« Palustral Park | Main | Going fallow »

In the books

Congratulations to the 2009 New York Yankees.


World Series Champions!


May you all get cancah of the balls.



i just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Is she holding up a flute of A-Fraud's urine sample?

Just what I needed this morning...Slainte!

Well they made the right moves and got what they strived for. I can't blame them for that. Of course next year people will figure them out and they won't be so mighty.

Boston lacked making big moves, had big players slump at terrible times, relied heavily on an AL-inexperienced pitcher, and had little to no chemistry. Some serious 2004/2007-esque moves are going to have to be made.

Well, now we know how much money it takes to buy a ring. How many MLB teams does $423.5 million buy?

I remember how happy I was when I bought something shiny, expensive and new. After 9 years and over 2 billion in salary, it had to happen sometime. They had the perfect storm this year - practically no injuries - and now they can all be happy that their juicer/wife cheatin'/Centaur-painting 3rd baseman has finally gotten his ring, because 25+ mil a year certainly wasn't enough to make his life complete.
I like the Sox rotation for '10. Question marks are at catcher, short, and left field, but we could be worse off heading into the off season.

Best line from NY Post:

"Now that Alex Rodriguez has his first championship, Brian Cashman says A-Rod can just play to further his own legend."

It had to happen sooner or later. We'll live. Been through much worse.

well, they aren't going to take away my birfday because the MFY won.

Oh ya,and fuck the fucking Yanks in their fucking fuckhole.

god bless.


I'm glad it happened. Now my Yankees friends can get over themselves.

To top it off, I got a bad burn from my rented sunset. Can I sue?

Much in the way that Ford Frick put the astrick on Maris' 61 homers, I think MLB should put a superscripted $ after NYY for 2009. Tried to create the prototype, but ran into HTML problems. I watched the final inning just to be masochistic. I thought the celebration was rather subdued. The MFYs did not seem to be particularly joyous and what little joy there was seeemed feigned.

Some loyal readers seemed wired on crack last night - that's the only explanation I have for arguing about gay marriage rights at 3 in the morning.

There are 9-year olds in NYC who went to bed happy last night, secure in the knowledge that the Yankees *would* actually win another World Series in their lifetime.

Kaz, are you quoting from what was on the front page of the Hartford Courant's web site last night?

"The shortest curse in baseball history is over. Third-graders everywhere who had never seen the Yankees win the World Series in their lifetime can now sleep easy."

Somehow I don't think this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek.

The worst part about the Yankees winning the WS? The rest of us have to deal with their smug, self-satisfied fans for another solid year. Ugh.

Eff me in the no-no hole, how did I miss the "h.b. vs. everyone" battle royale yesterday? If anyone wants to resume the verbal fisticuffs here, please feel free.

Funniest strip evah! It was almost worth it.

Hen, I made my "0 for 31" comment last night without a clue to what would happen.

Let me just say this - to anyone that thinks direct democracy is a good idea, please see the California state budget and the current state of the California public school system, both directly attributable to the rediculous ballot initiatives in the 80's and 90's. Voters don't even begin to consider long term unintended consequences.

BTW, lest my "0 for 31" comment be misiterpeted, I do in fact support so-called gay marraige, because I totally reject the sanctitiy of marriage agument (more on that in a moment) and because I think gay couples should have the same "domestic partnership" rights as other couples (health care coverage, child custody, etc.).

Now the part that will piss off almost everyone from every end of the polical spectrum: the Sacrament of Marriage is perfromed by a priest in front of an altar, and creates an everlasting bond between the two people getting married and any children they might produce (or adopt). Civil marriages, or marriages performed by religions that allow divorce, and thus the severing of that bond, have no "sanctity" in the first place; they are social and economic contracts, and gays have just as much right to enter into them as anyone else. And if my Church one day wakes up and begins to sanctify gay marriages, that's fine with me too.

Yep, as I said in the other post, I'm ambivalent on the gay marriage issue.

But I've got just enough BigBri in me that I do find some cruel pleasure in pointing out the 0-31 thing.

I never said I wasn't an asshole.

Speaking of which-where is the pride of Chilicothe?? Oh,that's right-he only posts after midnight when the rest of us aren't here ;D

He has to wait until his mom is done writing lolcat captions on their shared computer.

I'll second LC's comment - fuck 'em.

And a second to Steve in MD re: voter shitstorm in the golden state. I warned my Maine brethren to fall for it but the box is open. You're fucked once the voters get a say on civil rights and perhaps now everything else. Good bye rational thought.

All for gay marriage - check the Neil Patrick Harris video from last year - it'll help the economy.

And, oh yeah, fuck the yankees.

Truck Day is right around the corner...

Congrats Yankees - too bad none of you can get married in Maine

Ah, lc, thanks for the closure! Well friggin done.

lc - nice. Going full circle is always a good move.

Going full circle... hmmmm... there's a thought.

Steve - good points above re: marriage. I would submit also that most of us who are fine with the concept of gay marriage see marriage not so much as a sanctified event but as a social contract and an expression of commitment (regardless of technically being able to break such commitment). Pragmatically speaking, civil unions accomplsih all the technical reasons for gay marriage. Emotionally speaking, calling it a marriage seems to matter to many. Politically speaking, it's a big fucking goat rope.

oh, and ...yawn... did someone win something last night? The Yankees won a championship? Who cares - those guys are assholes. And there fans - oy, what a bunch of bitchy little shit stains. Going to have to try to steer clear of them for awhile. They are so unpleasant to be around - even when they win they are vile and angry.

I thought for sure we were going to have to endure the visage of Marty this morning. Somehow a simple toast using A-Fraud's dirty urine sample made my day more bearable.

And yeah, I forced myself to watch the Skanks "celebration." It made me feel dirty, and I could taste burning.

ball cancah - yeah baby. As we say down here: 'noice'.

h.b., I don't hate you. It was an affectionate tarring-and-feathering.

Kaz, I enjoyed the Federalist 10 post not only substantively but aesthetically. Madison is perhaps the least celebrated but most politically visionary of the framers. And he had a boy on the side.

I was actually hoping for a Marty strip. The great stories always have great villains... what would Star Wars be without Darth Vader, etc.

SDU,I have always wondered how you spell that. How do you spell "OH NO" in

This Video

what really sucks is seeing the WS champ gear getting pedaled on this creepy site.

Jeremy Hermida, our new LF, hooray!

Been through much worse...Good one HB. Steve from MD. No one needs to kn0w your life story. Only good line from this one...I live 1 hour from Philly -- a whole new area of Yankee haters have just been born. I like our chances next year. One more for Mr. Pesky!

> The great stories always have great villains... what would Star Wars be without Darth Vader, etc.

Or as Jim Capel once said, "Baseball without the yankees is like Casablanca without the Nazis."

Orrdunno [I don't know] but I fink they're torking kiwi.

And happy birthday


*** Friday Off ***

I'm taking a hiatus day. Have a great weekend all. Go easy on the Sriracha.

A couple of clients of mine, recently moved from Philly area, have been introduced to Yankee hating. They were unaware of this emotion until a day or so ago - they understand it now. I welcomed them to the club.

Yankees - fags* - Nazis. A most excellent evaluation.

*see Southpark episode on the "F" word for proper understanding.

Thank god, we got Jeremey Hermida. His name will look good in a haiku, next June 15. Other than that,


"I never said I wasn't an asshole." Funniest line ever, h.b. It just comes in handy for SO many occasions.
Oh, and the BBC reports that being grumpy is good for your health:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8339647.stm

Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!

Not that logic should intrude into this fantasy comment thread but when your team's business model is identical to "the Nazis" then what are you?

1) Regional Cable Network
2) Acquisition doesn't work out? Pay other teams to take player by eating large chunk of contract.
3) Sign draftees above slot? Check.
4) Paid $50 million just to negotiate with a Japanese pitcher? Yup.
5) Highest average tx prices? Affirmative.

If this was the "Padreholix" or the "Pirateholix" I would understand, but Red Sox fans can sell that "Yankees buy championships" bullshit to the tourists, as QT said in Reservoir Dogs.

A thought I have had but not gotten around to gathering info. Seams a good way to dumb down the bought a championship discussion would be to look at annual team salaries over the past ?? years, divided by # of WS trophies over those same years. I suspect if you go back 50-60 years, the number of yankee trophies would work the math such that the yankees look like they spent little per trophy. But over the past 20 years?? curious. Yes, you could make a dumb stat by starting the count just after the 96-00 years, but a reasonable discussion could be taken from this if reasonable folks wanted to.

Hey, J.O., when the Red Sox go out and buy $420 Million in free agents in an off-season, come back and talk to us.

Oh, and that's after $275 Million the previous year on A-Rod alone...and about $100 Million the two years before that for a handful of guys including Damon.

As for ticket prices...don't make me laugh! New Yankee stadium's $73/NON-premium ticket average was the highest in baseball at the start of this season. And we're talking about a ballpark that holds 15 THOUSAND more people than Fenway! Ticket prices were so high that there were EMPTY SEATS in Yankee Stadium right behind home plate! The whole time, taxpayers paid for $850 Million of the $1.5 Billion dollar park!

And when it's all said and done, the Red Sox were spending about $3 Million less per player and almost HALF of what the Yankees spent this year.

So, don't worry. You win. You still have the biggest dick and the whole league can see you wagging it in everyone else's faces. The Red Sox aren't in the same league with the Yankees any more on spending...just the same division.

Nice work Kaz. Glad I'm on your team.

You guys are just pissed off because your ownership took the money they didn't spend on Teixeira and put it right back in their bloated pockets. Maybe if Henry didn't start sending text messages like a drunken college girl you would have had the offense to compete in the post-season. Well, that and if Ortiz and Varitek remembered to take their "vitamins". That's the only reason you've ever beat the Yankees.

Payroll in 2007? 160 million.
Payroll in 2009? 120 million.

Where did that $40 million go? The Jimmy Fund?

No one "bought" the Core Four. And all four will be Hall of Famers, yup even Pettitte (with 18 post-season wins and counting). When your minors start producing even one Hall of Famer, we can talk about the Sox developing talent instead of buying it. Except when they do, you just run them out of Boston because the Sox propaganda (with their newspaper and network) paints them as "greedy" when they simply want a market value contract. Happened with Boggs. Happened with Clemens. Great, classy organization you've got there.

Me, I'm enjoying this parade of Champions.

You guys are just pissed off because your ownership took the money they didn't spend on Teixeira and put it right back in their bloated pockets. Maybe if Henry didn't start sending text messages like a drunken college girl you would have had the offense to compete in the post-season. Well, that and if Ortiz and Varitek remembered to take their "vitamins". That's the only reason you've ever beat the Yankees.

Payroll in 2007? 160 million.
Payroll in 2009? 120 million.

Where did that $40 million go? The Jimmy Fund?

No one "bought" the Core Four. And all four will be Hall of Famers, yup even Pettitte (with 18 post-season wins and counting). When your minors start producing even one Hall of Famer, we can talk about the Sox developing talent instead of buying it. Except when they do, you just run them out of Boston because the Sox propaganda (with their newspaper and network) paints them as "greedy" when they simply want a market value contract. Happened with Boggs. Happened with Clemens. Great, classy organization you've got there.

Me, I'm enjoying this parade of Champions.

I think you're both right, unfortunately.

The Yankees are have haves.
And the Red Sox are haves.

But they are both among that 5-6 teams that are in an entirely diff realm financially than the rest of the league.

I don't blame the Yankees for exploiting the system. They should.

But that things are this way does depress me. And if I stop to think about, as I'm want to do this time of the year, I realize it wouldn't be that hard to walk away from baseball entirely.

Cry me a river. The sport has more competitive balance than any other. And none of you were crying for competitive balance after the Sox dropped $200 million before 2007.

Go get a hobby. I'm sure gardenaholix or woodworkingaholix would be much more fun to read and write.


Don't walk away, hb
Or we won't be following you no more
The rented sunsets won't shine as bright, their not the same.
You're not to blame...

[right, I'm in fully-engorged off-season mode]


Canyon of Chumpions, indeed

I'm seeing 'fans' with Yankees placards on one side and Fox Business Channel printed on the flip side -- Rupert Murdoch's minions had to get on this party train. A narrowly re-elected Mayor Bloombergsconi is giving the Yankees the keys to the city -- or is that the key to the city's safety deposit box? Of course it's empty after subsidizing the billion-dollar pleasure palacein the Bronx? Is this a perfect storm of grubby rightwing greed or what? $elig must go and a salary cap will follow...

Don't Walk Away HB! It would seriously cut into everyone's Daily Adult Requirement of belly laughs!

"At least youse guys didn't have to ride on the commuter train into NYC today with a bunch of Yankee fans going to the parade. Thank God my company is in midtown now so I didn't have to ride the subway downtown also like I did in the '90s. That was truly revolting.

On the economic front, I like this analysis from SI.com today:

The Yankees are not a big-market team. They DWARF big-market teams. They are quantitatively different from every other team in baseball and every other team in American sports. They don't just spend more money than every other team. They spend A LOT more money than every other team. The Boston Red Sox spend $50 million more than the Kansas City Royals? Who cares? The Yankees spend $80 million more than the Boston Red Sox.

The Yankees have a pat hand."

Or to parphrase Rick Reilly on espn.com: So George Clooney got a girl. Paris Hilton slept in silk sheets. Bill Gates went to the bank. The Yankees won the World Series. Let's have a parade!


I do think it's true though that for me each year I get older I have less interest in pro sports.

And if the sport in question is made up of 5-6 teams that have money (and that includes the Red Sox) and the rest that don't, it just makes it that much easier to say, meh.

I've been feeling this for years actually. I just happen to be typing it into the comments today.

The dirty little secret (or perhaps it's not that much of a secret) is that the only remaining thread that connects me to the Red Sox and baseball is this creepy site.

I do the site because it makes me feel good (most of the time) and satisfies a creative need (most of the time).

That the site is about the Red Sox is just a coincidence for the most part these days.

To that end, then, I'm pretty sure I could do a site like "woodworkingaholix" and it'd probably be just as cathartic.

Though it'd also be undoubtedly more difficult. And as things go, I always take the lazy/easy path.

Rob - I think I like John better. Is that going to bother you as much as the fact that some people like the Red Sox more than the Yankees? Will John be able to say "I'm a Yankee Fan and proud of it" or will he have to cry like you when others like us don't declare the Yankees to be as lilly white as you need us to believe.

Good lord. Stop your bellyaching. The Yankees won. We still don't like them. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

John, I understand that the 90's were happier days for Yankees fans, but please, join us in the new millennium, would you? Boggs? Clemens? The *least* you could have done is mention Manny if you're going to talk about "run out of town" players. Yeesh.

Walk Away Renee by The Left Banke, what a great fucking song.

Walk Away Renee by the Left Banke, a great song.

Or I could become a band wagon Yankees fan and start a new site.

I think I'd call it "reacharoundaholix.com"

Ha! "7 of 8 teams this post-season had a closer who didn't get the job done"

Kaz - I'm just waiting for the Sox to develop just one HOF player in the time it took the Yankees to develop Four. But who needs to develop players when you can just buy them? The Sox certainly didn't develop Manny and Pedro.

Problem is, your owner likes his money too much to even buy them any more. Your season could have been much different if he had. They had the money.


That argument has actually been presented by various Soxaholix characters oh, I dunno, 6-7 times this season alone.

And our fave pessimist commentator, Paddy24, probably said it a dozen times or more.

So if you really want to give us Sox fans shit, it might be helpful to be original and not parrot the same stuff we've said already.

Just trying to help you out, guy. I know big ideas can be tough for Yankees fans and all.

um, EFF U, Rob. Ya frinckin' tool...

That is all.

When are these smug mfy fans going to realize that rational teams have limitations that are more than "what a rich owner" wants to spend? So what if John Henry has more money than God? That doesn't mean he's going to SPEND it all. Many owners buy a sports franchise or a restaurant or a pub for the enjoyment of it. But here's a little secret: they all want to make money, and lots of it. Face it mfy fans: since the days of Catfish Hunter, the yanks have been primarily building teams around high priced free agents, and less concerned with the development of their farm system players. Fact. They have by far the most resources to (market size) and justify spending the most however they like.

I agree with HB - it's getting a bit depressing when I think about the MLB haves and have nots. Of course this year's champs are above both of those categories.

One other thing - I'll bet Bob Kraft makes plenty of money as owner of the Pats, so don't worry about the owners in a salary cap environment. That would be a good thing for baseball, as it has been for football.

New York Yankee fans: The only fans who can win it all...and still get butthurt.

Oh Christ, there is nothing more insufferable than a fan of any team not acknowledging his own team's very human and corporate foibles. I always like to think the Sox and Yanks have more in common than they have differences (mostly because my awesome little brother is a Yanks fan), but when I see Rob/John come to this site and act like a total ignorant prat, my tolerance diminishes. Get a hobby? This asshole is on a Sox site posting? Who needs to get a hobby? And as for competitive balance, any retard on the short bus knows that the MLB is the least balanced sport right now. I don't begrudge the Yanks for money; we have it too. Fair win to them. I'd personally like to see a salary cap ala the NFL so it becomes a level playing field where you have limited resources to field a team within dictated parameters.

hb- take a break but don't be disallusioned. We are in hot stove. Potential is ripe. See you in the spring, hopefully.

And yet h.b. you still come back to beating the $ drum. In fact, I'd love to see how much Mahty and his big ole dollar sign have appeared relative to characters actually blaming your ownership. Then, of course, there are the knuckle draggers that frequent this joint. They've been reeeealll tough on ownership the last few days. There's one reason, and one reason only, the Sox lost this year. Their roster was horrid.

Guess, I know how you got to school, Natalie. Thanks for sharing! How about you name the number of different teams that have won championships (and made the playoffs) over the last 20 years in each of the three major sports? You'll learn something, if, you know, you're not retahded.

Great comeback, Kaz! See, it must burn, doesn't it? The Yankees not only outspend your team. They also do a much better job of developing talent.

Poor, poor, sad Sox fans. You complain about money when it's the Yankees cause that's all you got. You have nothing else.

And Jim, perhaps you can tell me why the 2009 Sox spent $40 million LESS than the 2007 version? Especially when the Sox clear $200 million in ticket sales alone?

It's pronounced CankERRRRRRR! And we accept your congrats from the bottom of our swollen balls.

I'm gonna thank Allah for the two mass shootings that cycled the MFY world title purchase straight out of the mainstream media.

// In fact, I'd love to see how much Mahty and his big ole dollar sign have appeared relative to characters actually blaming your ownership.//

Well, just for fun, and to prove I know my own site and my own characters better than anyone else in the world (just a hunch that), let's take a look at April of this year.

22 total strips in April

2 strips featured Marty (9%)

1 strip featured Marty with dollar sign building (5%)

5 strips feature characters disrespecting some facet of the Red Sox ballclub (23%)

Now where I went to school 23% is greater than 5%. And I'd be willing to bet a month's salary that those percentages will be roughly equal for any given month over the past 6 years.

So there you have it, a little thing we like to call quod erat demonstrandum, bitches.

Meanwhile, go ahead and continue to pile it on about any and all aspects of Red Sox suckitude.

But never ever presume that any reader, let alone an occasional pink Yankee hat passerby, knows the Soxaholix site better than its creepy omniscient overlord.

fuck that rob guy. i'd say fuck bigbri, but he's already fuckt. Plus, I know his real name

Rob appears to be one of the dickheads that shows up at your gathering of friends and just won't leave. everyone hates the fucker. He is completely loud and obnoxious and full of his own shit but keeps hanging around. I hate guys like that.

At least BigBri actually plays WITH us and we have some fun. Rob is just a damn hemorhoid.

That solves it! April only! When every fan is complaining about what their team didn't do! Awesome analysis!

h.b. - you're better than that. The plain fact is, you guys want to piss all over the Yankees when you could have had a happier season had your owner actually acted in the interests of the team. $40 million extra in his pocket and you're still complaining about the Yankee payroll?

More to the point, your off-season is fucked because they didn't sign Teixeira. Sure, trade half the farm for a lesser player in A-Gon. He really was a no-brainer for Beantown and your owner fucked it up out of greed. Choke on that!

May I interject that Teixeira was going to join the All-Massengill team even if the Sox topped Massengill's offer because his wife has his balls in her purse and she and her family are Massengill fans.

Ah, yes, the standby that Teixeira only wanted to play for the Yankees.

Bullshit. Money talks. And the Sox walked away from the table in huff. Once they did, they made it EASY for the Yankees. Who's to say how much more the Sox would have had to bid, but they needed Teixiera more and so they should have bid accordingly.

None of you have told me yet where the extra $40 million went...

Like I said, take any month.

Here is July 2009.

Total posts 24.

Posts with characters dissing Red Sox 9.

Posts with Marty 1.

Posts with Marty and dollar sign building 0.

And the 1 Marty post doesn't count because he gets in the better zingers.

So for those of you scoring this at home that is 38% to zero.

2009.07.30 Characters disrespect Red Sox
2009.07.29 Characters disrespect Red Sox, particularly the front office
2009.07.28 Characters disrespect Red Sox, particularly the front office
2009.07.27 Characters disrespect Red Sox, particularly the front office re Smoltz
2009.07.24 Doug and Arturo diss Red Sox offense
2009.07.23 Characterd dis front office over LaRoche acquistion
2009.07.22 Characters dis fronto office over Dice-K
2009.07.21 Chacters dis Theo mercillessly
2009.07.20 Marty appears, no dollar sign building, and Marty gets in better zingers than Bill
2009.07.10 Characters dis Red Sox for losing to bad teams

So the percentages in case you missed them.

38% vs 0%

QED. Again.

You may now genuflect in at the feet of the omniscient author and creator who knows the site and characters better than any being on the planet.

Let it be written, let it be said.

I may start referring to myself as Ramses.

I haven't like the Ramses since Kurt Warner sopped playing for them. Now I root for the Patriotses

I never liked Ramses either. More of a Trojans or Lifestyles man myself

Rames -

You need more loyal followers. They worship false idols.

May they find your true word.



I figured one of you creepy regulars would go that direction with it. Too funny.

glad I didn't disappoint ;-)

and besides, screw Ramses- if I were you, I'd call myself Ditka

The comments to this entry are closed.

The Soxaholix eBook Spinoff

The captivating and long awaited Soxaholix eBook spinoff is finally available!

There's No Crying in Pocket Pool


Purchase at Amazon.


Logo t-shirts now available, several colors, even pink.

'Soxaholix logo t-shirt