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Go ahead, be gone with it

Lisa the Temp:
Hello, my peeps, Lisa's back for all your temporary needs, just like Vinny Testaverde, you know?


Lisa the Temp:
Well, except that he's like 103 years old and I'm not.


Lisa the Temp:
Oh, come on now, this doesn't mean that anybody is hurting. Jeez, people, that's how rumors get started.


Lisa the Temp:
Speaking of rumors, did you hear Cowboys QB Tony Romo and Chestica Simpson are dating after Chestica found out he had a "thing" for her?


Lisa the Temp:
All I can say is Chesty better hit that before Sunday because Romo's thang is going to get pwned by the Colts.



Oh, my sweet, sweet animated temp. You're going to be very big in Japan, my dear.

BTW, H.B., have you thought about that? When/if the Sox sign D-Mothra, I bet this blog starts getting record numbers.

Is this the longest "Lisa da Temp" strip ever? I saw her smiling face and expected a two or three panel Soxaholix today, not 5 full panels of sassy goodness.

I hadn't thought of that, Bob, but you're right. I bet the stats from UTC 9 get a serious uptick.

Currently readers from Japan only account for 0.65% of the total.

Interestingly, the readers coming from the UK are double that of Japan currently.

Buster Olney's blog on ESPN.com (Free today for some reason) has a discussion of the improved "value" of Manny's $20MM/yr contract. He argues that suddenly the guy they couldn't give away on waivers now looks like a relative bargain because of the mad money beign offered to players this winter ($120MM-6 yrs for Soriano? eesh!)

Spec is he'd wind up in a Met uniform, replaced by JD Drew. New lineup would look something like:
CF Coco Crisp
SS Julio Lugo
DH David Ortiz
RF J.D. Drew
1B Kevin Youkilis
C Jason Varitek
3B Mike Lowell
LF Wily Mo Pena
2B Dustin Pedroia

As Buster states, "Not great. Not terrible. A work in progress." Not exactly the bell-ringing lineup one wants from the hometown boys after dropping the cash being bandied about. But maybe thre's another slugger out there for teh money being "saved" on Manny's contract.

Enough of that. Vinnie in Foxboro, Manny out of Fenway? This is not a good start to my Friday.


Oh, by the way Lisa, you are looking lovely as ever today. Aren't you a little warm in that jacket?

You might want to have H.B. run your spell check on the last panel. I'm sure you mean to say "owned".

Ah, Rob, you're not fluent in l33t-speak?

Definition of "pwned"

Topic -

Take on the D-Mothra negotiations from an "official" involved in the negotiation: "Boras basically is in an impossible situation, because nobody wants the negotiations to break down and have this guy go back to Japan. Seibu doesn't want him back, because they want to keep the $51 million. Matsuzaka doesn't want to go back, and a $10 million a year offer is a 300 percent raise for him over what he made in Japan. Major League Baseball wants him to stay, of course, because of the interest he's generated."


h.b. - I'm red-faced. Please chalk it up to too many late nights in a row.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Rob: Geeze. How awful for Boras.

Those are good points and the Sox will use it to make it work for them. It seems like the sticking point won't be the amount per year but the length.

Good strip today H.B.; first time I laughed out loud for Lisa the Temp.

"Romo's thang is going to get pwned by the Colts." That is funny enough and then Rob in C.T.'s ancient ass asking for a spell check? Priceless.

Ryan - yeah, poor little Scotty... :)

Cafardo makes some of the same points today, too. Thought it interesting as I hadn't really considered the cultural aspects before. But then, I'm not turning Japanese, not really turning Japanese, don't really think so. (With a tip o' the bowler to Bob.)

Rumors (yes useless, but they are the fuel of the hot stove after all) suggest that Boras is pushing for a three year deal for Mothra. That just seems insane to me. If I were the Sox FO, I'd shoot for 6 or 7, and settle for no less than five, unless it was four with a club option.

I do think that the Sox definitely have the leverage here.

Has anyone else also heard that the Sox bid is actually negotiable as well? I understand that Ichiro's bid was in the range of $16 million, but was reduced to $13 after negotiation. Does this apply to Mothra?

BTW I think it's a shame that the Vapors are only remembered for their single "Turning Japanese." That was/is a fun tune, but it's not at all representative of the rest of their work which is quite a bit meatier.

Indeed, their second album, Magnets, is incredible. One of the best "new wave" albums of the 80s IMO, though its sales were dismal.

Lisa, make me your keyboard.


Please, please, please no Manny leaving talk. I prefer to act like everything is A-OK and that he will never go anywhere. Head in sand, if you will.

You guys really seem to like Lisa. Maybe somebody can tip off Manny about her existence and then hb can craft a strip where she begs him to stay. It's worth a shot...

Tony Romo??? Gak. He's about as attractive as the mannings.

//Maybe somebody can tip off Manny about her existence//

How do you tip Manny off about anything?

Well, that's a fine point, lc. Damn. Scratch that.

This is a riot, "Manny wants a 5 year power-train warranty..." http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s6i12145

did you hear Cowboys QB Tony Romo and Chestica Simpson are dating

Does that mean that Chestica is a Romosexual?

Please tell me I'm the first person to make that horrible pun.

I saw the Globe listed four of the top nicknames as submitted by their readers, please, please do what you can to make sure that D-Mat does not become the preferred moniker. Can we get an website up to support this campaign?

The Herald has a nickname contest, too. We can email ideas to:

[email protected]

BTW, I agree that D-Mat blows gyro-chunks. Can we get a consensus here? D-Mothra seems to be the majority choice from what I've seen.

fortunately, Rob, microsoft has a l337 primer. Hi-larryus.

The problem I have with Mothra is that Mothra is a she. I don't mean to sound misogynistic, but a female monster that lays eggs and has the qualities of a moth and butterfly just doesn't really work for me in the "whoo, scary!" department.

And then there's this from the Wiki: "Mothra is usually accompanied by two tiny priestesses or fairies (often called shobijin—Japanese for "small beauties") who also speak for her."

You really want that for one of the studs of your rotation?

Can somebody throw me a bone here?

Was the giant turtle Gamorah, friend of the children?

Well, I submitted Rodan yesterday (who actually helps Godzilla defeat other monsters, has amazing abilities, and is a guy-ster), but nobody seemed to like it.

巨大なカメ- lc のため

That's my problem with Mothra, too, even though it's probably the best-known monster after Godzilla. Other choices don't roll of the tongue as well, though: Gamera, Rodan, King Ghidorah. I guess he could be Mecha-Godzilla, but still pretty weak.

Here's the story on Rodan from wiki:


My fav line is: "Rodan's primary weapons are his speed and agility; he can create hurricane-force winds in his wake by flying at supersonic speeds at low altitude."

Ah, thanks Cooper it was gamera

Soxdownunder; are you saying Surly-But-Lovable shrinks into his shell when he hits the water (a la Costanza)?

No problem. Anyone else remember Gamera's appearances on Mystery Science Theater 3000?

Interested in giant turtles ? I know I am - http://www.shrineofgamera.com/

h.b., I'm with you. Mothra is out...PLEASE.

I was okay with Ultraman...that's not so bad...he's a hero, etc. There's probably an Ultraman vs. Godzilla mash-up out there somewhere.

D-Mat is also crap...nobody should be called Mat except a paraplegic laying on the floor (badum-ching).

But seriously, Ultraman...maybe Kid Gyro...that's pretty snazzy.

The Gamer-a of the Week?

He's a real Gamer-a?

Playoff Gamer-a?

Aussie sox - cute.

Mothra はまだ不平を言うHB にもかかわらず支配する

Bob, I think I'm saying - this is all very silly indeed and we all know far too much about (or have too ready access to information about) Japanese monsters! & poor George - I'm sure he's ordinarily magnificently hung.


And once again, I'm gonna throw it out there:

Cyclone Ranger?

(I deleted "Ranger" last time because of the Texas Rangers, but the name DOES evoke the movement of his junk AND to the lyrics of "Turning Japanese."

Maybe we could have all the kids at Fenway singing that song in unison.

Followed by a song from The Circle Jerks. :)

Rob in Ct - this is the babel fish translation back 'In spite even in HB which still says dissatisfaction you control' !

Apparently, not all Mothra's were female. Mothra Leo was male in gender.

Nonetheless, we are (for the most part) grown adults with (again, for the most part) actual paying jobs. So, it's best to move on.

D-Mothra sounds the best, but since I am always screaming about the pink hat crowd, maybe I should drop it.

So, Gamera is my new vote.

As in, "That D-Mothra is a real gamer[a]"


Yeah...you guys probably should have realized that it was a bad idea when I was touting "Mothra". I mean, I WANT the guy to lay eggs out there. And Mothra has minstrels a la Brave Sir Robin? That's what I'm looking for.

Like Cooper, I had also originally suggested King Ghidorah (to be sporting), who was Godzilla's biggest challenge. Godzilla himself basically couldn't take care of King Ghidorah by himslef, he needed help from the other, uh, monsters. Plus, "King Ghidorah" has a real majesty to it. Just do the ominous Japansese monster movie narration voice and say "King Ghidorah to yourself. Huh? Huh?!

By the way, I love how this is a semi-serious discussion.

Sorry about that sloppy second paragraph. Liquid lunch, you know.

For a baseball-crazy and highly educated town, this Globe nickname poll is very disturbing:

D-Mat (submitted by multiple users)
Dice-K (submitted by (submitted by multiple users)
None of the above
Haz Mat (submitted by thela_hun_ginjeet)
Dice or Diceman (submitted by multiple users)
The Gun from the Rising Sun (submitted by Charley984)
Mat-Zilla (submitted by TexinIndy)
Kaibutsu, which means The Monster (submitted by SoxKey)
K-san (submitted by speters)
Zaka Khan (submitted by ggrande)
Money (submitted by Kdog)
The Yen Master (submitted by 406)
The Suzakinator (submitted by rvs61081)
Matsuzakattack (submitted by DPG182)
Total votes: 9005

Oh, I know, Dave. I know.

Jesus, Bob, I agree.

Name him "Tee Hee, That Tickles"

anything but Dice-K


I like Haz-Mat. I woke up in the middle of the night with that random thought. I knew it wouldn't be an original, tho.

Why not be totally incongruous and just call him Brave Sir Robin. (Because after reading the name, I can't get that damn song out of my head. Thanks, Dave.)

the only possible way that lisa the temp could be any hotter would be if she was wearing one of these:


Bravely King Ghidorah
set forth from Tokyo,
He was not afraid to die!
Oh King Ghidorah!
He was not at all afraid
to be hit so many ways,
Brave, brave, brave King Ghidorah...

He was not in the least bit scared
to be hit for the cycle.
Or to have some bleeders roll by
or a liner off his elbow!
Have one ripped around Pesky
late in the game
to give the lead away,
Brave, brave, brave King Ghidorah...

Dice-K is EXACTLY what BigBri would have wanted his nickname to be had he come to New York. In fact, I sort of envision BigBri looking a lot like Andrew Dice Clay, matching pleated stonewashed jeans and jacket and all. Eeesh.

Not exactly what I had in mind, ya know...but funny, nonetheless. I apparently didn't have that post well thought out.

I guess your version would also yell Spank Me while he's at it, huh?

Dave S.: very nice. Brave King Ghidorah.

Though "Haz-Mat" has a ring to it, it reminds me of Kaz Matsui, which is never a good thing.

If it makes it more palatable, I think Ghidorah is generally pronounced "Gee-dra" or "Gi-dra." I kind of picture Ichiro and Matsui having to team up to beat him, maybe with Nomo providing sage advice.

With apologies to "South Park" (sung in a kind of mandolin/Renaissance Fair-style):

"A great adventure is waiting for you ahead. Hurry onward SlappyWinks, for you will soon be dead. The journey before you may be long and filled with woe. But you must escape the gay man's ass, or your tale can't be told.

Slappywinks, Slappwinkswinks, Slappywinks, Slappywinks!

Slappywink's journey is distant, far and fast! To find his way out of a gay man's ass! The road ahead is filled with danger and fright! But push onward Slappywinkswinks with all of your might!"


Have a good weekend, everyone.

Fine off-season, Hot Stove work this week, H.B.

Someone was talking about Destoroyah yesterday. I like that one. That nickname already has a Boston accent built in.


Daisuke Destoroyah, which would evolve to Daisuke the Destroyer.

Or go with what the Beantown fans want, D-Mat, and just wait for the "doormat" jokes to follow his bad outings in the Bronx.

I'm curious as to whether Matsuzaka already has a nickname in Japan. I would think he must, but I haven't seen it mentioned in any articles.

Billy, his name *is* the nickname in Japan. They call people born the same year "The Matsuzaka Generation" and stuff like that.

Maybe we should just ask him what HE'd like to be called? naaaah :)

I see Bill Mueller has retired. End of an era.

Got my 10th Man season tickets renewal form in the mail today!

89 days until Pitchers/Catchers report!

Oooo, Kaz, I have that plan, too. I feel baseball-y all of a sudden.

All I can say is Chesty better hit that before Sunday because Romo's thang is going to get pwned by the Colts.

And once again, Lisa shows she knows squat about sports...

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