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March of the Jack Boots

Well, Gordon Edes transformation from being one of the few level-headed membahs of the Boston Media to a total Shaughnessy/Buckley clone is now complete with his Manny-as-scapegoat piece from the weekend.


Yeah, to be fair, though, Manny himself is back asking to be traded for the umpteenth time.


Christ, at this point, I'd like to be traded myself. Being a Tigers fan is looking pretty sweet just about now.


But I don't see how getting rid of Manny's 28 win shares not to the deleterious effect Manny's absence in the order would have on Ortiz is the answer to the club's woes.


I dunno. If trading Manny meant a solid boost to the pitching staff, I'd be on board with that.


True, but when's the last time the Red Sox were on the bettah end of a trade?


Whoa, guy, sounds like you're no longer drinking the Kool-Aid Theo's serving, eh?


Yeah, I'm off the Kool-Aid, but I'm still living in the compound in Waco.


The problem with that metaphor, of course, is that David Koresh and the Branch Davidians got in trouble for stockpiling arms. Theo? Er, not so much.


Then again, maybe what the Sox front office needs right now is for somebody to go all Janet Reno on their asses and blow the shit up.


I'm sure the Boston Media will be lined up to drive the tanks.



With Dan-o leading the charge.

Sorry for the tangent in advance HB, no more golf posts after this:

Tiger Woods: No leadership ability, no charisma, no balls when it comes to national pride.
Phil Mickelson: As soft mentally as he is physically. I think Michelle Wie or Sorenstam would crush him in a singles match.
Jim Furyk: Another PGA tour robot, i.e., I have my house in Kapalua, screw this team concept.

Not even worth going on.

h.b. -- brilliant 'arms' word-play. love it!

I don't see how getting rid of Manny's 28 win shares not to the deleterious effect Manny's absence in the order would have on Ortiz is the answer to the club's woes.

This is my stock answer to the "Trade Manny" crowd - whatever you have to say about the guy, he has never hit less than .300/30/100 while in a Red Sox uniform - how are you going to replace that output? I totally agree we need pitching now that the wheel's have come flying off. But as Mike O'Connell learned the hard way, trading a potential MVP for a few decent guys is not the answer.

Ditto, h.b. Stockpiling arms - man that was great. Guffaw of the day.

Jason - the very reason nobody gives a shit about Ryder Cup play. There's no "team" in the American team. Don't recall that there ever was one. Nobody cares -- No-buh-dee. Esp. the casual sports or even golf fan. Please don't bring it up again...

The stockpiling arms panel was just perfect. I'll never write like that. I'd be happy just to think like that once in a while!

Strategy for winning the Ryder Cup. Make up ficticious stories about a player's wife 'acting' career. Player will go ballistic and lose focus. The rest of the team will spend time wondering what their own wives did prior to marriage. This play was stolen from the Italians World Cup playbook (Tiger = Zidane). Another reason why golfers aren't real athletes. Imagine if they had to play a round in Fenway.

Glad you guys picked up on the "arms" thing and liked it. It was a pretty obscure reference, so wasn't sure how it'd go over.

h.b., I just want you to know I appreciate what you do every day (or most of them). I love your perspective and sense of humor and the way you use different characters as divfferent viewpoints of the fandom.

Have you ever taken, like, a good 2-week vacation (or more) from the strip, h.b.? I wouldn't blame you if after the postseason, you wanted downtime...not that I wouldn't love more strips, of course.

Digging the Waco/arms bit, h.b. Well done.

The parallel between Koresh and Theo is made even more amusing when you consider both are/were aspiring rock guitarists while concurrently leading a cult (Branch Davidians/RSN)...

Any bets on how many dingers Papi is going to end the season with? Too bad it's all wasted... What am I supposed to do with my October with no Sox postseason to look forward to????

Devine - Shut up, Man! What the hell am I going to do without my morning dose of humor and enlightenment? That is unless, of course, hb chooses to take the same weeks off that I am away on vacation. hb, my next vacation week is President's holiday week in February. I'll be completely out of Internet range (winter trip to Yellowstone), so that will be fine, although Spring Training (pitchers and catchers?) should be getting ready not long thereafter...

Only joking of course (well, mostly) - I echo Devine's compliments. Thanks for all you do.

Who's going to host the after-siege Dance Party? CHB in a blue dress and pearls, perhaps....

I was thinking Natalie's Teal dress(if he can pry it off Jeter)

Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels - How appropriate...

Fe, fe, fi, fi, fo, fo, fum
Looking mighty nice, here he comes
Wearing pubes on his head and makeup to match
Got his high-handed agenda and he like it like that
Pearls of wisdom and his 'diamond' ring
Got handcuffs on his readers now and everything

Does Theo have sex with the wives and daughters of the rest of the FO? Then you're talking some serious Branch Davidian shenanigans.

The problem trading Manny is that there is absolutely no way the Sox would get anything close to his value in return. Despite his unbelievable and consistent production and his first-round HOF ballot status, Manny-hating persists. Whatever nonsense about him not caring or being a distraction depresses his perceived value. That $20 million doesn't help either. No, the only way the Red Sox are going to merit a call from their friends in the ATF Bureau is by either selling contraband cigs to pay for Schmidt and Zito or b y stockpiling hootch to drown their sorrow.

Gordo has jumped the shark.

"selling contraband cigs to pay for Schmidt and Zito or by stockpiling hootch to drown their sorrow."

John Henry only looks mild-mannered. He just might have this in him.

cue the Miami Vice music

I was hearing the Godfather tarantella, but Florida works, too. While we're there, let's scoop up Kazmir and throw him in the back of a van.

All we needed was a GB Shaw reset and it would be pure perfection.

Can't wait till '08


Excellent suggestion-that guy kills us on a regular basis

Kazmir,not George Bernard :)

i have read a whole lot of manny articles these past few years and i am still not understanding WHY manny is asking to be traded or who he want to get traded to. i know he got a lead glove but it is gonna be almost impossible to replace that bat.

why can't ortiz play first and manny DH?

ortiz actually CAN play first - i saw him do it in the series and he did a decent job. anybody but mike piazza can play first


p.s. guess trading arroyo for pena was not a good idea. i coulda told theo that - me having actually WATCHED wily mo play...

Thanks for all the positive vibes today.

I probably will take some time off during that real doldrums period after the winter meetings and all.

I want to do a redesign and implement some code changes, so I'll probably do that then as well.

Lisa, trying to figure out why Manny wants to do anything is like trying to figure out why we still care about what Tom Cruise does. Manny's just an odd fellow (who hits bullets and fields better than many give him credit for, notwithstanding his appearances on ESPN's "Not Top 10"). Personally, I hope they keep him around for the reasons mentioned ... no way could they get similar value in return.

HB, ditto the positive vibes. Keep it up. Please make sure the redesign includes something extra cool ... those pimped-out shocks, whitewall tires, flames on the side ... something like that.

Not only would Manny's whopper contract and numerous personality defects hinder any attempt to get equivalent value, but so would his no-trade contract. For instance, the local nine out here in Seattle has piles of young talent, and a truly putrid offense. If, for instance, Theo could pry Felix Hernandez and J.J. Putz from the Mariners for Manny, I'd do it in a heartbeat. (Since Putz's presence would allow a Papelbon switch to the rotation, it would really be like getting two young fireballing starters.)

But would something like that ever happen, even assuming Seattle's management could be dumb enough to fall for it? (They are pretty dumb, after all: see "Beltre, Adrian.") Manny would, upon learning of the trade, rouse himself from his cocoon of self-absorption, see that his proposed destination was not in the Greater New York Metropolitan Area, and nix the deal. Or any other like it.

Which is my very long-winded way of saying: let's just put up with his stupidity in exchange for his bat for the next two years, and when his contract is up, say "don't let the door hit you in the ass."

A modest suggestion: root for the Europeans in Ryder Cup. They play well and well above their heads. They clearly care deeply about the competition and their role as teammates. They're good, well-behaved and play admirably. Who gives a wet-slap about Tiger and Phil and the rest.

For some reason I had a vision just now of Manny going to the Yankees for Abreu and Damon in a straight-up trade. I won't try to explain it... just the way my synapses were firing.

Throw in Papelbon..done deal.

I can't help it. I just think Manny is awesome. He's also tiresome and exasperating, but oh so entertaining. Who else is kooky enough to take a whizz in the monstah or do a somersault tripping on his own foot? Oh yeah and make some bad ass catches and wicked throws from the corner and knock in a few while you're knocking back a few? He is a full on freak character and I think he is irreplaceable on the team. (Plus, I just got a new #24 jersey.)

Here's the thing, though - apparently Manny wasn't heading into the Monster to take a whiz; he just hung out in there with the scorers between pitchers. Can't remember where I heard that - after last season in the Globe, I think - but it always struck me as funny.

I know that I was saying it, Cooper, because I was at one of the first games that he started doing it (at least 3-4 games *before* it hit the primetime media...I even wrote to Silva @ BDD to tell him and he didn't use it, so fuck him). He went in during every pitching change...I told Silva that he either has a bladder problem, or the "to pee" excuse was a bald-faced lie.

In the meantime, anyone who thinks Manny's defense/glove is bad should have to watch every play by Wily Mo Pena on loop until they actually understand what "bad fielding" *really* entails.

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