Stay on the scene (get on up)

Susan:
OK. In the interest of fair play and all, I think we all owe Giambi an apology. It isn't steroids making him the way he is.

 

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Mike:
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

 

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Mike:
I love this line: "How the two emerging species, one walking upright while the other moved around on all-fours, managed to view each other as attractive mates - is something we will probably nevah know."

 

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Susan:
Ah, these researchers must have missed the memo: your average horny guy will hump pretty much anything, be it human, animal, or inanimate object, if it gets the job done.

 

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Susan:
I mean how else to you explain the "glory hole" concept?

 

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Mike:
Yeah, because, you know, women never opt for any, er, creative alternatives or anything*.

[*NSFW!!]

 

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Susan:
Hey, a girls gotta do what a girl's gotta do these days. Movin' and doin' it, you know.

 

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Mike:
So given a choice, sex machine or on base machine, whadya take?

 

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Susan:
Yoooooouuuuuuuuk!

 

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Mike:
Hell, yeah. And let's be snarky and point out, Kevin Youkilis' has the best in the majahs OBP of .430 while Johnny "How will we ever manage without you " Damon sitting with his clean shaven .360.

 

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Susan:
And just wait 'til Coco returns.

 

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Mike:
Coco's OPB and base stealing prowess leading the top half and Youks in the bottom half? Shhheeat. Get up, get on up.

 

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Susan:
Shake your money makah!

 

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Comments

[Rob in CT]

Segueing from 350 rpm sex machines to the Youk. And smoothly, too!

hb - you are one of the great literary minds of our generation. Laughing out loud over here while the raindrops fall.

[tcr]

I'm sure it's just me, but I first scanned Susan's last line as "Shake your monkey makah ..."

[Follower of Tito]

Knowing how sad some female members of RSN were when Bronson was sent away and the old, loveable J.D. was bodysnatched by the Evil Empire, I have heard murmurings that of all people, Youk has been attracting the attention of the ladies!? Rock on, dude. If a follicularly challenged, fairly slow, ostensibly average looking dude attracts the attention of the fair members of RSN, their is hope for the rest of us...or is is really true...size does matter...particularly for OBP

[Jason O.]

hb, perhaps you meant Youkilis's the best opb among leadoff hitters in the majors?

Currently he's 50th at .424, according to MLB.com, behind the Jack Bauer of MLB (Jeter) and....Jason Giambi!!

Doesn't it really suck when a guy you can't stand resurrects himself despite the odds? Jason will again be raking at a green park near you on Monday...

Have fun against Red Light's old team, the Yankees have to play the JV squad.

Everybody: Finish up today, and then take a couple of days off.

[h.b.]

Doesn't it really suck when a guy you can't stand resurrects himself
despite the odds?

So suprised to hear you be so honest concering your emotions with respect to Curt Schilling's bloody sock miracle in Game 6.

[Jason O.]

Did you hear that the sock was fake? It was very strong kool-aid.

(reference story, in high school on the first day of football practice, I took off my cleat at the end of practice and my sock was bloody from a bad blister. My coach said: "Quit drinking so much kool-aid." Beautiful.)

I actually appreciate Schilling: He's a ham, a showboat, a card, a rake, a blowhard, a hotshot, a know-it-all, a rodomont and a grandstander.

It takes one to know one.

[Bob]

//Doesn't it really suck when a guy you can't stand resurrects himself despite the odds?//

Ah, now I understand. Jesus was using Human Growth Hormone, too. (The Roman's didn't test for it either.)

[Jason O.]

True, but they did condemn people to death for stupid jokes, in which case you'd be a lion's snack in the flavian amphitheatre.

[Bob]

It's not a joke. I certainly don't think Juice-ambi is funny. In fact, I think he should be stoned. He's not a liar, but he is a cheat. But then again, you worship Jeffrey Meier, so I guess that kind of behavior is just your thing. I suppose you're hoping the Skankees get Bonds next year? He'd certainly fit right in (although with his, Sheffield's and Juice-ambi's giant 'roid heads, it might be a tight fit).

[h.b.]

Yep, the sock was fake. The Pentagon was blown up by a missile. And the Twin Towers were imploded by explosive devices planted either by Haliburton or the Israelis (perhaps both?).

:)

Funny thing about my attitude toward Giambi -- it isn't the whole steroid thing so much as the going from long-haired, Hog riding redneck with the A's to the clean cut, corporate Yankee.

I hate that shit. (And I'm projecting, of course, as I despise my own subservience to the corporate code in exchange for my paycheck.)

[Jason O.]

You forgot Big Oil, becuase when ChimpyMcBusHitlerShotgunCheney cooked up the 9/11 attacks (because we gave money to the muhajedeen in Afghanistan in the 80's) for sure Big Oil was in on the planning.

[Mike]

One thing that is not a joke is the whole Youk / Paps Female Fixation that is taking hold of RSN right now. Johnny and Bronson took off and these guys stepped right in to the fantasies of the women.

Lord Almighty, it's not fair that they get that kind of attention from millions of women while I have trouble fishing for chicks.

M

[Jason O.]

Truth be told, the Red Sox may sweep the Yankees next week if Joe Torre continues to do things like put both Bubba Crosby and Bernie Williams in the lineup and also carry Scott Erickson** in the bullpen when stallions like Colter Bean (0.7 ERA in over 25 IP) sit in Columbus.

I'm hoping that Don Mattingly and Lee Mazzilli watch the "Caine Mutiny" soon.

** Clearly, schlonging Lisa Guerrero and also general husband duties with a super babe of a wife take up this man's mental focus. Plus, he's 49 years old.

[DenverSoxFan]

Wow, Jason O, you're a real dick :D. Can't find anything productive or worthwhile to do with your time, eh? I know how that is.

[NV in SD]

"...you're hoping the Skankees get Bonds next year?"

Next year? I get the feeling Georgie's ready to ship out whatever's necessary to get him DHing at the toilet by the end of July. It's aight, though- even with bonds at DH, an outfield of Melky, Bernie, and Reese doesn't exactly inspire fear...

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Jason,

Don't forget about the Bronx's latest favorite whipping boy, Melky Cabrera. Bernie really does need to pack it in. The more he plays the more he tarnishes his legacy with the spanks. If it weren't for the occasional game-changing double, I'd feel bad for Bernie, trying to chase those shots to the corner, desperately going as fast as his tin legs can take him.

As for Giambi, h.b. - despite his efforts to go corporate (and he's really been trying), he still looks like he's coming straight out the trailer. Apparently King George's personal hygience code has nothing to say about the gallons of sludge that HGHiambi puts on his head. Seriously, have you seen him with his helmet off? It looks like he combs his hair with a pork chop.

[tessie]

"One thing that is not a joke is the whole Youk / Paps Female Fixation that is taking hold of RSN right now. Johnny and Bronson took off and these guys stepped right in to the fantasies of the women.

Lord Almighty, it's not fair that they get that kind of attention from millions of women while I have trouble fishing for chicks."

Mike, if you could get (it) on as often as Youk or go long like BIG Papi, you'd have an easier time with the fairer sex.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

in the bullpen when stallions like Colter Bean (0.7 ERA in over 25 IP) sit in Columbus.

See also Meredith, Cla

[Rob in CT]

<< Lord Almighty, it's not fair that they get that kind of attention from millions of women while I have trouble fishing for chicks. >>

Mikey, as soon as you and I bring home the same long green those boys do and maybe even learn to take a 97 mph fastball yard, we'll start looking better in the eyes of the ladies. Doesn't hurt if you can lick your eyebrows, either. ;-)

[Jason O.]

Meredith's # must have you salivating.

NV, well said:

1) Melky raked in 6 weeks with AAA. He gets 2 hits in the comeback game, and then doesn't play for 2 days? (Similarly on your side, Pena should play every day...he, like Melky, needs ABs)

2) And Reese: WHY??? Kevin Thompson is the obvious choice to be called up after Melky...

...more in a moment with Mike and the Mad Dog, on the FAN....

[Mike]

Tessie -

Most guys wish they could hit the long ball like either of those two, yet we continue grinding it out day to day like all the others. Maybe, if we are all good fans and stick around until the end of the game, we get to be Red Sox players in the next life. Until then, I guess the best we can hope for is to persevere.

M

[Jason O.]

You guys better watch out, though, because at some point this season we're gonna get a healthy Carl Pavano back

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

I'm sorry, I couldn't make it through that one with a straight face, I kill myself, I can't help it....

[IkeG]

Hey! Did you see who's throwing today for the Mets? Good old Jeremi G!

There's something very Hensley Muellens-like about the name "Colter Bean".

[Kaz]

Thought I'd pass this on from the Baltimore Sun:

Red Sox Players treat returning Baltimore soldiers to a round of drinks at the hotel (low on page under Cheers header)

[h.b.]

Thanks for that link, Kaz. Very cool. Not only the gesture to the troops but also further confirmation that these guys like each another enough to hang out together off the field.

[tessie]

"I'm sorry, I couldn't make it through that one with a straight face, I kill myself, I can't help it...."

By all means...feel free.

[Jason O.]

I could only foresee suicide in a few situations:

1) If killing myself would save many people, i.e, Spock in Wrath of Khan.

2) The inevitable prospect of a face to face conversation with tessie.

[da kine]

Enough vicious chatter back and forth between God's children (RSN) and the minions of Satan (MFY). Where is the talk of monkey sex? Does this new research mean that I can take a fancy to a hot chimpess and go the distance without it being bestiality? Is that cheating on my wife? The ethical implications are manifold.

[h.b.]

da kine is so right.

And, what, no discussion of the fucking machines? On a Friday no less?

Personally, I'm all in favor of the machines stepping in as needed because, frankly, I'm kind of lazy.

[JimmyZ]

"Get up, get on up"
Heh - Sex Machine.

[Anyone]

Can you believe that there was a point where we actually WANTED Carl Pavano?

4-6 last year.
0-0 this year.

Here's hoping the Yankees are still gullible enough to keep him around even after his elbow surgery...

[Kaz]

The problem with sex machines is that the Sybian is like the trump card. If you ever catch one of the videos of it in action, you'll see what I mean. Not a single other machine from your link could even begin to match it.

And once you know about it and have seen it work its magic, you find yourself numb to sex machines in general because there's always the Sybian to beat...er, the band.

[RSN Female]

//Knowing how sad some female members of RSN were when Bronson was sent away and the old, loveable J.D. was bodysnatched by the Evil Empire, I have heard murmurings that of all people, Youk has been attracting the attention of the ladies!? Rock on, dude. If a follicularly challenged, fairly slow, ostensibly average looking dude attracts the attention of the fair members of RSN, their is hope for the rest of us...or is is really true...size does matter...particularly for OBP//

LOL - Dream On Dude!!!!

[RSN Female]

And may I add that the problem with a sex 'machine' is that is has no back to scratch, no neck to bite, no hair to push out of your face, no murmuring of glee in your ear, no weight on your chest.... and I suspect no 'swirly action' -- need I go on?

Men. Rock.