Re-hydration process commencing

Your omniscient author in absentia:
OK, here's the skinny. A couple of weeks ago my day-job company won a prestigious and significant award for overall kicking ass in our industry, and last night we had the celebratory party …

So this morning, to put it bluntly, I have a hangover the size of Poland, and my sad, sorry ass is dragging.

I saw nothing of last night's loss to the Yankees, not even a single highlight (thankfully), and this morning the miserable light from the computer is blitzkrieging my brain like a Stuka.

And I'm so old that I make metaphors about Stukas, so you can only imagine what this boozification is doing to my not-in-my-20's-anymore body.

But, hell, you know, it could be worse.

 

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Comments

[louclinton]

Nothing to see here, kids. Go back to your homes.

Redass malingering papa on the bump at 7:05....see you there.

lc

[Yossarian]

Soooo, who's gonna show up to pitch for the Spankees tonite? Will it be the Big Unit or the Big Eunuch? Is he a gamer like Schilling, or is he A-Rod of the mound? We shall see....

[Bob]

H.B., sorry about your hangover. You really need to drink a lot more to build up your tolerance.

BTW, do you work in advertising? Just wondering, but because one of the industry's most important awards (The One Show) took place a couple of week's ago.

Good (and oh-so-accurately-annoying) Globe headline today: Strand and deliver.

[Dave S.]

As the Big Unit's knee no longer find relief from the stripper's boob they inject it with periodically, I expect that he'll continue to be wild out of the strike zone, and guiding thigh-high meatballs when he's in it. The Big Eunuch 'twill be. Will Clement make this a slugfest or a laugher?

[AJM]

So, remind me why we re-acquired Mirabelli?

[IkeG]

I didn't get to listen to much of the game last night, but with what I did hear I can answer AJM's question ... Spanks had Phillips on first with 1 out, and Damon had a 3-2 pitch coming. Because Damon's a good 2-strike hitter, they sent Phillips. Wakefield threw a knuckler to strike out Damon, and Mirabelli not only caught it cleanly but threw out Phillips. That and Ramirez's homer are the only good highlights for the Sox.

If they could have managed some clutch hits off of (cough) Jared Wright, they still could have taken that one. As it is we have to sweat out a Clement outing tonight.

[GaryGeiger]

I'm leaving Cow Hampshire at 1pm today, meeting my buddy at Riverside, and taking the "T" in. I'm psyched!! First Yankees game I've seen since...well, never mind......many years. Put it this way, I saw Ron Bloomberg get the first DH hit in the AL.
I have a feeling dead-beat-dad will be up for this one, but if Boston can get 6 decent innings from the human rain delay, I like the Sox chances.
Spank the Yanks!

[Jason O.]

You have my sympathies:

1) John takes a big bite out of Fenway
2) Thought you hit a pop-up, Alex? Not quite....
3) The future President of Panama jams your boy in the key at-bat of the game. I thought he was going to have to pay rent, getting in his kitchen like that during the at-bat.

So let's review: Damon gets healthy, Alex goes deep (yet again) against the Sox, and the best relief pitcher in the history of baseball beats your best.

Looking forward to tonight!

[Carlos]

I think I've finally cracked the Soxaholix code: the Eliot quotations, the obsession with "Lost", the heavy drinking:
David Wells IS Hart Brachen

[Jason O.]

Incidentally, don't worry about any retaliation for Ramirez's home-run antics.

If a mentally retarded teenager in a wheelchair runs in to you and laughs about it, manners and propriety dictate that you immediately disregard it...quite the same principle applies here.

[bos1]

hb, take 2 multi-vitamins and 3 ibuprofen with a glass of water or milk. you'll feel better in about an hour. works for me every time.

also, I half expected to see Lisa the Temp in your office today... just to exacerbate your hangover.

[IkeG]

If comparing Ramirez to a mentally retarded teenager is supposed to get a Sox fan going, it probably won't work. That's sort of like trying to get a Yankees fan going by suggesting that Billy Martin might have been a little bit loopy or Gene Michael a little bit skinny.

[yazbread]

Sorry to sound so Calvinistic about your hangover, HB, but in the immortal words of Rocky Balboa:

You wanna dance,
you gotta pay the band.
You wanna borrow,
you gotta pay the man.

[bos1]

Oh, and eat something involving grease and potatoes.

[Jason O.]

Ike, read what I wrote, i.e., "the same principle applies." It's just that some people in society receive passes if they are handicapped, or have an extremely low IQ, or are otherwise abnormal.

I think the Yankees understand the rules of civil society, in the Edmund Burke sense.

[GaryGeiger]

Jason: Being old school about this stuff, I don't really care for Manny's pimped-out home runs. That said, I remember a certain #44 who perfected the stand-and-watch-complete-with-three-minute-home-run-trot.

Sounds more like h.b. is in more of a Henry Miller, "Tropic of Cancer" phase.

[Dave S.]

Manny is a clown. Who can mash. The only thing worth taking seriously about him is his ability. But man, did he look like a jackass last night. So silly.

[Jason O.]

Gary, right, but Reggie heard a lot of chin music b/c other teams knew that he knew what he was doing...If Johnson threw at Ramirez, MR would not understand why Johnson did it, and that's the sort of Steinbeck-character childlike innocence and naivete that cuts him a break.

[AJM]

IkeG: Mirabelli threw out Philips, but he also had three passed balls which hurt them. Add that to his salami bat, and Bard showing some pop out in SD, and the trade is looking bad to me right now.

[Jason O.]

To state it another way, referring back to the rules of civil society:

Accipere quam facere praestat injuriam
(It is better to suffer an injustice than to do an injustice)

[AJM]

Yeah, those poor, put-upon Yankees, having to suffer the huge injustice of Manny watching his hr.

Remember last year when the Big Eunuch was showing up Sox hitters after strikeouts? Fortunately, we don't seem to have that problem this season.

[GaryGeiger]

Jason: You are also correct. Unfortunately, umpires throw warnings around for inside pitches way too much. It's like the old days in hockey where the players policed themselves, and pitchers like Gibson, Drysdale and countless others owned the inside (and beyond!)
Manny is a savant of sorts....I remember when he signed with the Sox, a buddy in Cleveland said exactly that: when he's in the box, he's a tiger, but he's toting an IQ of about 95, and truly fits the description of 'man-child'
I am soooo looking forward to being there tonight. I think we'll see a different RJ tonight.

[birthofasoxfan97]

Have fun for us, Gary! I have a work friend going tonight who has never seen an MLB game. I predict he'll leave a convert after visiting the Cathedral.

HB - pancakes and a long nap with a cold rag on your head. It's a good recipe.

And I REALLY need a new soxaholix shirt - one with the panel from yesterday about the Manny Ortez.

[Dave S.]

Self-admiration is just a part of the modern game. It's little less classy than it once was, but it's really no big deal. Manny's move wasn't so much offensive as perplexing and funny in that they were down 7-1 at the time he hit it, kind of like a fist-pump yell from a reliever for getting a K in garbage time. It's like, what game are you at, dude?

[Dave S.]

HB- So long as we're talking hangovers, Red Bull works wonders...or if you can find it...Alka Seltzer Morning Relief is like gold. Follow it up with a good bacon/egg/pancake diner combo, and if you're in the position to do it, throw on a Bloody Mary to level it off.

[mf]

Hey H.B., the Stuka was the first model airplane I ever made! If my memory serves me correctly, I shot it up with my bb gun after I made it. So, a little too much red wine eh? Heh, heh! If you were still in your 20's, you'd still be drinking!

[Kaz]

I'd just like to point out that A-Rod's HR was hit when the game was already 4-1 (making it 7-1). It was hardly a difference maker when it happened and that's the point in time when you have to evaluate whether A-Rod was coming through in the clutch. While it did end up being the game-winner, at the time, it was anything but.

It took the Sox to make him relevant.

[IkeG]

JO: Aaah, now I see. you weren't baiting us Sox fans, I guess you were saying "don't worry, RJ won't throw at Manny"? I almost hope he DOES throw at him. Rarely in such situations does the batter actually get maimed, and it just doesn't work in the pitcher's favor anymore (see Beckett's performance against the Blue Jays in Toronto this year). As GG said, it isn't like the old days when that could actually work for the pitcher, when the batter might have actually worried about getting hurt. I don't know whether that's good or bad, it just is.

[JimmyZ]

If I could hit a HR to straightaway center at Fenway, I would STILL be standing there admiring it.

[Jason O.]

Ike, no baiting, I just don't believe that MR has any motive to hotdog or show people up...he's just on his own program and should be treated as a special case.

[JimmyZ]

JO states: "I think the Yankees understand the rules of civil society, in the Edmund Burke sense."

Yeah, nevermind that rule braking juice fest of (at least) Giambi and Scheffield. Those Yanks are so classy, in the Fidel Castro sense.

[pawsoxpop]

Kaz, the way the Yankees are pitching this year, any home run that tacks on to any lead short of three touchdowns in the ninth can be considered clutch. As for hangovers, the only remedy that works for me is two asprin and a glass of water BEFORE I go to bed, then the big breakfast and bloody Mary in the a.m. Congrats on the award, HB...

[JimmyZ]

I meant breaking... not braking in the retarding sense.

[Dave S.]

Not for nothing, but if Ortiz hit a three run shot with two outs in the top of the 7th at Yankee stadium to put a 4-1 Sox lead out of reach, he'd be lauded for his clutchness.

Splitting hairs and going all Marty on you a bit, pawsoxpop, the Yanks actually rank 8th in MLB in ERA this year, while the Sox rank 18th. The Yanks have given up 4 fewer runs total than the Sox despite plaing in 1 more game....you know...clap clap clap-clap-clap.

[Griffin]

//That and Ramirez's homer are the only good highlights for the Sox.//

Tscha. The highlight of the game for the Sox was Jeter whining after Papelbon painted the black for strike three, and Sheffield dislocating his spine on the high cheese. :-)

[Kaz]

No, Dave S., you would go around shouting about the inequities of clutchness and how his homer is going to be called clutch. The rest of us know piling on a lead when we see it.

That is not to say that either A-Rod or your hypothetical D.O. homer isn't a good thing for their respective teams or somehow shouldn't have happened because they were unneeded for the W at the time.

I'm just pointing out that A-Rod as a 2006 Yankee continues to whiff when he's *really* needed and yet go hog wild when the W is already swung his way. ( Late Inning in Close Game Stats for A-Rod: 16 AB, 2 H, 4 K, 1 RBI, 0 HR)

[AJM]

So it turns out that Manny might have had a reason to showboat against Proctor last night...a little bit of bulletin board material from when they faced each other in the Bronx two weeks ago:

//Scott Proctor , supplanting Tanyon Sturtze as Torre's go-to guy in the seventh inning, brushed Manny Ramirez back, then struck out the slugger to strand two runners.

''I knew I could get him away. I've done it before,'' Proctor said. ''This is the way I knew I could pitch, and I'm finally pitching to my potential. Just knowing that (Torre) has faith in me gives me confidence.''//

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/baseball/mlb/recaps/2006/05/10/14246_recap.html

Somebody on SoSH had a great suggestion: the next time Manny takes Proctor deep, he should pull out a camera and snap pictures while rounding the bases.

[Jason O.]

The people on SoSH impress me because of their ability to use their laptops while their heads are up their own asses.

The people on SoSH are the people who defended Arroyo while he was trying to injure Yankees and other AL batters. Funny, 71 IP in the NL and no HB? What a coward.

Fuck it: Drill the motherfucker, RJ. Knock Ortiz down while you're at it, too.

Throw at someone in the on deck circle. Throw at the first person you see in the stands with a Red Sox hat on. Throw at Francona. Throw at Theo Epstein if he's in the stands.

This series needs a good fight.

[AJM]

And you're the clown who defends Balco Sheffroid for shoving a fan who posed no danger to him, and then sanctimoniously bloviated about how he had shown 'restraint'.

Still crying like a baby about AFraud getting hit in the hip by a slow curveball? Pretty pathetic.

[Jason O.]

Not a very good attempt at changing the subject. You share Ramirez's communications skills, if not his IQ.

No, merely pointing out that your (lower) class looks the other way while arroyo throws at anything that moves in the AL and then suddenly becomes a little choirboy in the NL...oh, excuse me, that's probably your definition of courage.

[h.b.]

Yawn....

[AJM]

You're the one who brought up Arroyo out of the blue...talk about a lame attempt to change the subject. And if you wanted to actually have an honest discussion about Arroyo, you'd admit that the pitch that Slappy got so pissy about was a slow curveball that didn't break sharply enough, and caught him in the hip. Which is what happened on the majority of Arroyo's hit batsmen.

You should have thrown a Latin quote or two in there to try to mask the fact that, as usual, you're completely full of shit.

[Dave S.]

Kaz, I won't dispute that A-Rod has done very little late and close this season (I couldn't even if I wanted to, as you show), and that his poor play in high leverage situations has even been exaggerated during games against the Sox. And I'd agree that "clutch" is too strong a word for A-Rod's shot last night. A dagger or door slam, sure, but I'd guess that we could agree that clutch should rather refer to a hit that 1) ties a game, 2) puts one's team ahead, or to a lesser degree 3) starts or sustains a rally that ultimately achieves either 1 or 2...this hit occurs both late in the game, preferably with outs on the board, and better yet, facing good pitching.

Maybe you yourself have never or would never do it, but trust me, I've more than once listened as members of RSN overstate a D.O. hit such as A-Rod's last night as being "clutch", going off into one of those "Holy shit, Papi is Gahd!" rants we all know and love. Hey, Ortiz deserves his reputation, he's clearly earned it, and I'm the last person who would suggest that if any hitter's actually clutch, it isn't him. His three year late and close line of .326/.408/.724 in 221 ABs compares pretty favorably to his overall line of .297/.383/.600 in 1631 ABs.

But as much as Ortiz is clearly a hell of a clutch hitter, the whole "A-Fraud" thing is certainly an overstatement as well. A-Rod clearly has an UNdeserved reputation of being seriously un-clutch in general. Hey, your stats show that in 16 at-bats this season he's choked like Mama Cass (bit of a small sample size, though, as opposed to that ham sandwich). Look at his line for '03-'05, and shocker, his "late and close" line .276/.392/.554 228 ABs looks an awful lot like his overall .302/.398/.574 line in 1813 ABs.

[Dave S.]

Speaking of Cornroyo, what's up with him this year? He's kicking some serious ass. Is he legit, or what?

Hanley Ramirez, too. His .410 OBP and 16 stolen bases look pretty damn good.

[h.b.]

I think regarding A-Rod that it's just one of those situations where you're never going to convince the majority of Red Sox fans to like him regardless of the argument/logic you use.

I mean if A-Rod invented a cure for cancer we'd be all, "Fucking Pay-Rod just put oncologists out of work! What a mofo prick!"

Just one of those things, man.

[Jason O.]

What's to discuss?: 1st in the AL in 2004. 3rd in the AL in 2005. 0 in 71 IP this year.

Completely full of shit? Shame on me, I've been posting under the names "Kaz" or "pawsoxpop" again...

[Dave S.]

Oh, I'm fine with it. I just like being a dick sometimes. I am a Yankee fan, after all.

[Mike]

You set your standards too high Brachen. Hangovers be damned, real bloggers write drunk. For that matter, winning an award should not be an excuse for drinking - posting a blog entry every day should be an excuse for drinking. According to the Derek Lowe Guide for Social Ettiquite, no good deed counts without a couple of shots, several imported beers and a chaser of Thunderbird, Mad Dog or Night Train.

M

[pawsoxpop]

Completely full of shit, Jason. Bronson Arroyo? The guy's on the Reds now not the Red Sox. Who cares? Only an ancient history buff like yourself. Why not go post on gladiatorholix.com and argue about whether Sparticus was a wussy or not. It's just about as relevant ...

[h.b.]

Pedro threw at people. Arroyo? Meh, don't think so.

The thing is, I don't we ever saw the Bronson Arroyo who is now pitching for the Reds.

Yeah, he had his moments and he was a solid 5th starter. But he wasn't a complete game shutout, 6-2, 2.29ERA kind of guy.

I mean, yeah, maybe the NL is that much worse than the AL. Or maybe Jason's theory is true. Or maybe he just all of sudden gained a level of control that he never had previously.

[Kaz]

Completely full of shit, J.O.

That's why the Romans were fond of saying:

Semper ubi, sub ubi.
(Always wear underwear.)

* literally, it's nonsense: Always where, under where.

[Shando]

"So, remind me why we re-acquired Mirabelli?"

Cause he's better than our other option: Josh Bard!

[Dave S.]

On Cornroyo...his sliders clearly just hung up most of the time he hit anyone. Maybe he tossed at a Tampa Bay Double-A or two, but really not so much the Yankees. It'd have been stupid...and anyway, had he done it, I'd hope that he'd plunk a Yankee with something harder than that junk-slider he throws.

Anyway, his overall non-HBP control numbers suggest (small sample notwithstanding) that he's improved his command. He's twice as good as last year, and better than his excelllent 2004:

Year BB/BF K/BF K/BB
2003 0.0615 0.1859 3.021
2004 0.0615 0.1139 1.852
2005 0.0543 0.2054 3.786

Some of it's probably the NL, and some of it's probably luck, but most of it is probably just improvement. Anyway, there's still plenty of time for him to hit batters this year.

[pawsoxpop]

Bronson and Hanley have my NL fantasy team off to a 5-2 start, so for that I am grateful -- and we don't add or subtract points for HBP so I wasn't keeping track of that particular stat.

Apologies if everyone has already seen this but it's pretty funny. For a pregame laugh check out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1Y6PchDYfw&eurl=

[Jason O.]

OK, hmmm, PSP is out and Kaz is out...thanks for chiming in.

I must have been mistakenly posting under one of AJM's family members' screen names, then. A thousand pardons.

[AJM]

Hey, a cheap shot at my family. And such a witty one, to boot. There's that classiness that Yankee fans are so famous for. Might as well throw another couple of Latin quotes in there to keep that Mystique and Aura thing going too. Helps to make up for the lack of facts or logic in the shots you take at Sox players, past and present, in your posts.

[pawsoxpop]

Man-Neee, Man-Neee, Man-Neee

[AJM]

I wish I could say I enjoyed Manny's homer, but I was far too concerned that Yankee fans might take offense at his trot around the bases.

[Dave S.]

...a post I saw from Replacement Level Yankee Fan that both Sox and Yankee fans can probably find funny at the same time:

"We have secretly replaced the bats of David Ortiz with those of Alex Rodriguez. Let's see if anyone notices."

[AJM]

That is a good line. I'll tip my cap to Farnsworth for making a great pitch to Papi at a crucial point. Guess Papi can't come through every time.

Definitely not tipping my cap to Matt Clement, though. No excuse for his 2-inning implosion against the dregs in the bottom of the Yankee lineup. And I still have no idea why Wily Mo didn't score on that wild pitch in the 8th.

[Jason O.]

He can dish it out, but can't take it...
Just like his boy Arroyo.

[AJM]

...says the guy who started the ad hominems and insulted my family. Like I said, when you don't have facts or logic on your side...

[AJM]

By the way, kudos to Dave S. on the excellent post above providing quantitative evidence for Arroyo's overall improved control this season as well as the qualitative description of why he was hitting so many guys the previous two years...very simply, he threw a lot of breaking pitches to righty batters that didn't break enough.