Panic on the streets of Framingham

Doug:
Ah, I don't know how to break it to you guys, but the ship known as "My Happy Red Sox Summah" has been hijacked by Somali pirates.

 

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Mike:
Oh, and I'm shocked, shocked to hear that Matsuzaka has ahm fatigue.

 

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Al:
OMFG I can't take these unforeseen turn of events.

 

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Al:
I mean what's next? Is someone going to tell me that the Jonas Brothahs are gay? Or that Miley Cyrus has an Electra Complex?

 

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Mike:
Seriously, it's not like like Matsuzaka threw x-factorial pitches during the WBC or anything.

 

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Doug:
So much for my previous friggin haiku, it's time for a revision:

Spring Cherry Blossom,
Seared by industrial rain —
Bare tree in summah.

 

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Mike:
I'm not "pushing" the panic button, so much as jamming my entiah fist into that bitch.

 

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Al:
Look out Nationals, the Red Sox are coming for you!

 

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Al:
That "worst record in MLB" is ours for the taking.

 

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Comments

[Bob]

//I'm not "pushing" the panic button, so much as jamming my entiah fist into that bitch.//

Best line of this early season, H.B.

Don't want to talk about last night's (I mean this morning's) game. Ug. So, let's talk Jonas Brothers. What's the deal with that? I mean why do girls or gays even like them? They're fugly m-fers, and their music isn't boy-bandish so much as bad '70's hair-band rock.

Discuss amongst yourselves while I give Papi a wrist and brain massage.

[COD]

On the bright side, we did get 10 innings of shutout ball from the bullpen yesterday.

[granular_serene]

ok - panic it is. my fantasy team is in 5th place out of 10 and it's the bright spot of my baseball season thusfar...

[Go Sox. Go Heels. Yankees Suck. Dook Sucks.]

Don't worry, we're getting Julio Lugo back soon! There's a light at the end of the Shawshank-style sewage pipe that we find ourselves in...

Oh, wait, that's not a light, it's a giant glowing turd!!! AAAAAAHHHHH, there is no hope, game over, man.

[Kaz]

It's the fugly away uniforms. I swear to you they have drained the color out of the players' attitudes. You can see it.

[Harwich Rich]

B's-Montreal tomorrow night :)

[buckner was framed]

On to happier thoughts.... I have Bruins playoff tickets to the 2nd and 3rd rounds if anyone here is interested. Good seats- Loge section 4. Opponent and dates TBA, obviously, but either home game 2 or 4 for round 2 or games 1 or 3 for semifinals are available at face value. If interested, email me. [email protected]

thanks, hb

[birthofasoxfan97]

I'm sort of watching all this in sick fascination. We need to find a pitcher named Bainbridge, stat.

[Primitive Screwhead]

Nice Morrisey reference.

Hang the Dice-K?

I'm not happy about this start but I'm not at panic level yet.

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

Saw the Jonas Brothers perform for the first time when they were on SNL and they looked completely and utterly manufactured. Absolutely contrived and calculated. But, I suppose if you're a 14-year-old, you don't have enough music knowledge to know any better. So, I blame parents.

[Scott]

Matt Holiday has looked pretty good wouldn't you say? He doesn't look like a AAA player like some labeled him here! Why couldn't the Sox have traded Buchholz, Elsbury and a bag of nails for him like the A's did. Oh yeah now I remember the stinking front office pissed of the Rockies a few years back and they won't deal with them any more. Nice move because I see him replacing Johnny Demon as soon as he is let go by the A's. They won't outbid the Yankees anymore (See Texira, Mark). Lester's demise is no surprise. He pitched more innings than he ever had in his life last season. They should have seen that coming and asked Dice-K to sit out the WBC. Not good times at all.

[ponch]

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." -Thomas Aquinas

I'm trying to hold to this line of thought, bu at the same time I'm concerned that I'll be driving up from the Dirty Jerz in July to watch the Sox lose to the Royals. More wins, please.

[sonomasox]

fuck, fuck, fuckitidy, fuck.

5 1/2 hours freezing my ass off to watch Papi dump a dead goose into shallow right w/ bases loaded. FUCK!

And that douchebag of a 1B ump missed the call - out by a half a step. fuck...

[yazbread]

I am beginning to think I might go to my grave without a third WS victory.

[someone]

listened to the whole thing. at least i wasn't there ss

[sonomasox]

someone -
not sure what's more asinine, sitting through it or listening...both painful

[Devine]

Awful game. At least the bullpen ruled except Lopez (who is this a surprise to?).

Can we PLEASE get a goddamn hit with runners on base? I'm looking hardest at Lowell and Papi here for their bases-loaded pop-ups (though at least Lowell had some meaningful hits in the game).

[Jeff in NC]

Started watching the game while wife was watching something else. She says "Are we losing?" I said "Not yet, but give it time. We are still in the top of the 1st". By the time Emperor WTF-san is done, I'm thinking Maybe we could come back and tie this thing, go to extra innings and then even if we lose at least it took more than 9 to get there. What a fucking joke that this is how I have to find improvement in the team - it took more than 9 to lose.

And when Youk fell off the first base bag and got tagged by that incredible shit bag of a first baseman Giambi, I thought I was watching my son's T Ball team. It was the perfect representation of this season so far.

[RedStripe Nan]

Dice-K going on the 15 day DL. Thank Gawd.

[Victor Conte]

Bring in Barry

[someone]

Thomas Aquinas couldn't handle a fast ball.

Dice-K in DL. Good, he's not helping on the field.

Thanks, Bud

[w8r]

"will life ever be sane again".."i wonder to myself"

[Bob]

Look on the bright side of things: Wang is pitching worse than Dice-K by a factor of four. Or something like that. Dr. Kaz?

[JPN]

officer, take their shoelaces and belts, please...

[Bob]

Shit!

Oh well, guess we talk (and breathe) again anyway.

Love me some Wake.

[Steve in MD]

I hope you're at this one Sanomasox...

[yazbread]

Put this one in the win column. Who was it that was ready to pack Wake off?

[sonomasox]

Wake for president!

No - not at this one...that ball and chain called a job kept me away.

Twice now I've suffered through two straight losses only to miss the 3rd game which ends up being a near gem (Schill's one hitter was a noon, Wednesday start also)

[da kine]

Timmuh.

[Steve in MD]

Sanomasox, hang in there. While I was on The Farm, the Sox lost something like nine straight games that we attended to the A's. But during our last game out there Dewey hit a grand slam off Eck in the 10th to finally win one - and it was worth the wait.