Too close to home, too near the bone

Mike:
Holy fuck, now Jon Lestah is being tested for cancah? Fucking cancah?

 

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Bill:
What stahted as an innocent sweep by the Royals has in a few short weeks gone totally motherfucking apocalyptic.

 

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Mike:
We joked that the Red Sox were bad for one's health, but that joke isn't funny anymore.

 

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Bill:
The injury thing is escalating exponentially. We go from heart irregularities to the big C in just a couple of days? At this pace it'll be leprosy on Friday, plague on Sunday, and spontaneous combustion on Monday.

 

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Comments

[louclinton]

To quote Tony Danza:

Thoughts and Prayers, to RSN.

selah

lc

[COD]

How long will it take CHB to dream up a new curse, this one health related?

[Dave S.]

Never in my life have I seen a season so utterly combust as the Red Sox has this August. It is astonishing. I hope for the good health of the Red Sox players, especially Lester and Ortiz.

[heathalouise]

Nothing like a good Smiths reference to help us wallow in our collective misery. Heaven knows I'm miserable now. I dare not ask what else could go wrong.

[Bob]

Can the flesh-eating virus be far behind? We can only hope it attacks CHB first (I think it would eat off his ample, fatty cheeks first).

[yazbread]

Spontaneous combustion? Nah, I'll place my money on someone on the team choking to death on someone else's vomit.

[Rob in CT]

Red Sox in coma, I know, I know; it's serious...

Is that the Smith's reference you were making? (Hope so, that's the only one I know...)

[COD]

When this (hopefully) turns out to be nothing, now long will it take for the press to decide that the Sox leaked the news as a diversionary tactic to distract us from a 2-7 road trip?

I bet a couple of them already have the article written.

[Dave S.]

...but Yazbread, will they be able to figure out whose vomit it was? I mean, you can't really dust for vomit.

[Kaz]

After hearing about this last night, I commented on other rumors I'd heard as the health bug continues to bite down on the Sox:

* David Wells ate Carlos Pena.
* Curt Schilling is getting hit with domestic abuse charges.
* Jonathon Papelbon is undergoing season-ending transgender surgery.

[808soxfan]

our winter of discontent begins in august.

[Aaron]

Wells has been traded to San Diego for (suprise) another non-hitting catcher. According to espn, Fat Man's next scheduled start will be taken by none other than Julian Tavarez. Apparently, they're going to give Tavarez a chance to blow games right at the outset, rather than waiting until the 7th inning for him to come in and blow someone else's lead.

[Mike]

The thing about the Red Sox that keeps me coming back is the fact they are human beings. They lead real lives, have human frailities, and they don't put on pretenses about being supermen even when they are the best in the game.

That said, it has always impressed me that the only way you keep a good Sox team down is with outrageously bad fortune. This many injuries in this short a period can only be evidence of the hand of God.

M

[Ghengis Ortiz]

It is pretty terrible and frightening...sounds like whatever bug the Celtics had from 1986-today is being caught by the Sox.

It's also frustrating - and numbers be damned - that Timmy Wakefield gets nary a mention as an important loss. He is in many ways, the Zen Buddha, the id, of this team. How many of those August losses between the 5-6-7 innings could have been avoided with him throwing floaters up there? He has a hex on the MFYs (ex Boonie), and would have at least given us a little more (probably ill-begotten) optimism.

[Ghengis Ortiz]

On another note...a wall of locust have been picked up on Doppler 1, heading towards Fenway.

[PJ]

"Bill: The injury thing is escalating exponentially. We go from heart irregularities to the big C in just a couple of days? At this pace it'll be leprosy on Friday, plague on Sunday, and spontaneous combustion on Monday."

Erm... make that "a strained side muscle" on Wednesday, and an exploding closer's shoulder on Friday...

How about we ban all crows at The Fens, especially the gimpy or injured ones?

Now I know why Boomer wanted to get the hell out of Dodge! Perhaps he was about to be stricken with gout...

[Bob]

PJ, it's "THE gout." Never disrespect The gout by omitting the The. (BTW, I don't consider my Patriots tailgating season to be a success unless I get The gout by the end of the season.)