I'd have a lot more readers if I wasn't, you know, so awesome and shit.

Doug:
So in a moment of introspection A-Rod wondahs aloud if one reason people don't like him is because he's "good-looking."

 

---

Doug:
!!!!

 

---

Mike:
I know, unbelievable. I read that bit five times ovah as it just didn't seem possible anyone could be that clueless. It's like some whacked out reverse zen koan or something.

 

---

Doug:
I find myself in the in the bizarre circumstance of actually being embarrassed for the guy.

 

---

Mike:
Absolutely. As much as I enjoy busting A-Rod's balls any chance I get, the truth is, I could nevah come up with anything even half as damning as the shit talk that comes out of A-Rod's own mouth.

 

---

Doug:
I think this Verducci piece finally pushes A-Rod bashing into a jumping the shahk moment.

 

---

Mike:
Seriously. It's one thing for us Red Sox fans to pile it on, but when his own teammates can't stand him or suggest that he might be afraid of the ball. Wow.

 

---

Doug:
And, the coup de grace, Reggie Jackson, Mr. Octobah fercrissakes, thinks A-Rod's a pussy. I mean how do you top that?

 

---

Mike:
Dave Pinto thinks all it'll take is one World Series victory and all this A-Rod Agonistas talk will fade away, but I'm not so sure.

 

---

Mike:
I mean if anyone can totally fuck up the simple joy of victory by saying and/or doing something witless, it's Alex Rodriguez.

 

---

Doug:
All I know is A-Rod ought to be thankful he's not a Red Sox fan. I mean as much as he's hated at least God still loves him.

 

---

Mike:
No shit. After cutting us some slack once in 86 years, Yahweh's gone all Old Testament on our asses again.

 

---

Doug:
David Ortiz hits 50 homahs with the Sox 11 back and on the same night the Yankees clinch their 11th consecutive division title? Can't wait to genuflect on that, I tell you what.

 

---

Comments

[Alex Rodriguez]

I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and in yo face mothafuckahs!

See ya next year, bitches!

[h.b.]

In reference to the comment above, well, the humor doesn't work because A-Rod would never say anything that aggressive.

That's sort of the whole point isn't it?

If he did have the kind of fire in the belly to say "in yo face mothafuckahs!" he probably wouldn't be in the jam he's in with the fans and his own teammates.

[Max]

Its kind of appalling that CHB refers to the Red Sex as "your Red Sox". When things are going badly, are they no longer his team? Its like he's mocking Red Sox fans (of which he does not include himself), for their record against the Twins. Thats something a Twins fan might do, not a Boston columnist and theoretical Red Sox fan. If the Red Sox was 8-1 against the Twins, do you think he would still write "your Red Sox," or would it be "my Red Sox"?

[ygbluig]

A-Rod:I'm handsome, rich, athletic and biracial - that's why NY fans hate me.
Me:So's Jeter. No one boos him.
A-Rod: Hmmmm, I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Interesting article. Giambi's getting a lit of shit for his supposed "throwing a teammate under a bus," but the way I see it, A-Rod's spent the season in the parking lot, scoping out buses willing to run him over.

In case you're wondering about the article's headline "A-Rod Agonistes," here's the Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agonistes

Used after a person's name, it commonly means "the struggler" or "the battler," and is borrowed from a Milton work about Samson from the time Delila cut off his hair, he lost his super strength, had his eyes plucked out and was put to work as a slave, yet before he pleaded to God for restoration.
Samson: I don't know why they hate me. Is it because I defended the powerless, had super strength, or because I used to have such nice hair?

[h.b.]

That Samson as A-Rod bit was absolutely superb.

[louclinton]

A-Bod's comments are indicative of a guy who has way too much money and attention and surrounds himself with people who are afraid to tell him that his shit stinks. If you think the Yanx will be playing for the Title come late October, I think you are in for a surprize.

lc

[harwich rich]

See Alex-this is what happens when you listen to Yogi too much.

[IkeG]

This is all setting up as the year that A-Rod's demons are (apparently) exorcised with a WS win. Giambi's tirades are a very good move and will probably do the trick for them.

Unfortunately for Roddy, I think he's looking for some sort of finish line, some point when he can say "NOW they love me, and they always will". If they win this year, he may think he's found that finish line, but the race doesn't ever really end, does it?

[Jason O.]

Like Nicholson in A Few Good Men:

"You want Alex in the spotlight...You NEED Alex in the spotlight."

Scotty Bowman used to set up the media like this, get them all aflutter about one particular thing that takes the pressure off of every other person on the team. Verducci, like the rest, is a pawn. Well done, Mr. Torre.

Meanwhile: .286/.386/.517 and a .313 Equivalent Average. In the worst year of his career.

[David Pinto]

Thanks for the link!

[Kaz]

A-Rod is mental and will always be mental.

It is an ancient Mariner,
And he dropeth one of three.
`By thy long hair and glittering eye,
Now utter whoa is me?

The Series doors are opened wide,
And I am next to hit;
The fans are met, the pitcher set:
May'st hear their cries and shit.'

He holds the bat with his skinny hand,
`There was a hit,' quoth he.
`Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hand dropt he.

He holds him with his glittering eye--
The rest of team stood still,
And watches him bawl like a three years' child :
The Mariner is a pill.

Rime of the Ancient Mariner (modified)

[Billy Mahty]

Doug and Mike are just jealous of how goddamn good looking A-Rod is. It's hard for most people to accept.

[h.b.]

Seriously. I know Mike has been looking everywhere for just the right "A-Rod shade" of blue lipstick to try and look more like the handsome devil that A-Rod is.

[birthofasoxfan97]

Kaz - that is brilliant. Now I'm going to have to start working "I shot the Albatross" into my daily speech.

[Jason O.]

Make sure that it protects against chapped lips from the October evening chill.

[Rob in CT]

Kaz - Not to go all Guiness on you but, "BRILLIANT!"

Damn that was clever. Good on ya', Mate!

[Kaz]

Thanks, I guess I can have my moments of inspiration.

I'm going to the game tonight. I'd like to see Papi hit #51 in the 8th and prevent the season sweep all in one fell swoop.

[Natalie]

On a non-A-rod related note, did anyone else read the entirely hilarious article about Mirabelli in the Globe in which Dougie continually refers to himself in the third person?

http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2006/09/20/a_sparring_session/

Sample quote: "It was unprovoked and it had nothing to do with anything except taking a whack at Doug Mirabelli. Hopefully I won't get crucified over one person's opinion of Doug Mirabelli."

I can't stop laughing....

[yazbread]

Great work on paraphrasing Coleridge. When I quote him to my students, they think it's Python. Hopefully, the ending stanza to ARod's season will be:

Instead of the ring, the albatross, around my neck was hung.

[Ice Princess]

When I saw the coverage lastnight of A-Fraud’s pout, I was so hoping you'd jump all over it today! I couldn't wait to get in here & see how you'd enjoy the newest way this frickin' tool spun himself. He is the strangest looking pansy on any ball field & it kinda scares me that he doesn't actually know this! Excellent work buddy!

I can’t wait to see him in Oakland soon… I have my playoff rights nice & reserved so I’m starting to work on some lovely A’Rod Hate signs… Feel free to pass on any ideas cause it’ll definitely get coverage J

[Kaz]

For those (like me) that like to see the bright side:

The second game of the Sunday doubleheader against the Yankees was our 81st win. We can do no worse than 0.500 on the season. Whew.

[buckner was framed]

Natalie-
Had the same reaction! Doug Mirabelli can't get it through his soul patch skull that he'll be crucified around here because Doug Mirabelli can't hit what Doug Mirabelli weighs, never mind get in the way of Wake's pitches anymore- when he was supposedly the only person on Doug Mirabelli's planet that could do so... I especially liked how he wouldn't comment on the conversation he had with Towers because it was 'private', which for me only confirmed it all.

[Pond]

I agree with the wife; the real answer is turning to the Lord for guidance. Dear Lord, I know you're kinda busy with starvation, plague, war, and the whole of human suffering, but Santana has this curve and the fans are really hurting my feelings.

[Follower of Tito]

I can't get this mental image out of my head that if the MFY win a WS with A-Fraud on their team he will go all Sally Fields when asked how it feels. For those who don't remember here is the text:

"I haven't had an orthodox career, and I've wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn't feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!"

If Reggie (one of the few living MFY I respect besides Bernie) calls you a pussy, you're a PUSSY, end of story.

[h.b.]

If Reggie (one of the few living MFY I respect besides Bernie) calls
you a pussy, you're a PUSSY, end of story.

Exactly. That's the point I was trying to get across today.

And it's one I'll bring up any time an A-Rod apologist suggests we are being too hard on him.

[da kine]

A-Rod slaps balls. 'Nough said.

[Dave S.]

A-Rod's a jackass and a pussy who's leading the AL in game winning RBI. For the team with the best record in the AL. For all his Stu Smalley blue-lipped mincing, the guy can ball. Pointing this out to A-Rod haters is met much the same as Muslin fundamentalists listening to the Pope. It's like telling a Jehovah's Witness how many times its church has suffered disconfirmations of Armageddon since its formation in the 1870's. It's like pointing out to rabid righties that Hillary Clinton actually is quite moderate in her performance, or to rabid lefties that George Bush wasn't personally responsible for Hurricane Katrina. It stimulates the nonrational center of the brain. And they don't like it. Enjoy the A-Rod bashing, and rooting for Ortiz to break Foxx's record. Maybe he'll get MVP!

[h.b.]

Dave,

Dude, don't tell us, tell Reggie Jackson and the other Yankees who said those things about A-Rod.

That's the whole point of today's strip. There is no longer any point in bashing A-Rod from the perspective as a mere fan when the actual ballplayers, former ballplayers, and coaches do such a better job of it than we ever could.

What's more, the critique of those above is far more valid than anything we could say.

It's sort of like how you don't see the characters defending Mirabelli. If his teammates think he's an a-hole, his former manager thinks he's an a-hole, well, you know what, he probably is an a-hole.

[jim]

Yeah, keep pissing on A-Rod while the bitches you cheer for gave up on the season. Talk about PUSSYcats. Every single one of 'em cashed it in - from the heart flutters, to bum knees and shoulders, to cancer. PUSSYcats all of 'em!

Meanwhile the guy that should still be playing CF in Boston played half the season with a broken foot and is still having a career year. Thanks for not signing him! He's a great guy to have around too!

[h.b.]

I actually don't see anyone pissing on A-Rod.

Does he like the golden shower, though? I can probably arrange something.

[jim]

Right h.b. -

That's why all the Sox were defending Papi's MVP comments? Right? Or the whole team was leaping to defend how hurt Manny's knee is? Or why Varitek is still the same player without his orange juice? Cause when the players start saying thouse things they're really true!

Fine, A-Rod's too nice. I'll take him being too nice before any of the SOB's on your team who gave up on the season.
Hope those quitters enjoy the stench of celebration when they get to Toronto.

[Jason O.]

"You kids shouldn't play so rough...someone's gonna start cryin'"
-Mr. Blonde

[jim]

Seriously how's it feel to have the whole organization quit on its fans? Really? From the front office all the way down to Mirabelli. And good thing they gave that a-hole a police escort so he could play against the future AL East Champions. It's like like they could have used a backup catcher when Tek went down or some bullpen help or anything.

Brilliant!

[h.i. soxfan]

future hall of fame quote aside a-rods display case: the prettiest player ever. inside the case..comb,emory board,tweezors,small vanity mirror, hair gel...oh yeah and lip balm with a slight lavender hue to it.

[jim]

And he'll still be wearing his cosmetics in October. And into the Hall of Fame.

The worst of it for Sox fans - you're much more likely to see A-Rod and Damon celebrating a World Championship together than you will your own team. And not just this year - the next three years too!

Wait, did I forget about a 'youth movement' in Boston?

[IkeG]

jim, you seem a little angry. Relax, man!

[h.b.]

Gotta love the straw man arguments.

Heh. Who knew this A-Rod stuff said BY OTHER YANKESS would have such a deleterious effect on some Yankees fans.

This is making an otherwise dull day quite enjoyable.

Please do carry on.

[jim]

Angry? I couldn't be happier. I was up to 1am watching highlights of the celebration.

Of course, they're interspersed by all the A-Rod nonsense. Maybe it was a story a month ago. Now, it's trying to create a new wrinkle where there isn't one. "The Yanks have won the East for nine straight years - Yawn...what other stories can we hype? Oh, no one's talked about the A-Rod thing in a while. Yeah - cover story!"

I guess it gets old reflecting on the fleecing of Sox fans by its organization. Gotta love how they raise ticket prices even as they cut payroll? So they can sponsor a Nascar team!

Brilliant!

[Chumplestilskin]

jealousy rears it's ugly head. YOu guys had all the time in the world to distance yourselves from the Yankees when they were struggling. Nobodies fault but your own. Have fun watching from home. PS your Patiots are eating shite as well.

[jim]

Meanwhile, why would I be mad about what Yankee players are SAYING? It's what they're doing that matters.

I guess you Sox fans can't understand that right now - they only things that matter in RSN are what's being said.

[h.i. soxfan]

damn h.b. its like you went all hugo chavez and called slappy the devil. firestarter!

[Follower of Tito]

As was pointed out earlier (by a plyaer I respect who played for a team that I loathe): Reggie Fuckin' Jackson...you know, the Reggie who owned everyone in the post-season, the Reggie who hit a home run farther than anyone else ever did in that stadium in the Bronx. The Reggie Jackson who is in the Hall of Fame called him a...(wait for it)...PUSSY! He called A-Rod a PUSSY. Reggie Fuckin' Jackson.

Folks, just accept it and move on. '06 Sox tanked and A-Rod is a PUSSY.

That is all.

[IkeG]

Anyways, the most interesting thing to me about that article was the problems that Reggie Jackson had during that one World Series. It is amazing to me that a guy who was that cocky actually struggled so bad with his own psyche, especially at arguably the best point of his career.

[jim]

He's a PUSSYcat that plays the best 3B in AL during his worst year. I'll take a team of PUSSYcats to a team of quitters. At least the former win.

[IkeG]

...and was that sulfur I smelled?

Did he actually say "pussy"?

[Jason O.]

FOT,

Actually, Mickey Mantle hit 2 balls further than Reginald Martinez.

One almost went out of the stadium in left, it hit the facing above the upper deck.

The second, and more impressive, hit the facing of the scoreboard in CF, clearing the 460ft. wall by at least 75 feet.

Make no mistake, the drinks were on him after that one. Actually, the drinks were always on him.

[jim]

Ike speaking some sense!

Then of course there's the converse of an ego so swollen that a player throws his whole lineup under the bus, including the best pure hitter in baseball, just to amplify his own MVP chances.

[Kaz]

It's odd watching the development of thought within "jim"'s mind.

It's like we're getting a stream of consciousness but there's air pockets in the pipes.

[h.b.]

Right. Red Sox sucked this year. Yep, OK, I get it.

And, yeah, the Yankees have the 2nd best record in all of baseball and may very well win the World Series.

Cool.

But... then there's A-Rod. And I do believe that is the theme for today.

Oddly, this strip was actually one of the nicest in the past two years regarding A-Rod. Where were all youseguys back when we were really sticking it to him?

BTW I'm not sure how 2-0 in their division actually qualifies as "shite" regarding the Patriots, but, what do I know?

Anyway, like I said, this is the best day I've had in awhile.

[jim]

No Ike, Mr. October said he's too nice. Big difference and he's right. So what? Instead Mr. Soxoholic makes the whole strip about a non-story than to reflect on the state of his beloved team. That's the real problem - not the A-ROd story. That ceased being a story when the Yanks went up 7 games or so.

[IkeG]

"Ike speaking some sense"?

jim, please don't ever say that again.

[Kaz]

h.b., what a great strip. You get a lot more readers all of the sudden AND you're so awesome and shit.

You're no A-Rod; that's for sure.

[Dave S.]

HB...did I not say that A-Rod is a jackass, a pussy, Stu Smalley-like and mincing? Personally, I couldn't care less. He can play. I'm sure that his being a fool and a dick adds to the media portrayal and public's rapt lapping up of his being "non-clutch" (see above point: team RBI leader; league leader in game winning RBI). My point is that criticism of his ability isn't steeped in reality: it's in the same irrational la-la land that those who dissed on Ted Williams as being cold,indifferent to winning and totally focused on his own stats were. Reggie Jackson had his own little emotional confession moment when he suggested that Martin's dismissal of his defensive ability froze him up in the field. There are assholes aplenty in baseball. Is A-Rod one? Absolutely. Do words fall out of his mouth like shit from an ass? No doubt. Does the guy get shafted by the media with out-of-text commentary and irrational arguements suggesting he's unclutch and useless?

[jim]

h.b. -

See, that is a diversionary strip from your crappy season. Really, why should I care about what the Yankee players have said about A-Rod. They see a guy with a stick up his ass and they're trying to change him. Good for them. That says more about team than anything else - esp anything you guys have seen in a while.

See today should have been a reflection on how meaningless Papi's homerun was. Instead, you bought the mass media nonsense even with nothing to sell. You're better than that.

Keep enjoying your day. You have another 180 of 'em just like it in front of you. It's called the off-season.

[Follower of Tito]

Let's just say that A-Fraud still needs to get his cred/stats in October before even his own fans lighten up on him. Regular season stud...post-season ball-slapper...we can see where Reggie is coming from.

[jim]

FOT -

That's why you'll be watching this post-season with your stomach churning. The old mass media has done a fine job amping it's case. I mean without Yankees-Red Sox to hype or anything.

[h.i. soxfan]

50 comments on 1 strip papi-like #'s

[h.b.]

Honestly, I had a choice of two strips today. One was going to have Doug saying how ridiculous it was to celebrate Ortiz's feat considering that, really, in the end it's about team and not that individual performance stuff.

Then I had the A-Rod thing.

Thought about doing two distinct strips, one on each subject, but I just didn't have the time.

Since the A-Rod thing was funnier (and that is my #1 choice for strip topic, whether it's funny at the expense of the Red Sox, the Yankees, or Paris Hilton is beside the point) I went with it first.

I tried to bring in some of the Ortiz stuff at the end, but it wasn't as developed as the original idea.

Meanwhile, for all you Yankees fans clutching at your balls and wailing about picking on A-Rod, if you were to go back an keep a tally of how many times this strip and the characters make fun of the Red Sox as opposed to A-Rod and/or the Yankees, it'd be like 80%/20%.

You can look it up.

Moreover, anyone who has been here when Marty, the Yankees fan, rears his ugly head, knows I give youseguys your bully pulpit from which to piss over us.

So the thrust of arguments suggesting this is a rah-rah Red Sox site 24/7 only shows how naive the commenter is with regard to the typical Soxaholix content and how, most likely, you're a newbie as far as this site goes.

But I enjoy your histrionics just the same.

[Kaz]

I'd like to know where the "league leader in game winning RBI" stat is coming from, just to see it for myself. If this is the "single in the 1st inning that scores Damon from 2nd and the Yankees go on to hold the lead the rest of the game" stat, then shove it up A-Rod's oh-so-pretty tailpipe.

I'd also like to know how many chances he has to score the game winning RBI and how many of those he converts. Morneau hit his 18th game winning RBI against the Red Sox and that actually tied A-Rod for the AL lead in this "stat". Except, I'm willing to guesstimate that A-Rod has seen 2x-3x more situations where he could get that RBI with the lineup around him.

As of June 20th, in games in which A-Rod was at the plate with a 1 or 2 run deficit, he was hitting 0.087 (54 ABs, 4 hits, 13 Ks).

http://www.waswatching.com/archives/2006/06/its_a-rod_seaso.html
Laconic commentary from a Yankeeland zealot

ESPN's close and late (7th inning, blah blah) has him at 22Ks, 16H for 75 ABs with a stat line of .227/.318/.360/.678.

BA of 0.227 in close games and the 7th, 8th, or 9th inning? Weak.

"Game winning RBI"s in the 2nd inning notwithstanding, A-Rod is a chump...a pretty chump, but a chump nonetheless.

[jim]

h.b. -

I've been stopping by for a while now. And I do enjoy the strips. But you bought into the mass media hysteria when usually you rise above, or better, mock it. That's fine - none of us is perfect, well except A-Rod. But you should have gone with the Papi strip if you were incapable of foghorning the ESPN/SI party line. It's a non-story at this point.

[Jason O.]

Kaz, you can contort that "stat" to make Pujols, Travis Hafner, or any player look like Bubba Crosby, give it a rest. Why not add the phase of the moon or high vs. low tide?

hb, you even-handed sonofabitch.

In general, I try clutch my balls whenever possible, not just when rising to Alex's defense.

[h.b.]

It did enter my mind that the media was doing it's typical hack job re A-Rod.

Then I read that line about "Do they hate me because I'm so good looking?" and it was just too much to pass up.

But, alas, A-Rod bashing has jumped the shark... well, I think, who knows what A-Rod will say or do sometime in the future that'll open it all up again.

We'll mostly be going totally insular here as we transition into the offseason, so only Yankees stories that get major play will be alluded to here, if at all.

[buckner was framed]

Kaz- that GWRBI stat must come from the same Wonderland that has Slappy "play(ing) the best 3B in AL during his worst year." Wow- guess those Yankee fans were yelling "Bluuuuuuuuuue" every time he booted one, eh?

[Dave S.]

Kaz...it's from the Elias Sports Bureau. It's the RBI that creates the final run differential that results in the game being won. So, say, it's 4-4 in the fifth, and a player hits a two-run single to go up 6-4. If the final score has the opposing team scoring 5 runs or fewer, that hit represents the game-winning RBI.

Kaz, it's your "guesstimate" and "2nd inning" innuendo that describe my point. His late and close this year absolutely suck. No doubt. He's having the worst year of his career. But you'll shrug off his 2003-2005 late and close OPS of .948, and explain that they were all weighted in games in either April, or September after the race was over, do anything to justify to yourself that his value is diminished by an emptiness that you would impose upon it. But I'm more the fool for trying to find reason here.

[Kaz]

His 2003-05 close and late OPS is 0.945, but who's counting.

Maybe I'm just jaded when he gets stacked up against 03-05 stat lines like .326/.408/.724/1.132 from Ortiz or .347/.413/.631/1.044 from Matsui in the same game situations (all 3 have approx 220 ABs).

From 2002, A-Rod has been 40th, 6th, 109th, and 39th in OPS in Close and Late (among players with at least 50 ABs in the situation over the season). 2003 was a hot year (hmm, looking to leave Texas...) and then back to normal or worse for the Rodster. But oh can he smash it when they're up by 4...

[yazbread]

I guess if it comes to Peyton Manning bashing versus A-Rod bashing, A-Rod wins running away. I would have thought the voting would have been closer.

[h.b.]

FWIW, with A-Rod, and similarly with Peyton Manning, his stats and performance, for me at least, are beside the point.

A-Rod could be leading the league in OBP, Slugging, homers, hits, 3B's, 2B's, 1B's, bunts, walks, HBPs, RBI's etc but if he says the stupid stuff that he does... well, he's ripe for picking.

[jim]

See, I just don't see how what ball players say is newsworthy.

The quit in the 2006 Sox (both pairs) is newsworthy.

Enjoy the offseason, kids.

[Rob in CT]

I appreciate both sides of the discussion between Dave S. and Kaz. Style points put today's win in Kaz's hands though for his Rime of the Ancient Mariner bit. (Still enjoying that one.)

Not much to add to the discussion here that hasn't already been said better than I could say it, but I'll be damned if MFY/Jim gets the last word today.

Thanks for a great day in the neighborhood, H.B.

[jim]

Of course, leave it to a CT Yankee to be all mixed up. You had a choice, son, and you didn't choose wisely. Enjoy the offseason. Theo's been on fire.

[Devine]

Hey jim, what you wanna be a dick for? That's all I'm asking.

ORTIZ!!!

[Kaz]

#51 landed 20 feet away from me!

#52 was even sweeter!

WOOHOO! There's life in this season yet!

[Rob in CT]

"leave it to a CT Yankee..."

You, talking to ME? How you dare put that damnable term next to the word Connecticut when referring to me. Pistols at dawn, sir. You have insulted my integrity, insufferable oaf! I shall have my second contact yours.

Of course should your second be down, then 'up yours'. Heh.

Kaz, very cool you caught that game last night. Nice bit o' history there. Ortiz!!

[harwich rich]

68 comments-gotta be some kind of record.

[Bob]

And not one from me. Oh, wait. One.

Sorry. I've been in meeting hell.

But what about that guy named Papi? I'm gonna write a TV show called, "That Guy Named Papi." It'll star Matthew J. Fox as Theo, the sidekick from The Garry Shandling Show as Tito, Ellis Hobbs fronm the Pats as Manny, and the guy from The Green Mile as Ortiz.

Investors?