Giving the slit-eyed hillbilly his due

Mike:
Well, Manning finally won the "the big game" so now prepare yourself for the 24/7 "The Greatest Quarterback of All Time" media onslaught.

 

---

Doug:
Of All Time? Are you kidding me? The Manning ball washing is so intense it's going to be "The Greatest Quarterback of All Time and Before Time Itself Was Measured."

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, you're so right! Imagine Jim Nantz and Phil Simms in a time machine going back to seconds after the Big Bang …

 

---

Mike:
[Imitating Nantz and Simms] "Phil what we're privy to right there in that primordial goo just over there is what in several billion years will become Peyton Manning"

 

---

Doug:
"Yes, Jim, and look how the pre-Manning primordial goo is reading the totality of the Universe."

 

---

Mike:
"Phil, it looks like the the pre-Manning primordial goo has a well executed game plan."

 

---

Doug:
"Yes, it does. And from up here it appears the pre-Manning primordial goo is advancing toward a silicon-based life form evolution … But wait, did you see that?!"

 

---

Mike:
"We are witnessing history, Phil. The pre-Manning primordial goo called an audible and is now headed toward becoming a carbon-based life form!"

 

---

Doug:
"See, that's what I'm talking about with this goo. The pre-Manning primordial goo is such a natural, is so in tune with the Cosmos that it read the Universal scheme. It knows the best route to the end zone of life is to go carbon-based rather than silicon-based."

 

---

Mike:
Meanwhile, if there's anything good we can say about Manning getting that monkey off his back it's that the imprimatur of "The Greatest Player in His Respective Sport to Not Have Won a Championship" is stamped firmly on just one man.

 

---

Doug:
Something tells me that A-Rod's shrink didn't get much sleep last night.

 

---

Mike:
"Are you there, Doc? It's me, Alex."

 

---

Mike:
"Yes, Doctor, I'm having those bad dreams again and can't sleep … You know the ones where I'm being chased by that bad man in the catcher's mask …"

 

---

Mike:
"I tried counting sheep, Doctor, but the sheep were wearing catcher's masks, too, and it frightens me!"

 

---

Comments

[louclinton]

With apologies to Ray Fitzgerald and Ernie Roberts, a few post sb observations:

Four words: Worst Super Bowl Ever.
Memo to Prince: I wanted to hate it. You rocked.
I guess we can all die, safe in the notion that Jesus Christ, in the form of Peyton Manning, has returned to earth.
The Patriots would have bean either team by 3 touchdowns.
How do you like Ted Johnson now?
Has the fucking truck left yet?
Larry Claflin’s hemorrhoid knows more baseball than Larry Lucchino
Good thing Jim Nantz has the golf gig.

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

Dear FedEx:

There is gravity on the moon.

Love,
the Mooninites

[COD]

I wonder how many complaints the FCC will receive from "pro-family" organizations whose souls were burned by the sight of the rather phallic outline of Prince's guitar behind that translucent sheet?

The QB job in Chicago should be totally up for grabs next year.

[Pond]

Has there ever been a bigger blunder in Super Bowl MVP history? Clear choice for Colts most valuable player: Addai. Runner up for Colts most valuable player: Grossman. Give me a break: 25/38, 1TD, INT, and a fumble. Does anyone here not think the award was already chosen two weeks ago?

[COD]

I think there should have been co-MVPs for both Indy RBs. Rhodes had his first 100 yard rushing game in 5 years...in the freaking Super Bowl. How is that not worthy of the MVP?

Peyton could have easily been picked 3 times in the firt quarter.

[Rob in CT]

Lou - to quote a famous second banana, "You are correct, Sir!"

Respectfully,

Rob in CT
LC Ditto-head

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

I'm in complete agreement Pond. When it was mentioned that he was one reception from a SB record and that he had rushed for 77 yards, I thought it was automatic even though he didn't scored a TD.

Choices for MVP: Addai, Rain, Grossman, Rhodes, Manning.

[yazbread]

I so wanted to put Rome on at 9:00 but the rest of the family would have been in an uproar.

[COD]

Q: How was the Bears Super Bowl appearance like sex?

A: The excitement lasted 17 seconds.

[mothra_fan]

I hate the Colts, but I liked that Super Bowl. The rain really added an element of surprise (and a little danger). The game was still undecided i the 4th quarter, which is pretty good for a Super Bowl.

A tip of the hat to Peyton and the Colts. They were the better team...

[Bob]

Best line of the night about the never-ending Payton Love Fest from the anouncers (via a gay couple standing in the corner at a party I attended):

"We have porn at home with less ass licking and cock sucking."

[Jeff]

"the imprimatur of 'The Greatest Player in His Respective Sport to Not Have Won a Championship' is stamped firmly on just one man."

Hmmmm... I thought that was Dan Marino. A-Rod's a better answer, but you can't ignore the cold stares of Dan Marion at fellow commentators like Boomer Esiason who secretly love to point this out on camera.

[h.b.]

Good point about Marino but only considering ACTIVE players, not the retired for the imprimatur.

(And, as always, the lines uttered here rarely stand up to scrutiny.)

[Jason O.]

yb, did you see it? Very good episode.

The Colts OL owned the Bears front 7, that was the game. Surprised to see Indy's big success running on 1st/2nd down.

It was easy for Manning with every 3rd or 4th run gashing CHI for 10yds.

[vermonter]

It was nice to see Ditka get some love during the pre-game. Hard to believe that was 21 years ago.

[vermonter]

Er...22...

f'ing math!

[Aaron]

Due to my lingering bitterness over the AFC title game, I watched the game at a bar with a bunch of Bears fans. I would say that Sexy Rexy's future job prospects are not good, given that his own team's fans seem to viscerally loathe him. Many of them were chanting for Brian Griese by the beginning of the second quarter. It's not often you can honestly say that one player cost his team the game, but in this case, it's true. If Chicago had even an average QB, they would've won, Indy's statistical dominance notwithstanding.

Agreed, Peyton as MVP was ridiculous. 191 yards rushing against the Bears' defense? Indy's offensive line should split the award five ways.

Best t-shirt spied during the game: a picture of a Mooninite with the caption "1-31-07: Never Forget." Mind you, I live in Seattle. Gawd bless teh interwebs...

[buckner was framed]

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780061151941&itm=3

Anyone else see this item about Mr. Rod? "In this autobiographical fiction, Rodriguez tracks a young player named Alex as he gains the discipline, motivation, and skills that help him lead his team to a championship."

Sure as hell sounds like fiction to me...

"a boy named Alex who knows what it's like to (s)wing at a wild pitch or have a ball bounce right between his legs." Gee, ya think?

[Edgy Reggie]

I still laugh and am amazed that Sox fans think Varitek was some kind of a bad dude in that little skirmish with Alex.

In full catchers gear he pokes his glove and fingers in ARod's face. I went to a school with nuns that were meaner than that. BTW, in hockey you get a larger fine for fighting if you don't remove your mask.

And if you watch that video, Tek ends up on the bottom of the pile in an ARod headlock. My point here? Tek fights like a girl, and Arod would knock the dogshit out of him in a fair fight.

Say, how about them Colts? They whipped the big, bad Bears at there own game, running and defense. But the nicest part about this march to the championship was coming back on the Pats after being down 21-6 at half, and torching them for 32 in the 2nd half, winning it on their last drive.

h.b.- your whole repertoire of Peyton Manning insults being a loser and can't win the big one is shot in the ass.

[h.b.]

h.b.- your whole repertoire of Peyton Manning insults being a loser and can't win the big one is shot in the ass.

Ah, yeah, that was kinda sorta the theme of today's strip. Did you read it or are you just a little obtuse?

And if/when A-Rod wins a WS that bit of poking fun will end as well. But, you know, feel free to come by and point out the obvious, dude, especially if it's already been alluded to by the characters first.

[jamesfrmmaine]

Edgy Reggie - "My point here? Tek fights like a girl, and Arod would knock the dogshit out of him in a fair fight"

Is this the same bluelipped guy who got tears in his eyes when he started the season like 1-15 vs the sox? Arod may be a beast physically but its the size of the fight in the dog, not the dog in the fight. I would take Tek any day of the week.

Oh and you sound retarded praising the dolts... Grossman gave them that game. He literally suicide with fear. What a loser.

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

Edgy Reggie, Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[Edgy Reggie]

Yeah, I read it, but I guess "Giving the slant-eyed hillbilly his due" title kind of jaded me right off the bat.

Believe it or not, that sounded like another insult to me. I didn't really sense your magnanimity.

Slant-eyed...slant-eyed..? You mean like people from Japan?

[Edgy Reggie]

jamesfrmmaine, well of course you'd take
Tek, your a sox fan. No objectivity. The fact remains Tek is a mask wearing chicken.

As for the Colts, we won the motherfucker and dominated. It shouldn't have been close. Go back and dissect the Pats close wins in the superbowl. Your opponents weren't exactly always stellar.

[h.b.]

Oh, Edgy, you never said anything about a moratorium on insulting He of the Ginormous Helmet that Gets Al-Jazeera Signals.

You wrote of insults concerning his "being a loser and [who] can't win the big one" and that's what I was referring to in my previous comment and what the characters were alluding to today.

All other Peyton insults are, of course, still on the table.

But, you know, considering there are roughly 250 Soxaholix strips a year and, I'm guessing, not more than 5-6 have ever mentioned Peyton Manning, you really can relax a bit. The menacingly retahded looking Manning is far from the characters' fave effigy.

BTW as for "slant" it really should read "slit" as that was the original term Mike used in the strip "MVP's of a Different Sort."

My mistake. (They ain't kidding when they say the chronic affects your short-term memory.)

[Aaron]

Go back and dissect the Pats close wins in the superbowl. Your opponents weren't exactly always stellar.

Well, let's see: the '01 Rams were 14-2, 1st in offense, 3rd in defense, and 14 point favorites. '03 Panthers, 11-5, beat the crap out of Philly on the road to make the SB. '04 Eagles, 13-3 and won the NFC by a mile. Sounds like a pretty good crop of opponents to me.

Now, granted, we didn't have a lot of competition in the AFC playoffs in '03 and '04, but jeez, if the Fates couldn't dial up better opponents than the Colts both years, is that really our fault?

[Edgy Reggie]

h.b.
Slit-eyed? Oh ok, so your on a "Deliverance" sort of theme here.
Hmmmmm. Peyton did go to school in Tennessee.

Those ignorant Tennessean bastards couldn't even vote for their favorite son, Al Gore, in the 2000 election, giving us the giant clusterfuck of a George Bush Presidency. Not to mention electing a good ol' boy mayor from Chattanooga to the U.S. Senate in 2006 instead of Harold Ford Jr., a much better canditate who happened to be black.

Redneck, gun-toting, Nascar loving hicks.

[Edgy Reggie]

Aaron,
I wasn't talking about WHO you played in the Superbowl, rather their level of play in the actual game, in response to james saying the Colts won because Grossman gave us the game. Grossman was a factor, no doubt, but give the Colts some credit.

In other words, the Pats opponents weren't always at their best in those Superbowls.

The Colts beat the best teams in the NFL, the Ravens, the Pats, and the Bears, other than the Chargers.

[h.b.]

Now, Edgy, no need to bring the whole state of TN into this nor hillbillies in general. We're just talking about the one.

Some of our best friends are hillbillies, albeit in the woods of northern NH and Maine as opposed to the Smokies or the Southern Appalachians.

BTW "Deliverance" was set in Georgia and not TN.

[Rob in CT]

Sooooo, anywhoo. Trying (desperately) to look past Edgy's rants and NAMBLA-esque love for HGHGAl-JS...

Did anyone else feel the smiling aura of the Rock Gods looking down from On High while The Artist Formerly... sang a really cool rendition of Purple Rain in last night's Miami downpour? I know I sure did.

[Edgy Reggie]

h.b.
Yeah, having watched Deliverance several times, I am aware it was set in Georgia, but, same difference. That is what you were portraying in "slit-eyed hillbilly."

As for the people of the "Volunteer State", I know there's some fine folks down there, but the majority view on politics there, in my opinion, is "FUCKED", and I can't help but wonder how much better off this country would be if Al Gore had been elected instead of George Bush.

[Natalie]

Rob in CT- Totally! Prince was the highlight of what I thought was overall a pretty lackluster Super Bowl. I have always, disturbingly, found him extremely sexy. I know he's like 4'2 and all, but IMO he has bigtime duende.

[Rob]

That picture will never, ever get old.

[steve]

So A-Rod's better than Teddy Ballgame? Sweet!

BTW, I always thought Barry Bonds lost that 2002 World Series.

[NolaSox]

My pet peeve - giving MVPs brand new cars that they can obviously afford to buy. I may just have to egg that thing if I see it parked in front of Archie's place on 1st Street.

[Edgy Reggie]

Uh..Robbie in Ct.
I don't come here to be a gushing brown-noser like yourself, and as far as NAMBLA, well, judging from your posts, I'd be willing to bet your ass is a mobile sperm bank courtesy thereof.

[IkeG]

Somebody turn off the italics.

That may have been the first time I've actually enjoyed watching/listening to Prince for more than a couple of songs. Dug the silhouette effect. The funniest thing was my nephew, who kept saying "When's he going to play 'Darling Nikki'?"

[mikeya2k1]

forget the score in that game and look at the stats.passing yards ,running yards,time of possesion and you will see that the colts kicked ass the score was a reflection of the weather conditions or else the colt would have scored in the forties. did manning deserve the mvp. prob not but lets face fact he is the face of the nfl and it was a given he was gonna get it and to those who are surprised that the colts could run the ball... well when you drop your safties on every play and put linebackers into pass coverage its easy to run. it was damned if you do and damned if you dont for lovie. just goes to prove the afc is at this point in time the dominant league. and to those who think the pats could have beat either of these teams well they had there chance and lost. im a pats fan but lets give credit where its due, congrats indy colts!!

[Mothra_Fan]

Edgy,

I'm not sure about A-rod kicking the 'dog shit' out of Tek in a fair fight but, as a SOX fan, I've always been uncomfortable with the fact that Tek kept his mask on while going after A-Rod. I'm even less comfortable with the fact that so many SOX fans love him for it. How long till Truck day?...

[Edgy Reggie]

Mothra,
I won't deny ARod overreacted when that pitch from Arroyo came in. Bronson had clipped a lot of guys with that funny breaking pitch that sometimes broke inside and I doubt that it was intentional. ARod should have just walked down to first instead of making a big deal out of it.

Having said that, the perception thrown out there by a lot of Sox fans that Tek poking his catchers mitt in ARod's face somehow equated to an ass-whipping is something I'm not buying.

[h.b.]

Edgy, step off the ledgy. I don't think anyone cares to read your view on politics.

Besides, politics day on the site was last week.