« Watch me pull a strip out of hat | Main | Don't look now »

Prisoner of pain

Now, Timmy, we take pain management very seriously here at St. Barts.


However, Timmy, we've run every test, we done every scan known to medical science, indeed, we've done enough to turn this into an episode of House.


Hah. Hah Hah.


But the bottom line is we can find nothing wrong with you, Timmy, nothing at all.


You know, Timmy, sometimes in life you just have to suck it up. Do you know what I mean?


Timmy (getting head wrapped):


I know you're a big Red Sox fan, Timmy, so perhaps it'd be helpful for you to see yourself as a bit of Dirt Dog, you know, Timmy, and really gutsy gamer.


So who is your favorite player, Timmy?


Timmy (getting head wrapped):


Timmy, I asked you a question, please answer.


Timmy (getting head wrapped):
[Garbled] Fuck you Doctah Cunty.


What did you just say young man!?


Timmy (getting head wrapped):
I said, "Jacoby Ellsbury."


Timmy (getting head wrapped):
My favorite player is Jacoby Ellsbury.


Timmy (getting head wrapped):
[Muffled] Bitch.



Funny shite, H.B.

BTW, I think know a professional who can fix Jacoby's ribs once and for all:

How to fix Jacoby's ribs.

The season is over. 7 games back in the loss column behind the two teams with the best record. Why would anyone take the slightest risk with Ellsbury? So the team can finish 5 games back?

Don't be such a pessimist, yazbread. It's so the team can finish three games back.

Great strip. Doc Cunty IS a bitch. I'm still an Ellsbury guy. And now that the black curly boy is beating on him, it's a given that Ellsbury is not being a puss.

Just seeing the picture in the first panel had me sending out a whoop heard across the 6th floor this morning. Classic, h.b. Just classic.

It may not be Memphis, but to give Alabama it's due, as far as ribs go, this ain't too shabby. And the best coconut cream pie I've ever eaten, to boot.

Still, they can take these 110 degree heat indexes that have continued all summer down here and stick 'em up their ass.

[muffled] i'm sure it's a dry heat



Yes, lc. As dry as the humor on this creepy site.

On the plus side, I just bought a nice ski chalet down here, sight-unseen. The pictures look beautiful! I've thought maybe Jacoby could come down here and rehab this winter - as long as he stays off the slopes...

from Peter Abraham today; "The Red Sox are 14-14 against the Indians, Orioles, Royals, and Mariners, the bottom four teams in the league. The Yankees are 23-8 against those teams, the Rays 21-7." 'Nuff said.

If we DO turn this into an episode of 'House', can Olivia Wilde play Lisa the Temp?

and finally, folks, let's remember: Don't be like Timmy

good thing Hermida was DFA'd, too. He won't be around to remind everyone that cracked ribs is not a terminal disease

You gotta love the CHB. He starts his article with the disclaimer than nobody can know how much pain someone else is in then goes on to imply that Ellsbury must be able to play but isn't because he's trying to stick it to the Sox. Classis CHB.

Srsly. That piece was so CHB!

And there actually is a way to know how much pain somebody is in. It's called the Faces Pain Chart, and it's used in every hospital, hospice, etc:


"Now, sir, after reading the CHB piece, how do you feel?"

"Frowny-cryie! Severe frownie-cryie!"

I almost never read CHB but today I did. Damn. That was a bad, bad column. From assuming that Ellsbury is faking it to comparing him to 2004 Nomar to putting words in his teammates' mouths it was just awful and mindless.

Did CHB really write that Cameron has played the entire year with his pulled whozee-whats-it? Isn't this like his second or third trip to the DL? Douche nozzle.

Paul, I get the most comments from women when I wear one of two shirts: a red Nike golf shirt, or my green t-shirt with the word "HOLE" inset into a silhouette of the state of MA.

QED. Red-wearing bad boys get the chicks.

how many chicks we talking, here, Kaz?

Buckner - I love the idea of live action Soxaholix. On looks alone, I've got Adrian Brody pencilled in as Doug (although I don't know if he can pull off the Lowell, MA accent.) How about Jeremy Renner as Mike?

I'll give you Olivia Wilde as Lisa - although can she do snarky? The interviews posted on her website don't suggest so, but maybe I could be convinced after a read-through on the "casting couch". Zoe Saldana has Tara written all over her. Big question for me is who's playing Circle? Jessica Beal, maybe? Meh, I don't know. Is Jessica Alba too passe?

Anyway, great bar talk subject. Think I need to get up to Boston and find a bar.

Jessica Alba will never be passe. Or, from my past, neither will Phoebe Cates , for that matter. (NSFW)

As for Boston bars, next time you're in town it's a fair bet you'll find a Soxaholix tee being sported in almost any bar around.
Or Bob.
Or both.

Oh, and Simon Pegg as Bill?

c'mon... Ellsbury isn't "fine", but if he can play like he did in Pawtucket, why waste time IN Pawtucket?

He's commited the cardinal sin in Boston.... he shot his mouth off when the fans were down on him. Ask any player who's ever had the Red Sox uniform on how to alienate the fans, you'll get the same response; shoot your mouth off when the fans are down on you. Only a few players have gotten away with it overall... and they were bonafide superstars at the time. Most of them tried it again when they weren't "on top" and got castigated for it in this town.. Boggs, Clemens, Nomah, Vaughn, Ortiz. All have done it when they could get away with it and were cruicified for it later, when they weren't.

Everett, Owens, Boyd, Geddman, even HoF catcher Carlton Fisk were all run outta town for shooting thier mouths off at the wrong time.

Kid shoulda shut up, went back on the field when he was healthy and showed all the naysayers what he is more than capable of... they'd have eaten thier crow.

I predict: his time in Boston is short. I hate to see hm go. I watched him in Pawtucket and I've followed his progress eagerly. But I doubt he's endeared himself to anyone in the organization by making his argument in the press.

Simon Pegg. Loved Shaun of the Dead (and had forgotten that he was in Band of Brothers, too.) Okay, he's in.

Oh, Phoebe! That scene STILL holds up.

"Doesn't anyone knock anymore?" :-D

Any recommendations for Mahty? The actor who played Steinbrenner in the ESPN miniseries might work - but wasn't a big enough asshole to completely pull it off.

I could see Robert Downey Jr. doing Mahty.

I'd like to played by current Swayze



Downey is good, or how about Andy Garcia as Mahts?

I think Marty should be played by Simon Cowell with a NY accent.

susan (i won't call her circle) is pam from the office, hands down...looks wise, not 'tude wise obviously

she's even a graphic designer...

"I'd like to played by current Swayze...

Would that be Patrick or Donald, lc?


or John Cameron Swayze?

"l.c. - he takes a licking and keeps on ticking!"

Maybe James Caan in a cameo as CHB in a scene where he's bitching and whining about the Soxaholix poaching his readership. Which of course doesn't make much sense, in that the links h.b. makes to his arrogant fluff give him half again as many eyes on his (borrowed) material as he would otherwise get.

And who plays h.b., the deus ex machina of the entire show? Brad Pitt? Tommy Lee Jones? Michael Douglas? Peter Griffin?


I'm going with Elizabeth Banks as Circle...blonde, semi-pouty lips and wicked laugh. Plus, she's from Pittsfield.

Sorry, not tech savvy enough for the link.

How about Ryan Reynolds for Doug? I find Brody's nose distracting, Rob.

I see Paul Giamatti as CHB.

The comments to this entry are closed.

The Soxaholix eBook Spinoff

The captivating and long awaited Soxaholix eBook spinoff is finally available!

There's No Crying in Pocket Pool


Purchase at Amazon.


Logo t-shirts now available, several colors, even pink.

'Soxaholix logo t-shirt