Nursery schooled

Al:
Wow, the offense has awoken!

 

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Doug:
Gotta like what we're seeing in general.

 

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Mike:
Seriously. The Sox had three majah issues that were behind the skid. 1) Lack of a numbah 3 guy. 2) Weak defense on the left side. 3) No depth to spare the veterans.

 

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Mike:
So Buchholz steps up and they bring in Kotchman, Martinez and Gonzalez and all of a sudden the bleeding has been controlled.

 

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Doug:
I haven't felt this tingly good since I had a wide-mouthed snook at the end of my rod.

 

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Al:
Fishing in the Everglades?

 

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Doug:
No, a back alley at Hampton Beach.

 

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Mike:
And by Hampton, Doug really means to say Ogunquit.

 

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Al:
Hah. Speaking of dicks, you seen this latest from or ol' friend Murray Chass?

"There was a general manager who lived in a shoe he suddenly had so many holes to fill he didn’t know what to do."

 

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Mike:
Gotta hand it to Murray, he does know how to dish some Red Sox hate. Using all those nursery rhymes is pretty funny.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, well, here's one right back at him:

Hickory dickory dock, / Chass lubed his half inch cock, / He got it to one, / But 'Whoops!' Murray was done / Emasculatory, Dinky Cock!

 

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Comments

[Harwich Rich]

Murray Chass-what a tool :O

[Natalie]

Perfect article for the FJM guys to tackle in Sept when they take over Deadspin for the day. I loathe Murray Chass.

[Matt of CT]

Murray-bloggers-are-the-scum-of-the-earth-...-what-I'm-fired-ok-I'll-start-a-blog-Chass

eff him.

[ParkerStPete]

The highlight of last night's game for me was Gonzo's grab of the grounder deflected off Lowell's mitt. Gnarly but glovable.

[louclinton]

Talk about a team that's quit. I'm looking at you Jayzzzz. My favorite was the airmailed throw from left field to try to double of the runner at first.

That lineup looked pretty sweet to me. September and October beckon.

love you...

lc

[Colin]

Yankees are the true test. We've got Penny/Tazawa/Becks vs. Pettitte/AJ and CC (I forgot which one is second and third). Let's pray this offense stays alive this weekend.

[Bob]

Once, as a ten-year-old, I aimed a pellet gun at a bird on a telephone wire.

I cried when I hit it and it fell off.

I buried it, feeling bad.

Screw the Skankees.

[Kaz]

Little Murray Chass
what a stupid ass

He woke up one day
with a point on his head
He was heard to say
I like to wank it lying in bed

Little Murray Chass
what a stupid ass

[h.b.]

Right on, Kaz. I was hoping readers were offer their own twisted nursery rhymes for Murray.

[Bob]

Hey! WTF? My comment was a play on Theo Spark's nursery rhymes, and I get nothing?

Eh, no matter. I have my absinthe and my phone on vibrate.

[h.b.]

Sorry, Bob, I missed what you were trying to achieve there. If you're here all week, maybe a do over (after you try the veal)?

[vasoxfan]

Bob,
I liked the rhythm but poetry I think not.
:)

[Kaz]

I wonder if after every blog entry that he puts online, Murray flogs himself like Paul Bettany as Silas in The Da Vinci Code.

I bet he likes it.

[Bob]

Vaso, poetry IS rhythm (or so Abby tells me).

Heh! Veal.

[Jeff in NC]

Got young kids going back to school next week, including a Kindergardner (sp?), so I'm going to bring the poetry down to the basics of 5 yr old school yard rhymes which should fit Chass perfectly...

Murray Chass picks his ass
Murray Chass picks his ass
Murray Chass picks his ass,
now everyone.. MURRAY CHASS PICKS HIS ASS

[louclinton]

Bob gives us the big re-veal

[ponch in jerz]

Keeping it old (as in grade) school for our reluctant blogger Mr. Chass, here's one from the (Madison Square) Garden:
dunt-dunt-dunt da da
dunt-dunt-dunt da da
dunt-dunt-dunt da da
duntduntdunt - MURRAY SUCKS!

[Harwich Rich]

Instead of burying that bird,Bob,I would have figured you would cook it.

[h.b.]

Murray had a little blog its Google rank quite low / And every time that Murray wrote, the blog just lost more dough

[vasoxfan]

Bob,
Well I judge a poem by its lyrics. Hence I judge h.b.'s poem above the excellent meter of yours. Notwithstanding Abby's obvious bias:) I mean she married you right?

[Kaz]

Murray, Murray, quite contrury,
How does our contempt grow?
You write a blog like a yapping dog
Oh, and Yankees Suck, bitch.

[h.b.]

Hush a bye Murray, on Jeter's bum,
When A-Rod bats it stiffens your cock,
When the Sox won it hurts to recall,
And down then comes Murray, fudge pack and all

[Jeff in NC]

Murrya, Murray quite contrary,
How does your blogging go?
My mental masturbation spews recycled ryhmes, I actually believe I should have my own show

[Jeff in NC]

OK - Kaz, no fair thinking the same rhyme while I was thinking the same rhyme but getting pulled away from the computer.

But I guess the recycled rhyme part fits now more than ever.

[Kaz Dice Clay]

Murray had a little lamb
He kept it in his yard
When he took his panties off
Its little dick got hard

Ba-ZOOM!

Little Murray blew...
HE NEEDED THE MONEY! OOOH!

[Jeff in NC]

Murray was a little man, little man, little man,
Murray was a little man whose cock never did grow.

Everywhere that Murray went, Murray went, Murray went,
Everywhere that Murray went the girls all giggles at.. you know.

[Bob]

L.C., L.C. quite con-surly,
how does your garden grow?

With Saturn balls
and cocky posts

And lovable comments in a row.

Pattycake, pattycake, Vasoxfan,

Post me a comment as fast as you can.

Write it, spin it, mark it with glee,

Put it in the Soxaholix comment section for Abby and me.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Brachen,
His name is my name, too! (or is it?)
Whenever we go out,
The people always shout
There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Brachen!

[Jeff in NC]

Little Murray Horner sat in a corner, a thumb each in his mouth and his ass, he pulled each one out, switched them about, and said "Man, I love the taste of my own Chass"

[Kaz Dice Clay]

Murray, Murray, Jeter dick eater
Loved to sit on Clemens' peter
He wrote a blog about it all
While waiting for A-Rod to call

[Bob]

Oh, and for Harwich:

Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of srirachi,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked on a hibachi.
When the grill was opened, the birds began to scream,
"Holy shit, we're too badly burned to sing.

[Matt of CT]

I know this is like saying "water is wet" but, the goddamn new york post is a piece of shit.

[Kaz Dice Clay]

Wee Murray's "winkie", too small to be found
So he has his tweezers in his nightgown
Listening to Waldman, pulling at his cock
Will he cry himself to bed when the Sox win at 10 o'clock?

[Jeff in NC]

Nice link Matt. Funny, not a single mention of all the gangland attrocites perpetrated by fuckfaces wearing NY caps in all of their glorious "I'm a bad motherfucker 'cause I gots me a wrong color Yankees hat with a tag still on it" style

[Jeff in NC]

Murray and Jeter went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter, Murray came down with 2.50.

- Jeff Dice Clay

[sonomasox]

Murray Chase sat on his ass
Down in his mom's basement eating some ham
Along came Hank Jr who went down upon him
Only to find that Chase really has a bearded clam.

[Bob]

Matt, the Post is sooo screwy. Here's a response:

Skankees Cap Robber 1

Skankees Cap Robber 2

Skankees Cap Robber 3

Shite, of you google, "Yankee cap robber," there are 76,300 hits. (Hopfeully far less than they'll get this weekend.)

[Bob]

I guess I meant "far more."

I don't know. My allergies are killing me, and pieces of lung and nasal passage are shooting out of my nose and mouth.

[Jason O.]

To the tune of: "When Johnny Comes Marching Home"

Smells of piss
in ev'ry hall
The Fens! The Fens!

Tommy and Sully
want to brawl
The Fens! The Fens!

The Yanks are in
their own class,
Need-les in
Ortiz's ass

At Fen-way Pa-rk:
"Wait 'till next year"

la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
The Fens! The Fens!

(repeat as needed)

[Jeff in NC]

So Chirs Duncan got released.

So Lugo was in fact worth nothing.

[Bob]

Giambi and Clemens and A-Rod

Steriods! Steroids!

Kevin Brown, David Justice, Andy Pettite

Steroids! Steroids!

The dirtiest team in baseball,
has the balls to call us out,

But Gary Sheffield and Mike Stanton would assuredly agree,

When it comes to the Skankee clubhouse, those players don't want to pee.

[Jeff in NC]

To the tune of: " Hey Yankees Fans, Suck My Dick"

Hey Yankees fans
Suck my dick

(no need to repeat, they are already in line)

[louclinton]

There once was a lady named Hunt
Who, aw never mind

[ponch in jerz]

Has anyone else noticed how hard the Yankees worked to make sure Joba had this weekend off, since the Sox don't seem to find him quite so invincible? I would love to see his tubbyness out there against the Sox in a playoff game. LOVE TO.

[Kaz Dice Clay]

Yes, ponch, just as much as I noticed we *didn't* work hard enough to give the Yankees our 1-2-3 unstoppable trio and are giving them our 4-5-1 starters instead. :(

[Kaz Dice Clay]

Feel free to caption this picture:

Sad Yankees fans are sad.

[Bob]

Kaz, how about:

"Mr. Criscohair's eulogy concluded with, 'Our basement will never feel full again.'"

[Bob]

Mo Goldchainer, whose had his name legally chained to "Yo" (includng the quote marks), is surviveved by his father Bri, mother Henrietta Pussycat, and brother "Get the f off me m-fo" Goldchainer, all of Staten Island.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that a donation be made to the Money For Gold infomercial.

[Jason O.]

Red Sox fan wants me to blow him...I'm betting he likes the bottom like his fucking boy YYOOOOUUUKKK:

http://tinyurl.com/nyv3ts

[Kaz Dice Clay]

You want to compare pics from 2009, J.O.?

When you see it, you'll shit bricks

[Bob]

Come on J.O., I thought you were better than a common troll.

[h.b.]

Looks like the pressure is getting to J.O.

And what a lot of pressure it is. Still oh-fer-this Century and everything to prove.

But chin up, Jason, maybe we'll meet in the playoffs and we go up 3-0 and then you come back to beat us and finally get that monkey off your back.

Speaking of monkeys, how is Johnny Damon doing?

[Bob]

I'm splitting early (as nearly all the bosses have already done).

Have a great weekend all. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday.

[Colin]

I remember the "Over There" theme with a Yankees resurgence once. When was that? Was it 2007 when the Red Sox won the WS or was it 2008 when they missed the playoffs entirely? Hmmmmmm.......

[Jeff in NC]

Hey JO, after blowing me, remember who did the blowing and who.. nevermind.

If you are going to post anti RS sentiments here, you should probably expect a little pushback. Don't pay too much attention to my dick suck tune though. it was a simple pedestrian quality comeback to your more original play in the rhyming game (which, by the way did not have anything to do with Murray).

and while i may be relatively new to this site, I think i have at least a little bit of a voice that hasn't been shat upon by others and if the best you can do is refer to my post as coming from some generic red sox fan, then I've not much use for you or your thoughts either. sure would prefer to play nice, but I don't need to. maybe this is just one of the yankees/redsox incompatibilities? Am I taking this too personal? being too sensitive? Did I just charge the mound like a hot head? Maybe you are right, maybe Youk is my kind of guy. No problem with that at all.

[Kaz Dice Clay]

Jeff, just a heads-up:

J.O. pre-dates your time here. :)

However, he's often a bit more witty and learned when it comes to his Yankee-dom and recognizes that it's not a Yankee fan blog, and so he's been lovingly adopted into the fold here.

[Kev]

With the direction the storms are heading, we might get a complete game from Penny tonight (5 innings).

[Larry Here]

HAven't read any comments yet, so nothing to say about it. Just wanted to tell hb that I feel like a rockstar. Dude, you used the snook fishing link I posted! I'm relevant! Now... on to today's conversation.... I love this late posting shit...

[Jeff in NC]

Kaz - Appreciate your comment. Well aware of the tenure and seniority involved and I respect what that means and the leeway that provides the veterans and the rookies. And I agree, JO is usually more witty and provocative in a good way - as I did not think twice about playing on his "tune".

I threw the BS flag when his post trivialized me as a nobody - directly calling me out would have made me laugh - good tet-a-tet stuff. Just charging the mound to make the point. Hopefully done in Youk style and not Offerman style. Done is done.

JO - Pleasetameechu.. Can't really put the toothapaste back in the tube at this point... do over?

Go Redsox.

[soxdownunder]

Seniority is bullshit. Go for it Geoff.

sdu

[soxdownunder]

Oops Jeff

I got nothing but lets win some games against the Yankees.

[paddy24]

What the hell has gotten into Francona? Someone must have whapped him upside the head with some common sense. Last night, for the first time in about five years he actually submitted a lineup that looked like some coherent thought went into it. And now, one day later, he does it again! The must be a God! It's a miracle! Terry Francona has finally gotten his head out of his ass, perhaps in time to salvage the 2009 Red Sox season!

[sonomasox]

paddy - Penny is itching - all the bats in world can't help him

[sonomasox]

itching...pitching whatever.

Go Sox!

[soxdownunder]

//Someone must have whapped him upside the head with some common sense//

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1348088/fishermans_friend_its_invigorating/ "> Or this happened

[Jeff in NC]

SDU - I do believe the fisherman's freind is exactly what happened. Penny needs that to his nads. Then he would not able to make his next start. then maybe a chance of a win.

[soxdownunder]

Penny needs something, god knows. Sexy fish whap to the gonads may be it. I can't watch it any more. Saturday down under ruined.

[Kaz]

Penny and Bowden sitting in a tree
S-U-C-K-I-N-G
First comes 8 runs
Then comes 7 more
Then comes Jeter through A-Rod's back door

[pinstripe thunder]

There's a kind of hush all over the world tonight...

Peter Noone

Make that two common trolls.

Love ya.

[madraider]

What in the holy hell was that? Gosh I don't feel so bad I had to toil, smile and be friendly to people who in general drive me up the wall. Somebody stick a fork in the piggy er Penny, he's done, and why did it take Ben Kingsley's stunt double 6 innings to figure out neither Penny nor Bowden had anything to offer tonight?

[h.b.]

Update: There is a Saturday post, from Marty.

[pinstripe thunder]

And a pitch perfect one at that. The repetition makes it. Think I'll use the wambulance line... twice.

Better luck today (not really).

PT

[pinstripe thunder]

And a pitch perfect one at that. The repetition makes it. Think I'll use the wambulance line... twice.

Better luck today (not really).

PT

[soxdownunder]

I can't post on the page - it says it needs a type pad account. Help?