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It's for real!

Matsuzaka press conference over the car radio:
"Hmm. How should I answer that question?"


Matsuzaka presser:
"I knew this question was coming today. And I was preparing some optional answers for this particular question."


Matsuzaka presser:
"Should I say, 'I have that ball'?"


Doug thinking to himself:


Matsuzaka presser:
"Or I could say, 'Which particular ball are you referring to?'"


Matsuzaka presser:
"Or 'Which ball are you calling a gyroball?'"


Matsuzaka presser:
"Overall, if I have the chance, I will pitch that ball."


Doug thinking to himself:
How reluctantly
the bee emerges from deep
within the peony.


Author's Notes
Doug's final thought is a haiku from the great master of the form Basho (1644-1694).


Nice jumpsuit. Big NASCAR fan, are we?

Beautiful, h.b.

One need not say more.


Why did I just get a hankering for Crystal Pepsi and Cindy Lauper tape?

Also, who wraps themselves in in the gas pump hose?

I do like the Pru in the background, nice touch.

This just in:

Keith Foulke will announce his retirement

Thanks for 2004, Keith. I hope someday you can enter a Burger King and not have to be reminded of all of the stupid things you said in the boiler room that is Boston.

Is he putting jet fuel into the car?

Thanks, Foulkie. I am sorry it ended like it did.
You will always be One of The 25.

My favorite thought about Foulke was the guy who had his headstone made (one of those pre-planning death things) and had it inscribed with the legend "Stabbed By Foulke"


Dudes, it's clip-art? Mmm-kay?

I know you're just busting my balls, but still I feel compelled to once again issue the following caveats:

1) I can't draw so I (and by extension you) have to take what I can get.

2) I've been looking for an illustrator to hire for graphics since April 2004 and so far still haven't found one.

3) Even if I could wave a magic wand and solve #1 or #2 above, my primary focus would still be the dialog. The appearance/dress/look of the characters is far less important than what they say.

Again, I know you're just having fun, but, man, talk about getting off topic.

We've got Matsuzaka himself proclaiming the gyroball exists and so far only Lou has commented on the fucking gravity and joy of that while the rest of you dick around with the clip-art?

Am I missing something here?

I mean what's next, you guys going to start talking on your cell phones during a game at Fenway to comment on freshness of the peanuts?

Focus people!

Thanks, Foulkie. I am sorry it ended like it did.
You will always be One of The 25.

My favorite thought about Foulke was the guy who had his headstone made (one of those pre-planning death things) and had it inscribed with the legend "Stabbed By Foulke"


Did somebody actually do that tombstone thing already LC? Damn. I had that all planned (and even mentioned it here a few times) from the moment I heard that marvelous phrase.

Guess I was dreaming that I'd be the first, given that I plan on living for 200 more years or so.

Regarding the gyroball, I'm hoping my center field seats will provide a stunning view of all its glory. Or "their" glory. Gigantor WAS kind of waffling about how many versions he had.

BTW my rant above is to be taken as 7 parts fun and 3 parts serious.

After posting it and reading it I realized it could come across too heavy.

A world of dew,
and within every dewdrop
a world of struggle

sorry for the double post. my 'puter froze .


asagao ni
ware wa meshi kû
otoko kana

I am one
Who eats his breakfast,
Gazing at morning glories


We wouldn't come and comment, h.b., unless we looked forward to your morning glories. ;)

Jeez, HB. Didn't mean to offend. I guess I missed the "fucking gravity and joy" of the reality of the gyroball existence. Here's how stupid I am: I thought the damn thing was for real all along - and didn't realize how tentative it's reality was supposed to be. Color me red-faced...

Of course my grip on reality is tentative at best anyway, seeing as how I lust after that gorgeous piece of clip art ass known to us all as Lisa the Temp. And this post should by all means be considered 10 parts for fun and 0 parts serious.

It is Friday, after all, and a payday to boot! AND the start to a weeklong vacation to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone, WY! For me, it's all W00T(!), all the time for the next 10 days.

Rob in CT,

It's all good, brother.

Gyroball, payday, Friday... hell yeah!

Have fun Rob and don't forget to post

I realize that if you earn Mothra-type wages, you don't pump your own gas. But is it possible to find full-service gas anywhere in the city of Boston these days?

What's that he's wearing...........one of those rubber suits to help make you sweat?

Sorry hb, I couldn't resist.

PS: Don't hire an artist. The use of clip art is one small part of what make this great.

Agreed, SoCal. Although I thought that the day after the Sox won the WS, H.B. might have considered contracting Stan Lee for that particular strip.

So for some reason my mouse happened to click on 'by Hart Brachen' and the info page popped up. Nice picture - very artsy. Hadn't seen it before. The little tab on IE 7 says 'Who is Hart Brachen?' and the first thing that jumped into my mind was 'Who is John Galt?'. The comparisions might be endless.

My bad. I forgot that Stan Lee wrote the comics. Should have said Jack Kirby.

None of us would want anybody to take over for H.B.

"It's all good, brother..." Amen to that, Hart! AMEN!

Rich - I'll be taking the Gov. LePetomaine Freeway all the way. Got my sack full of dimes ready. Don't expect much in the way of posting though. Not much by way of 'Net access at Old Faithful - and I'll be busy drinking my way around the geysers most of the time anyway. That or crashing and burning down the slopes at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort. I may not be that great a skier, but I can apres-ski through the chalet with the very best of them. :)

From the article:

"If I can keep my form and still pitch a knuckleball, it will be very advantageous for me," he said. "I tried that in Los Angeles, but it didn't work. For now I will keep it on the side."

Oh man. This was too much. Gyroball is real. Knuckleball to come. Three-day weekend is here. YES!

That is a cool picture of h.b. (allegedly) that I've not seen before. And here I thought that was his real name, just like mine.


I know you're all excited by the mysticism of Matsuzaka, but I'd wager a Canadian born Asahi Superdry that if he did throw a gyroball, it'd be on tape somewhere, certainly on Youtube, in slo-mo for all physicists/SABR salivators to see in all its glory. All this smoky and breathless praise of his words reminds me of Black Wings by Tom Waits...good mythology, yes, but men have feet of clay, my friends.


Ah, but Gigator-san is no mere mortal. He's bigger than big, stronger than strong, gyroier than gyro. With my trusty remote control, I shall use him against the forces of the Evil Empire.

in truth, the clip art is a big part of what makes this great. But it's just a small part of what makes it truly great.

Regarding your search for an illustrator, unfortunately two of the premier candidates could be a little hard to get.
Rick Griffin is now drawing for the Cosmic Allstars and Gilbert Sullivan has been staying lower key in Paris.

See what happens with trying to video record the gyroball is when you view the tape, mysteriously, it's replaced by white noise with no visuals. But if you play that backwards you very clearly hear an ominous and hypnotic voice saying, "Only fools are enslaved by time and space."

Gilbert Sullivan is in Paris?!? Man, I love those patter songs.

"I am the very model of a modern Major General..."

H.B. - you crack me up...

It's NOT all good brother...

Gilligans Island on Acid

"A surveillance of assailance,if thats what you want to call it"

Right, I have seen a gyroball listed on break.com and youtube.com, but each time I watch it some bugeyed guy named Ben reaches down my throat through the computer to rip out my pancreas. I'm saying it's not worth the trouble.


After watching the "pressah" I'm throughly convince that the media are idiots. Masserotti asks, "what restaurants do you like?" PLEASE, what a waste of everyone's time.

When will we see some real journalism again?


Yes, Lou, it took me two days to figure that out, but it only took the bears a couple hours. Go figure!

Love today's post. I thought the guy was a gas station attendant in New Jersey.... isn't that Land of the Full Service Station?
Also...Seems the US is up in arms over Matsuzaka's Asahi commercial.

Is today's clipart dude wearing sandals while filling his '85 Maxima? Disturbing.

Anyway, farewell Folke. The image of you that I have burned into my memory is of Tek (6'2", 230lbs) launching himself at you (6'0", 210) after the final out, and you taking it like a man. It was touch and go there for a second...but you withstood the onslaught. The Burger King comments were hard to swallow, but I think the majority of us are over it (BDD excluded)

Oh the joy, the beauty, the legend in the making. The art is lovely, & the suit is probably the hottest thing going in Japanland now anyhow! I think it's a perfect likeness. Keep that chin up.

The gyroball will appear when the gyroball is needed.

Don't ever change from clip-art, please. That's a key part of the shtick.

or maybe the US gov would rather Dice-k do something more like this:
(brilliant dubbed GI Joe PSA)

Expectant fans hope
their faith is secure in guts
made of Toyo Tire

Gyro is Fugu
Uni toro sake breath
Breathes death on A-Rod

Happy Mardi Gras, ya'll. It's a four day weekend for us!

Rob, have a great time geyser watching and skiing. We went to Yellowstone last July and rode the gondola at Jackson Hole - had hot chocolate at the summit cause it was sooo cold. Watch out for the bison and try not to run over the ground squirrels (or whatever those things are that dart across the road everywhere)

Thanks NOLA! Enjoy your grand Mardi Gras. Enjoyed being down there a year ago, and had a blast in spite of the rain and chill. Get lots of beads!

See you in a week or so. HB and all, thanks for everything.

"Now go do ... that voodoo ... that you do ... Soooooo welllllllll!!!!!

Rob- have a GREAT time out in WY... wave at Montana for me! Happy long weekend everyone. :)

Matsuzaka has thrown the gyroball. It is on video. I have it all. The problem with discussion of the pitch is that it is not one thing. The gyroball is a system of pitching that includes several grips and arm angles. There are at least 4 effective variations. When Matsuzaka speaks cryptically about it, it's because:

1. Japanese is a vague language
2. He wants to grow his legend
3. The gyroball isn't "a" pitch, per se

I've had many conversations about this, most recently with Will Carroll who teaches "that pitch" in the US. If you haven't read my interview with him at Matsuzaka Watch, head over and get the scoop.

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