MVP's of a different sort

Susan/Circle:
So I'm like totally disappointed that I only got to see one Peyton fucking Manning commercial per every commercial break during lasts night's Steelers Dolphins game.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Because, you know, nothing quite whets the consumer appetite to purchase a product like it being shilled by a guy most famous for failing when the game is on the line.

 

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Mike:
Seriously, I know I speak for everyone when I say that, really, an NFL broadcast would be all the sweetah if only every commercial gave us the opportunity to behold his slit eyed, hillbilly countenance.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Too funny. When I first saw the commercial featuring not one, but two Mannings, I thought. 'What the fuck is this? A casting call for a remake of Deliverance?'

 

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Mike:
The thing is, as menacingly retahded as Peyton Manning looks without his helmet on, the dude looks just as stupid with it.

 

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Susan/Circle:
I swear dude wears the most ginormous helmet in the NFL evah.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, he can totally pick up Al-Jazeera with that thing.

 

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Susan/Circle:
I don't know if it's just a result of the Sox being out of it and my mind drifting to football, but I'm stahting to think Peyton Manning has surpassed A-Rod for the Most Vile Player Award.

 

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Mike:
There's a case to be made for that, certainly. I mean with A-Rod, despite his pretty boy, blue-lipped, ball slapping, "dropping the shoulder move" absurdity, you at least get the sense that he'd prefer not to be a dick and that he's really trying, some would say overly trying, to compensate for his negative image.

 

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Susan/Circle:
But Manning, on the other hand, seems to relish in being a dickwad. Shit, he's even a turd to his own teammates. How bad is that?

 

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Mike:
Absolutely, and as far as I know, A-Rod has nevah shoved his naked ass in some woman's face.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Ah, hold on …

 

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Susan/Circle:
– – –

 

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Susan/Circle:
OK, I just puked in my own mouth.

 

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Comments

[GaryGeiger]

First Taylor Hicks, now Manning. Have these marketing types no humanity?

[yazbread]

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn.
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
Where is the boy that looks after the sheep?
"He's under the haycock, fast asleep."
Will you wake him? "No, not I;
For if I do, he'll be sure to cry."

I love Peyton Manning bashing. I hope he passes for 8,000 yards and 65 touchdowns before he once again falters in the playoffs.

HB - Thanks for not continuing with the education lesson that we were all given yesterday.

[Bob]

Peyton Manning, as depicted by Hanna- Barbera:

http://www.insidejoke.tv/images/200111/Gazoo2.gif

[Rob in CT]

"He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?"

One of the creepiest movies I ever saw...

[IkeG]

//"...he'd prefer not to be dick..."// a little Freudian slip of the keystroke?

[Kaz]

Peyton goes down sometime in Weeks 3-5.

That's my prediction. A weakened O-line, no running back, and a statue in the backfield....he's gonna get crushed and we're going to see that it was the Edge that gave them Peyton and not the other way around.

[harwich rich]

Here's hoping the Pats make Peyton squeal like a pig November 5th.

[Ghengis Ortiz]

In the Kazakh language, the word "Manning" roughly translates to "Coneheaded Mountain Yak"...so there you have it...

[harwich rich]

I don't think the Manning boys are feeling the love here

[Kaz]

By the way, LC gave away tickets he couldn't use to the Saturday night game against KC. Bob beat me to the e-mail but ended up that he couldn't make it. The end result is that I have 4 tickets to the game Saturday for me and some of my friends.

I'd like to pay this forward. If any other Soxaholix commenter is going to the game Saturday, I'll buy a single round of drinks (where "single round" is 4 or less beers) for the first to e-mail me letting me know their name and cell phone number to call at the stadium Saturday night. We can meet and share a beer.

[Evan]

Yeah, I may be the only person here that doesn't hate Peyton. Although Eli is another story...

Maybe because im not a Pats fan?

[NolaSox]

http://www.peytonmanning.com/fan/kidsonly/puttingup2.cfm

It looks like Mommy shopped at Perlis, a New Orleans institution where preppy has never gone out of style.

What I found doing a search for older brother, Cooper, who I have seen on a French Quarter balcony teasing girls with big beads so they'll flash him and then he throws them crap beads. Classy!

[h.b.]

Like A-Rod, the hatred for Manning goes beyond being a fan of any one team.

[NolaSox]

On a completely unrelated topic - more bizarre happenings in New Orleans. A local radio host and former TV sportscaster has been arrested in connection with killing his wife. He was charged after the police found a check list with items like "purchase mustache, beard, and gun, and throw away weapon" in his FEMA trailer. Apparantly, she discovered that his divorce wasn't final when they married and he complained that she never complimented him on the way he looked.

http://www.nola.com/newslogs/tpupdates/index.ssf?/mtlogs/nola_tpupdates/archives/2006_09_08.html#180909

[h.b.]

I shouldn't laugh, but the "He was charged after the police found a check list with items like 'purchase mustache, beard,
and gun, and throw away weapon' in his FEMA trailer" is the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

[Jason O.]

Anyone who would choose to play football at Tennessee deserves all of this rancor...and more.

It's easy to understand the hatred of Alex. After the 5 game sweep, the release of frustration is natural...

But, like the evil android in "Alien":
"I can't lie to you about your chances...but you have my sympathies."

[beth]

fantastic freakin' post. i love hating on peyton manning.

[h.b.]

It's going to take a whole lot more than a 5 game sweep to replace the image of the white gloved sissy ball slap out of my head as the very first thing that comes to mind whenever I think of A-Rod.

Indeed, it may not be possible to ever completely erase that image.

My gosh, sometimes life really does serve up some rich rewards.

[Kaz]

Being a goalie/catcher, I think of no better picture first in my mind than the full-on glove sandwich with a side of Tek when I think of A-Rod.

I like it even better when Yankee fans whine about the mask/glove like Varitek should have asked A-Rod to wait on the basepath while he disrobed.

[Kaz]

Hey, h.b., want an article on Wikipedia?

I've been contemplating one for a while, seeing as you've been recognized by the WSJ and quite a few independent notable online/blog awards. You definitely meet notability (websites have one of the more stringent criteria so Wikipedia doesn't become just a web directory). A bit of a tangent, but I've been working on some wiki stuff and it came to mind.

[h.b.]

I'd be honored to have a Wikipedia article.

I've always liked that site but really had my transcendent moment when I saw how detailed the Land of the Lost section was over there. Gave me that warm fuzzy feeling.

[Jason O.]

Anyone who has played football or been a wrestler understands that after the cheap shot, your boy Varitek went low and had leverage on Alex and still couldn't get him on the ground...

Most likely, Varitek grabbed him around the waist fervently hoping to give him oral pleasure.

[Kaz]

Freud would like to have a word with you concerning your projection of desire onto Varitek. Jeter would like to have a word with you for suggesting that anyone else is allowed into A-Rod's pants but him.

I also doubt that Tek was unable to get him on the ground. It's far more likely that A-Rod should have fallen, but took an error on the play. Even when it comes to leverage and gravity, A-Rod is still a failure.

[h.b.]

Yeah, A-Rod is so tough, it's just scary, scary.

The irony, of course, is that if you really do believe that A-Rod is this invincible Varitek clobbering monster, then the pussy ball slap must seem even worse from your perspective.

Oh, right, right, next time, next time he's going to give the "dropping the shoulder move."

That'll fucking showing us.

[h.b.]

But seriously, I came here today to cut A-Rod some slack and focus on Peyton Manning.

[yazbread]

I'll give Slappy the benefit of the doubt. He might have held his own if he wasn't holding on to that purse.

[tessie]

Soxaholix on Wikipedia? That would make my world complete.

Any "Twin Peaks" fans should check out the enormous amounts of info on there.

[Jason O.]

Alex is pretty tough, considering that Varitek lost his marbles over a few insults,(poor baby) cheap shots him and then can't take him down...

hb's last post reminds me of:

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all outta bubblegum."
(Greatest fight scene of all time, Piper and Keith David...they would have owned those "Fight Club" pussies.

Also the Land of the Lost reference: I immediately recalled the hissing of the sleestacks, fucking freaky when you're a kid...

[Rob in CT]

"full-on glove sandwich with a side of Tek ..."

Kaz, that's some of the best imagery I've read here. Tip o' the bowler to you.

My recollection reading about the incident is that A-Rod got snooty when Tek told him "Hey, we don't throw at .260 hitters!" in response to Slappy's complaint to the ump.

Tek will never buy a drink at any bar I happen to be in.

[Kaz]

Ok, ok, back to Peyton...

Peyton dies and goes to heaven. God is showing him around and points to a simple house with very little yard and a faded and tattered Colts flag hanging off the porch. He tells Peyton that the house is for him. It's clear that Peyton is a bit disappointed, but God says, "You should be happy. Not everybody gets a house here."

Peyton points up the hill at a mansion decked out with a large Patriots banner and red, white, and blue tiling and Brady's jersey hanging in the bay windows. He asks, "I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but why does Tom Brady get a nicer house than me?"

God says, "That's not Tom Brady's house; that's my house."

[Aaron]

Does anyone realize the tremendous danger that our entire universe will be in on Sunday night??? Manning vs. Manning! Can two quarterbacks, playing for opposing teams in the same game, both lose? We shall find out!

Actually, I'm moderately afraid that both Manning brothers, after throwing game-losing interceptions, will simultaneously turn to the camera, put on The Manning Face, and blame their respective O-lines for the loss. This event will cause an unsolveable quantum paradox, leading to the creation of the black hole that destroys the entire earth.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

[Kaz]

Aaron, I'm putting my money on a 4-4 tie.

Yes, that means 2 safeties for each team with no winner after OT.

I think that'd be best for all involved.

[Jason O.]

Eli went to Ole Miss which is almost as bad as Tennessee...At Ole Miss they actually wave confederate fucking flags in the stands...to this day I have no idea how they successfully recruit black players.

[Dave S.]

Dude...Rowdy Roddy Piper? In a movie about alien invasion? So sweet. And a damn fine fight scene to boot.

I don't quite grasp the rationale of the obsession with the A-Rod ball-slap, apart from a sort of straw-grasp against A-Rod himself. It didn't work, of course, but it's pretty much the same as A.J. Pierzinski taking first on the bullshit strike three last year, or running inside of the baseline on a slow roller in the infield, hoping to break up the throw to first. Say Bill Mueller had done the same thing back when and gotten away with it. He'd be lionized among RSN for it. I appreciate the dislike of A-Rod, it's only natural. But this particular part seems a bit strange to me, perhaps characterizes best the irrational aspect of the hatin' on Mr. Bluelips himself.

[Dave S.]

Oh, come on, Jason. Have you learned nothing from the Dukes of Hazard? The Stars & Bars don't reflect racism. They reflect, er...um...they reflect...uh....someone help me here...

[Rob in CT]

Dave - THe point is, Bill Mueller would NEVER have done that. He'd simply have run hard to beat the throw, as did Dave Roberts in Game 4. (Capital G.) The true "Best Player in Baseball" doesn't do that shit.

"The Stars & Bars don't reflect racism. They reflect, er...um..."

Stupidity? Inbreeding? Culture of Hatred? Severe genetic abnormalities? Any of this helping? :-D

And yes, if you haven't seen Piper in that movie, get the to a video store pronto. A Classic. (Capital C.)

[IkeG]

Rebels, baby, rebels....

...and schtuppin your kinfolk

If you're wondering why we pick on famous slap, it's because it's just so much fun. I can't explain it any better. It's just fun. Dave, you're a Yankee fan, and thus you will never understand. Sorry, dude.

[yazbread]

Stars and bars - can't help but think of George Wallace (the South's version of Louise Day Hicks). But I have to confess a love for Skynyrd and the Drive-By Truckers.

[Dave S.]

Hey Rob...that's right, actually: culture of hatred is what I was looking for. I guess "economic gain from human suffering" would have worked, too. ;)

I don't know if I agree with your "Mueller would never have done it" view. It isn't like A-Rod ran inside the diamond to knock the ball out of Brandon's (sic) glove. Cornroyo was in the basepath with his glove out. Honestly, it wasn't that different from knocking down the catcher coming home, and I think that in a similar situation, there's no shortage of Sox players who would've done the same. The Roberts comparison is pretty moot: stealing 2nd base is different from interference by the runner trying to leg out an infield single. A great example of a similar situation that you'll never hear Yankee fans freaking on was back in the first game of the 2003 season when the Jay's catcher Gary Huckaby covered third base and blocked the bag when Jeter went to take third base. The guy was being a catcher, and doing what wasn't legal: blocking third base. He dropped on Jeter's shoulder and dislocated it. The guy was trying to make a play, and broke the rules in the moment. You NEVER hear Yankee fans grilling on the guy, even though it was far dirtier and destructive, though in a similar competitive vein as what you saw from A-Rod in the ALCS. My point is more that A-Rod did something that most really competitive MLB players would have done in a similar spot; he just gets the hate on so much more. My point is that the hate is irrationally focused on the man.

[Dave S.]

Ike...my last post I put up before I saw yours. Yours is by far the best explanation that I've read. Thanks, man.

[h.b.]

One thing I like about the display of the Stars and Bars is at least you know where you stand and what you're dealing with.

This is preferred, IMO, than much of what one finds in New England (and many other places outside the South) where the racism is hidden, disguised, or unacknowledged.

Remember that even during the Civil Rights Struggle, MLK himself said that the violence encountered in the North was far worse than anything in the Deep South.

And we need not dredge up the Red Sox horrible history with regard to race relations, do we?

[Kaz]

The Stars and Bars was actually a flag that looked too much like the Stars and Stripes that the Confederacy had to change its flag due to the confusion.

What you are calling the Stars and Bars is actually the Navy Jack or Dixie flag.

It originally stood for the same rebellion against an overbearing authority that we laude our nation's creators for having in the face of the tyranny of England. It's too bad it had to be appropriated by those who see the same rebellion as necessary to keep segregation and racism a part of their culture today.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flags_of_the_Confederate_States_of_America

[E in DC]

Well, if we can't harp on the slap, how about the fact that A-Fraud never touched 1st base on that play? I've replayed it a dozen times, and he misses it by at least 2 feet. Then whines.
Oh, and Huckaby's name is Ken.

[Evan]

"Alex is pretty tough, considering that Varitek lost his marbles over a few insults,(poor baby) cheap shots him and then can't take him down..."

All it takes to be tough now is a couple of insults that get you pushed in the face?

Fuck A-Rod, his sissy slap, and his sissy defense (oh no the ball is coming towards me)

Just call me Nolan Ryan

[Ghengis Ortiz]

Check out the photo of Slappy McWhiner after he K'd on Friday night against the O's.

http://www.nytimes.com/pages/sports/baseball/index.html

Someone please make this into a t-shirt and provide appropriate caption: I will order a bunch...

[beth]

it *is* pretty hilarious how the original post actually is favorable to a-rod, but the a-rod fan in this comments thread ended up provoking more bashing for a-rod than manning got above.

plus, let's not get away from discussing how much peyton manning sucks. please, people. priorities.

[harwich rich]

Madison Avenue must have been listening to Susan because it seemed like I was seeing 2 or 3 Manning commercials every break. Not just Peyton either,Eli and daddy Archie too. Has this been declared the year of the Scat? Although the one with Peyton with the Dirty Sanchez did make me laugh :)

[Bucky Fucking Dent]

You New England sports fans are absolutely pathetic. It isn't enough to ballwash Tom Brady and Big Daddy, (or whatever you call him.) No, you must lay into the opposition with silly personal insults? Get some new clip art, you no-talent ass clowns.

[h.b.]

The characters have been slinging personal insults to the opposition as well as their own team since day one.

That is, when there's a free moment from all the ball washing they do. :)

[Bucky Fucking Dent]

Oh, well then. In that case, I'd like to apply for a job as a recurring character.