Please take care of yourselves... and each other.

Susan:
And to think I was worried about Beckett being rusty aftah missing two stahts because of his blister, er, avulsion.

 

---

Mike:
Are you kidding me? I'm worried that I have no worries.

 

---

Susan:
Seriously, even the Curly Haired Boyfriend has gone pollyanna on us.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, but the thing is, whenevah Shaughnessy pens one of his "feel good" pieces, it always feels like I'm being offered a plate of meaty hors d'oeuvres by Jeffrey Dahmer?

 

---

Mike:
"Jeez, Jeff, these look delicious, what are they?"

"Oh, those are just something I whipped up from some leftovahs in my freezah."

 

---

Susan:
And strangely, but strange in a very, very satisfying way, the diametric opposition of fortunes between the Yankees and the Red Sox becomes more acute with each passing day.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, gotta love "Yankee hitters who can't hit sand if they fell off a camel."

 

---

Susan:
And having a guy steal home on you is the ultimate kick in the balls in baseball.

 

---

Mike:
I guess A-Rod was too busy day dreaming about his new 5-tool taht to give his boy Pettitte a heads up on that one.

 

---

Susan:
Yet anothah example of how A-Rod can't get anything right … If you're going to cheat on your wife and get your misdeed plastahed all ovah Page 6, at least do it with an A-List courtesan and not some white trash bimbo you plucked off the stage of the Jerry Springah show.

 

---

Mike:
Sigh. The ol' dropping the shouldah move just ain't what it used to be.

 

---

Comments

[Sean O]

Someone is going to say it, so I'll start. Jeter must be so jealous.

[Harwich Rich]

Speakin' of Dahmer-Finger sandwiches anyone?

[vermonter]

A-Rod gets caught cheating, guy steals home, chaotic team meeting, Cashman's head on a block, 5 straight losses, it's just soooo much fun to see.

Meanwhile, back at the Fens: I loves me some Youk, Redneck Meth-boy is back, Tek is the man, playing .700 ball, even Tavarez is winning. Wow!

My Youk shirt arrived over the weekend. God, I loves me some Youk.

[COD]

I think it's part of an orchestrated plot. Not only he is married, now he is cheating with another women. He can't be teh gay.

[louclinton]

5-Tool-Taht, indeed. That is, if one of your tools is a Hoover vacuum cleaner, and two others are personal flotation devices.

Life is good, kids.

Only twice in my miserable lifetime (Morgan Magic and 2004 post season) have things been this sweet, so apparently effortless.

They can do no wrong. Do not fuck with karma. Let's just shoot up, and ride this dragon as far as it takes us. The MFY can ride the cotton pony until they man-up or self destruct.

Oh, and a shout out to the Last Place New York Yankeez

lc

[yazbread]

I feel like I am watching the MLB version of ‘Death Takes A Holiday” – has this team simply decided that they are not going to lose any more games this season? Beckett goes out and picks up where he left off – unbelievable! Didn’t see that one coming. The great part is that I don’t feel that the hitting has begun to click on all cylinders. The best is yet to come. Meanwhile the MFY had a comedy of errors in Toronto. Captain Intangibles makes an error which leads to the first run for the Jays. Aaron Hill steals home – and multiple camera angles made the play a lot of fun to watch. Slappy McBlueLips does not let the bunt roll foul and Lind advances to third. Rios flies to center and Lind strolls home on Damon’s arm. I would say priceless but Damon’s arm actually cost $52M. So what’s wrong with this picture? Rogers Centre is 404 feet to center. Less the 127 from home to second, gives us 277 between second and the center field wall. Damon looked to catch the ball in dead center or about 138 feet from second. Let’s err on the side of caution and say 175 feet or roughly 58 yards. Why do I feel I could throw a baseball as far as Damon? (Coaching softball for many years has kept my arm from atrophying). Granted, I would probably appear to be heaving the ball with my entire body behind the throw and there would not be much speed on the ball – but then that is how Damon looks when he does it. I know – throws like Mary, but that’s only because Mary was born before Title IX. A note – I have been gone from NE for almost 30 years and I sometimes need to dwell on the accented dialogue to figure out what is being said - ‘5-tool taht’ being a ‘5-tool tart’.

[Bob]

Good God, that skank the Skankee A-Fraud picked up was quite the catch. A face like Yogi Berra's. Nice enough accompanyments I guess, but he must have done her the way Hill stole home: through the back door.

[PJ]

And to think Youk is only drawing a hair over 400 large...

Maybe the "5-tool taht" is A-Rod's lipstick lesbian massage therapist...

PJ

[Rob in CT]

Bob - That was hilarious!

[RonF]

I can't get the "5-tool taht" link to work.

[pudge]

Is it sick that I was actually a little bit depressed last night that Baltimore held on for the win?

[randy]

Does anyone else think that Youk should be batting 5th behind Papi and Manny instead of Drew? Why not try drew in the 2 hole?

[Youk Rules]

Is it me, or did it appear on Monday that Nixon got to the ball slowly enough, and held onto it long enough, for Youkilis to get his inside-the-park HR?

[Jackie]

Could be wrong, but I thought it was "common knowledge" that A-Rod and his wife have a pretty open relationship... swinging and all that. Besides. I don't condone cheating, but I think wives of pro athletes have to be comfortable with the idea of their husbands messing around with other women. They have a lot of money and they're out of town a lot. You do the math.

Oh, and I have to make this comment, too: For all Roger Clemens' faults, apparently he's the only player Jose Canseco knew who *didn't* sleep around on the road.

Still pretty awesome to see the Yankees floundering at so many levels, though.

[Fitzy Fitzgibbons]

Everything's go'in wicked pissa around old BeanTown! The best paht ab'ot it is the Yankees are fauhl'in father and father back in the stand'ins!

hey Tommy, did yha get that? please tell me yha goht that!

[h.b.]

Jackie,

I think you're right in general about pro athletes and peccadilloes with women who are not their wives.

With that said, though...

1) Haven't heard that about A-Rod and his wife. Instead, I have heard A-Rod go on and on about what an awesome guy he is, what a great husband he is, and what a totally out-of-this-world father he is and how his family is the most important thing in his life blah blah blah.

This doesn't mean what you said about the "open relationship" isn't true, just points toward more A-Rod hypocrisy if it is true.

2) Susan's point still stands. If you do have an open relationship with your wife, all the more reason to try and score with a Canadian like Evangeline Lily rather than some washed-out fug stripper.

3) Do you really put any credence in what Jose Canseco says? Again, I think it's true about pro athletes and their affairs, but I don't think Jose Canseco is the guy I'd call to be my "expert witness" in any situation. :)

[Jackie]

All very good points, h.b. Particularly the one about choosing non-skeezy partners. As for Canseco, well... he's clearly a man with many flaws, but he's been surprisingly candid about touchy subjects. If you knowwhatImean.

[Aaron]

OK, am I the only one who finds CHB's crowing a bit nauseating after all his previous bitching? If there's anyone out there who might frak up our Karma with his smugness, it's him.

Please, Shankessy, for everyone's peace of mind, go back to grousing about Schilling's blog or something. Don't start pretending that you suddenly love a team and fanbase for whom you obviously feel nothing but contempt. This attempt to ingratiate yourself with the fans won't make us like you any better, and frankly, it's a bit creepy.

[PJ]

Honestly Aaron, everything about CHB is significantly more than "a bit creepy"...

[da kine]

I honestly had no idear that A-Fraud was married. I, again honestly, thought he was a highly feminine bachelor (wink, wink) waiting until retirement to find that special someone.

As far as hot Canadian chicks, I'll put my girlfriend Erica Cerra up there with Evangeline Lily. Rrawrr!

[Rob in CT]

Honestly Aaron, everything about CHB is significantly more than "a bit creepy"...

Even more than this "creepy site" (pat. pend.)?

:-D

[PJ]

Yes Rob, even this site wouldn't write a book about its son the high school senior, or expect people to actually buy it...

[Harwich Rich]

I don't think I've EVER bought a word he said :)

[Rob in CT]

Damn, PJ. Guess I'll have to scrap that meeting with the publisher to pitch my chronicle of how I set a National Age-Group Record in the high-jump back in 1971 at the Jefferson County Track Championships.

Was going to devote a whole chapter to how the guy from Sports Illustrated's "Faces in the Crowd" page called my house that evening and everything.

Too bad. My folks were so proud of me, too...

[Kaz]

Youk has a blog?

[pinstripe thunder]

Re: Shaughnessy, I think the leopard has fallen in love with a bandwagon. His behavior gets curioser and curioser, and his allegiances are murky at best. He's not one of us. We have no more use for people who can't decide which side they're on than you do. In WW II, he would have been Vichy.

On Monday, Jeter, the quintessential clutch hitter, fails to deliver with two out in the ninth and a runner on third. Yesterday Pettitte, the consummate stopper, failed to stop. And then there was the steal of home. The apocalypse is at hand.

But if I have to suffer, you do, too... so I'm going to tell you about my dream last night (I've been closing my eyes a lot lately).

In my dream, it was suddenly spring of 2008, a beautifully clear and crisp April day in the Bronx. I was at Yankee Stadium, and A-Rod (guess the rod has new meaning now), A-Brew and Giambi Juice were nowhere to be seen. Torii Hunter was cheerfully patrolling centerfield. Manny was also in pinstripes, running wind sprints on the warning track. Schilling was a Yankee, too, insisting that he had been misquoted (as usual) back in 2004 and had the secret blogs to prove it. Aside from that, he was surprisingly subdued.

Joe Torre was still there, but Steinbrenner was gone (not just mentally, but physically). Clemens was also gone, somewhere in Texas searching for a village that was missing its idiot. I asked about Carl Pavano and was told that he had never existed -- just an urban legend created to frighten New York schoolchildren.

Jeter was there, of course, but now he was a player-coach (pitching coach, actually). Philip Hughes had somehow survived his rehabilitation regimen and was healthy, strong and leading a kiddie pitching corps that had seemingly matured overnight. Joe Nathan was in the bullpen (funny how much the A-Rod and A-Brew dollars freed up), having inherited the torch from the noble Aztec warrior Rivera, who had been re-signed as the Yankees' Official Muse. And Bernie Williams was back, sitting at the top of the dugout steps, strumming a beautiful rendition of La Salsa En Mi on his guitar.

Then I woke up, but I think that dream will sustain me through our hours of darkness.

PT

[Natalie]

Thanks, Kaz, for the link to Youk's blog. I now have one fewer hour in each week. Seriously though, I hope this pro-ball player blogging thing takes off within MLB like a legal version of the steroid craze. From the the complete craziness of a Manny blog to the unintentional hilarity of someone like Giambi posting to the potential that MSM "sports journalists" like CHB get pushed out in the scrum of it all? AWESOME. Somehow this must happen...

[Bob]

A blog isn't the only thing Youk's got going on:

http://www.sfmaverick.com/hotsauce.asp

[Ghengis Ortiz]

From Tyler Kepner NYT

"... Joe Torre exchanged e-mail messages with Roger Clemens, and Clemens told Torre he was looking forward to starting against the White Sox on Monday in Chicago..."

Don't believe it. Plan for Sunday at Fenway

[soxdownunder]

bring it on - eat another doughnut roger

[Ghengis Ortiz]

If you put a fu manchu on Clemens...Ogie Oglethorpe, separated at birth...