Holiday Celebrate

Bill:
That was the best Memorial Day weekend evah!

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. We staht off sweeping Texas in Texas for the first time since 1973.

 

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Bill:
And this through 50 games this is the best staht since, cue ominous music, 1986.

 

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Mike:
An already fantastic weekend make all the sweetah by Youkilis not only extending his hitting streak to 20 games but also getting that inside the pahkah.

 

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Bill:
That is my favorite moment of the 07 season so fah …

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. Youks was rounding those bases like Moses chasing Pharoah's ass back to Egypt.

 

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Bill:
All this and the Yankees continue to play like Lindsey Lohan driving home from a night of pahtying.

 

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Comments

[Bob]

And I especially love the story about the Skankees closed-door meeting yesterday turning into something out of Extreme Fighting. Or a Paris-Nicole bitch slap.

Good times, good times.

[ygbluiyg]

Best start since '86.
And if they win two more games, they tie for the most wins (21)in the month of May with, cue the ominous music again, the 1946 club.

[Natalie]

Lindsey Lohan is the perfect analogy. For a long time it was amusing to read of all her antics; now with her DUI you realize she is completely over the edge and it goes from being entertaining to really quite sad. In other words: Am I the only one who is feeling a little out of sorts with this whole Yanks in the toilet thing? I know I said I wanted to crush the Yankees souls, but it turns out it's not as fun as I thought it would be. I have 3 close friends who are Yanks fans and the phones/emails have gone silent. I miss the banter! Whither the rivalry?

[jamesfrmmaine]

"I know I said I wanted to crush the Yankees souls, but it turns out it's not as fun as I thought it would be."

I disagree. Every loss, every injury, every distraction, every negative thing for the skanks and their fans is pure joy for me. With that kind of payroll skids like this one will be far and few. Enjoy it while you can.

Oh and if you cant start a heated banter with the average yankees fan, even when they suck as bad as they do now, your not trying.

[Scott]

Natalie,

How soon you forget the years of suffering and the hands of the evil empire. Rejoice in the fact that they are in the rear view mirror for now. You should be hearing from your friends soon anyway. Darth Clemens will be pitching at Fenway this weekend.

[yazbread]

Natalie, be careful of what you wish for. I won't rest easy until the MFY are mathematically eliminated.

[Natalie]

I had forgotten about the Clemens thing when I posted, was just reminded by a colleague. I take it all back! The Yanks can STAY in the toilet just so that self-centered pig Roger can have the just desserts of making his "triumphant return" to pitch for a cellar dweller all season. Now THAT is pure joy.

[COD]

I'm with Yazbread - there will no joy in Mudville until the magic number is zero. I'm old enough to remember 1978.

[vermonter]

I dance with glee daily at the struggling Yanks. Haha, eat shit, I care not one bit about their problems. Call the frickin' Waaaambulance!

[h.b.]

Yes, yes, by all means let's never discount the Yankees nor forget 1978, but, as Yankees fan PT himself mentioned in a previous/recent comment thread, the 1978 Yankees team was quite a bit different in circumstances than the 07 club.

Dave Pinto at Basseball Musings made a similar point: the 78 Yankees were a winning team at every point in that season.

Look at the data from Retrosheet:

Apr 10-9
May 19-8
June 14-15
Jul 15-14
Aug 19-8
Sept 22-8

At NO point during the 78 season did the Yankees end a month below .500.

Again, not to discount the Yankees, but comparing '78 with '07 is maybe not "apples and oranges" but it is at least "oranges and tangerines" or something.

[louclinton]

Actually, Nat, it's pretty goddamn fun.

And the MFY will be back, if only to protect their contract years. We are not looking at the 2003 Tigers here.

Enjoyed my evening at the pahk last night. The undersigned is now the owner of a BRS skull cap (Yee-ha!!). Just like Coco and MR24. Pretty sad, huh?

So, a few thoughts after being at the pahk:

Schilling has some juice, but dude has to figure out how to get out of the 3rd inning with less than 60 pitches. I know he struck out 10, but if not for the almost triple play, it might have been a long night. Too many pitches.

Night game at the end of a long holiday weekend = drunk muthafuckahs in the stands.

I detect a note of smugness creeping into to fandom. Easy to do if you are doing a victory lap at the end of May, BUT

The sign police at Fenway should probably have confiscated the "2007 World Series Champions" that was being waved behind the 1st base dugout all night.

And, for the first time I saw the vendors selling "Rally Wally's" (like rally monkeyss only welll, you, know, Wally). Truly Luscious knows no shame.

Me loves the Paps, but the whole "Wild Thing", fist punch the fat cop, run to the edge of the infield, stop suddenly, entrance has WWE written all over it. It especially looks a little silly if the first 3 guys you face whale the piss out of the ball.

your skull cap wearing pal,

lc

[pudge]

... Moses chased Pharoah back to Egypt?

[h.b.]

... Moses chased Pharoah back to Egypt?

Yeah, in the Quentin Tarantino version of the Ten Commandments, Moses chases Ramses back to Egypt and then goes totally fucking ninja on Pharoah's ass. Hell, yeah, he does.

(Remember previous caveat: It's a comic strip. Don't parse the character speeches for accuracy. BTW Garfield, the cat? He can't really fucking talk. Hate to break it to all you literal mofos out there.)

[Harwich Rich]

I for one am glad the Texas Con Man will finish his career pitching for a team that is sad,pathetic,and totally irrelevant.
He can wear his Spankees hat into the Hall,it's as much as he deserves.-WOW that's the most I've ever typed here :)

[pudge]

h.b.: don't hold the comments to a much higher standard than the strip itself. :-)

[h.b.]

Pudge,

Just bustin' balls. :)

Though, in truth, I would love to see a QT version of the 10 Commandments. Can you imagine?

[vermonter]

I love that Clemens was able to squeeze every last cent out of them and now, this doughy 45 year old used-to-be is gonna save them?

I can't wait for fatso to get back to the bigs.

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

Tarantino does scenes of a group walking like nobody else. The Crazy 88s walking down the hall in the tea house in Kill Bill 1 is a good example. So, doing the Ten Commandments would give him a lot of opportunities for group-walking scenes. Therefore, I'm all for it. Plus, Moses would inevitably slice somebody's ear off.

[jdog71]

No pity for the skanks here, folks. 1918 still rings in MY ears. Clemens will throw his 6 innings, then the skank's pen will blow the next 3...not unlike Firecrotch downing her first 6 cosmo's, then blowing the next 3 into a gutter before attempting to drive home. Very sad, yet we can't look away.

[buckner was framed]

and I can almost hear Samuel L commanding the mofo Red Sea to part, but not until he's good and goddamned ready....

[da kine]

QT pissed me off in Grindhouse. He seemed to spend more time picking the music than figuring out what to do with the first 20 minutes of the story. Also, the chick from 24 with no nose scares me. (If you've seen the movie, you know who I mean.)

[yazbread]

Tarentino and the Ten Commandments? You would hope for Pulp Fiction or Reservior Dogs and probably end up with Grindhouse or From Dusk to Dawn. Great early work which he probably will not approach again. The Norman Mailer of film.

[Jason O.]

hb: Lohan?

More like Kowalski at the end of the Vanishing Point.

"The vicious traffic squad cars are after our lone driver, the last American hero, the electric centaur, the, the demi-god, the super driver of the golden west!"

http://www.webind.nl/webhosting/roadmovie/rmt009.jpg

[pinstripe thunder]

I spent all weekend working on this poem, so I hope you enjoy...

I wish you luck
This year we suck.

This is baseball, not arithmetic. It's not so much about the 13.5 game lead, daunting as it may be. It's more about how the Red Sox have looked and played so far this season and how the Yankees have looked and played so far. Sometimes bad is bad, and sometimes you just know.

Carl Pavano as the Opening Day pitcher may have been the perfect metaphor for our entire season. Sort of like walking under a ladder to throw out the first pitch...

And yes, Natalie, the return of Roger Clemens may be the most joyless event in baseball next to Barry Bonds' chase for the home run record. Rumor has it that he has already invoked the family day clause of his contract for a long weekend in Texas running from June through September.

The fat lady STILL hasn't sung, but she's been doing some mean mother gargling, and now her beady little eyes are staring the hell out of that sheet music.

On a lighter note, a special shout out to the new Yankee conditioning coach... nice work you're doing with Phil Hughes.

And now I will resume my Joe Torre Buddhaesque contemplation of my navel in search of enlightenment.

[Aaron]

I'm trying very hard to remain firmly in the "Don't Celebrate Until the Stake is in the Heart" camp, but it's getting tougher and tougher to stay wary as the lead bulges and the Yankees show absolutely no signs of getting their shit together (or, frankly, of giving a shit.) As many have pointed out, the '78 Yanks this ain't. Nor, should we forget, are these the '78 Sox. That team was an offensive juggernaut, but had nowhere near the top-to-bottom pitching that this year's edition does.

I mean, fer chrissakes, we're 13.5 games ahead in freaking MAY! (Yes, I know, technically we're 11.5 games up in the division, but that's the Orioles, and everyone knows they don't count.)

It looks like we have the same pitching matchups on tap this weekend as for last week's series in The Toilet, which doesn't particularly favor the Sox. Oh well, who cares? Say they take another 2 out of 3, and we lose a game off this monstrous lead. Horrors!

Nonetheless, I would really, really like to see the Sox sweep it. The SS Yankee is taking on water, so let's just keep throwing them anchors.

[pudge]

yazbread: I dunno, while QT has done some crap, I thoroughly enjoyed his later works, Kill Bill Vols 1 & 2. I think it's too early to count him out ...

As to the QT doing the Ten Commandments ... it might be worth it just to see what he would have the Israelites actually doing as Moses came down the mountain that first time.

BEST BIBLE ORGY EVAR.

[Rob in CT]

Does this smug attitude I'm wearing about the Sox lead in the standings make my ass look fat? :D

I'm a little surprised at no mention of The Return of Trot last night. Sox fans did themselves proud in the ovations for both he and his Mrs. He was a gamer for us in every way and collected a surprisingly large number of key moments in Red Sox memory - nicely detailed my Edes in today's column, by the way. I still miss his dirty ball cap. Esp. with Nancy's struggles in right.

And lou - Schweet Jeezuz, could that f-ing Geffner get any worse? Was painting my house this weekend and forced to listen to some of the games on the radio of neccesity. Makes me angry just thinking about it. Where is Trup's "Back... WAY BACK!!!" when you need it?

[Deepsub]

Rob, agree on the Geffner issue. He just bores me. Before, if the game was on FOX or ESPN (i.e., not NESN), I would always listen to WEEI instead of having to hear Joe Morgan or whatever boob was doing the game. Now I just keep the volume lower. I thought I was the only one who missed Trup.

I would love to see Kevin Smith do the Ten Commandments! After doing Dogma (which kinda sucked I guess but I'm just saying) I think he could pull it off.
Rest in peace, Marquise Hill. We'll miss ya.

[Dunster]

I was at the game last night too. It had some crazy stuff - I can't think of the last game with so many unique events.

* Trot's return. The pre-game award ceremony where he and his wife were recognized for their Jimmy Fund work was emotional and well done.
* Trot's Return, II. He was on the field, looking like he always did - but his uniform was wrong.
* Youk's inside-the-park-no-doubter. I ordered my #20 jersey as soon as I got home last night.
* The near-triple play.
* The 9th inning was-he-hit-or-not ump call that looked like it got changed three times and kept Papelbon out of an even worse jam, while keeping us in suspense for what felt like forever.

All that, and the beer lines were really short. Quite the night.

[Sean O]

Dunster-
You forgot the Triple Play That Wasn't, mere inches from 2 incredibly rare plays in a single game.

Not to mention, the cheer that went up when the scoreboard changed to 7-0, Blue Jays leading the Yankees. Hell, just watching Mr. Splitty dive to the ground all night was a treat.

I'll be there tonight, standing behind the plate with my Nixon shirt.

[da kine]

Where's Mahty???

[Bob]

da kine, Mahty's hanging out with Frank from Gloucester.

[Rob in CT]

da kine - That's a GREAT question. Isn't about time for Bill to make a call to our favorite Yankee fan? You know, just to check in and inquire as to Mahty's health and shit.

What are the odds Marty recognizes the number on caller id and refuses to pick up?

[Harwich Rich]

The trolls are starving-Oh the Humanity !

[da kine]

I'm just afraid that the next time Callaghan calls Mahty, the phone will ring and ring...13.5 games behind will have driven Mahty to the brink, and he will be seriously considering a permanent dip in the East River, his Spankees' gear torn in frustration.

(I think I got all the tenses and moods right above. If not, be kind.)

[Harwich Rich]

The Trolls are starving--Oh the Humanity!!

[da kine]

I'm just afraid that the next time Callaghan calls Mahty, the phone will ring and ring...13.5 games behind will have driven Mahty to the brink, and he will be seriously considering a permanent dip in the East River, his Spankees' gear torn in frustration.

(I think I got all the tenses and moods right above. If not, be kind.)

[Youk Rules]

You should see what some Yanks fans are saying on the blogs: fire Joe, fire Guidry, fire Mattingly, fire Cashman, trade everyone but Jeter, Posada, A-Rod, and so on.

They're so schizophrenic it's not even funny. But it is...

[Jackie]

I've been interpreting the absence of Mahty as appropriate... by and large (excluding present company, Jason O. and PT) Yankee fans disappear off the face of the Earth - or at least Sox boards - when the Yanks aren't doing well. In the face of this year's epic suckage, it's no wonder Mahty and his ilk don't come around much anymore.

[tessie]

pinstripe thunder,

i hope you get another long weekend to recover from stringing those two lines together for us!

My Cleveland co-workers have been quiet today, well, at least about baseball. I just had to let out a little Youk! in the middle of a staff meeting though. :)

[pinstripe thunder]

Jackie -- as hb has pointed out with some exasperation, the comic strip characters are fictional. Real Yankee fans don't do the duck and cover drill well. The trolls may go away (except for the dreaded MT -- the masochist troll who hasn't been seen in these parts in centuries and is no relation to PT), but the rest of us hang in there. Like the Boys of Summer, Mazeroski, CBS, Luis Gonzalez, those idiot Angel tindersticks or whatever the hell they were, the Fish, `04 and even Steinbrenner and A-Rod, this too shall pass, although maybe not this year. I personally vote for Mahty to speak, even if he says something stupid. Like bring on Zambrano... Just what we need... another overpaid, underperforming malcontent.

[PJ]

"... Moses chased Pharoah back to Egypt?"

"It's a comic strip. Don't parse the character speeches for accuracy."

I thought you were going for a "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" moment...

PJ

[soxdownunder]

Oka-jima san
With Trotty swinging wildly
Gets another save.

[pinstripe thunder]

Sorry, gang. You don't get Clemens this weekend... he debuts Monday in Chicago. You'll have to wait until August, if he's still around.