Is that a pickle in your pocket, or are you just happy the Sox lost 10 1/2 games in the standings since July 4?

Steve:
You know the weirdest thing about Shaughnessy is the guy gets more obvious glee out of bad spells for the Sox, like this most recent one, than a typical fan gets from Sox win streaks.

 

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Mike:
Seriously, with every consecutive Sox loss the CHB gets a little more wood in his pants (emphasis on little).

 

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Steve:
Yeah, now he's spooging all over the page with a couple season's worth of pent up frustration.

 

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Mike:
I mean think about, the past few years had to have been tough on the guy. He lost his Curse, Sox won it all, everyone's been so happy that even his occasional barbed column did little more than elicit smirks from most fans.

 

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Steve:
Can't you just picture the Curly Haired Boyfriend in the pressbox at Anaheim last night squinting up his eyes and peering at Papelbon while wishfully thinking "Blow it! Blow it! Blow it!" with every pitch?

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. I'm willing to bet today's column, totally focusing on all the bad of the last week or so, was actually written well before the first pitch last night.

 

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Steve:
Oh, don't you know it. And the opening sentence originally read something like, "Now, at last it's happened. Your Red Sox have lost 7 straight. Even more than when Joe "The Nutty Professor" Kerrigan manned Boston's Southbound Train in 2001" and he just reworked it after Paps shut 'er down.

 

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Mike:
But tonight he'll be right back in the pressbox like a vultchah circling, circling, hoping, praying, he'll be able to peck out some eyeballs and then tell us all how it tasted the next morning.

 

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Steve:
With a big grin on his face and a pop tent in his Dockers.

 

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Comments

[Bob]

//But tonight he'll be right back in the pressbox like a vultchah circling, circling, hoping, praying, he'll be able to peck out some eyeballs and then tell us all how it tasted the next morning.//

Poetry, pure poetry, H.B. A combo of Hunter Thompson and James Joyce.

[soxdownunder]

'... a pop tent in his dockers' - I have no idea what this means but it seems like excellent stuff. I thought today's (last night's) game was great, clinging to the wreckage for 7 long innings - Timlin and Foulke almost, but not quite, giving it up and then a nice, long save for Papl. But is Manny's knee okay? One person who won't know the answer to that question is the CHB 'cos Manny would just tap him on the shoulder, smirk at him and go talk to someone nice.

[harwich rich]

Should that be pup tent? Just wonderin'

[Bob]

Well, since CHB has one of those "pump up your penis" implants, I think it should be called a Pump Tent.

[COD]

Should that be pup tent? That's the way I've always heard that expression. In an way, I sort of like it when the Sox are on the left coast. I can go to bed without even thinking about the game, and then when I get up it's over and done, so no worrying there either.

[IkeG]

Just my opinion, but I think the Sox should go after A's reliever Justin Deuscherer, so they have Deusch setting up Paps. Ladies, am I right?

[Tom]

I've been reading Shaughnessy forever and I've never understood the animosity he generates. Sure he can be cynical and he repeats himself now and then, (most columnists do) and the whole “Curse of the Bambino” was a bit much, but over all I find him to be a good writer. And whether I agree with him or not, his columns are almost always entertaining. I keep waiting for him or (someone else) to coin the new phrase “Curse of the Crow”…I’m not sure of the date but it seems to me ever since that crow ran the bases this team has never been the same.

[Rob in CT]

HB - Thank you, thank, you. I made the mistake of reading the CHB's craptastic article first thing this morning (like COD, went to bed early and didn't know anything about the game other than the score from the radio until I got into the office.) What a F-ing dildo he is.

My first thought was, I hope the Soxaholix have something to say about this nincompoop. I was delighted to see that they (and you) had just the right take. God, I hate that guy!

My only quibble might be that I doubt the pube-topped prick actually pays up for a brand name like Dockers. My guess (seeing him on NESN) is that he's a big spender on Route 66 sportswear over at his local K-Mart.

[johngalt]

Shaughnessy is unbearable. I have been boycotting his articles for 3 years now. If only it would do any good.

Like him or not, he gets attention. Too much attention. He is the devil that rears his head from the globe (owned by NYT). He is worse than the idiots that scream on EEI.

I heard a story once of him getting popped in the face after a game in a bar. The guy was arrested, but left to a standing ovation from the crowd. wonder if its true

[Bob]

Punching the CHB in the face would be like fisting a porn star.

[Pat Celticsox]

Shaughnessy is a douchebag. Worse yet he is inspiring other writers. Chris Sheridan who covers basketball for the WWL clearly wants to be the Shaughnessy for team USA.

[Hildy]

Beautiful, beautiful take on CHB. (Not to imply in any way that that snide little toad is beautiful.) I made the mistake of reading that column this morning, and have been sputtering about it ever since. Thanks for the antidote to the CHB venom.

[Phil]

This is a tale that I've heard more than once about Shaughnessy and his prickly relationship with players. Back in the day, Dan was the beat writer for the Celtics when the same job opened up, covering the Sox. Shaughnessy was to switch jobs when the Celtics returned from a road trip. Rather than endure any more of the redhead's presence, the Celtic players took up a collection to pay for his return flight. Money well spent.

[louclinton]

PHB is not worth the effort.

Funny, shit, though, h.b.

(put me down as a vote for "pup" tent)

lc

[harwich rich]

The only thing worse than Danny Boy being all ours is that now with the internet he belongs to the world :(

[harwich rich]

OzzieSox: Pup tent=Stiffy :)

[Jason O.]

Wow, the knives are out.

I missed yesterday's strip, but let me say that after the Cash reference, I'll never, ever, ever miss one again.

Forgive me.

[harwich rich]

Although I doubt it in his case

[Jason O.]

Incidentally, a brutal form of self torture is available whenever Mike Barnicle and DS are together on Barnicle's radio show on 96.9 in Boston.

Whitey Bulger's bitch and the CHB...it doesn't get any worse than that.

[Natalie]

A wise person told me a few years ago when I was freaking out about the Sox to just tune out the media and I'd be fine. I remembered that sage advice this weekend, and so aside from the Soxaholix and certain other blogs I skim to me informed at a baseline, I have stopped reading the newspaper, stopped listening to sports radio and stopped watching Sports Night and their ilk. I have done the same with politics... It is so refreshing! I may now not be able to have an intelligent conversation about world or sports events with anyone in the know, but I'm too happy in my stupidity to care.

Remember when we were going to pool our money to buy out Seanez's contract? Can't we do the same for the CHB? I'd love to not even have the low buzz of his mosquito-like annoyance on my radar...

[da kine]

Thay gave that plagiarizing arsehole Barnicle a show? Does he rip off Dave Chappelle's old stuff for laughs? Copy down Bill O'Reilly's Thought of the Day? Use a Grump Line a la Howie Carr? Barnicle and the CHB together is like Freddy vs. Jason: terrible, but so terrible it's almost seems worth one's time.

[vancouversoxfan]

I have stepped back from the edge and re-thought my support for Hench's rant on BDD this past weekend. In fact in I'd say I disagree with about 90% of it. Interesting how losing to the MFYs clouds the judgement so.

Just getting ready to motor down the I5 to Seattle to catch a Mariners/Skankees game followed by tommorow's Sox game. Had to see the Skanks because the guy driving is a poor mislead MFY fan.

Aaron, you at the game on Friday?

[h.b.]

I think pup tents and pop tents are two different things, although similar.

I'm no expert, but I think pup tent is more the WW1-WW2 Army issue tents, whereas pop tent refers to the more modern tents you get at LL Bean the "pop" open, ready to go.

In any case, I want to use "pop" because it suggests "pop a hardon" or "pop a stiffy" as you'd never say "pup a hardon" well, at least I hope not.

[Ice Princess]

//Just my opinion, but I think the Sox should go after A's reliever Justin Deuscherer, so they have Deusch setting up Paps. Ladies, am I right?//

IkeG - You are i bit of luv... Ladies should never do that beofre that!

Besides, the 'S' is silent & the 'CH' sound like a 'K' so it's prnounced Duke-sher-er-er-er-er-er. It's funny when he's throwing cause his name doesn't fit on the pitcher's count/speed sign so they shorten it to Deuschr'r. & I like him out here so leave him be!

[Ice Princess]

PS - I vote for pup, as in referring to the lil size part ;-P

[carman]

None of this criticism seems to deal with what I thought was Shaughnessy's point today. Why pay Fenway prices for the remaining games to watch Theo's "unterteam" if we're not going to have an "uberteam". Maybe Red Sox management will consider lowering salaries and ticket prices until the future has arrives.

[Ghengis Ortiz]

No more 'dates' at John Henry's house, that's for sure...he's getting shut out after this piece of shit.

What an ass. Rather than buy his contract, wouldn't it be cheaper for us to have him kidnapped by the Gaza Revolutionary Brigade? He can hold up a sign that says 'I am really not a Yankee fan' and 'Carrot Top is my lost brother' or 'John, 3:14'....then after a week or so, he'll be set free, wandering around Jerusalem in his Wonderoos, looking for a byline...

[Son of Hamulack]

I've come to think CHB serves the same function in the sports page as Mallard Fillmore does in the comics, though I find the Mallard funnier.

[soxdownunder]

Harwich Rich - thanks for that pithy definition. I like the expression a lot (whether it be pop or pup) and shall attempt to introduce it into the local lexicon as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

[NewHavenPatriot]

Lol, boner jokes... wait, we actually won a game?? Whoa-MG!!!! :-P

[Evan]

hey, what does CHB mean?

Celebration Hating Bastard?

no really i have no idea what it means

[Rob in CT]

Evan - Really good guess. Actually it refers to D.S.'s nickname here at the Soxaholix - The "Curly Haired Boyfriend". Dig back through the archives for some memorable early references. Sorry I don't have time to go back and find them for you. Maybe H.B. could incorporate a clever index feature to allow us all to go back and relive past glories at a glance.

Welcome Aboard...

[soxdownunder]

chb = curly haired bastard (I think)

[Kaz]

I thought we recapped CHB up above, but here it is again:

Carl Everett told Gordon Edes to leave the clubhouse and to take his "curly-haired boyfriend" — Dan Shaughnessy — with him.