Patients inside the chamber will notice discomfort inside their ears

Susan/Circle:
So if Arroyo was said to have "balls the size of Saturn" then where does that leave Buchholz's nuts on the universal scale?

 

---

Mike:
Hello globular clustahs!

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Now to segue from macro to the micro, what the frig are we gonna do with JD Drew?

 

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Mike:
Dude, needs to adjust the mixcha on his hypahbaric chambah.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Maybe Drew's problem isn't too little oxygen but too much? … Dude should take up smoking or something I mean, couldn't hurt …

 

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Mike:
I just don't understand what Theo and his brain trust evah saw in this guy.

 

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Susan/Circle:
You know, it's one thing to take a gamble on a guy for a year, but 5 signing him half a friggin decade? Jeez.

 

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Mike:
If he doesn't turn it around, he'll be "Renteriahd" right outta town.

 

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Comments

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

I want to like JD Drew, but here's a sure way to get yourself a ticket out of beantown:

1) Get paid more than David Ortiz
2) Affect game outcomes less than David Ortiz
3) Be a humorless prick about it

Kevin Millar proved that you can be a .250 hitter and still endear yourself to the fans if you have a little humor and humility. Of course, he wasn't getting paid $14 mil a year, either.

Also, has anyone else seen Fitzy's campaign video?

http://townienews.blogspot.com/2007/08/video-very-special-message-from-paul.html

Sorry if this is old news...

[Bob]

"Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Missing Testicles."

Nancy and her two best friends, Theo and John Henry, are so excited! They have been invited to Deirdre's sleepover party! There will be pizza, cake, and even a pajama fashion show. But the most exciting thing is that the party has a balls theme. All of the guests are bringing their balls with them!

But then Nancy's balls -- Hollywood Heather -- go missing. Is her sleepover ruined? Or is there a detective in the room who can make sense of this mystery?

[vermonter]

Yup. It's hard to figure this JD Drew thing out. How was he so good before and so bad now OR how did Theo and friends make such a huge mistake OR how could they have been so desperate for an outfielder??

It's a very frustrating quiz.

Meanwhile...mad props to Coco, V-Tek, Buchholz, Paps, Ellsbury...

[h.b.]

As is quite often the case, Bob kicks ass. LOL funny.

[Vivo]

Is it too early in Drew's contract and in Ellsbury's career to sit one in favor of the other? Francona's assertion that he's gonna keep playing Drew notwithstanding, why can't the front office admit it made a mistake and move on? We've got games to win, and the kid looks great- so play him.

[Youk Rules]

I loved it last week when Drew had to leave the game after he fouled one off his foot.

First thought that came into my head: "Freddie Lynn." That guy would cut himself shaving and have to sit for two weeks.

[vermonter]

By the way, last night was win #85. That's pretty cool.

[louclinton]

Nancy. meh.

Caption for any Nancy Photo:

"I iz in mah chambah"

"Stealin all yurz dollahs"

lc

[Scott]

Coco was the difference last night. There hasn't been many seasons where the Sox can steal bases to get runners in scoring position. Got to love it.

[J.D. Drew]

Humorless?

What kind of animal do you never want to play cards with? A: A cheetah!

Ok, so I am humorless.

[yazbread]

Nancy swings at the first pitch in the 8th last night. Double play. Ugh. Ever hear of a sac fly, Nancy? Best case scenario - he is in danger of starting the playoffs on the bench yet ends up leading the team to the promised land a la DLowe in 2004. I can dream, can't I?

[jamesfrmmaine]

Hey I know I am late to the party(slumber) but yesterdays thread was about the best in a long time. Great stuff.

[buckner was framed]

vermonter-
That 5-2-3 DP with the bases juiced and no out was pretty sweet too. Speaking of which, is it too early to say bye bye Dougie?

[vermonter]

Yeah buck, that whole inning was a nailbiter. It's nice when the defense comes through.

Is this Belli's last year on his contract? Cash IS doing a pretty good job.

Bob-What is absynthe? I've been a drinker from way back and I'm stumped.

[Dunster]

I'd be delighted if Drew went the way of Renteria. I stay awake at night worrying that he'll stick around like Offerman.

[BobsLiver]

Absinthe is the metaphorical knitting needle in my eye.

bl

[iwanttobealion]

I can't wait for Drew to get the boot out of Boston. It pains me every game to see him out there wearing number 7. Viva la Nixon!

[Harwich Rich]

Can we sneak some absinthe into Nancy's Gatorade? I'd be willing to try anything at this point :-D

[Jason O.]

ill son of dwight evans:

Millar a .250 hitter?

2004: .297/.383/.474 117 ops+ in 508 ABs

That would certainly endear me to him, if I were warped enough to be a Sox fan of course.

[J.D. Drew]

I'm not going anywhere, fellas. Yeah, Trot Nixon... The same Trot Nixon who hasn't hit half the HRs i've hit this year? Your love affair with this loser needs to stop.

I got a lil somethin for ya...

Yo yo its ya boy J.D., I play right field and I do it with ease

Nixon was a chump, I'll pass the fool Evans
You pay 70 bucks for a bleacher seat? That pays for my hummers, I gots eleven

If you dont like me, I could give a fuck
Im makin lots a dollas yall, even if i hit like john buck

So stop all ya hatin fools, its growing real weary
You sox fans are bitches man, oh no you're getting teary

Im out bitchezzzz

[Jason O.]

and I'm on a Mexican radio....

I'm on a Mexican, whoa-oh, radio....

[Bob]

Vermonter, here's more than you'll ever want to now about absinthe:

http://www.wormwoodsociety.org/

BTW, it's illegal to sell real absinthe in the U.S., but not to possess or drink it. Thus my forays through the absinthe interwebs.

[Jason O.]

So it's like Vincent Vega's description of cops in Amsterdam to Jules Winfield, Bob?

I just sent out a Jerry Maguire memo in an email at work...I'm just waiting to get fired now, so I'll be posting some stupid shit today.

But fuck it...if you are to go down, go down standing up.

[Jason O.]

But if I work all day in the Blue Sky Mine
(there'll be food on the table tonight)
Still I walk up and down on the Blue Sky Mine
(there'll be pay in your pocket tonight)

[Harwich Rich]

Somebody save me :) Great song,great band J.O.

[Devine]

I love when we get "Bad Wakefield" and still win...

Thank you: Coco, Buchholz, Tek, Papi, Paps.

[vermonter]

Thanks Bob. Can you briefly describe the "absinthe effect". I am intrigued.

And what is so bad about this stuff called "thujone".

(Sorry all, I know this is a "Red Sox Site".)

[buckner was framed]

Edes has a thorough recap of the playof roster substitution rules that we touched upon a couple of days ago in his notes column today. Sorry I can't print the link 'cuz I am blocked from accessing anything labeled 'sports' by the IT police. So glad this is more than just a Red Sox site ;-)

[buckner was framed]

//But fuck it...if you are to go down, go down standing up.//

- Sen. Larry Craig, August 31, 2007.

[junior]

bwf--As we say in Australia, "It's better to die on your feet than live on your knees."

[Merloni]

JD is an 11 Mill Trot with less heart

[Bob]

//Can you briefly describe the "absinthe effect". I am intrigued.

And what is so bad about this stuff called "thujone".//

The best way I can descibe the absinthe effect is to say that you're very giddy, het completely awake and perfectly lucid (unlike, say, a night of pounding Jamimson shots).

Nothing wrong with thujones, in moderation. Too much, and you might just cut off your ear.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Jason O. - I'll give you credit for being the only yankee fan I know who willingly draws attention to anything that happened in the year 2004. But look at Millar's numbers after:

2005: .272-9-50, .355 OBP
2006: .272-15-64, .374 OBP

Not JD Drew numbers, but with Youkilis starting to hit his prime, you can see why they opted not to re-sign the cowboy. Though this year he's had a resurgence in Baltimore and will probably get back to 20 HRs on the season.

Regardless I'd still prefer to see him in the #6 spot over Drew.

[Bob]

Jeez, with my spelling, you'd think I'm currently drinking absinthe.

You'd think.

Heh-heh-heh.

[Aaron]

I was vehemently opposed to the Drew signing from the very beginning, but even I never dreamed he'd be this unspeakably awful. I figured we'd be in for a repeat of last year's decent but not particularly impressive numbers (.283-20-100) with possibly a slight uptick due to batting after Manny and Papi every day. Fer chrissakes, the guy has 16 fewer RBI's than Lugo!

Anyone think there's any truth to the "collusion with Boras" theory (ie, "you give my boy Nancy fat money, and I'll tell you what the current high bid is on Dice-K.") It's as good an explanation as any for why they threw ridiculous money at a guy whom absolutely no one was clamoring for.

[Bob]

J.O.:

Absinthe? Yeah, it's legal, but it ain't a hundred percent legal. I mean, you can't walk down Landsdowne Street, sippin' a bottle of Zele. You're only supposed to drink it in your home or certain designated places.

[h.b.]

"You're only supposed to drink it in your home or certain designated places."

Now if only the powers that be could have as enlightened an attitude about other mind altering substances...

[Jason O.]

dwight: credit where due...Millar was a force at 1B that crucial year.

I was fucking hoping he'd be more of a force last night, however.

Yes, I think about 2004, you know, like Tony Clark's long foul ball being 4 feet to the left and shit.

[Bob]

//Yes, I think about 2004, you know, like Tony Clark's long foul ball being 4 feet to the left and shit.//

And in '46, Pesky was a few seconds too late with a throw.

And in '67 Londborg was pitching Game 7 on 2 days rest.

And in '75 the Sox were ahead in Game 7 after 6 innings.

And in '78 Bucky F-ing Dent's ball was 5 inches too high.

And in '86 Buckner's glove was one inch too far off the ground.

Please, oh, please, don't talk to Red Sox fans about might-have-beens.

[Bob]

Oh, for the 2003 story, see Red and Denton's site.

The URL name kinda sums it up.

[Jason O.]

Jucunda memoria est praeteritorum malorum.
(Pleasant is the memory of past troubles.)

-Cicero

[Jason O.]

Jucunda memoria est praeteritorum malorum.
(The memory of past troubles is pleasant)

Cicero

[Jason O.]

oops double post, with a minor translation change.

[buckner was framed]

anybody want 2 tix to Wednesday's game? I can't go; should be Lester pitching, RF Box (91 I think, but don't quote me) face value. If so, first person to email me at the attached

[Bob]

Thanks, Buck, but I'm going Monday.

[buckner was framed]

me too- you gonna be at the Tavern before the game?

[Bob]

Maybe, it depends on when I can split work.

If I do make it to the Tavern, I'll meet you in our special place.

(Don't freak out, folks. That just means the first floor at the front door end of the bar. Although I do think Buckner is very special...)

[buckner was framed]

yes, Bob and I (and Kaz and SDU) kind of comprise our very own special class...
I should know better on Monday when I'll be in town. Might be cutting it a bit close myself. I'll look for you

[Bob]

BTW, to all of you blueberry beer lovers who came out of the woodwork the other day, you'll be happy to know that at "Beer Cart" (my company's every-Friday-at-4:30 drinking event), they have Sea Dog Wild Blueberry Ale. And that's it.

Gasp. Choke.

Guzzle.

Burp.

[buckner was framed]

I've had the Sea Dog Raspberry and it wasn't too bad. for a change of pace. And something tells me it would taste better on company time

[Bob Shiffrar]

Thank God. Just found a Dortunder Union in the lettuce crisper drawer.

[soxdownunder]

absynthe makes the heart grow fonder

[Bob]

It certainly make the heart grow larger, in any case.

Although my doctor tells me that technically, it's "enlarged."

[vermonter]

Um...Hart?...hello...

Spent the weekend researching Absinthe, Bob, and will sonn be ordering my first bottle of Zele.