Gender neutral

Doug:
So if there's pink bats on Mother's Day to raise the issue of breast cancer awareness, how come there's no brown bats on Father's Day to remind people of the perils of prostate cancah?

 

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Al:
Ah, OK …

 

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Mike:
See, now that's why your relationships nevah last, Doug — instead of focusing on the breasts, you're always thinking about your asshole.

 

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Doug:
Hardee har har … laugh at your own peril. Prostate cancah is the leading cancah among men and the resulting death rates for me are consistently highah than those for women.

 

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Al:
All I know is I'm glad we just have one more game at the Metrodome. If I had to look at that monstrosity much longah, I'd get cancah of the eyeball.

 

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Comments

[jamesfrmmaine]

I realize wake just had a great start, but watching that game it felt cash was calling for waaay to many "fastballs". After the twins picked up on that it looked like a few of the singles were from guys sitting on it...

[Seamus]

I wrote this surprisingly prophetic piece of doggerel a few weeks back after one of Bryan Corey's rougher outings. Thought I'd share now that he has been shipped off to San Diego . . .

WHENEVER Brian Corey ran in from the 'pen,
We people in the stands looked down and groaned:
"He treats every hitter like a friend,
And by them is completely owned."

And he was always weakly arrayed,
And he was always human when he pitched;
But still he hung curve balls when he played,
And got slapped around like some pimp's bitch.

And he was lame — yes, lamer than some old horse,
And hittable, the opposite of an ace:
In fine, we thought it could be no worse
If we were out there in his place.

So on we watched, and waited for the light,
And went without wins, and knew who to blame;
And wished Theo, one calm summer night,
Would ship Corey out for a Player to Be Named.

[Colin]

Shame to hear about Corey, but he got a ring and should be happy with that. I just pray we don't make another bonehead move like with He-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named and just lost his closer spot b/c he's a massive amount of suck.

[louclinton]

The pink paraphernalia is fine with me. An admirable cause.

But it does create a bit of cognitive dissonance. Like Tavarez with a little pink ribbon sewn on his jersey. Just seems weird.

lc

[Bob]

H.B., I propose issuing all catchers a new glove for your "Father's Day Prostate Cancer" idea.

It would have an a-hole printed in the center, and the catchers would have to wear latex gloves while making their signs.

[yazbread]

Well, the ESPN announcers had their ususal cancer of the mouth last night. Calling Ellsbury 'Ellsworth' seems to be one of their more memorable gaffs.

[h.b]

Bob,

Now, see, that's why you work in advertising. Brilliant!

[RationalSoxFan]

HB,

Hilarious!

Any way we can get Coco Crisp to use a pink bat every day? That bat was magic for him!!!

[Kaz]

I know we all want to forget about MLB 2005, but they did have a Prostate Cancer Awareness program in all of the ballparks that Sunday:

All players will wear blue wristbands on Father's Day and the blue ribbon symbolizing prostate cancer awareness will be displayed on uniforms worn by all on-field personnel. The blue ribbon logo also will appear on the bases, on commemorative home plates and on the official dugout lineup cards. The game-used bases, team-autographed commemorative home plates and lineup cards from each ballpark will be auctioned off at a later date to raise additional funds for the PCF. A special PSA about the PCF will be broadcast in-stadium prior to each game played on Father's Day. In addition, fans will be able to receive informational brochures about prostate cancer awareness by visiting the guest services area at each ballpark.

[h.b]

Kaz,

Now that you mention that, it does ring a bell.

Damn short term memory loss!

[da kine]

I'm a dick, but why is stuff always going towards "awareness" rather than, I dunno, research? I am pretty sure everyone is aware of breast cancer by now. I illegally stole a British comedy show off the intartubes and it was raising money for "free speech awareness". ???

[louclinton]

//I'm a dick, but why is stuff always going towards "awareness" rather than, I dunno, research? //

I am going to go out on a limb and say you don't want Lugo or Pedrioa engaged in cancer research.

Awareness is what they bring to the table.

lc

[da kine]

Point well taken. I know some of the ladies up in here would let Quadzilla do some breast research. Hayoo! Don't forget to tip the waiter.

[jamesfrmmaine]

is this thing on?

[chris]

and try the veal!

[Bob]

Reminds me of this old commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ytMx7irm-c

[Steve in MD]

So long, Batshit! Happy trails...

[da kine]

Sip on the concrete for Hooligan.

If anyone hasn't heard the Big Show interview with him, I highly recommend you check this out. That guy had a rough life and made something of himself, so I really respect him and will miss him and his wildly pointing at the base to induce a throw from his fielder.

[Bob]

Roll the ball to first
Why risk a throw to that base?
Pointy ears say bye.