Take anything you want

Mike:
C'mon, guy, 52 dinghahs!? Feel the joy. Viva el Papi.

 

---

Bill:
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Ortiz, but jeez, being 10 plus back and locked out of the postseason has taken the warm and the fuzzy out of this cuddlefest for me.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, well, if it weren't for Papi's 52 it'd be more like 20 plus back and hope would have withered in June rather than September.

 

---

Bill:
True, but still the way this season went down so abruptly it was like a mugging, you know? Like one minute you're skipping home at night aftah a few beahs with a smile on your face and then it's all whispahs in the shadows and there you are jumped by a couple of thugs.

 

---

Mike:
Who smelt of pubs and wormwood scrubs?

 

---

Bill:
Exactly. I first felt a fist, and then a kick, my life spun around me.

 

---

Mike:
You know when it comes to preparing yourself for mugging, we have much to learn from the Japanese.

 

---

Author's Notes:
Several of today's lines are from The Jam's "Down in the Tube Station," a tremendous yet heartbreaking song. Going on 30 years since it was first released, Tube Station, along with much of The Jam's work, sounds as fresh as ever.

Comments

[louclinton]

I didn't see the game, but from Santana's commments, quoted in the local fishwrap this morning it sounded like he was throwing underhand to DO........

Can't wait for '09...

lc

[Bob]

Since it was posted too late for anyone to see it, I humbly re-post:

What about that guy named Papi? I'm gonna write a TV show called, "That Guy Named Papi." It'll star Matthew J. Fox as Theo, the sidekick from The Garry Shandling Show as Tito, Ellis Hobbs fronm the Pats as Manny, and the guy from The Green Mile as Ortiz.

Investors?

[GaryGeiger]

Without Ortiz and Papelbon, we're looking at 3rd place by 4th of July.

Is that an absinthe reference in there?

[Van The Man]

I wrote a song about being mugged on a beautiful night. "Golden Autumn Day." Check it out:

http://tinyurl.com/gjgem

[LisaMK]

Nice Jam refererence.

Don't forget your takeaway curry. :)

Viva Papi!

[Jason O.]

Please...

Joe Sheehan at Baseball Prospectus has ably highlighted the institutionalized grooving of fastballs to McGwire in his record setting year.

There was something rotten in Denmark when the best pitcher in MLB starts throwing batting practice, i.e., Ortiz's first HR...

[Bob]

Gary, you an absinthe fan? I have half a bottle of King of Spirits Gold at home. Highest thujone level available.

[Rob in CT]

Nothing but talk about Papi's record-setting, double barrel blasts in a shutout of the Twinkies and dyspepsia over the seasons demise? H.B., you'll never break that 70-comment mark with that. Don't you have anything on how Torre dresses up in women's clothes, how the Yanks are doomed with HGHiambi's wrist ligaments (and the mysterious eyewtiness report involving a Central Park bathroom stall and how he "REALLY" got those ligament injuries), or how Jeter was seen walking a dog in Natalie's teal bridesmaid dress in the South Bronx.

Hey, how about something on how A-Rod isn't a team player. Maybe you could talk one of your writer friends at SI and have him... Oh, never mind.

Really nice win last night, and I couldn't be happier for Papi. Beckett looked pretty good (shutout, Duh!) and let's not forget Lowell's blast one pitch later. Best shot of the night - Papi hugging Johnny Pesky. Moving.

[h.b.]

Why am I not surprised to find a few absinthe tipplers around here?

:)

[Rob in CT]

Jason - I like a lot of your stuff, but to suggest Santana purposely served up a meatball to Papi when they are looking for homefield advantage in the postseason is the most ridiculous statement I've heard in a long time.

What the fuck? Try just being happy, for chrissakes. That was a really stupid thing to say.

Uh, was that YOU that eyewitnessed HGHiambi in that stall? Or was that a witnessing of a different sort?

[IkeG]

Rob ... I enjoyed Pesky's response, too. He looked so psyched for the guy.

And yeah, I was kinda hoping for more dyspeptic insanity from the Yankee fans. JO's giving it a shot, but he's a little too laid-back to go that nuts.

[Natalie]

Rob in CT- Jetes looked hot in the teal dress, although the three-inch silver sandals gave him a moment's trouble. Luckily A-Rod was there to help him with his lipstick and show him how to walk in heels...

The cynicism implicit in the idea that Papi's HRs were unearned last night is just tiresome. 52 homeruns over the course of a season is a huge achievement not accomplished by many, so a simple kudos, David, will suffice. I would think Yanks fans could afford to be gracious right now...

Thanks to Papi for a bright spot in an otherwise dismal Septmeber of Sox baseball.

"The rest is silence."

[louclinton]

Natalie: I am not taking anything away from BP's accomplishments this year and in the previous years. I was just taken aback by Santana's tacit admission of complicity in the paper. Maybe I read it all wrong (without the benefit of absinthe, I might add).

lc

[jim]

After the strip nailed it today, I'm surprised by the circle jerk over Papi's shots.

The last gasp for some meaning in this season:

"we're looking at 3rd place by 4th of July"

That's one way to pump up the love doll that is Papi's MVP chances. It will get you to the end but is ultimately a cheap stand-in for the real thing.

[Jason O.]

Uh oh, jim's still hot!!!

``He's a great friend of mine, and he's a great player, and he has overcome a lot of things," said Santana, who came up in the Twins organization with Ortiz. ``I'm very proud of him for everything he has accomplished in his career. It's unbelievable. He's a great guy. He's like the greatest teammate you can have."

Kiss, kiss.

[h.b.]

I'll confess to pumping up my love doll from time to time, but, seriously, I don't call her Papi. That's just too weird.

(Her name is Shiela, pronounced "Shieler." And she's very hot. And she fucking hates the motherfucking Yankees, too.)

[Bob]

"I'm sorry for using, uh, you know, those druggy things that are outlawed."

-Jason JuiceAmbi

"My testicles have my head is swollen to the size of a basketball, and I have an obvious case of 'roid-rage. How DARE you accuse me of using."

-Gary "Barry" Sheffield.

Kisses right back at ya, Jason. :)

[IkeG]

There they are!

[Bob]

Hey, my "shrunk to the size of a garden pea" line has disappeared. (Much like Sheffield's testicles.)

[Rob in CT]

Jason - In case you didn't know it, Papi and Santana came up through the Twins organization together. (I had the good fortune to see them play together for the New Britain (yes, CT, Jim) Rock Cats in AA ball. They have been friends for some time. No harm in saying something nice about a friend -

I still think it's idiotic to suggest Santana purposely grooved one for a friend in the midst of a division title hunt. For a couple hours last night, the Twins were in first place after Detroit's loss to the Birds. You really think their Ace didn't want to have Papi wait one more day to do it at the dome north of the border?

If you really believe that, no wonder "Sheiler" hates the MFY Fans. Where's the love, guy? Nat's right; you can afford it.

[Jason O.]

I'm not exactly sure what Sheff and Giambi have to do with Santana's Tiffany gift box fastball, but if it makes you happy, fire away...

[Bob]

They have nothing to do with Santana. But they're cheaters who hit home runs. That's worse than any alleged "gift box" dinger.

[Rob in CT]

By the Bye, it was a hanging curve that came back over the plate, not a fastball.

[Jason O.]

Except, Rob, for all your circumstantial jibber-jabber* I saw the pitch with mine own eyes...it was a Shakespearean sonnet, let me count the ways...

But Orsillo's over the top delivery was great, just as I expected the higher-ups to direct him to do...

*Mr. T, of course.

[Cooper]

I'm beginning to think the closest thing to happiness that MFY fans experience is schadenfreude. Just because the Yanks clinched doesn't mean that all Sox must be consumed by total anguish. Try to enjoy it for five minutes before coming back to plow salt into the Red Sox' fields.

[Natalie]

Jason: Not to nitpick, but "How do I love thee?" is an Elizabeth Barrett Browning sonnet, not Shakespeare. Just thought you'd want to impugn Santana and Papi properly. :)

[Jason O.]

You people know it's all in good fun. Obviously Ortiz deserves credit, as Natalie said, for his previous jacks taken as a whole.

Damn it. Tom Lehman and the US team better get off their asses, b/c seeing Monty and Ian Woosnam and the like waving that effeminate little Euro flag with the ring of stars makes me sick.

Except Olazabal: He's cool in my book.

We lost the morning 4 ball matches b/c Lehman didn't have the best players out there...what a novel concept, when you need early points, put the BEST PLAYERS out on the course, not Wetterich and JJ Henry.

[h.b.]

Lehman must be getting managing help from Francona. :)

[Rob in CT]

'I'm not exactly sure what Sheff and Giambi have to do with..."
------
"I know there are some guys that have been caught using illegal things, but people should know that not everyone is like that." - D. Ortiz, 9/21/06

Yep, every one of those 52 homer BP throws was gift-wrapped just because Papi's such a good clubhouse guy.

Circumstantial jibber jabber?* You're being an idiot today Jason. Is this just to run up the comment count for h.b.?

*Thanks, but I already knew the reference, colonel...

[Jason O.]

BTW, notice how Woosnam is saving Olazabal for singles matches? That crafty little Welsh fucker...

[louclinton]

Since the goal of today's comments is, apparently, and collectively, to get over 70 posts without much information being conveyed, here is another one.

lc

[Jason O.]

Fuck. Three matches all square and Woods/Furyk are 1 down to Donald/Garcia...HOW are TIGER WOODS AND JIM FURYK losing to those guys? Not gonna get a lot of work done for the next 2 hours.

Come on people get on board. This is a matter of national pride.

[Bob]

Lou, here's my receipe for Tandoori Quail:

1/2 cup plain nonfat or low-fat yogurt
1/4 cup minced fresh ginger
2 tablespoons minced garlic
4 teaspoons tandoori masala
About 1/2 teaspoon salt
6 to 8 quail (about 1/4 lb. each)

1. In a large bowl, mix the yogurt, ginger, garlic, tandoori masala, and 1/2 teaspoon salt.
2. Rinse quail and pat dry. Using poultry shears or a sharp knife, cut out the backbone of each quail. Turn birds skin side up and press with the palm of your hand to flatten; a few bones will crack.

3. Turn birds in yogurt mixture to coat. Cover and chill at least 30 minutes or up to 1 day.

4. To barbecue, place quail on an oiled grill over medium-hot coals or over medium-high heat on a gas grill (you can hold your hand at grill level only 3 to 4 seconds). Close lid of gas grill. Cook quail, turning as needed, until skin is well browned and meat at breastbone is still pink (cut to test), 12 to 14 minutes total. Season to taste with salt.

[Bob]

Uh, Jason? You must be watching tape-delay (spoiler alert).

Tiger and Furyk won their match. But Europe has a 2 1/2 to 1 1/2 lead after the morning matches.

[Jason O.]

Bob, I'm talking about the afternoon foursome matches that occur as we speak.

It's alternate shot, which is why Woods/Furyk should be destroying people.
(Woods bombs one, Furyk dials an iron, Woods putts the lights out)

They just went 2 down...fuck.

[jim]

I know I'm very happy these days for that stupid idiot and his .850 OPS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlKI_YhzwGo

[GaryGeiger]

It's a well-known fact that Denny McLain grooved one of the Mick's last historical homers (either #500 or 535-I forget which), so it's not unprecendented. However, with the Twins having a chance to take over 1st last night in the central, I don;t think Santana would put his team down intentionally.
Insert Homer Simpson face here: Mmmmmm, absinthe.........

[that gorry kid]

I read Santana's remark to mean "Ortiz was so hot last night that he would have knocked any pitch I threw him out of the park."

Sure he was happy about the record breaker. They came up together in the Twins system. And isn't it nice that opposing players can admire each other's accomplishments.

[Oy!]

Re the mugging: No team is more stats-driven than the Sox. For most of the season, the stats said the Sox should not have been in first place. The run differential said they shouldn't have been, and a lot of people pointed out just before the fall that the only reason the Sox were in first was their record against a) the National League, and b) the Orioles. Combine that with the injuries, Beckett's refusal to adjust to the league, and the league adjusting to the rookie arms and ...

[louclinton]

//About 1/2 teaspoon salt //

Bob, can I substitute sea salt or kosher salt?

Much appreciated,

lc

[Jason O.]

YES tiger & furyk have won 3 of the last 4 holes to pull all square...grind them down!!!

[Rob in CT]

How about some of that salt they use to rim the margarita glasses?

[Homer Simpson face] ** Mmmmmm, margaritas.....

[Jason O.]

And Phil/Chris DiMarco take the lead late!!

Unleash the Man-boobs, Phil!!!

[Jason O.]

ZACH JOHNSON is clutch!!!

Drains the pressure 4 footer to halve (tie) match #1...Well done Chad Campbell and Johnson!!!

[Jason O.]

Furyk blocks his approach to 18 in the water after Woods hit a perfect bomb..Luke Donald and Sergio win match 4...I can't believe it.

[Kaz]

I was at the game last night. The #51 homerun landed about 20 feet away from me right next to the ramp. I was in my seat and there was no way to get at the crush of people who suddenly scoured the beer-dripped cement.

I saw the ball come up in someone's hand amid the stairs actually. It seems that the guy caught the ball/bounce and then rushed out of the pile quickly. As soon as security saw his hand with the ball, they escorted him away (to avoid someone stealing it or any other question marks and to douse him with player-signed gifts in exchange for what is probably worth a few thousand to a Red Sox collector).

#52 landed over in CF after a rocket of a hit off the reliever.

In a season that's just lingering around waiting to be killed off, this was an exceptionally bright light that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. That was great baseball.

[Kaz]

PS - If you scroll up and down on the strip today at just the right speed, it looks like Bill is giving it to Mike from behind.

That is all.

[Jason O.]

Holy shit...David toms lips out on 18, then David Howell rims it as well to win the match!!!
Match halved, nice job Toms/Cink

[Jason O.]

son of a bitch, Phil and Dimarco lose the last hole to halve the match. It's 5 points to 3 for the Euros going into Sat. We are well within range for the weekend.

Sorry for the excessive golf posts, hb.

[Bob]

Lou, I use fine sea salt. If you use the course stuff, halve the amount.

(Are we over 50 posts yet?)

[jim]

"an exceptionally bright light that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life"

Wow, you people have sunk really low. For the first time I feel bad for your loss. You've earned my pity.

[IkeG]

Damn you, JO, you got me following the match. And I hate golf.

Somebody give jimster a hug. He's a little bitter.

Note from yesterday: 69 posts! Ha ha ... 69

[h.b.]

Yeah, I enjoyed the golf live updates.

But, c'mon, not nearly as exciting as the live curling blogging Pinto was doing.

[IkeG]

aw, now 75. heathens!

[Bob]

//Note from yesterday: 69 posts! Ha ha ... 69.//

After a quick check, I see that I'm at the bottom of the 69. (As long as it's not that bright, handsome A-Rod on top, I'm okay with that.)

[h.b.]

So in order to link to the sex doll thing in my comment above, I did a search for it in my FireFox Google search box.

Well, those of you who use Firefox probably know that the search terms will persistantly populate that box until you close the browser or type something else.

So, for the past couple of hours at work I've had "real life sex dolls" on my browser in plain view for all to see.

Kind of funny...

[Natalie]

That's funny, h.b. Reminds me of last year, driving my car home from work, and that song by Los Lonely Boys, Heaven came on. Well, my Saab, for particular stations, scrolls the song title and artist on the dash. Apparently, for this song only, the scroll got stuck, so I drove around for a good 45 minutes with the display reading: Lonely

I wondered if Kitt were trying to tell me something...

[Rob in CT]

Don't really want or need your pity, Jim.

Your absense (along with that of all the golf updates) would be welcome, though. It's called The Soxaholix, not The Skankaholix.

Just sayin'...

[louclinton]

h.b.

In Firefox, if you right click on the Google search box, you can clear the search history immediately, and start trolling for more fun stuff. In fact, I don't think the Google search box history is wiped out in the normal operation of Firefox's Privacy Options. You have to do it manually.

lc

[h.b.]

There's actually a plugin for FF called "Stealth" that will keep all your browsing and seach private, but, I never can remember to turn it on, especially if I'm doing something like making a quick comment.

[Jason O.]

Fucking Monty drained a huge putt to win that last hole and prevent the US from gaining a full point.

Majors aside, the guy is a match play warrior.

[Rob in CT]

I can't believe no one has made the "absinthe makes the heart grow fonder" joke yet.

Doh! and there it is...

[Kaz]

Jim, I doubt you'd even know who has the Yankees single season HR record. And even if you did, I guess you wouldn't realize how cool and rare it is to have been alive when it happened. And even if you did, I guess you wouldn't realize how even more rare and exceptional it is to be present for the game it occurred, let alone seeing the ball lifted above the crowd from only feet away.

So, Jim, go shove it up your world series trophies (for most which you likely weren't even alive for) and shove it up your division pennant (which won't buy you a ticket to the big dance) and shove it up A-Rod's pretty sphincter (you'll probably have to ask Jeter to move, nicely).

I was there and it was cool. No matter how much better the Yankees are doing or how much you want to try and shit on our day, you can't take away the fact that I was there and it was cool.

[harwich rich]

Gawd I hate these midday shifts,did you kids play nice today? :)

[Devine]

Awww, don't worry about that "jim" dude, Kaz. He's just a dickweed who enjoys trying to make people feel bad (he might not even be a Yankee fan, just a cruel SOB). Take comfort in knowing that even if the Yanks win the WS and he IS in fact a Yankee fan, his joy will be in lording it over Sox fans, not celebrating his team's victory. HE'S the one who deserves pity if anyone does.

Plus...come on. Trying to argue that Ortiz's HR franchise record is not cool. Just...come on, buddy, you don't even like baseball if you think like that. Goes for you too, Jason. Acknowledge and appreciate the accomplishments of your rivals and your own enjoyment of the game increases.

Now I'm done acknowledging his existence. He's not here as far as I'm concerned.

[jim]

Uh, let me think for a second. Who does have the Yanks single season HR record? Damn, I know THIS...Oh, that's right Roger something..oh yeah Maris I think 61 HR's in 1961 or something close to that.

After that it's some guy named Ruth. Baby I believe. No, that's the CANDY bar. I was get those two mixed up! Well, he had 60 in 1927 and 59 in 1921.

Then of course just last year A-Rod broke DiMaggio's record for homers by a righty which had stood from 1937. But funny enough, not much was made of that because:

The Yankees don't play for individual honors!

No, the day that stands out as "an exceptionally bright light that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life" is Game 6 in 1996 when I was ten feet from Boggs on his horse. Yeeee-haaa!

Please, and you all act all holier than thou. I remember the shit after 2004. It was not "Oh, tough break, great series, great season." Nope that WAS a choke job. Just like this year your team QUIT on you. Bend over and grin. Maybe they'll contend again in 2010 what with their youth movement and everything.

[IkeG]

I want...

[IkeG]

...to post...

[IkeG]

... the 69th comment! Yes!

[IkeG]

..oops, wait, there it is!

[h.b.]

Jim, you're probably a nice guy and all, but it's time for you to go by bye. MmmK?

[jim]

** IGNORE THE TROLLS **

Wow, who knew THE Soxoholic had such thin skin? Now banning people - ha good times!

I'm really sorry for your loss this season. My condolences....

[jim]

** IGNORE THE TROLLS ***

And banning people via IP's no less. How lame...

And you guys thought A-Rod was a PUSSYcat. Here your leader is an even bigger one - can't even handle random posts....

[Evan]

Jim, you're an a-hole. You say Sox fans act holier that thou, but then come in and spew some crap about how Yankees dont play for individual honors, right after you list them. Oh yeah, the Babe didnt make much of his 60... "Count em' Sixty!".... H.B. is right, and please take Jason with you.

Jeter is a nice guy too, if he wins the batting title, is defintely because contending teams are grooving fastballs to him. what a joke.

[h.b.]

Actually, in the 2.5 years this site has been running, only 3 people have ever been banned (not counting spam bots).

+ That one guy who made racial slurs. (Forgot his name.)

+ BigBri (Remember him?)

+ And now, "Jim."

Not too bad, really.

The thing with both BigBri and Jim isn't so much what they said but that they kept repeating the same thing over and over again with nothing new to add.

I don't at all mind a slam against the Sox or Sox fans or the site or the size of my wee wee, but, if that's all you've got and all you insist on is repeating the same thing over and over again all day long, well, that's boring and, frankly, a sign of dim wittedness.

And I don't really want dim wits polluting the comments.

If that makes me a "PUSSYcat" well, then, meow.

:)

[harwich rich]

He probably already has his "I was banned on Soxaholix" t-shirt printed.

[Evan]

Yup, i'm sure he's telling all his Yankee buddies that he ripped us so hard we couldn't take it anymore. And then they head-butted each other and yelled "Extreme!!"

[Kaz]

See, h.b., you were eyeing that typepad mod for IP-range banning, weren't you...

Looks like it's time to install it.