City of Inferiorly Love

Al:
Jeez, that was ugly.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, I'm sure all the hatahs in Philly are feeling rathah pompous this morning.

 

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Doug:
You know it's one thing to hate on The Nation, but hitting Manny with the slandah is causa belli.

 

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Mike:
Uh, what do you expect. Manny is way too enigmatic for the low brows in Philly to fathom …

 

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Doug:
Seriously. We barely even understand The Man Man, and we're the most erudite fucking fans on the face of the planet.

 

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Mike:
And you know, all this criticism might have more of a sting if Philly's most celebrated sports stah of the past 50 years wasn't a fictional charactah. I mean, how friggin sad is that?

 

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Al:
"Yo, Adrienne? Adrienne? Where's my cheese steak?"

 

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Mike:
Yeah, you can really empathize with their Red Sox Nation envy. Philadelphia has always been an ugly, afterthought of a city perpetually in the shadow of New York — But at least they could think they were bettah than Boston as long as we toiled with the so-called Curse.

 

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Mike:
Now they've got nothing left but to dwell on the fact that none of their sports teams have won a championship in ovah 25 years.

 

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Doug:
Hey, but at least they can kick the shit out of Boy Scouts.

 

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Al:
That's right, Philly, keep on keepin it real.

 

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Comments

[therev]

As if Philly wasn't bad enough, know this:

Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States, according to a survey by Travel & Leisure magazine and CNN Headline News. The city of more than 1.5 million people was also found to be among the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly.

I am not smart enough to do a link, sorry! But here it is:
http://www.drudge.com/archive/99903/philadelphia-ugliest-people-us

[Bob]

What's up with sport "writers" these days?

First, being a Celtics' fan is akin to liking Hitler.

Now this Philly a-hole says Red Sox fans are the Axis of Evil.

You know what? I like it. Their words, after all, are the product of a green monster.

[Bob]

And this Philly commercial still cracks me up ("...you know, there's a lot, a lot of culture here...it's like a baby New York.")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANhofzv-n7c

[Scott]

I always used the term "lowest common denominator" when describing the average Iggles fan while I was there.

Philly is a very underrated city though. The city improved every year I lived there.

But there are more good looking girls in Denver. That's the truth.

Go Celts!

[Devine]

Soooo, Timlin would seem to be done, then. I was all for giving him a chance (it worked out last year), but we're almost halfway through the season and he's been putrid. Can we cut bait? Please? Or at least ALWAYS pitch him in low-leverage innings?

[Daubie]

Great story today in the WaPost about a former Sox. Check out the story on the triple on a BB:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/16/AR2008061602183.html?wpisrc=newsletter

[therev]

Re: Devine
I think the fork has officially been stuck into Timlin. That guy is done. He has proven that he is at best unreliable, at worst a time bomb waiting to blow the game open for the other squad. Sadly, it is time to say good bye. What would qualify as "low leverage innings"- where we are ahead by 10?

[Harwich Rich]

Let's not forget every Pat's fans favorite politician,Arlen Spector.

[LostInPA]

Another way in which the Phillies are losers (I know, like we need another way, it's kind of like pissing in the ocean): I'm in Philly week and thought that I would get tickets for one of the Sox games. To buy them through the Phillies you have to buy at least 4 games: Sox and three other totally craptacular games (but you can choose which three, gee thanks!). I imagine that's the only way they can (1) make money and (2) keep the stadium from being all Sox fans.

[chris]

re: LostInPA

the sox series in cincy over the weekend was the same way, and there's no way in hell i'm paying for 4 reds games. so i just drove down there (its only an hour and a half from columbus) with cash in hand and scalped 2 tix for $80 total. it was risky, but it paid off in the end.

[jfm]

One of Bostons finest comics Billy Burr does a hilarous ten minute rant on philadelphia. Its one of the funniest things I have ever heard. Apparently he was there with a traveling comedy show, and the first two comics in front of him were booed off by the crowd, so instead of doing his standup, he just lays into the crowd. What follows is funny as hell.

You tube video

On another note, I saw him at the punchline in Atl and not only was he hilarous, but I was walking out after the show he saw by bosox hoodie and we talked Sox for a couple of minutes. Really cool guy.

[RationalSoxFan]

It really is funny about the hatred. As long as the sox were losing, everyone loved them - sympathy and all. But now that they are good, and their fans are happy and having fun, there is no reason to like them any more. The team is really not much different, but the fans are everywhere.

I guess it would suck to have a team come to Fenway and fill half the park with their fans (like that could happen here).

[Philly]

Back off, Philly haters. First off, you're right: Philly sports suck. And you almost have to feel for the Phillies fans--while there's a brief bandwagon effect since this season is going well, generally the Phillies are an afterthought after the fuckin' Iggles and Flyers. And all their stadiums are in the middle of one enormous fucking parking lot.

But don't go beating up on the city until you've seen what it's like to live here. You can get a nice one bedroom in a safe neighborhood for $800 dollars a month, just blocks from the best restaurants and bars. Oh, yeah, and when you go to those bars (which are not all fucking douchemagnet national chains) many serve $2 Yuengling, and nicer beer is $4 a pint rather than $5 or $6.

Like beer? There's dozens of incredible craft breweries around Philly (more than just fuckin' Hahhhpooon) and ordinary corner bars all carry 'em. Philadelphia has more Belgian beer bars than anywhere in the world outside Belgium (7 and counting). And of course all those bars have amazing fries, mussels, and sausages.

Like food? Philadelphia has more Zagat's rated restaurants in just its Center City area than all of Boston and Cambridge combined. Reading Terminal Market is a working food market with 200 awesome places to eat and without a single chain. It makes Quincy Market look like the fucking plastic Disney tourist trap it is.

Like history? There are single blocks in Philadelphia that have more pre-1750 buildings than all of Boston. Take a walk around Boston and you realize that only a few remnants of the colonial city survive (most of the "old" buildings aside from the famous ones are 19th century) while in Philly there are entire neighborhoods that were largely built before 1800.

And there's wasn't just a few little protests and some guy riding a horse here and a few dinky battles. Come to Philadelphia to see the fucking room where the fucking founders fucking declared Inde-fucking-pendence. Oh yeah, and then they came back a decade later to write the first and oldest written constitution in the world, which (despite the best efforts of Bush/Cheney) still the supreme law of the land. And while that fat crybaby John Adams liked to hang around Boston, all the truly ballin' founders liked Philly better--Ben Franklin got the fuck outta Beantown as soon as he could.

Yeah, we've got crime (an appalling murder rate, although it appears to be dropping this year). Yeah, we've got urban blight (thousands of abandoned/demolished homes, mostly in North Philly and parts of South and West Philly). The reasons for this are complicated, but the main one is that Philadelphia was a place where people actually made things. It was packed with factories that have all closed and been left to rot as jobs fled to the union-free South and then overseas.

It's a real fucking city with real fucking problems. It's not just some sanitized playground designed for Amanda and Kyle to park their Jetta, buy a latte, and walk their Weimeraner. And while it has issues with race like any other American city, it's nowhere near as segregated as Boston.

Throughout the city, you can find stable neighborhoods where blacks and whites have lived together for decades (Spruce Hill and Cedar Park in West Philly; parts of Germantown, Mount Airy, and East Falls, much of South Philly). There's more black people in downtown offices and restaurants, because unlike Boston, Philly has a black middle class. Part of this has to do with the fact that Boston's so fucking racist that many black people with the financial means get the fuck outta town as soon as they can.

I left Boston four years ago to live here. I was paying five hundred a month to share a shitty apartment in Allston with three other people. I got a studio to myself for just fifty bucks more a month here, in a much prettier neighborhood with tree-lined streets and dozens of cafes and bookstores. Now I'm moving to Center City, where I'll pay $850 for a real one bed with an eat-in
kitchen and hardwood floors in a doorman building.

So keep telling yourself Boston's a better city. And keep paying those ridiculous prices to enjoy the urbanized suburb feel you love so much.

[Bob]

//So keep telling yourself Boston's a better city. And keep paying those ridiculous prices to enjoy the urbanized suburb feel you love so much.//

Thanks, Philly. I will.

I can afford it with the ridiculous Boston salary I make.

[therev]

Ahhhh, Philly. It seems like you got some shit you got to work out and maybe a counselor is a better route to go. Here we talk about baseball, not your repressed emotions and need to feel like you made a good choice in life by moving to a city that sucks at baseball. Remember we are about baseball.

[louclinton]

This philly shit is fuckin' tedious.

lc

[JoeStrummer]

Philly- I never comment here but your rant was one of the funniest things I have read here in years. And H.B. is a master. Thanks for the laughs. Enjoy the cheap rent and all those zagats rated restaurants you tool.

[Scott]

He's correct about the cost of living. I couldn't afford to live in Boston never mind Mass. anymore. I have no idea how my sister and husband get by. "Making it in Mass" is a very difficult task these days.

Or maybe I'm just a cheap bastard.

Monk's Cafe is an awesome place. I highly recommend it for anyone visiting "Baby NYC"

[h.b]

I enjoyed the rant quite a bit. And there were some good points.

Just the usual friendly reminder that the characters are archetypes and prone to the extreme. So Philly is going to take a beating as will pretty much every other city that isn't Boston.

It's part of the fun.

[Randolph]

You're all correct people. Boston is a great city with great sports teams. Philly is a great city with a shitty baseball team and whose other 'great' sports teams haven't brought home a banner in decades. Boston and Philly are apples and oranges. They are two very different cities, always have been and always will be. I've lived in both, and I'll take Boston - but that's just me.

But to the whole Boston is racist thing. Fuck off. I'm sick of this chorus based on a photo from 1974. It's true, but it's no more or less than any other northeast city. Of course, someone who just lived in Allston for a couple years (out of town student philly guy?) would never be able to see all the city has to offer and what the various neighborhoods and suburbs have to offer. We are actually more diverse than Philly - where race mostly boils down to black and white unlike the melange here. And, um, raise your hand if your police department helicopters have ever bombed a residential neighborhood.

[vermonter]

Beat me to it, h.b., I enjoyed the rant.

Nice work, Philly!

Too bad about the sports thing, though.

[louclinton]

I've been good,lately but don't make me deconstruct philly's horsehit. and don't encourage him.

fuckin zagat

[Ryan with a capital]

"fuckin zagat"

Well said. Couldn't have said it better.

[h.b]

When louclinton is "good," the world is a far less interesting place.

[vermonter]

just sayin'...

[William Penn]

Peace, folks. The real enemy is on the Hudson, not the Schuylkill.

[NYSoxfan]

Kobe Bryant is from Philly and he's a 'rabid' Yankees fan... go Celtics!

[NYSoxfan]

by the way, if I got struck out by Rudy Seanez in 2003 or later, I would retire immediately. One of the most arthritic Red Sox signings ever...

[Kaz]

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Harwich Rich r]

Gawd,I love THIS town :)

[soxdownunder]

As Kaz might say:
Go Green.

[ettubloge]

Celtics Day:

Last night’s game was a performance that you always hope for and never get. However, upon it finally happening, at least once in my life, it was both gratifying and embarrassing. Most of all, it was a culmination of the combined contributions of 12 men dedicated to coming as close as a human can come to giving 100%.

Without getting into the specific plays and memorable individual performances (OK just one---Ray Allen, I totally apologize for dubbing you “washed up” after your terrible performances in Atlanta and Cleveland. You are a true pro and a Man.), it all was explained by the following:

After the game, Bill Russell and Kevin Garnett hugged at halfcourt. Garnett looked at him like a son facing his Dad and, in tears, asked “Did we make you proud?”. The greatest Celtic told him, “Yes, you did”.

That explained the whole thing.

[Greg]

Keep acting like d-bags, "Entitled town." You are almost worst than Yanks fans late 90's. It's a shame, you have a great baseball team, but 60% of your fanbase are fairweather fans. I'd rather be misterable than be a fad.
In other words, "Go fuck yah-selves."