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Are you sure? Yeah, I'm Saussure

In life there are certain things you can count on … David Wells sucks when skipping a rehab staht, Mel Gibson hates Jews, and David Ortiz hits walkoffs.


I no longah have any words to describe Big Papi. He's entered some super semiotic realm that exists beyond mere signifiahs and their measly signified.


Are you kidding me, Papi dwells in the ancient ethah before light and dark were separated. He's the fucking Big Bang, cosmic launchah of the universe.


You know I was feeling all mopey yesterday, all feeling like Lindsay Blohan after a 3 day coke binge over the Abreu to the Yankees news …


But then David Ortiz knocked the skanky feeling right out of me.


Yeah, it's worth remembering: David Ortiz has fahts with more powah than Bobby Abreu.



It bears repeating: All Hail Papi!

As far as standing pat with the hand Theo has dealt RSN, I will quote Dr. Peter Venkman "I like this plan!! I'm excited to be a part of it! Let's do it!!"

Let the best 2 months of the regular season begin!

Thanks for the Ghostbusters chuckle, FoT. Great strip, hb.

Papi- "If someone asks if you are a god, you say, "yes!"

Jack the bartender from Chicago at Pete's: "There's NO way he'll do it again. Nobody's that clutch. Nobody."

Me: "Oh ye of little faith."

Jack: "I watched Banks in his prime, and Billy Williams, and Santo and Sandberg and Sosa. They were great, but even they couldn't..."

Orsillo: "Big Papi's done it again!!!

Me: "You were saying?"

Jack: "Somewhere, Satan has a contract in a safe deposit box with that guy's name on it."

I thought for sure we would see a call to Mahty this morning... good strip all the same. Even though the Papi overpowered it how about Dan Snyder last night? He was looking good.

BTW, check this out (it's the first post on the site right now, but just look for the leering photo of Jeter later in the day):


I LOOOVE me some Big Papi!

Thought about going to bed to catch some shut-eye after the 8th, then thought better of it (in for a dime, in for a dollar - who cares if I gotta get up at quarter to five in the a.m.). I'm so glad I did. Slept like a baby once I finally got the adrenaline rush out of my system. Words uterly fail me to describe the guy's greatness.

Awe freakin some.

How many wool plants did they have to harvest to tool up DWells' tent, er uniform last night. I see #16 and I always think Rick Miller. I think RM might have been living inside that blouse Wellsy had on.

Anyone one see PHB's nasty cut on Theo today? Funny, I just went to see the online version and it has been cut out of PHB's column. I got the early edition and PHB was ragging on Theo.


The Tribe fans I'm surrounded by are very quiet this morning and I'm walking on air. I love David!

Congrats on an exciting win last night.

An interesting contention in the last panel...
Let's put it to the test!

Ortiz born 1975...Career: .283/.369/.544 w/214 HR, 731 RBI, 992 hits, 254 doubles.

Abreu born 1974...Career: .301/.412/.507 w/198 HR, 841 RBI, 1526 hits, 359 doubles.

That's really exciting that he's winning a few games for you guys (and would have to be discovered in a hotel room with 5 underage midgets not to win the MVP) but don't lose your good sense during a relatively short period & small sample size of Ortiz's career.

Jason; you're kidding, right? Because if you're not, I have a friend who can get you some Lithium. Be honest - you'd trade Abreu, A-Fraud and Mussina straight up for Papi. (And you'd be getting the better of the deal.)

David Ortiz, 2006 AL MVP.

So, when do teams start having their right-handers walk Ortiz when he represents the winning run in the 8th or 9th inning? I know Manny's up next, but a homer wins it from either of them. Yes, a single ties it from Manny and not Ortiz, but at some point, they have to start giving Ortiz the Bonds treatment regardless. Discussion of clutch hitters starts and ends with Ortiz.

Note last panel speaks to "power" and not overall efficacy as a hitter.

Abreu is not a home run hitter despite one season of prowess in that regard and winning an ASG homerun derby the same year.

BTW, Jason, your Ortiz vs. Abreu stats have one glaring omission: Although you could argue that they have roughly similar numbers over the years, Ortiz has over 1,500 fewer at bats than Abreu. That's about three full seasons worth.

"Lies, damn lies, and statistics."

Twain was a smart man.

Let's see ...

Sox do nothing at the deadline
Yankees makes improvements
Wells stinks like a biker chick
... and yet this morning I feel good
Thanks, Ortizac!

Yeah, jamesfrmmaine, I was encouraged by Snyder's pitching as well. If he's not the answer as a starter, maybe long relief?

Hey, need some advice from the experts. My friend is wanting to buy tix to an upcoming game and is asking if grandstand seats, behind the plate, up high are any good. I've never sat back there. Is the view worth a damn?

John Kruk on Sportscenter had it right: "With two on and one out in the bottom of the ninth and Big Papi at the plate, you walk Papi, you walk Ramirez and hope you get a double play out of Mike Lowell. That's how you deal with Big Papi."

I was sitting there in sec. 41 last night, watching the suckers waddle out after the 8th with the Sox down 2, knowing that the top of the order was coming around. As soon as Cora hit that leadoff single you knew it was happening. Big Papi comes up, takes a pitch, then loops a long line drive...looks like it'll drop in the triangle...no wait it's not coming down there were two already on base did he really just do it *again*?

You know, honestly, I'm glad to see another Yankee I don't hate as a human being (in Bobby Abreu). If I never see Garry "in the clear" Sheffield on a baseball diamond again, I can live with that. Though for the spanks I have to think they're a little more psyched about getting a reasonably competent Cory Lidle, who can fill in well in long relief the next time the Big Eunuch coughs up 8 runs through 3 innings.

And speaking of long relief, can we just release Wells already? Seriously, Kyle Snyder's fastball has more juice and his changeup a bigger velocity difference, and he's costing the Sox a lot less. I'm liking what I see from Snyder, in terms of coming into a bad situation and making the best of it. Too bad every time he puts in a solid effort he gets demoted so we can call up Jason Johnson to get lit up again. Oh well...

IkeG, on the grandstand issue: My dad had season tickets in 24, about 12 rows from the back, for years and I always loved the view from there (just on the 3rd base side, behind the on-deck circle). I don't know if they're worth however much your buddy is paying, but I'd say any of the reserved grandstand seats within two sections of directly behind home plate are great spots to watch a game.

Twain was smart.

By highlighting Abreu's 1,500 more AB's, you've perhaps unwittingly highlighted Abreu's rare run producing talent. His outlandish career OBP, great BA and fine SLG given many more at bats than Ortiz (a larger sample size tends to smooth out variance, i.e., streaks and slumps) is very impressive and was best expressed by none other Terry Francona:

"My concern is that he goes over there for a couple of months and that he's the best player in baseball. Because I think he has that in him."

As I said, as of 8/1/06 Ortiz is now a virtual lock on the MVP. Be that as it may, rather than getting me lithium, (I appreciate the offer) perhaps "Mike" should stop sniffing the glue of hyperbole...

Thanks. Was it a coincidence that the father of the illegitimate son of #24 had season tix in section 24?

IkeG, I sat there a couple of times, once in the very back row and once down and in a little towards the visiting dugout. The latter had an obstructed view due to a pole, so make sure he is not getting one of those tickets. Otherwise, I LOVED those seats. I thought it was a really cool perspective, I felt in a way like I had the batter's view... plus the beer stand was right behind me, no walk :)

I saw Pedro pitch a gem against Tampa Bay in 2001 from those seats. Loved it. Only complaint was Pedro was so efficient, I think the game was over and done in 2 hrs. Could of stayed for 5. :)

BTW Mike is not much of a huffer, but he has been known to blaze the hydro.

Big papi=God

Best first panel ever. Great last panel too.

I saw bits and snippets of the game, then was watching ESPN scorecast online towards the end. At the bottom of the 9th I thought of checking out who was due up but figured I didn't want to know. I checked back a few minutes later, saw the final score, and laughed, saying to myself, "Had to be Ortiz."

He is Captain Clutch. I think Jason's right about him having a lock on the MVP, with one caveat: if the Sox don't make the playoffs, he might not get it.

It could go to Jeter instead (... that's mostly a joke)

Ike - I had the fortune to sit in one of those seats last year. Had bleacher seats for a night game (vs. Oakland) that got rained out and was made up the next day (early afternoon game) before the A's left town. As they "black out" those particular bleacher seats for day games so the hitters can see the pitches, they moved us into the grandstand seats.

I was about 6-8 rows from the top and over about 6-8 seats to the right of home plate. First time I'd sat there, and really had a good time. No real obstructions, and as Natalie mentioned, close to the beer. I'd take those seats any day.

Billy, I think you've got it. At this point, if the Sox make the playoffs via any means, Ortiz will be the MVP. If, however, the Sox win neither the WC nor the division, and the Yanks do, AND Jeter continues at his current pace, I'd guess it goes to him.

ISODE: you have it right...the Lidle portion of the trade is probably of equal value for the Yanks as the Abreu part. The Yanks have cobbled together effective play from the mash of outfield options in Sheffield's absence, though of course Abreu is a significant upgrade there. But with Lidle, you're replacing the gigantic pile of crap that has been the Yanks' fifth starter. Between Chacon, Small, Ponson and Wilson, the Yanks' fifth starter combines for something close to an 8 ERA, and has averaged less than five innings per start. Ouch. By giving solid, average innings, Lidle would be a massive improvement on that front.

Ortiz born 1975...Career: .283/.369/.544 w/214 HR, 731 RBI, 992 hits, 254 doubles.

Abreu born 1974...Career: .301/.412/.507 w/198 HR, 841 RBI, 1526 hits, 359 doubles.

Ortiz has over 1,500 fewer at bats than Abreu. That's about three full seasons worth.

So I was curious what might Papi's numbers be:

EQ Runs to Bobby Abreu(914)- Papi(848)
Eq HR to Bobby Abreu(198)-Papi(309)
EQ 2b to Bobby Abreu(359)- Papi(367) And Abreu's faster right?!!
EQ RBI to Bobby Abreu(731)- Papi((1056) wow!!
EQ Hits to Bobby Abreu(1526)-Papi(1433)
EQ 3B to Bobby Abreu(44) Papi(14) - No suprise there:)

AND that doesn't even count for a the park differential (Phillies home park vs the long right field porch in Fenway)

He is even more amazing!!!! than I thought.

Assumptions that Ortiz would have done x given more at bats is beyond my pay grade...you'd have to be omniscient...but I'll concede that perhaps you have powers beyond those of mortal men.

You did mention park differential, however:
Park adjusted lines, via baseball reference:
Abreu: .269/.342/.433/.775 OPS
Ortiz: .273/.341/.437/.777 OPS
Both awesome...and virtually identical!!!

Abreu played all but 2 seasons at the vet:
Right field: 330 ft.
Right Center: 371 ft.
Ortiz 3 seasons in Fenway:
Right field 302 ft, 28 ft. shorter
Right center: 380 ft., 9 ft. longer

Looks like a wash to me....

Remember the equivocal "might". Dude when you start throwing around stats it can only be for fun on this blog. Now stats in real life when theres your money or your companies money on the line then things get serious ( and certainly given more time than my time allows here) Ahh what would baseball be without stats?

Speaking of field size...
you can't forget the 420 in dead center field where that awesome game winning shot was fired!!!!

Hey, speaking of Cory Lidle, did anyone in earshot of WFAN yesterday afternoon happen to catch Maddog Russo "talking" with Brian Cashman yesterday afternoon a little before 5:00 pm?

Good God all Monday! Dog was ripping Cashman an new asshole about acquiring Lidle, basically called him a bum and did everything but question Cashman's manhood. Called the GM a liar to a previous caller, which he got called on wtalking to Cashman. Cashman eventually lost his cool a little bit and suggested that he had come on the show out of respect for the media and wouldn't allow either himself or his team to be bashed that way. Suggested maybe Russo would like to try running a ballclub for the Boss. Hilarity ensued. I couldn't turn away.

NY sports media (although not as out and out crazy as the WEEI massholes) is close to insane. Even Imus was lost for words listening to a tape of it this morning. Good times, good times.

Oh, and continuing in the "Ghostbusters" vein from earlier this morning, my personal favorite:

Dr. Peter Venkman: We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft is okay. He's a sailor, he's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble.

A few extra tidbits on Abreu vs Ortiz...

Abreu is plateauing. He hasn't had over 30 HR in 5 years (projected for 12 this year).

Ortiz has hit more HR every year than the one previous (projected for 54 this year).

Abreu built his career stats in the NL (notably weaker pitching). Ortiz in the AL.

Abreu costs 13 million. Ortiz costs 6 million.

Abreu is no sloutch offensively, but Ortiz is still the guy I want up in late and close...and as the years go on, Abreu's contract just takes off and there's only down to go from here in terms of production. The Yankees seem to like buying on the downstroke though...the move suits them.

Reggie Bush shows up for training camp wearing a MFY hat! He'd better run his ass off this year to make up for that fashion "don't." Otherwise I'll send these criminal shemales over to his house. http://www.neworleanscitybusiness.com/viewFeature.cfm?recid=434

Wish the Pats were playing the Saints this year so we could put a hurtin' on that Skankee lover.

BTW, NolaSox, any story that starts with the words "transvestite crime gang" is a must read.

Was in a Lower East Side dive last night, surrounded by fans of the MFYs, salivating at the prospect of gaining ground on an off-day when El Papi unleashed that storied bomb to center. The bar was silent while I screamed "ORTIZ!!" several times like a madman. The Three Amigos carried the offense last night, let's hope the supporting cast picks it up this month and keeps this party train rolling.

Abreu vs. Ortiz ??

Ortiz - 1 world series ring
Abreu - 0!

Ortiz has almost as many Game winning hits this year as Abreu has HRs...Laughable comparison...

The thing about Abreu is that he doesn't have to be as good as Ortiz (career-wise in total, he's better; last couple of years, including this one, Ortiz is better). All he has to do is be better than what the Yanks were trotting out to right field every night. When that includes the trifecta of the dumpster dove-for Guiel, a guy named Bubba who has zero power, and the Corpse of Bernie Williams, Abreu ought to be pretty good for the Yanks.

Clock in that

1) Abreu is an absolute OBP machine who can run the bases well and hit for moderate power (this year is an anomaly, much like Lowell's last year, only less drastic)

2) the Yanks only have to pick up his salary for one more year, which can effectively replace Sheffield's option

This was a fine, fine deal that makes the Yanks a hell of a lot better. Is Abreu as good a hitter as Ortiz? Hell no. Is anyone other than Travis Hafner or Albert Pujols? No.

Dave - THat "Corpse" looked pretty good popping that 3-run double last night.

It was the Weekend at Bernie's! I love Bernie. Personally, I think he's a lower-level HOFer, if you do the Jay Jaffe JAWS assessment over at BP, he meets the standards. But, despite that great hit last night, he's getting tired, and has lost rather a bit of his mojo.

MOFO Mojo. I'll admit to liking Bernie, too. Quiet, classy guy. Not a bad guitar player, either. His album (which I picked up for $0.50 at a tag sale was pretty decent, other than the last song with his kids singing on it.

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