Grapefruit Time

Tara:
The surest harbinger of Spring is Tim Wakefield taking the mound in the Grapefruit League.

 

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Tara:
I mean how cool is it that Wakes has been with the team since forever?

 

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Susan/Circle:
Seriously, Tim Wakefield is our constant as we traverse time and space.

 

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Tara:
So are you ready for Josh Bard Human Seive The Sequel?

 

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Susan/Circle:
Yeah, they think they've figured out Bard's issue with catching the knucklah — turns out dude's got some long ahms.

 

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Susan/Circle:
So they needed to reframe his stance.

 

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Tara:
Ah, yes, the age old axiom is proven again — size matters.

 

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Susan/Circle:
And as I always say, if you don't like it, you should put a ring on it *. Wha-oh-oh-oh.

*[NSFW!]

 

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Comments

[Bob]

Man, that guy shaved himself bald.

From my (limited) days in the porn biz, they always instructed "actors" to leave a little bit of hair.

They called it the "halo."

[Bob]

BTW, H.B., your Archive link hasn't been working recently.

[louclinton]

Richard Alpert has nothing on Timmi

[Kev]

Bob, I've noticed the same thing with the Archive. Refreshing that page usually brings up the list of dates.

[Rob in CT]

I was glad to see a new post today to turn attention from yesterday's discussion on farm animals. Then I see the set up coming in the last few frames and the final payoff.

Goat f---ing to c-ck rings. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... SDU, I blame you for all of this. :-)

[buckner was framed]

see Bob? That's why your porn days were limited... too much Rogaine on your nethers

[Bob]

SDU defended a goat-f#%&er back in the early '90s. He was only charged with bestiality, but it turns out he was feeding prostitutes' remains to the goats.

Then he'd cook and feed the goats to police detectives on the case.

[da kine]

'Lost' has gotten so shitty and unwatchable lately that is is nigh sacrilege to compare it to the sox.

[Bob]

Buck, porn is such a nasty biz. I had a limited career because:

A) It's nasty and horrible and writing scripts for porn films is the equivalent of writing ads for used tampons, and

B) During my one "performance" on screen (a gift from a director), I felt like a butter knife in an empty mayonaise jar.

[Matt of CT]

Was Nancy Pelosi wearing a snuggie during the Presidential Address last night?

[Bob]

No, but she was accompanied by Vince, and was temporarily held by Capital police for trying to carry a Slap Chop into chambers.

[Harwich Rich]

Would that be Marilyn Chambers?

[h.b.]

I'm liking Lost again after having given up on it last season. I ended up never seeing the the final 4 episodes last year.

But I'm enjoying this season quite a bit. Things are starting to fall into place.

[Bob]

Well, Harwich, she does open up like a butterfly for easy cleaning.

[buckner was framed]

felt like a butter knife in an empty mayonaise jar.
I need a new (coffee-free)monitor

[Kaz]

Butter knife in an empty mayo jar? Is that like:

A hotdog in a hallway.

The last toothpick in the container.

A fifty-cent daisy in a fifty-dollar vase.

A putter in an empty golf bag.

[COD]

I agree with H.B - Lost has been quite enjoyable this season so far.

[Rob in CT]

Actually, during Bob's short stint in porn, his co-star was complaining about his small "organ".

Bob's retort? "I didn't know I was going to be playing in a cathedral..."

um, try the veal? tip your waitress?

[Jason O.]

Good to see a new strip hb, hopefully this new captain was more Crowe's Jack Aubrey than Howard's William Bligh.

This site still sucks.

[Jeff in NC]

so, back to baseball... Does Bard the human sieve (ha! great line) really need one more long (cockring induced) appendage getting in the way of his movement and ability to catch the wake-ball?

Bard to Coaches - "OK, you want my stance to change to this to handle my long arms, but now what do I do with this swollen Johnson?"

Coaches to Bard - "Well Josh, maybe you could use it to throw down a whole new set of signs when there is a runner on 2nd"

Bard to Coaches - "Like what? Hold that jerkoff tight at 2nd?"

Coaches to Bard - "Exactly. You can be the first 6 tool player. and if you catch a batter checking out your new sign, beat his ass silly with that vacujak your using"

[Rob in CT]

Just looking at my Yahoo home page. How good it feels to see MLB scores appearing in the bottom right-hand corner of the page again!

(A-roid hit a dinger off Toronto's Ricky Romero (who?) in the 4th for a 4-1 lead.)

[Bob]

Bard could make it in porn. According to Sox coaches, his problems catching Wake are related to "long arms."

Oh, and Rob:

She tried my veal and sent it back.

Too small of a portion. Although it was well done.

[Bob]

//Short stint in porn//

I almost missed that. Heh.

[Rob in CT]

Bob - I almost put 'short stint' in quotes, then thought better of it.

As to your other post, I'm reminded of the old Henny Youngman joke about the waiter who approaches the customer and asks, "How did you find your veal?"

"Easy," came the reply. "I looked under the parsley..."

Circles back to your first post above, as well. A cautionary tale about trimming the parsley, perhaps?

(Careful which tip you're giving the waitress, ok boys?)

[h.b.]

Apropos the "butter knife in an empty mayo jar" did you hear that the Octomom has been offered $1mil to do a porno?

I shit you not.

[Bob]

Jeez, the actor better sign a "no child support release" beforehand.

Off to my buddy Bob Murphy's wake. At Murphy's Law in Southie.

[Natalie]

Actually, there's a chance Octomom is more like a squeeze bottle than an empty mayo jar. Crazy cow has had all C-sections and in-vitro. There has been nothing natural going on that could stretch anything other than the skin of her abdomen, which is probably really pretty right about now.

[soxdownunder]

http://boston.redsox.mlb.com/news/press_releases/press_release.jsp?ymd=20090223&content_id=3873096&vkey=pr_bos&fext=.jsp&c_id=bos "> W T F ?

That just throws all my planning right out the winda...

[SAC]

SDU - I am waking the house up laughing...

Yeah, this is why Larry gets paid the big bucks...genius! You can imagine the meeting....

[Natalie]

Can you imagine the amount of market research that went into that decision? I can.
Similarly, a ton of our clients have decided that in this difficult economic environment the thing they should do is "rebrand." The amount of new logos we are testing with consumers is hilarious. Yeah, slap a new color and photo library on your website, that'll bring those shoppers in!

[Bob]

SDU, this just means five more minutes Down Under.

And for all you dirty-minded people, that's a bar.

[Rob in CT]

SDU - Classic! Funny as ever.

What a marketing brain trust, eh? An extra five minutes of Slap Chop and ShamWow commercials before first pitch on NESN. Vince must be thrilled.

"Oh Magoo, you've done it again!"