« Planning ahead | Main | Inexplicable »

Doug's well

But look out, fellahs, the Texas Rangahs are hot on our trail.


Except being stalked by the Rangahs baseball club is about as scary as being stalked by Garfield.


I went through a Garfield stage in high school. Don't ask.




Jesus, Dougie, even aftah all the crazy shit you've said ovah the years, your crazy well still nevah seems to run dry.


Hey, what can I say? It was due to a chick. She was young and liked reading Garfield. I was young and liked unbuttoning her pants.


Now see. It's this kind of teenage poor decision making that drives the abstinence-only movement.


Absolutely. See, Doug here simply wasn't mature enough to realize the potential dangah in reading too much Garfield.


And now look at the poor sonavabitch — He's scarred for life!


All of a sudden I'm craving lasagna.



"All of a sudden I'm craving lasagna."

Now this was a fine strip. I actually laughed at work. Bravo.

Seriously, who goes through a Garfield phase? Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes, Bloom County...people go through those phases. Hell, I'll even give you Dilbert, but Garfield?

So Doug in HS was into a girl who liked Garfield? Wondering if he pops up on any "registries" and now has to stay 100s of yards away from playgrounds and schools?

Everyone knows the only cartoon cat worth following is Bucky Katt of Get Fuzzy fame! Only because the snark factor is high and Darby Conley has great taste in Baseball teams!

Off topic: Hey Buckner Was Framed, if you still have the tickets for the Oct 1st game at the Garden let me know how to get the skinny on face and your location.

Background re Doug's anecdote. Said girl was also in high school, but was, perhaps, a bit naive and immature, as evidenced by her Garfield affectation. And Doug, being a boy of few scruples, saw an opening, you might say, and took it.

Fun game last night. Although overly long. I'm still a tad buzzed.

(Nothing new there.)

To the Victor goes the spoils.

(You have to admit that's not bad.)

Hmmm, H.B., I see a bit of you cuming out of your characters.

Or as Garfield might say, "To the Victor goes the lasagna!"

Ever read Garfield Minus Garfield? http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/ Take the cat out of the comic and it's pretty clear that Jon Arbuckle is completely insane.


In honor of the remastered Beatles release...

I once had a girl,
Or should I say
She once had me.
She showed me her room,
What have I done?
Garfield and Jon.

"L.C. in the sky with bile...L.C. in the sky with bile...ah, ah.

Follow him down to a Maine bridge by a fountain,
Where rocking horse people eat blueberry pies.
Everyone smiles as you drift past the lobsters,
That grow so incredibly (mmm, lobsters).

Let's admit it. It's going to be a Beatles Day.

Sometimes things just happen.

"Where rocking horse people eat blueberry pies."


//She was young and liked reading Garfield. I was young and liked unbuttoning her pants//


I agree, vermonter. Almost Steven King-ish in his better books/short stories (The Body, The Stand, I Just Got Hit By A Car, etc.).

Comic blog writer. (comic blog writer)
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my blog?
It's kinda creepy, but will you take a look?
It's got characters, by the way who are not me,
And a teal dress, so mondays we've something good to yak about
Comic blog writer.

Ah, look at all the lonely people.

Ah, look at all the lonely people.

Some Soxaholix, pick up the comments in a blog where a wedding has been.

Big Bri's a prick.

Okay, that sucked.

Try the veal.

Congrats to Derek Jeter for tying Gehrig's record for most career hits by a Yanker. A real tribute to hard work, talent, class and perseverance.

Don't forget to swallow

Why don't we do it in the stands? No one will be watching us??

although, the real record for most career hits still belongs to Wilt.

Thompson, [email protected] for the skinny

I give them all my love
That's all I do
And if you saw my Sox
You'd love them too
I love them

They give me walk off swings
The rings my Red Sox bring
They bring to me
And I love them.

Help! We need some pitching
Help! Not just any pitching
Help! you know we need some pitching,

When Dice-K came to us he came because we paid....
Never needed Johan cuz we thought we had it made
And now we've seen his act- painted grass, oh how it dries
WBC MVP, c'mon now give a try

Beckett, if you can we're feelin' down
Buchholz keep your head back on the ground,
Lester, please molester, 1-2-3,
won't you puhleeeze, please WC? WC....W seeeeeee, ooooh?

"He's got a shoulder to dro-op...he's got a shoulder to dro-o-op...he's got a shoulder to drop...and we don't care..."

BB's a real nowhere man livin' in mommy's basement land-counting all his championship rings for you and me

Ah, Buckner, loved that one.

Fritz the Cat, or nothing.

In the twon where I was born,
Red Sox fans will flail away,
And we feed upon ourselves
In a Soxaholix creep

So we rented setting suns
Waiting for grass paint to dry
And we pined for Derek Lowe
In our Soxaholix creep

We all live in a Soxaholix creep, Soxaholix creep, Soxaholix creep.

Smoltzie gave away the game we played.
Now St. Louis says he's there to stay,
Oh, why'd I believe in Smoltzie's play?

In Brad Penny Lane there is a pitching coach showing photographs

Of every arm he's had the pleasure to know

And all the batters that come and go
Stop and say hello

On the corner is a Farrell with a coaching job

The little children laugh at him behind his back

And the Farrll never wears a cap

'Cause it's pouring runs ...
Not very funz.

Brad Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes

There beneath L.C.'s blueberry pies

I sit, and meanwhile back...

"You say stop, I say go
I say stop, you say go, go, go" as sung by Dale Sveum

Coffee. Nose. Desk.

Thanks, NolaSox.

(Send more peppers.)

I got blisters on my fingers!

-John Lennon

-Josh Beckett

I'm loving this... creepy AND creative.

did someone say work? what work?

Day after day,
Alone in left field,
The man in the Dodger Blue is keeping perfectly still.
But nobody wants to know him,
They can see he's just "being him",
And he never gave an answer,

The Fool in Left Field...

Looks like everyone has been trying the veal because this just keeps getting better.

These have all been really, really good, but Nola, you take the cake.

Dale Eff'n Sveum. Haw!

By the way, has anyone picked up the new re-mastered discs? They were playing through a whole long set on a Classic Rock station I listen to here, but was on a tinny radio, so I'd like to know whether there is any vast improvement worthy of (re)-investment. Anybody?

I have them. Worth the hype all the way. The audio quality is stunning and unlike anything before on CD.

Really has the same feel as the original records.

Caveat: I've only listened to A Hard Day's Night so far.

It's getting better all the time, h.b.

Thanks, h.b. Guess I'll be emptying the piggy bank this weekend...

Wish there was a way, to get him home...

Wish there was a way to get him home, Sweep Little Darlin', don't you cry,

Youk will hit a deep sac fly-y...

"It's getting better all the time, h.b."


This is one of the best days on Soxaholix ever!

You say you're part of Red Sox Nation
Well, you know
You're going to have to pay for that.
You tell me you've got adoration
Well, you know
You're going to have to pay for that.
'Cause when your talking to il duce
Don't you know that it's about the cash.
Don't you know it's all about the cash.
the cash, the cash

I look at you all see the love there that's creeping
While our bullpen gently weeps

Wagner was a man who thought he worked for losers
But he knew it wouldn't last.
Wagner left his home in Queens, that team's a snoozer
For some lovely Fenway grass.
Get back, get back
Get back to where you once belonged.

Sweet Tito Francona thought he wouldn't cut it
But he proved slowly he can
All his bullpen cohorts say he's got it coming
Got to get a ring, this man
Get back, get back
Get back to where you once belonged.

Take the last train to Kenmore
and I'll meet you at the station
If you get there by 5:30,
Sausage Guy for mastication

The Green Line's slow...
Oh no, oh no!
Oh no, oh no!

Wait, what?

Monkeys, Beatles, whatever

"Monkeys, Beatles, whatever"

That's like saying,
"Washington Nationals, Red Sox, whatever."

.... but everyone knew him as Nancy.

This site's ON FIRE today.

Actually, it's more like saying "Washington Nashionals, Red Sox, whatever".

Come on, bwf, they are the Monkees!

I haven't enjoyed such a fun day on The Soxoholix since the follow-on days of the First Ring and Natalie's Teal Dress.

What a talented bunch of folks! Why, it's... it's... creepy!

Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...

"Far out Catherwood,just roll a couple of bummers and leave them on the side table." "OOk ook a -chook"

Devine - Top five, man. That was good.

Kaz - funny. Manny-in-Right-Field funny.

Cheer up, Doctor Kaz,
for we know Tex-az
is a wildcard pretender
and an October no mas

Texas coming on hard in the wild card race
Yankees have the East well in hand
Red Sox fighting so hard just to keep the pace
And soon those two will need to make October plans
Oh-bla-di, oh-bla-da, Postseasooon, yah!
La la, here comes Postseason!

Jason Bay
All Manny's troubles seem so far away
Baldelli used to beat us as a Ray
Oh I believe in Theo's way

Number 9. Number 9.

In honor of our new heroics-supplier:

Vic's on second base
I've just forgotten of 'Tek's face
because our
new catcher hits wicked hard,
catches Wakefield then Dan Bard, he's V-
Ma Ma Ma MaMaMart

had it been the other way
we could have lost the game that day
but now we've got 41 here
and in our hearts he is endeared tonight,
Ma Ma Ma MaMaMart

calling, when he is calling, 'pponents are falling,
in Clay's games again.

(There was a joke in there about Natalie not wanting to nom his thighs like 'Tek's, but as a very rare poster and avid lurker, I decided to take that one out haha)

Thanks Rob! I wanted to work in something about Tommy John surgery and putting Papelbon on edge, but couldn't seem to make it work.

I think my favorite is still NolaSox's. Simple and super-effective.

When they get to the bottom they go back to the top,
and they pitch, then they hit, then they suck, then they go for a ride then they get to the bottom AND WE SEE THEM AGAIN, yeah yeah yeah.

Do they don't they want us to love them?
Barely leading Texas just 2 games above them.
Tell me tell me tell me the answer.
You might make the playoffs but your running out of chances.

Oh man, Buckner's "Help!" is super-good, though.

Wow. Somehow the strip has hit the main artery of genius in this group. I have been laughing the whole time. I bow before all your greatness.

Whe they get to the bottom they go back to the top. Then they pitch, then they hit, then they suck. Then they beat up the Os, and they sink to the bottom, THEN WE SEE THEM AGAIN!

Do they don't they want us to love them?
Rangers coming fast just 2 games above them.
DiceK, VTek, are they the answers?
They may make the playoffs but I don't know their chances.

Whoops. Thought my first Helter Skelter didn't post. Oh well, the second draft might be better. Or not.

Can't buy a pennant!
Can't buy a pennant!

Yanks will buy Texeira my friend cuz it makes them feel alright.
Yanks gotta just spend and spend to try and get it right.
But I don't care too much for Yankees, Yankees can suck my nuts.

Splendid Splinter. Splendid Splinter. Splendid Splinter.

"But I don't care too much for Yankees, Yankees can suck my nuts" Classic!

I've been pondering a Wakefield "When I'm 64" but work is interfering.

Yesterday, Buch was bait for catching Halladay.
Now his troubles seem so faraway.
Oh I believe, in saving Clay.

Suddenly, Victor swings and soon has plated three.
Now the pen has saved things brilliantly.
Oh they could win it all, it's plain to see.

Oh, all of the creepy people
Oh, all of the creepy people

Anonymous h.b. picks out the links on the web that describes how we've been
Building a theme
Pasting the clipart, writing up quips for the guys at the water cooler
Who's it for?

All the creepy people, we all love h.b.'s stuff
All the creepy people, right where we all belong

Bang, Bang, Martinez's Silver hammer,
Came through in the clutch,
Bang, Bang, Martinez's Silver Hammer,
We acquired; not giving up much.

Bang, Bang, V-Marts silver hammer,
Came through in the clutch,
Bang, Bang, V-Marts silver hammer,
We got, for not too much

In their sties with all their backing
They don't care what goes on around
In their eyes there's something lacking
What they need's a damn good whacking

(Dedicated to the New York Skankees)

An ode to the 2004 Sox:

Angels were a running threat; Killed the Yankees all year, yet
Couldn't beat the Sox
Wondered if they'd win it all
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Schilling and Pedro did great, brought the Angels to their fate
To die in Fenway.
"Can you get back up from this bashing, A-a-a-ngels?"

And though Vlad hit a granny that night,
When they brought Washburn in...

Bang! Bang! Boston's silver slugger
Came down upon their head
Bang! Bang! Boston's silver slugger
Made sure that they were dead

Yanks jumped to a 3-game lead, Boston and its fans were peeved
Tito gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant

Tito says "We still will play till we reach our dying day,
We will not give up
Even if they're up, with one inning to go-oh-oh-oh"

And between Roberts, Foulke, and the Pro
They crept up from behind

Bang! Bang! Boston's silver slugger
Came down upon their head
In games four, five, and seven
He made sure that they were dead

Card Tony LaRussa said, "Sure they came back from the dead
Boston stands alone
But we're good, we know we can beat those guy-ai-ai-ais."

Game 1 was really tight, screaming went into the night
On Manny's errors
(Oh, Manny's errors!)
Bellhorn don't agree and his bat says no-o-o-o.

And Schilling, Pedro, Lowe got it done,
With some help from Ortiz

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon their head
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure the curse was dead

Silver Hammer O-o-ortiz


Aw, shoot. Just pretend the last chorus says "Boston's silver slugger"


I feel inspired so here goes.

Youk knocks balls all over the place,
We’ve got the lead in the wild card race,
Sox Rule (Sox really rule),
Sox Rule (All around the town),
Sox Rule (Sox really rule).
How can you doubt?,
When we know they rule? (How can you doubt?).
Ortiz hits a homer and puts it away,
Same old thing happens every day,
Sox Rule (Sox really rule),
Sox Rule (All around the town),
Sox Rule (Sox really rule).
How can you doubt?,
When we know they rule? (How can you doubt?).
Got the wild card lead with nobody else,
Only 2 games up Keep your thoughts to yourself,
Sox Rule (Sox really rule),
Sox Rule (All around the town),
Sox Rule (Sox really rule).
How can you doubt?,
When we know they rule? (How can you doubt?).
Oh yeah.

My first creative thought on this page.

My day sucked. It started with a flooded basement, progressed to a visit to a funeral home, then a lawyer's office. I was wondering how much Oban I could drink, and how fast. Then I come home to read this? Fucking Brilliant. Thanks to all of you.

When the pain comes,
Timmah can't seem to pitch
Can't make the batters his bitch
When the pain comes, when the pain comes.
in Wake's behind

You say hello/Garfield, I say goodbye/Gahfield...

I'm in the same boat as Yossarian - day sucked; saved by creepiness here. Here' my pale effort:

Friday evening at 5 o’clock as the work week ends,
Noisily, tackling the beer cart guy
Sips his first sip with a cackling sigh;
He goes outside to a pub that used once to be called Petes.
Happily dodging the flea market fleas
Stepping inside he is free.

Bob (he gave us lots of good laughs)
Is drinking (some in bad taste but good laughs)
Beer (He does not know how they can brew it so cheap)
Bob’s drinking beer after ‘musing us here
For so many years. Beer Beer.

Monday morning, there’s something fun just to yak about.
Cautiously trying the one month old veal
Causing his Abby to let out a squeal
He breaks down til purple Berocca and Jamiesons whiskey kick in
Lots of B-vitamins in those pink pills
Along with Sriracha; will cure most ills.

Bob (he gave us lots of good laughs)
Is drinking (some in bad taste but good laughs)
Beer (He does not know how they make it so cheap)
Bob’s drinking beer after ‘musing us here
For so many years. Beer Beer.

You nailed that one on the head,Peter :)

Well I'm glad at least one person saw it Harwich!

You honor me, SDU.




we've all seen it now, sdu.


Superb all around. Put this entire comment section in the Soxaholix HoF.

oops sorry - just double posted into tomorrow. It's the date-line and the shiraz.

BTW, Professional Hitter, your "Fool in Left Field" is great. Just saying.

The comments to this entry are closed.

The Soxaholix eBook Spinoff

The captivating and long awaited Soxaholix eBook spinoff is finally available!

There's No Crying in Pocket Pool


Purchase at Amazon.


Logo t-shirts now available, several colors, even pink.

'Soxaholix logo t-shirt