You say you want some evolution...

Bill:
Christ, I had a "the Red Sox are ruining my summah!" screed all shrink-wrapped and ready to go and what do they do but go out and actually manage to win a game.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, but of course, with the implosion of the 4-run lead and the nail bitah 9th, I'm guessing you won't need to worry about the expiration date on your package of screed.

 

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Bill:
Meanwhile, congrats to Pedroia and his wife on the birth of their first child, a son.

 

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Doug:
Yeah. The gene for premature male pattern baldness has been selected for anothah generation. They should have named the kid Darwin instead of Dylan.

 

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Bill:
You know Ted Williams first kid was born in Minnesota while he was snook fishing in the Everglades.

 

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Doug:
I bet he didn't attend birthing class eithah. What a prick.

 

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Bill:
Seriously, I'm so glad we've evolved and otherwise been brow beaten by modern culture to become such sensitive and caring men.

 

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Doug:
Absolutely. I mean guys like Williams would be off fucking around flying fightah jets in a war and shit instead of being there to say, "Honey, push, honey, push!"

 

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Bill:
What a degenerate sorry ass generation of men.

 

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Comments

[da kine]

With my first-born due to arrive in 2.5-3 months, I'm scared shitless of seeing a kid covered in goo emerging from my wife's vajajay, so I don't know what to think about this.

[Harwich Rich]

I delivered one of my kids on the Mid-Cape highway :D

[soxfanindan]

I think Halliday is pitching tonight. Romero pitched last night. Don't watch the games?

[madraider]

Scary, I checked this blog first before bouncing over to the Official Red Sox site to find out about the game... Funny they still have a features article from Ian Browne from April third entitled "Pitching, Offense Sox's Calling Cards." Seems like to me they need to hit up a 7-11 for one of those calling cards that includes Mexico, Pakistan, India, eastern Sub-Saharan Africa so they can find their pitching and offense; yes I know they scored 10 runs last night but gosh a broken watch is right twice a day. Besides I've already chalked tonight's game up as a loss.

[Bob]

Last night was liking watch Healthcliff Slocum pitch for nine innings.

[Bob]

(ing)

[yazbread]

How come Mrs. Pedroia draws a bye on this one? Years ago women would birth the kid in the field and then finish the harvest. Provided the shift wasn't on, she could have had all of short right and Dustin could have watched from second.

[h.b.]

Hah. No didn't watch the game. If you read the Wall Street Journal profile on the strip you'd know that I miss lots of games. Intentionally. Usually works out, but in this case: FAIL.

I'll remove the Halladay bit.

[Chops]

Good ambiguity in the last panel, HB: it's not clear which generation Bill is talking about. Nor should it be.

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

So, Dustin, what'd you do when you got home from the playoffs last year?

[ponch in jerz]

da kine: sit up next to her head, don't look below the sheet.
.
of course if she has a c-section, it's kind of fascinating to watch them stack up your wife's intestines before they yank the dude out like someone starting an outboard motor.
.
Either way, congrats. And a win's a win, ugly or pretty.

[Kaz]

Snook fishing? What a pussified example of a man. Why, his grandfather would have been out screwing his harem or raping a whore...all the way back to cavemen clubbing whomever they pleased over the head and having their way with them to increase the tribe size!

Man, we men have really been getting in touch with our emotions for far too long. We've even got guys who hide behind pseudonyms to express how they really feel in cartoon form about a baseball team! Fat lot of good that does us on the chest-thumping scale!

I chide because I love, h.b.

Damn, I'm such a pussy.

[Jeff in NC]

Big laughter here today. I was all set with my first to be across the street at the bar having a cigar. Then I was given different orders..

Child 1 - After driving through snow trying to get back to NH hospital whilst freinds on the phone yelled at me that I'd be late for the birth (I WAS AT WORK), getting lost in Chelsea due to my panic - a C section. I stayed up above the sheet. No need to see that. But the docs lifting the boy up high so he could pee all over everyone within the the golden arc will not be forgotten.

Child 2 - Full view, salad tongs, the whole enchilada (not so much of a taco at that point).

Child 3 - Drafted by the nurses to help spread em wide and get the stuck child out. Holy, holy, holy shit.

The bar and cigar had to take a back seat to the modern generation's version of my role in the process.

Then my brother has his first 3 days ago and I get to hear about his loving attentiveness all while he really wanted to be out side smoking a J - as did his wife, but she was rather occupied.

Good times, good times.

But if we're ever going to have another Teddy Ballgame, something has got to change in this scenario.

[h.b.]

Well done, Kaz.

I have been amused by recent articles about how women secretly love the Don Draper character from Mad Men.

Of course, they do. Thousands of years of evolution makes it so.

[Colin]

Ah to be around men and women of parental experience. I'm sure some of you remember the days where you fretted getting your gf preggers or not. Lord knows I'm in that phase right now.

[louclinton]

in re: spawn.

I have 2.

They are men, now.

Best thing I ever did.

go sawkx

[Natalie]

Um, women not so secretly love Don Draper because it's Jon Hamm and he is SMOKINGLY HOT. And yeah, the character is cocky and masculine and old school male. We all want to do unspeakable things to him. However, be married to him and raise kids with him? That's a very different question. I would think, evolutionarily speaking, with the increasingly prolonged adolescence of human children and the survivability of children such that we don't to have many to get a keeper, it would mean that we women would evolve away from wanting the alpha male 'king of the jungle' to a more beta male who will help raise said children. But what do I know? I'm single and tend to go for alpha male assholes. :)

I actually read an article which suggested that women who want children are actually better off going after a dorky guy because theoretically he has had fewer occasions to spend his sperm. It's not hard to get a "hand"le on the flaws in that theory, though. :)

[Jeff in NC]

heh - she said "hard"

[h.b.]

Seems to me that ideally a woman would want a beta male to raise the children, pay the bills, and do what he's told, and then an alpha for sex and adventure.

And most beta males would go along with this. See it all the time. That's why they are betas. Suckers.

[COD]

Damn, I'm afraid Natalie's comment might explain how I ended up with such a hot wife ;)

Married eighteen years today.

[Kaz]

I'm a beta who thinks he's an alpha. It's fun for me, but it doesn't seem to impress the chicks at all for some reason.

[Natalie]

Congrats, COD! Today is my parents' anniversary too. They were married a very happy 30 years, wishing you and your wife the same and more.

[Jeff in NC]

Suckers? hmmm, I suppose. But if said Beta male is involved in the Alpha male daliances of the female, hasn't he pretty well worked out getting the hot wife, getting the kids who'll give him a place to live when he is 80, AND secured the much sought after and dreamed about since adolescence bedroom three-some? that's assuming of course he's not just a cuckold.

No personal experience here, but one can always dream.

[yazbread]

Two kids. My little softball player/swimmer goes off to college tomorrow and we will return home to an empty nest. Wife and daughter both hope dad keeps his tears to a minimum. It's probably not going to happen.

[Devine]

Eh. I like being a beta. And being the sensitive type who will be there when the kids are born. I'm alpha where it counts anyway (i.e. I'm great in the sac(k)).

[sonomasox]

I've been waiting for the dirty side of child birth to trump a RS win here - nice work all!

Played Gary Allison for both son 1 and son 2...actually was instructed by the doc to grab son 1 by the arm pits and pull him out - pretty amazing. son 2 had the cord around his neck but the doc pulled some crazy ninja move and he was fine before I could panic - equally amazing.

son 1 starts pre-school monday - mom will shed tears, I plan on drinking.

[COD]

My wife had scheduled C-sections for both of ours. Nice and low stress...for me anyway. I was in the room but up by her head for the procedures - so I saw nothing, and I'm quite happy with it that way. Son is eligible for his drivers permit next month. Daughter is 13 and her future (hopefully far, far future) boyfriends will need to deal with the fact that her horse will always be the #1 boy in her life. I'm hoping that limits the dating pool to just about nobody.

[Bob]

Is L.C. alpha but beta-able?

[Kaz]

Her horse, you say? Odd, COD. I would have thought that was illegal in your state.

I keed, I keed.

[COD]

As I typed that I thought to myself that somebody was going to go there. I was expecting Bob or LC though!

[Kaz]

The BIG question:

Will Hurricane Bill affect Bob's Saturday tickets or my Sunday tickets or both or neither?

[soxdownunder]

Bloody kids.

[Nolasox]

sdu - I took that literally and had to laugh especially given da kine's trepidation.

Kaz, welcome to the nhc.noaa.gov watcher's club. Y'all should be on the dry side based on the current track but as we know from
she-who-shall-not-be-named that shit can change pretty quickly.

[Larry Here]

Late posting AS USUAL, but felt the need to mention that my daughter, who will be my only child (got snipped a few months ago), and who will be 2 at the end of November, is the best kid ever. I graduated from Newton South in '76, so figure that one out. I was there for the delivery, which my wife completed without the benefit of ANY drugs at all. My beta-ness was solidified as I watched in awe.

AND, the Sox are up 2-0 as I type.