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"Help me"

Hart Brachen, humble author of The Soxaholix:
Hart here on the trolley of life, next stop [garbled] …


Well, after yesterday's strip it seems I've painted myself into quite a corner with this whole "let's not jinx the hot streak by discussing it" plot device.


Don't know why I didn't see the potential ramifications inherent to such a move.


I guess this is a taste of what it feels like to be a writer for the TV series Lost.


So where do we go from here? Quite simple, really. I'm going to go up to the White Mountains to see what Jacob says … while you all need to go off and kill your fathers (for no explicable reason).


Oh, and by the way, minor detail — you're all dead anyway after the meteor destroyed the world the day after the Sox won the World Series in 2004 (or did they?).



I am just thrilled we were not witness to any fisticuffs involving Tomokazu-san and Daisuke-san!
As for Lost, Ben is way more hard-core than previously thought; now let's see the island's healing powers retract that 9mm out of a chest cavity.

"Lost" is becoming more and more like a pot-hazy college discussion about how we're all just atoms in a chair used by a giant in another universe.

Or something like that. Hard to remember.

Didn't seem to be much blood for a gaping chest wound.

Couldn't agree more.
Lost has been picked up for three more seasons, 16 episodes in each season.
As the last remaining Lost apologist, I don't get it. It's gonna be a long 3 years, but yet, I can't avert my eyes.

And, what happened to Annie?

What psychoparanormal made Ben's eyes all googly?

"Is" "Locke" "dead" ?

Was Ben born 33 miles from Portland Oregon or Portland, Maine?
Or maybe Portland, Wisconsin or Portland, Kansas?

How did 3 Dog Night get so creepy?

What do I retain all this shit in my head?

Timmy v. Halliday. Nice.


crap, I wish I could fix those typos.


I'm just glad Lazlo Holyfeld is stilling getting work (Ben's dad). I actually really enjoyed last night's ep.

I'm pretty sure the writing team determined they were in purgatory before the series begin, but had to change it when all the fans figured it out within 5 episodes.

Well, it's near Christmas in Lost time, and it's Ben's birthday. I don't think they were out hiking near Portland Maine that time of year when Ben was born. It sort of rules out Wisconsin too. They were clearly hiking in the hills, which probably rules out Kansas and FL.

Oregon on the coast would be temperate, and hilly, so that's gotta be it I think. Also, didn't Juliet fly to Portland for the Hanso job?

And to think, I enjoyed the past few episodes, and was just starting to hope that the show was finally emerging from its season-long slump...and then they dropped last night's turd.

If they had just stuck to the revelation that Ben murdered the entire Dharma Initiative, it would've been a powerful episode.

But no, they just had to throw in an Invisible Talking Poltergeist as well.

Jesus H. Crisp.

After Eko died, I swore that I would stop watching the show if Locke ever got killed too.

Now I don't know what to do. I'm in too deep to stop watching even if Locke does, in fact, die.

Also, didn't Juliet fly to Portland for the Hanso job?

Speaking of Hanso, how is it that the "hostiles" who were in opposition to the Hanso founded Dharma Initiative can also have access to all of the resources provided by Hanso (files, sub, getting people hit by busses, hiring scientists, etc.) post island coup d'etat?

Or are we supposed to believe that the "hostiles" are part of the "experiment"?

Meanwhile, in one of those summer teaser releases on the web, we saw Nathan at Hanso/Dharma on the mainland in the group getting the initial "we are about to embark on a great blah blah" pep talk.

How can he be both Dharma and hostile? WTF?

It's questions like the above that make the mythology fall apart for me.

Yeah, there will be answers, but, you know, it just seems so much less than what it could be, than what they had going season1.

Man, the Rocket truely does have no soul:


And whatever character is played by Nestor Carbonell and his truckload of wigs never ages. The character's name is Richard Alpert, which is the real life name of Baba Ram Dass, a spiritualist and teacher who has had bases in Oregon and Hawaii.

From wiki:

"After his return to the United States in 1969, Alpert founded several organizations dedicated to expanding spiritual awareness and promoting spiritual growth, including Hanuman Foundation. Since then he has embraced a wide variety of spiritual traditions and practices, including guru kripa (grace of the guru); bhakti yoga focused on the Hindu spiritual figure Hanuman; meditation in various schools of Buddhism including Theravada, Mahayana, Tibetan, and Zen; karma yoga; and Sufi and Jewish studies. In February 1997, he suffered a stroke"

fuck me.


In re: jacob, it's nice to know there are people more messed up that me. This was posted in wiki this morning:

On the May 9th episode, The Man Behind The Curtain, Jacob is introduced to John Locke by Ben. However, it appears to Locke that Ben is merely arguing with an empty rocking chair, leaving Locke to believe that Ben may be insane or bluffing. Just as Locke turns to leave, a deep voice says, "Help me". Locke shines his flashlight at Ben, and then everything goes haywire. It was discussed that Jacob despises technology, and when the flashlight is turned on, a frightening and violent struggle breaks out in the room. A table is set on fire, then mysteriously put out in the same instant; a window is broken, and several items are hurled and destroyed in the disarray.

Jacob is briefly visible for a mere second in the cabin. If the scene is played in slow motion, Ben grasps the chair and yells, "That's enough -- you've had your fun!" He is then thrown against the wall and then the camera pans over a silhouette of a man kneeling on the floor. This is believed to be Jacob, the very voice that asked Locke for help just moments before.

After frequent viewings, 'Jacob' appears to be slightly deformed, with a misshapen nose and enlarged forehead. He is facing Ben, fully in view from the shoulders up for less than a second. A screenshot shows that his hair is of the same color as Ben's, though there is substantially less of it. Several viewers have claimed to hear an enraged growling sound after he is captured on screen for that brief moment. Understandably, this is an eerie incident even after rewinding the clip numerous times.

The entry shows a screen cap of "Jacob"




Thanks for that Richard Alpert/Ram Dass connection.

I confess to having a very dog eared copy of Dass's classic 60s counter culture tome "Be Here Now" on my bookshelf nestled in with my Terrence McKenna and Alan Watts collection.

I still turn to Watts frequently for a dose of zen/tao/whatever, McKenna much less so, and I'd actually forgotten all about Ram Dass until reading your comment above.

Shades of "Bob" on Twin Peaks.

And no, that wasn't me.

Forgot to mention, much of Ram Dass's work in the past couple of decades has been devoted to creating spaces (hospices, communes) for people to die (particularly of terminal diseases) in spiritual peace.

Can't help but wonder if there is a connection there to the Lost island/plot.

Agreed, hb.

Rather embarassed that I just connected the dots between Carbonnel/Alpert/BRD this morning. I am sure it has been sitting out there for a while, but something thudded in the back of my brain just today.

To be honest, I was thinking that "Richard Alpert" was the real name of "Wavy Gravy", another well-know acid afficionado back before most of you were born. Turns out WG's name real name is Hugh Romney. [for real]

Some days it doesn't pay to climb out of the rabbit hole, I guess.


Wavy Gravy...that's some good Ben and Jerry's....

Ben and Jerry Trupiano...

Geffner, you ass! You sent him to the island didn't you?!


Thank you for raising the possibility that `04 never happened. I think you know my feelings on the subject, but there are so few true believers. The jury is still out on whether this spring is even real.


Portland, Kansas?

Darnit, lc, you just sent me to the wall map to check out my own state.

Portis, yeah ... but no Portland. I'll send you a bill for the wear and tear on my shoes.

On a more serious note re: Kansas, please send a good thought -- or even better, a bit of whatever you can to the relief agency of your choice -- for the people of Greensburg.

I was there for four days, and the destruction is beyond words. Nowhere to live, nowhere to work -- it's all just gone. I've been through Greensburg hundreds of times in my life, and once I got past the eastern edge of town, I didn't recognize anything.

Whattup, Boston?


Hope they each got in a couple of good "pops", anyway.

Nice job today, Wang (no offense).


I guess I misread something:
I found this in a search:

[begine quote]
Portland--Sumner (County?)"Portland (during part of the 1950's) had a
school, and I believe the building is still standing. A railroad went
through the town and their was a grain elevator in town. I also
believe there was a church there as late as the 1960's or early 70's.
The town (what is left of it) is located just to the north of highway
166 about 1.5 miles and about 1.5 miles to the east of the Kansas

[end quote]

Of course, anything on the interwebs is subject to being somewhat untrue, except for what follows:

Anyhow,SinKC, that is devastation on a scale that we toothsucking hilbillies in the East can't understand, so, with all sincerity, thoughts and prayers to the folks out there. If you have a link for well-wishes or donations, the folks on this creepy site are not bad apples, actually.


Wow ... Portland must be small not to be on the map. Here in Kansas, we're so desperate to claim towns that we'll count a grain elevator if there are more than two houses nearby.

I know the East Coast has its share of destruction, too. Just different sorts -- and any loss is a tragedy.

To borrow a line from yesterday's group du jour, "People are people." And to borrow another from a friend, "One death is all deaths."

And I know there are good people, and lots of them, on this site. That's why I felt comfortable posting. I'd like to have h.b.'s permission before I put up a link or a number, though.

Wang was wonderful today, but I thought Vizcaino and Henn particularly shone in the eighth. They're competing with Farnsworth to see if a double-digit WHIP is attainable. I have nothing to say in defense of our bullpen at the moment. I bank on our bats and our bankroll (and would note parenthetically that, ugly as it may have looked, we've played .700 ball the past 10 games -- I can live with that).


SinKC, here's Portland, KS. It looks pretty non-descript to me.

And if anyone wants to see all of Greenburg in a glance, there's this link to the Google Earth dev team who also include a link to overlay the images onto Google Earth in comparsion of what was and what now is. Chilling pictures from space.

Oh, by all means, put the link up, SinKC.

It's also a good idea, particularly on the trolley of life, to check for suicide bombers.

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