Epoch of belief, epoch of incredulity

Doug:
I'm so friggin angry right now that if I was in a bah fight I'd probably inadvertently cut off my own nutsack from the sheeah blindness of my rage.

 

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Mike:
Hey, at least you've still got nuts to sack … aftah watching the estrogen fest that is the Septembah 07 Red Sox, my testes have shrunk up and withdrawn into my abdomen like a pair of wannabe ovaries.

 

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Al:
So neithah of you is takes any consolation from the notion that the Red Sox just care about the postseason, not the division win, and are resting and preparing for when the games really count?

 

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Doug:
Nope.

 

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Mike:
No because you don't prepare for winning by losing.

 

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Al:
Agree. But what if this is anothah case of the fans thinking they're smahtah than the front office?

 

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Doug:
You know the problem with that is that half the time lately the fans are actually smahtah. Look at the case of Okajima.

 

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Doug:
I mean way back in early Septembah every fan from Bangor to Braintree could clearly see that Okajima was outta gas and needed a rest.

 

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Doug:
But despite the overwhelming evidence Francona stuck with the pahty line that Oki wasn't tiahd at all. Oh, but, lo and effin behold, turns out he is tiahd and needs to be shut down.

 

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Doug:
So instead of resting him when we have a nice 6½ game lead, they wear him down some moah until now they have no choice but to sit him with a mere 1½ game lead.

 

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Mike:
And then there's the case of J.D. Drew. Every fan from Woodstock to Woonsocket figured Drew would be about as useful to the Red Sox as tits on a bull, but His Royal Highness Theo just had to, had to have Drew.

 

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Doug:
And Lugo, Gagne, Renteria … What the frig?

 

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Al:
The 2005 late season fade was bad. 2006 was worse, and now, 2007, is trending to be the worst fade into oblivion yet.

 

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Doug:
If this team doesn't go deep into the playoffs, I expect to see severed heads rolling down Yawkey Way come Novembah.

 

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Mike:
Seriously. The Red Sox monarchy needs to understand we peasants are sick of eating this cake they've been feeding us since the World Series win.

 

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Comments

[chucks]

Cake? We've been cuckolded, and fed the creampie injected by pinstriped hoolies.

[jamesfrmmaine]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK

[louclinton]

Nice NE references hb.

What about Maine?

Bangor to Braintree

Wytopitlock to Whatthefuck.

Monson to Mattapan

Fryeburg to Fitchburg

Calais (pronounced "callas") to Cambridge

Machias to Medfid

Dover-Foxcroft to Danvers

Bah Habah to Bostin

South Bristol to Southie

you get the point

Anyway, I'm not worried.

We play in October. I'm am going to a foreign country for the the ALDS. If they are done by then, I'm sad, but over it.

If they are still playing, I'll have my pathetic seats in the bleachers for the ALCS and the WS.

Love,
lc

[vermonter]

This is bad.

Now even a well-rested Paps (remember him? The pink-hat impregnator?) ain't getting the job done. The only upside is that now my kids are learning words like anemic, apoplectic, and SHIT!

Somehow, though, I feel better about it all this morning than yesterday. Maybe the Carbon Monoxide is taking effect.

Brattleboro...Woodstock...Vertizzle is in the heezy. Represent!

[Farmboy]

"It's over. A 14 game lead is insurmountable. Even if the Red Sox played just .500 baseball for the remainder of the season, the Yankees would have to play...." -Dale Arnold and Michael Holley, June 2007

Will they never learn?

[Follower of Tito]

In best Robot voice: "Danger, Theo Epstein, Danger!"

[Genghis Ortiz]

What. The. Fuck.

There is a list of quitters on this team and I put Manny at the top. At the trading deadline I made the 'stupid' suggestion of Eric 'Chuckie' Byrnes for Manny. I don't feel so stupid now. At least the guy tries. And so what if Manny plays and gets 'more hurt'? Can his fielding get worse? The future is now, and after November 1 he has four months to put his head under the tube and suck the bong dry.

Nancy... a la Renteria. Loser.

I'm sure Theo and Billy Beane have late night phone calls, using their flashlights to read the latest cybermetrics in their Scooby Doo sleeping bags...but what the fuck? Gagne?

What's worse - not making the playoffs, or making it in like 1988, barely above .500, then getting your ass kicked by a superior team while your star pitcher makes an ass of himself by getting ejected in the early innings?

[h.b.]

Lou,

Too funny as these are my original notes/outline for today:
--
nutsack
testes, estrogen
consoled? no
smarter?
bangor to braintree/oki
woodstock to woonsocket/drew
bad, worse, worst
severed heads roll
--
Note that I originally had Bangor! Not sure where Brattleboro came in but I'm changing it back to Bangor to I don't overly favor VT. (I don't want all the hippies spilling their granola in excitement, you know.)

[louclinton]

cool. thanks for tearing down the 34th wall hb.

All the Vt hippies are trust fund puppies from Manhattan anyways.

The Maine hippies are trust fund puppies from Mass.

lc <<

[vermonter]

/(I don't want all the hippies spilling their granola in excitement, you know.)/

Yeah, it might get stuck in our Birkenstocks and mess up the Volvo.

[Colin]

I'm starting to wonder if God does truly get schadenfreude when watching New England sports, except the Pats of course (fuck you LT and NE haters).

I see some credibility in the whole "forget the AL East, we want the playoffs attitude," but I wonder if Theo sees how that affects the fans and the greater RS Nation. Then again I guess to him baseball is a business, not a sport, and there's no fans in business to care about.

[h.b.]

Vermonter,

Do the naked people in Brattleboro wear Birks or do they just go barefoot when they are nekkid?

[Sean O]

I'll sum it up thusly:

I'd rather be dead than watch this team right now.

[Natalie]

Thanks for the link to that bar fight story, hb. It provided the laugh I needed this a.m. My favorite part:

"Beckett, a 53-year-old church deacon...has pleaded not guilty."

Apparently when church deacons fight in bars they go straight for the balls. Who knew?

[Devine]

Yeah, it sucks, but like vermonter, I'm not as depressed today as I was yesterday...maybe because the game was so hopelessly lost, maybe because I only tuned in every half-hour because I couldn't take the pain...

[Billy Mahty]

The strange thing about this notion that the division doesn't matter is that most teams start resting up their team once the postseason is officially locked up. There's some mental stability in that.

As the old football saying goes, "The Prevent D prevents you from winning."

One thing to note about the Yanks narrowing that gap is that the Sox have won as many games as the Indians and Angels post-All Star (37, 37, and 38 respectively). It's just that the Yanks have won 45 games over that time-frame.

Here's a shoutout to Keene Valley.

[soxboy]

I have many thoughts to offer but find it difficult to type today after trying to slash my wrists two nights in a row. I'll have the noose pre-positioned on the rafters tomorrow night so I don't fail yet again.

[Billy Mahty]

Whoops, should have been 37, 38, and 37 respectively.

[Colin]

Please Youkilis...please type something in your blog explaining what in God's name is behind this recent suckfest. Please explain to us Francona's strange and borderline Asperger's mindset and/or (as stated before) God's apparent need for constant Boston schadenfreude.

At least God doesn't like to make the Pats miserable. Suck it Jets/Giants...

[vermonter]

Barefoot, h.b. (The Birks are for Special Educators, out of work musicians/actors, communal farmers, and "play-group" Moms. Lots of play-groups around here. And play-dates. When I was a kid we just went out and found other kids. But I digress.) White dreds, naked bodies, barefeet.

FWIW-I drove to work today in my 1973 Coronet. Do I think this makes me the opposite of the stereotype? No...I have plenty of that in me, but I couldn't resist mentioning the car. Wonder how the neighbors like the blue smoke?...

[Devine]

It sucks when you only have one sports team you root for, the season is 162 games long, and they have a penchant for coughing up big leads in September...Jesus, my head.

BUT...the final road series is in Tampa Bay, then it's a six-game homestand against sub-.500 teams, and the Yankees have their last six on the road. Maybe if Toronto and Baltimore have some goddamn pride against the Yankees, it's not impossible...

I hate you for hoping...stupid fucking heart. Signed, your brain.

[iwanttobealion]

For some reason I'm not quite ready to hang myself this morning. I was close last night, but now I'm ready to drink the Kool-Aid and hope Theo would just rather play the Indians and let the Angels beat up on the Yanks. Ah, the miracle of Irish Coffee at work.

[Kaz]

I didn't watch yesterday. I knew better.

And that right there is the crux of the matter. I *knew* something like the Lugo-dogging-it play would happen. I knew something like Timlin-loads-the-bases would happen. Given the night before, I figured it'd be Timlin giving up the salami not Papelbon, but hey, at least I knew the homer was coming.

This team has lost its head and its heart and that has to fall almost entirely on the manager.

[jdog71]

We have the 'rest the team for the playoffs' camp and the 'careless management, maddeningly unmotivated team' camp. I'm firmly in the second camp. Reasons? Manny's Later Summer Vacation, Tito's Inexplicable Management Decisions(Paps did not need to pitch last night...guess those vicodin are really kicking in now, eh Tito? Do us a favor, get dentures...root canals are not the way to go with a mouth full of nicotine blackened chiclets), JD Drew's Flaccid Bat, Gagne's Nonexistent Talent, and the organizational shift to extracurricular activities...Sox Appeal, President of RSN, Roush Fenway Racing ad nauseum. Focus on baseball guys. You created a 'nation', now you need to satisfy it. Maybe the Bruins or Celts will make us forget the emotional raping that Boston sports fans have been subjected to over the past few weeks. I can't even watch Conan without a nightly jab about video-gate. At this point I'd almost rather be an average fan of an average team without all the extracurricular bullshit. I'd rather have a chance to be joyful than expectant, as so many jaded fans seem to be these days (NY and Boston fans alike). The only thing keeping me from that is my investment of blood, sweat and whatever other precious bodily fluids I could conjure up and sacrifice over the past 30 odd years.

[tommyct]

I feel like I'm 6 years old again, and I can hear the ice cream man coming down the road with the bells and chimes ringing. So I ask my Mom for 50 cents to run out to the curb and get myself a rocket pop (you know, the red, white and blue thing on a stick), and she laughs and hands it to me. So I happily run out to the roadside and can see him coming. He stops right in front of me, and I practically throw my two quarters at him. I get my treat, tear the wrapper off, and before I can put the multi-color goodness into my mouth, my hand and arm move violently of their own accord. I watch, in slow motion horror as my rocket pop leaves my hand and comes to rest in the sand some 10 feet away at the side of the road. And then I hear it.. laughter. I look up, and it's the neighborhood 9 year old bully standing in front of me.. with a Skankees hat on his head. Oh how I hate you. Die you Skankee bastards.

When will the nightmare end? When will the Sox wake up? I can't even watch games anymore. I feel like somehow my dog has died as a result of this whole thing.

[Aaron]

Perhaps we're all underestimating Francona. Perhaps he's pulling a Belichick on us. No, not spying: rigging the game to get the opponent he wants. Remember a couple of years ago, when the Pats threw a season finale against the Dolphins (3rd string QB played, Flutie dropkicked an extra point) because winning meant playing Pittsburgh in the first round and losing meant Jacksonville? Maybe Francona was taking notes?

Yeah, that's it! He's fooled us all, he's a Machiavellian genius, and all this apparent lack of effort/motivation/interest on the part of the team is just a clever ruse to game the system and send the Yankees to Anaheim. All hail Tito, Evil Genius! He will march on a road of bones! He --

Aww, who am I kidding? The wheels are coming off.

[COD]

Actually, I think Aaron may be on to something. What other reason could there be for not putting your best team on the field when the division championship is on the line?

[hank]

I like to make werewolf movies.

[yazbread]

I am emotionally checking out on the team as of today. I usually wait for baseball to end to follow the NFL but I am now fantasizing about the Pats breaking the record of the '72 Dolphins (you know which one I mean) and getting ring number 4. Do the Pats have an off week soon? Maybe they could come in an give a talk on heart, desire, and pride. I would even settle for a talk on stealing the catcher's signals.

[tommyct]

I think it's time for the front office to buy some new shirts.

http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/demotivators_1964_3339811

[Follower of Tito]

At Government Plaza, a Mayor has summoned the FO brain trust to discuss the scope of the impending disaster:

LL: "This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions."

The Mayor: "What do you mean, "biblical"?

JH: "What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff."

LL: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies.

TW: Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes.

TE: The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.

[Sonoma Sox]

Rangely to Reveah

Fort Kent to Fitchburg

Limestone to Leominster

Thanks HB & LC - this game is way more fun than what those other 9 are doing.

LC - a little extra Allen's this a.m. - you seem more lovable than surly

[Wes]

Guys let's stop the self loathing and the over analyzing.. There is a reason we are written on this board and Tito and Theo are running the club. They aren't tanking the season. They are doing what they feel is right to get the team ready for post season action. If Manny and Youk were 100% and ready to go, you bet your ass they would be playing and getting the opportunity to freshen up the bats. If Oki and the boys didn't need rest we wouldn't be going to a 6 man rotation and randomly shutting guys down.

I mean come on. If we rush manny back to save the division and then he tears an oblique and is lost for the playoffs is that worth it?

I think we all agree these guys need some game time before October but i have every ounce of faith that Theo, Tito and the gang will see to it that EVERYONE gets in when they need to.

If Manny and Youk are too injured and will not be fully healed by October, then we deal with that in October. That's when they play through pain!

Until then we have a 1.5 game lead and and failing that a 7 game lead with 9 to go on the wildcard.. Cheer up!

[iwanttobealion]

Thanks Tito Follower, that made my morning.

[Follower of Tito]

I, like Einstein, did my best work as a patent clerk.

[yazbread]

Wes - given your optimism I can only say 'don't bogart that joint'.

[soxboy]

THEO! I had no idea you were posting here! Thank you for joining the conversation, but I'm not ready to drink the Kool Aid just aid. You've twicked me too many times, you wascally wabbit . . .

[Tracy]

I'm so happy you worked in "tits on a bull." My favorite expression ever and it's what I've been calling Drew all season. As is "Tits on a bull is up. Let's watch him strike out looking."

[meredith]

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm ready for some football. :P

[birthofasoxfan97]

Before this river becomes an ocean...

Cue george michael. That's all i got right now.

[Harwich Rich]

I never thought I'd see Manny and play through pain used in the same sentence.

[Harwich Rich]

Sorry-two sentences.You know what I mean.

[Jason O.]

In "Alien," after Ripley et al decapitate the homicidal android (Ian Holm) and then reactivate his head to see if he knows how to kill the Alien, he says:

"I can't lie to you about your chances...but, you have my sympathies."

[Jason O.]

In all seriousness, you guys could pull it out: Recall that NYY is facing Halladay and Burnett this wknd.

[Follower of Tito]

Yeah, JO, but would that have happened if his head was named "Ditka"?

[louclinton]

ss, not a big fan of the Allen's. This is my chemical-free disposition.

But younger son, after one night at home, is currently taking the I-80 out to you to go back to school. Thinking of him, so maybe I am more lovable than normal.

Isn't the point to get to the (as Parcells used to say) Tournament? Winning the division and losing in any round of the Tournament=bad.

Winning the Tournament=good.

It's binary.

I was the first to call these guys quitters last year (sometime around August 15--look it up). I don't see that this year. Yes, they are underperforming. They just chose to do it in September rather than April, may or June.

I saw Gagne pitch on Sunday. If he has that shit again, you will change your tune. Same with Paps and Oki. Timlin has about 38 more bullets in his gun. Enough for October. Manny D. can break off a hook.

True, a little less Brian Corey (who?) and a little more major league pitching would be nice, but it's a sunny day here and it will stay that way.

lc

[Devine]

Alien is one of my favorite movies, Jason. Love that creepy, sinister subtext and especially love Ash's final words...even when they are used against me/us!

[da kine]

I used to refuse to let people tell me the game results before I could get home and watch it on Tivo. Now, I watch the MSNBC scoreboard and see the season going to shit in real time, so I can save myself 3+ hours when I get home and just delete the frigging thing.

[Billy Mahty]

lc, an inconvenient truth about the Parcells comparison: Bill has lead three teams to division champs and/or Super Bowl victories: '86 Giants, '90 Giants, '96 Pats. All three of those teams were first place in their division at the end of the regular season.

[vasoxfan]

You know its bad when Jason 0 is really trying to encourage us. He pities us. Thanks for that because right now we are a sorrowful lot being dupe again into believing that maybe the team would help us silence the fu--ing Yankee voices (who were strangely silent in July) in our lives. Damn you Red Sox!!

[benschon]

A shout out to my home town, Bangor, Maine! That's some bedrock Red Sox Nation up they-ah. Let's see, from northern Maine to southern Connecticut. . .

From Eastport to Westport
From Fort Kent to Kent
From Old Town to New Haven
From Fairfield to Fairfield

[vasoxfan]

Damn you Red Sox!!
Clap-clap, clap-clap-clap

[Jason O.]

It's not pity...it's a realization that with a 99%+ probability of making the playoffs, NYY should start managing lineups that way, the Red Sox already are.

BTW, an absolutely tremendous book you should read: American Spy by E. Howard Hunt...most people remember him from watergate, but his CIA career pre-watergate is amazing.

[Follower of Tito]

Benschon...you forgot about that dividing line in Connecticut (usually the Connecticut River) that separates the CT Red Sox fans from the MFY fans...as the saying goes, NY should just take Fairfield county. (I have consulted for firms in Stamford...loaded with MFY fans)

[Scott]

Wow, what great comments today.

Calm down. Put down the gun. The Sox are still in first place. They don't need to win the division by 14 games. 1 game will do just fine.

Seriously thank goodness for the Pats. I am not worried about the Sox one bit.

Manny will be back to save the day. You wait and see.

[Billy Mahty]

Jason O., I usually agree with you, but not on this one. I think Joe is always very conservative with his staff -- he's not prone to putting them under too much physical pressure. And the emotional lift the team would get from fighting their way back to win the division would be enormous. I don't worry that they'd fold after this achievement.

The Sox, on the other hand, might feel somewhat like they did last year after the Massacre, unable to even conceive of coming back.

[yazbread]

Mr. MFY never hangs around,
when he hears this Mighty sound,

Here I come to save the day!
That means that Manny Mouse is on the way!

[h.b.]

//The Sox, on the other hand, might feel somewhat like they did last year after the Massacre, unable to even conceive of coming back.//

Right, because the Red Sox have never come back against the Yankees when they are not just down but down and beaten to a bloody pulp and only a hair from total elimination like, say, down 0-3 in an ALCS and, say, getting whooped 19-8 in that 3rd game...

Nah, never ever happens...

[Billy Mahty]

I said "might"... chill bro.

[Billy Mahty]

And.. you have to admit that last year the Sox did seem to give up on August 21. They were only 6.5 games back at the time, with lots of time left.

By comparison, where were the Yankees on 8/21 this season? 6.0 games behind.

[Steve in MD]

Does anybody know how many times we have left the bases loaded this year? It has to be a major league record.

Here's a prediction, for good or ill: if the yankees pass the Red Sox and win the AL East title and the Sox don't win the World Series, then A-Rod will be wearing a Boston uniform next year. Otherwise, he is a yankee. My reasoning is that if A-Rod ops out of his contract, then he and yanks are at least $11 million apart (what the Rangers will pay the yanks if he doesn't op out, but not if he ops out and resigns). No other team would be desperate enough to pay that freight, unless it's us after loing both the AL East and the playoffs.

[Billy Mahty]

That's an interesting theory about A-Rod Steve.

As for the bases loaded stat, I don't know, but I can tell you this. The Red Sox have had more bases loaded at bats than any other team this season, 177. Colorado is next at 155. Detroit and NYY are in the 140s. In terms of batting average, Detroit is tops at .402. Yanks are .371 and Boston is ranked 7th at .326. Pretty respectable.

The Red Sox also have scored .99 RBI per bases loaded situation. Yanks have scored 1.09 RBI per.

Based on the batting average and the number of bases loaded situations, the Sox probably have left runners on a fair amount, but I'd be surprised if it's a record.

[Billy Mahty]

My stats are all f'd up today. The Sox have had 178 at bats this season with the bases loaded, as many as they had over the entire season last year. Yankees have 132 so far, and had 201 over the full season last year.

[benschon]

Right--I forget there are traitors who live in New England and think of the Yankees as the home team. Westport, Stamford and so on. Ick.

In Maine they use the phrase "up north" (pronounced "nawth") with a grudging respect for a land that's even further out into the woods than where they are at the time. Does the reverse hold true in Connecticut?

[Evan]

Lets cut down the references to the ripping of the balls of UT fans, yes? My nether regions hurt just thinkin about it.

[h.b.]

//By comparison, where were the Yankees on 8/21 this season? 6.0 games behind.//

But the Yankees have been getting healthier and stronger all season while the 06 Red Sox (and the 07 RS) have been just the opposite.

If you recall the final 2 mos of 2006:
1) Lester has cancer. Fucking cancer. Not sure the guy will live, let alone pitch again. (Any Yankee been diagnosed with cancer this season? Just asking...)

2) Paps injured from overuse in relief role. Questions about whether he'll recover.

3) Manny out.

4) Schilling hurt.

5) Beckett blistered and unable to adapt to AL hitters.

6) Front office makes no trades at July 31 deadline signaling they see the writing on the wall about team's prospects even before the Yankees 5-game sweep in mid August.

I could go on...

Maybe the did quit, but I quit on them too. There's a difference between being hopeful and being an idiot.