox fans don't deserve good players because we boo them when they leave us or otherwise act like asshats - you people are stupid. We love the Redsox, not the players, well except for Lowell, and Varitek, and Damon #1, Timmuh, and.., fuck, the point is when a player disses the Redsox or us fans, that player can eat shit - and that's what Damon did, so he can eat shit. don't care if its just the business of baseball - I'm not in that business, I'm just a fan.

[Natalie]

Oh, this money thing is a giant canard. I hate it when Sox fans (not directed at anyone here, just in general) complain the Yanks bought someone away from us, or the guy went for the money, because we certainly have the deep coffers to keep these guys away from the Evil Empire. It's all about value (both what we feel someone is worth against what they provide our team, and what the player thinks he is worth against other players of his ilk and salary range, aka "respect.") And Sox owners/mgmnt have made it clear over the years that they don't have a nostalgic or "homer" bone in their bodies when they perceive a particular player has a notion of "respect" that is orders of magnitude different from the Sox's concept of his value. (The Yanks, by contrast, have never been that way- they like to keep their "true Yankees" around, even at steep cost). Once players bottom out though, the Sox do seem to roll out the carpet for the perky yet somehow still maudlin 'reunion tour.' I am NOT impressed with this Damon reemergence, but then again, I think I am still bitter I spent like 30 bucks on his memoir of 2004 and it was SO BAD (like factually incorrect bad, not one fun behind the scene detail bad).


Kaz, that song is hilarious. And now stuck in my head all night long. I am sure folks on the Tube hearing me sing under my breath will give me a wide berth. :)

[h.b.]

You know Manny is most likely going to be put on waivers too, right?

Bwahahahhahahaha.

[Kaz]

Tavarez was DFA'd on July 19th from the Nationals. The only way we get Manny is if we get Tavarez so he has something to pet between innings.

[Kaz]

Ah...July 19th, 2009. I'm pretty sure he's available if Manny wants him.

[Scott]

Welcome back Johnny!

[yazbread]

Did anyone happen to watch the game on Saturday night? Orsillo was interviewing Lucchino. Larry was bemoaning the passing of Steinbrenner. During the interview he acknowledged that he and George crossed swords a few times. Who would have thought?

[LarryE]

"Herod of NESN". Classic, h.b. LMAO.

I'm completely torn about the Damon thing. The rational side of me says he was and is a jerk, dissed Boston on the way out and might have a marginally helpful offensive roll at best for the stretch run. The irrational side of me says it might be entertaining and create a little buzz around a team that hasn't had much buzz except for the houseflies circling the players rotting on the DL.

[louclinton]

I don't see the point of it.

doubtfully,

thomas

[LarryE]

h.b. -- Bob Ryan thinks theres a good chance Manny will go to the Rays, who are in desperate need of a DH. Bwahahahhahahaha indeed !!!

A P.S. on Johnny. It's hard to imagine that the Sox FO would pick up the remaining $1.8 million on his contract for six weeks of service.

[da kine]

Fuck Damon. The nancy-haired mercenary can eat a bag of dicks even if he comes back to the Sox and hits .400 in the remaining six weeks. I'd prefer to have Manny back.

[A-RodSlapsBalls]

Please bring him back to Boston and let Beltre knee his nuts into retirement.

[Kaz]

Eric Wilbur calls it like I see it.

[h.b.]

I'm hoping Damon comes back just because I'm enjoying the Kazmania. 6 more weeks of it would keep me going for sure.

[jar in chicago]

I have been to the river and I now can see! Fuck Damon. Thanks Kaz for leading me to the light.

Great effin song by the way. Ruined to computer screens.

[sonomasox]

Screw Damon and the waiver wire. We have a MLB team 30 miles to the south...that we already own!

For $1.8MM we could bring up the whole damn team. Seems to me they've been playing pretty well of late.

[Steve in MD]

I guess I look at it this way: JD doesn't improve our chances of making the post-season very much, and trading off a true prospect to get him would be a mistake, regardless of any baggage he brings (and note the baggage is all about the fans - his former teamates in Boston clearly want him back).

That said, if Beckett and Lester can start pitching like aces again, and Paps pitches like he did the last two nights, we might actually make the playoffs. IF that happens, I'd much rather have JD starting in left than any of our AAAA players, simply because JD is a big game player that excells in the playoffs. Our chances of winning in the post season would be considerably enhanced, if we were to get there.

[Betsy in Rhode Island]

I'm sticking with the Pawsox.

[Kaz]

Damon: "But I've got to know whether they [Detroit Tigers] are going to keep playing me or whether they're going to go with the younger guys. If I'm not going to play as much, the decision is a no-brainer."

I guess it's true what they say: takes one to know one.

[Harwich Rich]

"homer bone" or boner home?

[Steve in MD]

So to take this one step further, if the Dodgers put Manny on waivers next week, do we claim him as well (or instead) to keep him from the Rays?

[pseudosanity78]

I look at it like this-

It's like fucking an ex. When you're sober you're like 'NO fucking way'! Four beers in you start to wonder what the fuck you're even doing there. Seven beers in, you're like what the fuck, we're having a good time and after all we're just FRIENDS, fuck anyone who thinks otherwise. 12 beers in? Y'all are making out on the carpet and he's all into you and you're all into him and you know you're gonna do it, you kinda want to, too. I mean, you guys were great together, right? He was good to you most of the time. The only time he badmouthed you was AFTER you broke up after all and everyone suffers sour grapes at some time, right?

The morning after? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!

It happens. yeah?

[Kaz]

More Kaz rage incoming. Some background...

Ron Johnson (the Sox 1B coach) has been away from the team for a little while now in case it went unnoticed. In today's mailbag answers, Amalie Benjamin explains that it is because his 11-year-old daughter, Bridget, was struck by a car while riding her horse near their home in TN. The driver took off and Bridget was left on the side of the road with her leg torn at the knee and the horse was in bad enough shape it ended up having to be put down.

If she'd been left there as she was, she would have bled to death. A Good Samaritan, who only wants to be known as Bernie, stopped when he saw her and applied pressure with "a death grip that he didn't let go even when the paramedics arrived" according to Ron.

The doctors tried to reattach the leg, but they ultimately had to amputate. All the best wishes from me to Bridget and Ron and the rest of the Johnson family as they deal with this event in their life.

Now, the rage...

If I ever run into the rat bastard that left a young girl dying on the side of a road after killing her horse with their car and ultimately scarring her for life...I will beat you with Johnny Damon's throwing arm, another useless piece of shit. There's a special place in hell for you, boy-o.

[sonomasox]

I think we can pick up Trot, Petey and OC here at the waiver deadline. Just make it a nice made for Lucchino old timers month at Fenway for September. Schill's on board.

[soxdownunder]

Looks like the feeling is mutual, Kaz:

http://fullcount.weei.com/sports/boston/baseball/red-sox/2010/08/24/damon-says-im-not-going-to-red-sox/

[pseudosanity78]

If I may interject on a personal level...

There is nothing like being left on the side of a road.

I was involved in a hit and run accident when I was 16. I only ended up in the hospitial for 2 days (I was a resilient kid, what can I tell ya) with not a broken bone in my body.

Yet 16 stitches, 14 years and a concussion away? I'd kick the sh*t out of any motherfucker who did that to ANYONE, let alone a kid and her horse. And I'm pretty sure my mum would do the same on my behalf and theirs as well.

[soxinsix]

HB - I too am enjoying Kaz's rage. As for Johnny - get lost.

[buckner was framed]

I'm with you Kaz, right up to and including the beating with Damon's useless arm. Who knows, we may even have Manny around to cut it off