Duck. Duck. Goose!

Doug:
Ah, yes, nothing quite like chahging into the playoffs by losing 5 straight including getting nonchalantly flicked like a boogah off the nose of the pinstriped 800 lb playoff gorilla.

 

---

Mike:
C'mon, guy, don't buy into the "backing in" nonsense. The Red Sox will be a tough team to beat in Octobah.

 

---

Doug:
Oh, right, and by tough are you referring to the suddenly flat Buccholz, the back-spasmed Beckett, the forgettable fiah of Matsuzaka, or the offense so half-dead they should be hanging out with the fangbangah slut from Twilight?

 

---

Al:
Dude, that chick is hot.

 

---

Mike:
Seriously.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, she's hot alright if your idea of hot is a droopy sunken-eyed corpse, wannabe bitch.

 

---

Doug:
Which, of course, would go a long way in explaining why you'd think this walking cadahvah that is the 2009 Red Sox isn't going to be buried deep in the postseason.

 

---

Mike:
Trust in Theo. This team was built to win.

 

---

Doug:
OK, let me say this slooowly so it sinks in —

 

---

Doug:
The Yankees were built to win.

 

---

Doug:
The Red Sox, conversely, were built with a money saving rostah just good enough to get just close enough to sniff the playoff poon.

 

---

Al:
Hey, Doug, Paddy24 just called, he wants his persona back.

 

---

Doug:
Hahdy hah hah... laugh all you want.

 

---

Doug:
We'll see how hahd you're laughing when the Yankees are raising the pennant for numbah 27 while John Henry is on his knees delivering another Red Sox golden goose egg to bridezilla.

 

---

Comments

[madraider]

I hate to say it, but I think they want to keep trimming payroll down to about $80 million, good enough to win the wild card most years, challenge for the division every so often, and miss the playoffs say 3-4 times every decade. There is absolutely 0 pressure on these guys to actually win anything of importance ever again, not when they can sell SRO's for $50.00 and still have people lined up to the Hancock building just waiting to do so. I honestly think that once those option years are excercised on both Beckett and V-Mart they won't be brought back. The propaganda wing will write about how competitive the offers were from the Sox, but they didn't quite measure up. That these players should show some loyalty and give some billionaire writing the check a "home team" discount. I trust Theo to continue to be the cash cow that he is for John Henry and Co.

[Billy Mahty]

The fourth wall comes crashing down.. I guess if Hugh Jackman can do it, so can h.b.

[Billy Mahty]

In other news.. I just started watching Lost (like, Season 1) for the first time. Now I can finally go back and read those Lostaholix strips I avoided.

[h.b.]

BTW. Fuck you all.

Have a nice day.

[COD]

I pretty much agree. I think John Henry and friends have figured out the formula for being competitive while making a healthy profit. Every few years when injuries, career years, etc line up right they'll win it all.

OTOH, the Yankees have done worse spending 50% more over the last years. I think competitiveness may be at a point where all you really can do is aim to be in the playoff hunt in the final week and hope the dominoes fall your way. Hell, the Marlins and their 35 MM payroll were just eliminated from the wild card chase last night.

[Jesus]

What he said

[Harwich Rich]

Not to get off topic,h.b.but what happened yesterday?? Just askin'

[vasoxfan]

I'm sorry but I don't get a good feeling from all this. The RS aren't clicking now. Lester/Buck/ Beckett/ Dice-K all are question marks now. Bats seem like they could be OK. How about not being able to throw anybody out? The Angels could clean our clock on the bases. We'll see.
Damn.

[Rob in CT]

Hate to say this, but I'm feeling like Dougie this morning. The Kool-Aide just doesn't taste right today - maybe it's the antifreeze...

Callahan was talking on WEEI about the fans that waited around the stadium last night waiting for word on the Texas game to see if we got in, and how the team should have come out to celebrate. WTF??? Until we win one, I'd recommend keeping the champagne in the mini-fridge.

Oh well, at least we're in it. *Sigh* Wish I felt better about this.

[Kaz]

I think he just answered it Harwich...and I don't blame him at all. This team cruised into September like a well-oiled machine. But somewhere around a week ago, someone poured acid in our gas tank and now we're lucky if we'd qualify for Cash 4 Clunkers. Fuck that! We're better than that! Instead of a footrace to the finish, we got the Pawtucket Red Sox with 5 games to go!!

It's like a perfect recreation of this season's Hell's Kitchen. Anybody watching that? Kevin, from MA even, has been killing it in the kitchen all season, but we're down to the last 5...and he overcooks the risotto during prep and still puts it in the pan!? What the hell, man? How did you get this far into the final kitchen if you're going to play like such a rookie!?

AND, to top it all off...I get to go see tonight's game...in a possible rain shower. Fucking great. You'd think Anaheim could have won last night just so tonight's game might have a bit of magic to it when we clinch...but they did that last night at like 1 AM after Texas folded.

You want an example of the Red Sox mindset right now?

Guys were leaving the clubhouse and promising to return later for the champagne and celebration of making the post-season instead of waiting AS A TEAM to see if they'd made it because of a Texas loss.

What the fuck.

[Kaz]

Bah, I meant: Anaheim should have lost last night.

[Bob]

F.U right back, H.B. :))

We were worried you know. Funny how a creepy comic strip can have people around the globe emailing each other in concern.

Back to baseball; man, the RedSox just have been terrible lately. Pitching, hitting...it's like watching Big Bri's sex life: nothing.

[Billy Mahty]

I think Harwich is referring to something else... I was wondering if something happened on the site. Night before last the site was blank, yesterday's day off post didn't allow comments, and I noticed that the prior strip seems to have been deleted.. ?

[h.b.]

Yeah, what happened was a perfect storm of negative events all converging....

1) Yankees kicking the shit out of us

2) Realization that, yeah, things really have changed since 04 and there isn't the same Red Sox "magic" and wondering if I've been living a lie and/or wasting my time by even doing this creepy site beyond the 2004 season.

3) Emails and comments castigating me for not doing this or that quite up to snuff which is par for the course but sometimes it just gets to be too much considering how this isn't a business or my job etc etc and, as much as I love the readership and the community of Soxaholix, in the end, I really don't owe anybody anything.

4) Short days, cooler days, the coming of winter, yes, S.A.D. and all that which makes me less willing to cope effectively with 1,2,3 above all at once.

5) Nobody puts baby in a corner.

[Bob]

And no, Big Bri, even if you beg-up enough coins in your cup to hire the meth addict without teeth to give you a hand job down in the basement, I don't want to watch it.

So don't go there you fat, gold-medallion wearing, greasy haired ass.

(Thanks for being back, H.B.)

[Bob]

And BTW, it's true you owe us nothing H.B.

But just know there are people out here who actually got together because of you. People who have become friends because of you. Hell, people who are getting married at least in part because of you.

Words, my friend, dear words.

[Colin]

That last comment Bob, pure gold.

But yeah to be honest I haven't found the Sox offense to be as troublesome as the pitching. We just didn't give a fuck. I mean if Tito has this grand scheme to have us rest completely for the rest of the season so that they'll come out guns blazing, all the more power to him. But if this lackluster attitude is how we're going to play against LA and possibly Detroit or NY, then shit we might as well just pack it up, boundless optimism or not.

[h.b.]

Thanks, Bob. Seriously. This is a really good thing we all have.

It sucks (not just on this creepy site but in creepy life in general) how a bit of negative can take down a whole lot of positive.

But at least in the case of The Soxaholix, it does take a perfect storm type convergence of negatives to do so.

Sorry if I had people worried. Reminds me (for like the thousandth time) that I really need to create my "I'm dead sheet" with usernames/pwords for all my accounts including TypePad/Soxaholix so someone could have a way to log in and let everyone know.

Morbid. Yet necessary in this virtual culture we are in.

[Natalie]

h.b.- what Bob said...Personally, anytime I get down, I can hit the archives and read the comments post NYE fire and recall how damn lucky I am to have made the wonderful friends I have made at this creepy site.

The dead sheet thing is indeed morbid, but I guess it is what it is. A good friend from a past life committed suicide two weeks ago and his Facebook page lives on like such a sad shadow...Haunting.

Blech, I am depressing today. Silver lining? I haven't had TV or internet at my home for two weeks (install on Friday, finally) so I've been able to avoid a fair amount of this Sox limp to the playoffs. And gosh, I forgot how nice reading a good book can be!! :) And there is always the 2004 WS DVD... :) Hopefully the boys surprise me this Oct, ya never know.

[fanofcreepy]

Hey h.b.-
Buck up dear one. I am a HUGE fan of the site, but never have anything that is insightful/clever/creepy enough to say in the comments. I have been thinking that over the last week+ you've been exceeding your normal brilliance! So here's one more vote in the "you rock" column.

[Devine]

Meh, they're way better than they have been and momentum is overrated. The 2000 Yanks backed in WAY harder than this and won it all.

Tito is a genius, and the offense is great. Worrying about Lester, Beckett, Buchholz, and the bullpen are all understandable, but the questions around them are not really any bigger than the questions around any team in the playoffs. They could get squashed, but so could the Yankees by whichever AL Central team zombie-shambles into the playoffs. Cheer up, they're in!

I will admit the Yankee team this year is more scary, and much more likely to win it than some years past...but the rotation beyond Sabathia is not frightening at all.

Good to have you back, h.b.

[Rob in CT]

What Bob and our Teal-Dressed Princess [:-D] said...

Living a lie? Castigating emails? Yikes, h.b.! Yesterday's downed site and subsequent dead page only served to vividly point out how much I look forward to each day's strip and the chance to comment and interact with friends (from around the globe!) whom I've yet to meet in person (hope that changes soon).

Many of us have said in the past how grateful we are to you for providing a "creepy" water cooler for us to hang around and talk Sox/Boston/barrocca/[name your current pop culture reference here]. That hasn't changed; for me at any rate, nor for those involved in the broadcast emails sent around yesterday wondering if all was well.

In case you missed it, a big THANK YOU for all you do, from all of us.

[Dave S.]

Have heart, guys. This hiccup will be forgotten when you're walking all over the Angels next week.

[Joe in Jersey]

HB,

I'm a Yankee fan and I hate the Red Sox and their fans. Can't stand you arrogant, angry, juvenile SOB's. Yet your site is the first one I check every morning at work. Even before the lohud yankees blog, or joe posnanski. Just need to laugh in the morning to get started. Don't let a bunch of morons discourage you, buck up, you're a talented, funny guy and there are lots of people that enjoy your strip. Thank You.

[Devine]

Also, being sad about HOW the team got into October reeks of entitlement. I bet Rangers fans wish their team had "backed in" to a chance to win the World Series.

But Doug and madraider are absolutely right that as long as the Sox see the postseason more often than not, ownership is fine with that and is not going to push, push, push to go over the top.

[Rudi]

As Rob in CT said "how much I look forward to each day's strip". You bet. Neither the joy of a win nor the sorrow of a loss is complete without the Soxaholix zeitgeist.

Moving on, that Bridezilla stuff is a bad omen.

And completely unrelated: Does anyone else snicker every time they see the Mass Literacy Foundation logo? (at the bottom of the Herald web page) That "MLF" with the book open always looks like "MILF" to me.

[pseudosanity78]

I had a through reaming from my husband after last weekend and its dire outcome. I keep getting the evil eye and a variation on the speech 'Why on Earth did you introduce me to this team! I lived happily for 33 years without knowing the mindfuck that is the Boston Red Sox!' But that doesn't mean he's not checking the box score at six am everyday before work or sticking it out with me until two or three in the morning slogging through the last few innings in a hope there might be a last minute rally. Once the hooks are in, they're in. We all want to give up every now and then but we don't. We. Just. Don't.

[pseudosanity78]

Also, I wish I could spell. That is all.

[Jeff in NC]

h.b., we all hit the ball into the rough sometimes and wonder what the fuck we're doing. But the champions come out of the rough with a great shot - and today's strip is a great shot - pretty well sums up my feelings about this leg of the juggernaut.

and besides, this site is where I came across such wonderful little website nuggets like dlisted, failblog, and lest we forget.. youporn. wooooo hooooo! (its' the little stuff in life that counts)

Joe in Jersey - I love your comment. Enjoying the enemy's humor is top notch. And I particularly like the fact that Yankees fans feel about Red Sox fans pretty much exactly the way Red Sox fans feel about Yankee fans - you know the arrogant, angry, juvenile.... I LOVE RIVALRIES.

[Jeff in NC]

Damn, pseudosanity, if I could give my wife a good thorough reaming whenever the Red Sox lose, well.. Go Yankees!

[ponch in jerz]

it's always darkest before the dawn . . . except when it's delta.

Sorry. But smile a little. 90+ wins is not backing into the playoffs. I like our chances. I'm also not quite right in the head, but you don't know that. Now go have a chocolate chip, no, go have a damn Chipwich.

[sonomasox]

our adoration for you has no equal, HB - except probably for the team that we angst over.

I think I hit refresh on yesterday's page about 90 times to see if just maybe you threw out a new post. A painful day which goes to the brilliant, lovable, surly, creepiness of you brain.

I'm not that morose over getting in, back door or not - sounds like one of Bob's old movies. We friggin own the LAAAA's - this just a little relaxation before the real season begins.

[Rob in CT]

Damn, Jeff. I didn't think I was alone in reading pseudosanity78's post and coming to the same conclusion. I just lacked the courage of my conviction to act on it. Good on ya'. Must be all that youporn. :-)

pseudo - we kid because we love. Or something along those lines...

[Jeff in NC]

heh heh heh

[SAC]

Call for moratorium on use of term "creepy".

Until it is teed up.

[Jason O.]

I'm with Doug. No, this chick is hot:

http://tinyurl.com/ybdyuqe

[Bob]

There's no "surly but lovable" shirt?

Frankly, I think about 2/3rds of the folks here could wear one.

[sonomasox]

Fuck you Bob!

Love,
Sonomasox

[h.b.]

I need to get on that surly t. It's on the list.

And "creepy" too.

[pseudosanity78]

@Rob & @Jeff- For once in my life the demented area between my ears wasn't going for the double entendre and failed to see the big giant bullseye all over that comment. And for the record, I'd buy a 'creepy' tee in a second.

[yazbread]

Glad you're back from Gethsemane HB.

[Jesus]

I'm not

[louclinton]

What Do You Think?

[HunterStars]

h.b.- don't let 'em get you down! I always check in here as soon as I get to work

[Jhammo]

I'm always getting to the party late, but my 2 cents: the postseason is the postseason. The Sox are one of the top 5 teams in all of baseball, possibly top 3. Every playoff team has a back spasm here, a cortisone or Synvisc injection there--it's just that time of the year.

And what better team to open the playoffs against than our LA/Anaheim friends?

[madraider]

So does Masterson become the staff ace? the swing guy or a good #2 when John Farrell goes over to Cleveland?

[Steve in MD]

Here's the thing that has got me down: The Sox went to the ninth last night down a run with a chance to punch their playoff ticket, and didn't get the job done. What more motivation do you need? I still think this team lacks heart.

[Rob in CT]

pseudo --

It's really more that the demented area between your ears is dwarfed in comparison to Jeff's and mine.

And as Dick Martin used to say, "...and proud of it!" (That's right, a Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In reference. Yeah, I went there.) :-D

[Kaz]

Steve, not only that, but they didn't get it done the worst way possible.

WHAT WAS YOUKILIS THINKING??? How could he watch that pitch into the glove on a 3-2 count in the bottom of the 9th with 2 outs and the tying run at second base!?! Damn, man, you NEVER let the ump make that final out!

[Go Sox. Go Heels. Yankees Suck. Dook Sucks.]

I love Youk, so here's my defense of his called third strike: he just took two offspeed pitches that started out knee-high for balls. Then on 3-2 he gets another pitch knee-high. He's thinking no way am I swinging at a ball that's going to end up in the dirt. But of course, by the time the thought goes through his head, its too late. Chalk it up to a smart pitcher throwing the right pitch at the right time.

It doesn't show lack of "heart." What the fuck is heart, anyway? It shows Youk is a shrewd, smart hitter, but this time he got out-shrewded and outsmarted. It happens.

[sonomasox]

Nice, LC - how 'bout a sunset in the background. Or not, you're the artist.

[Steve in MD]

"Heart" is winning one run games (Sox are only 22-17), extra inning games (Sox are 4-6), winning on the road (Sox are 39-42) and late come from behind games (couldn't find a stat). We are the only playoff bound team (unless the Twins get in) with a losing record in extra innings and only us and Detroit (or the Twins) have losing records on the road.

[soxdownunder]

Good to have you back hb. We missed you. No matter how fucked up the day ahead looks (and it usually looks pretty fucked) we always check the strip at around 6am before brekky of coffee and a cigarette. Remember, this game was designed to break your heart. The 'Sox: double plus.

I have to say I like the idea of losing 5 straight to make the playoffs. I even like making a comeback from 8-2 down to lose by a run with our best hitter watching the ball sail through the strike zone with the go-ahead run on first. Putting aside the next few days of setting up the rotation, meaningless shenanigans, the magic number is 11.

[bosoxed]

hb- im a rhode island guy living in california,been rooting for the sox all my life. i never get to read the strip until 8 or 9 (my time) EVERY DAY! you have the sox mind set down pat- i change the names of the strip to represent my buddies- keep up the great work.

[Mike E!]

Glad to see this post today, h.b.

I agree with everyone else, except that dude who thinks we're whiny and immature, because he smells farts. *PFFT* I love this site; the lit references and humor is what first drew me to it, but now it's a toss-up between the actual posts and the comments as to which I get most excited for. Thanks for giving all these creepers a place to be so totally awesome, and inspiring that awesomeness.