If we could talk to the animals

Doug:
So this beating the O's 12 consecutive times now is sweet revenge for 2004 when the Sox went 9 and 10 against Baltimore.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, because, you know, 2004 was so disastrous and all. Heh.

 

---

Doug:
OK so the Sox are humming along nicely just now at 9 games over 500, but the gloomy side of my persona can't help but worry about Schilling. I mean giving up 3 dingahs to the Orioles? C'mon, that was one fugly "win."

 

---

Mike:
No worries. Schilling says he's just overthrowing the ball in 2 strike situations. He'll figure it out. Besides it gives us a chance to revel in the glory of having a "shut-down" bullpen, no runs, no hits and one walk over 3 1/3 innings.

 

---

Doug:
Yeah, no kidding. Paplebon 14 saves with less than 2 full months into the season and battars just .151 against him.

 

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Mike:
I mean talk about your fucking Alluha Akbar. May peace be upon Papelbon.

 

---

Doug:
Alright. So we now know for certain that a monkey is no match for a bear. But how about the bear versus the nut-ripping chimp?

 

---

Mike:
Whoa, dude, slow down here. See if I'm the nut-rippah's fight managah, there's no way I'm letting the bear into the ring with my man, er, chimp. It'd be insulting to the chimp.

 

---

Doug:
Really, how so?

 

---

Mike:
The bear's got no friggin' street cred. I mean what's Smokey done, eat a little zoo monkey? Pfawh, even A-Rod could take the pathetic zoo monkey.

 

---

Mike:
Think about it. The chimps have been taking it all the way to the fucking man.

 

---

Doug:
OK, Don King, so what's it gonna be? Chimp versus …?

 

---

Mike:
C'mon isn't it obvious? Who else has all a sudden gone loco on da Man? Yeah, that's it, the killah gatars.

 

---

Doug:
Killah chimp vs killah gatah. No holds barred.

 

---

Mike:
And they're both named Ditka.

 

---

Doug:
Fucking-A awesome.

 

---

Comments

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

This is either a draw or the gator wins. The chimp is either smart enough not to fight or it has a close-up view of gator tonsils. There really isn't any way for the chimp to harm an alligator, given the reptile's thick skin, unless it gets to the underside.

[h.b.]

OK. Then suppose somehow the killah chimp's brain has been replaced with Captain Kirk's and they're on a planet rich in minerals including sulfur, carbon, and potassium nitrate?

[Mike]

Gator in one giant smack of the teeth, no doubt. Some people think those nasty lizards move slow and can't keep up with a monkey's speed. Fact of the matter is an adult gator can rotate 360 degrees in fractions of a second and bring down over 400 foot pounds of pressure with a single bite (enough to punch through an average refrigerator door). Monkey has no offensive counter to this attack except maybe to throw coconuts from on high, in which case the gator would just bide his time.

M

[harwich rich]

Ditka returns-sweeeeeeet!

[louclinton]

Go Boys. Let's spend the summah in BMore.

Was that the ghost of Foulkie warming up in the 8th in case Timlin couldn't get out the side (again, like he wouldn't)? Guy gets paid major jack to be like an extra on the OC.

Timmah tonight. I'm pumped (already taping Lost)

lc

[IkeG]

Dude, I recently saw "Grizzly Man", so I'm still not counting out the bear. I'll take the gator for a sawbuck, but I'm not betting against the chimp extracting one eyeball.

I don't like the headline that they "shooed away" the O's. That's a little arrogant. Balty stinks right now but they'll wake up sometime.

[Scott]

While the chimp might have that extra bit of crazy in him with all the jumping and yelling and poo hurling, the gator is just going to sit there until the one time the chimp feels a little ballsy and gets just a little too close.

[NolaSox]

Another possible Simian matchup from a truly odd website. http://www.stuffonmycat.com/index.php?itemid=718&catid=8#c

[Jason O.]

Gorn reference, fuck yes.

Ike, relax, Baltmore is the new Tampa Bay.

Thought you picked up a game last night, eh?
So did I, my friends, so did I.
Mystique's and Aura's shift ended early at Scores last night and they made it to ballpark in the 9th.

[h.b.]

Mystique's and Aura's shift ended early at Scores last night and they
made it to ballpark in the 9th.

Oh, you're good. Very good. LOL.

[Kaz]

I don't know about chimp v gator, but the undercard of baboon v croc was a draw.

Speaking to the title of the strip today though, it would seem like the Rangers' bullpen can speak to the animals...they're the kings of 'do little'.

[NV in SD]

"Mystique's and Aura's shift ended early at Scores last night and they made it to ballpark in the 9th."

Hate to say it JO (wait- no I don't), but if you need mystique and aura to get throught the Ranger's insanely bad 'pen, then your boys are in a worse state of affairs than originally thought.

That said, that was one helluva comeback last night. Good to see Slappy had such a large hand in it...

[Jason O.]

9 hits in the last 7 games, NV, Alex is just fine. It must suck for you to have the sense of impending discomfort that he will put all of this Bonds nonsense to rest when (barring major injury) he hits # 756 in about 7 or 8 years.

That stuff about the Rangers pen...Is it the Yankees fault that the Rangers' pen sucks? Boston will no doubt feast on the same group. Only a die-hard Sox fan could translate a comeback from a 9-0 deficit as a "sorry state of affairs." I love you guys.

I love how everyone is playing the game, dancing around and trying to ignore the importance of Clemens to two teams who are having #1 starter difficulties....

Quick question for 30+ somethings: Best rendition of "talk to the animals": Rex Harrison as Dr. Doolittle or Roger Moore on the Muppet Show?

[Griffin]

Battle of the cruddy bullpens in Le Toilet. Should Fruitbat be renamed Vulture?

Meanwhile, Timlin and Papelbon slam the door in Baltimore. Woot!

[El Jefe]

BTW: That's 13 wins in a row.

[Kaz]

Only a die-hard Yankees fan could translate a 9-0 score as *not* being a "sorry state of affairs".

Frame of reference, Jason:

Soccer < Hockey < Baseball < Football < Basketball

When your final score rivals that of a well-played defensive football game, it's time to examine your pitching, and be thankful for your hitting, and recognize that the game was a sorry state of affairs no matter who won.

[DenverSoxFan]

If anyone has a chance at breaking Aaron's record, it's Pujols, not A-Rod.

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

Kaz, thanks for the link to baboon vs. croc. Pretty darn amazing. I particularly loved the partner baboon, "Oh, here, I'll just pull you out by the leg" as well as the baboon on-lookers.

[Bob]

While I agree that the gator goes into the dealth match as an overwhelming favorite, don't discount the influence of chimpy's trainer. I hear he's preaching the benefits of "lure the sucker out of the water with this rump roast," and "pour this gasoline on Wally Gator and then light him up with this Zippo."

(BTW, gator does indeed taste a bit like chicken, only chewier. Chimp, I haven't sampled. At least in the culinary sense.)

[NV in SD]

"That stuff about the Rangers pen...Is it the Yankees fault that the Rangers' pen sucks? "

What? That hardly is the point. What I was saying is that wouldn't have happened against almost any other team out there, hence the need for "mystique and aura" ad YOU aptly pointed out, JO.

Only a MFYF could be so good at picking out bits of a statement to benefit your argument. I, on the other hand, no not love you guys.

[IkeG]

I think they did a rendition of "Talk to the Animals" on The Magic Garden once. I vote for them. Those ladies were smokin (when I was in grade school, anyway).

[Jason O.]

Your logic is spinning faster than a hydroelectric turbine in New Hampshire.

You're arguing that because the comeback happened against Texas that it is minimal?

In a 9-0 (extreme) situation, probabilites assume a hammer lock. The Yankees have done it 4 times in the history of the franchise, about 0.0002% of total games played. As the deficit becomes huge, the rational conclusion is that it doesn't matter what team you're playing, you're guaranteed to lose. Think about how many discrete outcomes there are for each pitch, each at bat, each inning...a comeback like that in MLB is incredible, and a freak, massively improbable event.

Recall Beane's statement to the effect that the GM gets the team to the playoffs and then random probability takes over. It is a really insightful statement and gets to the heart of the matter.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Kaz, I'd go so far as to say any game involving Melky Cabrera starting in your outfield is a sorry state of affairs.

[Aaron]

I've been waiting for an excuse to bust out this link, and today's monkey theme gives me that excuse. My friends, feast your eyes on the puissant magnificence that is Monk-E Mail. A more glorious waste of bandwidth, there never was.

You're welcome.

[NV in SD]

Alright, JO- I misspoke in my last post. The point I was trying to make was that the chances of such an improbable comeback are aided somewhat by the sheer shittiness of the Tex bullpen. There you go. Maybe you missed it, but my original post gave your boys props on coming back from a 10-1 deficit.

Now, that said, don't expect anything of the sort next Mon-Wed- mystique and aura are already scheduled to be working the overnight shift at Scores...

[h.b.]

Anyone recall a Red Sox game from 1989 when the Sox were up 10-0 in the 6th against Toronto but ended up losing 11-13 in 12 innings?

Box Score, 6/04/89

Argh. It sucks to be on the other side of one of those "impossible" comebacks.

I imagine this is magnified beyond belief in the playoffs, say, when you're up 3 game to nil. :)

[Kaz]

Come on, Jason. Be real.

The Yankees didn't have to comeback once that game, they had to come back 3 times. That's not hitting prowess...especially when you're given the opportunity to come back against the likes of Koronka, Feldman, Brigand, Benoit, Bauer, Mahay, and Otsuka (I put an extra made-up name in there to prove that you'll have to look at the game notes to know who any of those guys are...or aren't). What a bunch of nobodys...and they *still* had the Yankees under them for the third time of the night. It's not like you covered the last run of a 9 run deficit in the 9th inning. That's pitching woes, my friend. Your bullpen has contributed almost as many losses as your starters this season. Your up-and-coming Proctor blew the first lead the Yankees had and the vaunted closer, Mo, almost went to 0-3 if not for a fat pitch that Posada homered on.

Just look at the lines for Texas (a great hitting team, just relentlessly crap pitching) vs. NY. Contributions from the entire Texas lineup. Every single batter got a hit and all but 1 runner crossed the plate once. Meanwhile, Jeter, Posada, and Cairo made up 86% of the Yankee runs and you have guys like A-Rod, Bernie, and Melky crapping the bed with runners on base, Cano going 0-3 against the craptastic Texas pitching, and your Designated Whiffer last night (13 Ks in 42 ABs) has a 0.167 average (that's like putting Adam Stern in for David Ortiz)!

Sorry state of affairs vs Texas pitching will win most of the time, but that doesn't keep it from being a sorry state of affairs.

[Dave S.]

Oh H.B., you gotta trot it out, huh? Further put, three outs from a sweep in Fenway, and a four pitch walk to Millar, and Roberts..and, and, and... Oof. But, I guess it probably had to hurt to blow a four run lead with Petey on the mound, and have the Knucklah cough it up to Boone of all people the year before...

But yeah...no doubt that the Yanks were helped plenty by the Ranger's bullpen. Last night was a sweet win of an ugly game. Posada was a stud. The Rangers bullpen...not so much.

But speaking of bullpens (and monkeys, and seeing how this is Sox site)...Papelbon is just bananas. What, a 0.46 ERA? And filth, to boot. The guy doesn't just throw, he can pitch for real. Couple questions for Sox fans....1) is he being overworked? 2) is he pitching himself into a permanent closer role?

I'll tell you, from my seat as a Yankee fan, I'd much rather see Papelbon have a career as a closer than a starter. 75 innings a year of him (albeit high leverage) would be a hell of a lot better for me than 210 innings of him.

[h.b.]

Dave S,

It hurt to have a manager who made the infamous decision to have Pedro come back out in the 8th for certain. But the hurting was pretty much, speaking for myself, focused there. The Boone thing was just the details. (Which is why the Aaron effin Boone thing never caught on despite the MSM's and some Yankees fans attempts to cement that meme.)

But, with that said, 2004 erased any and all pain from 2003 and back.

2003 now, in hindsight, just seems like a perfect flourish or plot device to make 2004 all the sweeter.

I still can't really believe that one year after Grady Little's mistake, the Red Sox beat the Yankees in such a fashion and then went on to win it all.

It's just too perfect. Alluha Akbar, indeed.

[Natalie]

I hate to come to the defense of a Yanks fan, but for me to somehow suggest Jason should not be happy about coming back against against an inferior team (because they are inferior) would be hypocritical since I was arguing in this space about a month ago with BB, who suggested we should not be ecstatic over our early great start because they were crappy teams that we beat. In a tight race like the AL East, every game (May or Sept) counts towards the overall total, and if a season is decided by a game, for the Yanks it could be THAT one....

And on that note, I am now going to go take a Silkwood shower.

[Bob]

//a comeback like that in MLB is incredible, and a freak, massively improbable event.//

It's not all THAT rare, Jason. I was at Fenway a few years ago when the Sox were down 9-0 in the first and came back to win (Manny was still on the Indians at the time). As others have noted, Toronto was down to the Sox 10-0 in the seventh and came back to win. There are two just off the top of my head. It's a great comeback, to be sure, but hardly "massively improbable." Especially when a team is down real early. That Tornonto comeback was truly amazing because they started the comeback in the 7th.

[Kaz]

1) Not too overworked. For a strict closer? Yes, but Pap's not a strict closer, obviously. 21 innings isn't horribly much more than the 18-19 innings pitched by comparable 13-14 Save Ops closers like Lidge.

2) Even if he plays this whole season as permanent closer, I think the likes of Smoltz (starter-closer-starter) bodes well for Papelbon (and the Red Sox FO) to never feel like the closer role is a permanent one by far.

[JimmyQuick]

Hey all, saw this on another site, great Mike Lowell t-shirt.
http://www.cafepress.com/locklandgear.57420038

He is, Mister Double.

[Kaz]

h.b., I believe the correct word is Allahu. None of my Arabic friends are on IM right now to confirm this, but I've always heard it as Allahu when it's been said.

Funny, there's a knock on my office door, I'll be righ........[END OF TRANSMISSION]

[Dave S.]

No doubt...winning championships eases whatever pain you might've been feeling before. '96 was as bright a time as a Yankee fan could ask for. '98 was fine, too, coming off of '97, and what with the whole 125 win thing...but winning after heartbreak is that much sweeter. 4 of 5 was great, but that's now going back to '00. And '04 effin' sucked.

On Papelbon...the closer role could actually be a boon for him. A full season as a starter could actually create more wear and tear on him. Look at Johan Santana's usage, and his first couple full years in the majors saw him used pretty balanced as a reliever and spot/fifth starter. He ought to have two Cy Youngs by now.

[Jason O.]

Kaz, I was confused last night, because I thought Koronka was one of Dr. Strange's arch-enemies...Remember Dr. Strange? If they got Johnny Depp to play Dr. Strange the movie would be a blockbuster.

Furthermore, I find your multiple observations and insults amusing but irrelevant...Think of it as an inverse proportion:

In the MLB, as the lead gets progressively larger, the relative talent level of the team in the lead matters progressively less.

At a 9-0 lead, the Angels bullpen and the Texas bullpen are interchangeable.

And you're thinking in a vacuum...what prevented the Rangers from scoring 10 more runs, thus taking their bullpen out of consideration?

Which is why a comeback like last night is a freak event...The mystique and aura thing was just to involve Red Light's bravado in the festivities.

[Kaz]

Yeah, further checks show the takbir is "Allahu Akbar" which translates as "God is great(er/est)" and is shortened from the formal "Allahu Akbar min kulli shay" (God is greater than everything).

[Jason O.]

I can now announce that Natalie and I are engaged to be married, the ceremony will be under the lighthouse in Truro...

We've hid our burning passions long enough.

In keeping with today's thread, We will conduct our relationship under strict Islamic law...anyone know what "remove the burqa" is in Arabic?

[h.b.]

Kaz,

Yeah, I'll go with your take on it, though I'm not going to bother correcting it in the strip. (The mistakes can actually ad some authenticity to the character speech since neither character is what you'd call well versed of Arabic.)

FWIW I got my spelling from the "Jihad Watch" site.

[IkeG]

Oh, crap, thanks for bringing back bad memories of that Jays game. I remember Ernie Whitt had a big homerun. Hated that guy.

I'm kind of agreeing with the Yankee fan on the comeback issue, though pure stats probably oversimplify things a bit. The fact is, when you are up 9-0 or 10-0 early, you tend to relax. If the other team makes a run you start to press and the problem can snowball on the offensive and defensive side. If a 10-0 game becomes 10-3 or 10-5 by the 4th inning, I think it's easier to imagine it going to 10-7 or 10-8 in a hurry. Then you're in trouble if you don't have the lockdown bullpen guy to hold the lead. Either way, the Yankee comeback was impressive and, I'm sure, a confidence booster for the offense. If I'm a Yankee fan (perish the thought) I'm much more worried right now about Chacon and Proctor stinking it up recently than anything else.

Aaron Boone never really became Aaron Bleeping Boone because the Yankees were flattened by the Marlin steamroller in the World Series. It stung, but it could have been worse.

[Jason O.]

6 games is a steamroller?

One stupid Jeff Weaver pitch...ah, well, bigger fish to fry...like Jonny "almost as overrated as Eric Gagne but with an even smaller sample size" Papelbon.

[NV in SD]

"At a 9-0 lead, the Angels bullpen and the Texas bullpen are interchangeable. "

Wow- and you said MY logic was spinning?

[NV in SD]

How I wish for Paps to be as "overrated" as Eric Gagne (minus the terrible arm problems, of course).

Your baseball logic is flawed today, JO.

[h.b.]

I get Jason's point that it's easy for a team to consciously or subconsciously "give up" when down like that.

And I understand why he'd be energized by the Yankees spirit in this regard.

But, considering this is a Red Sox site, we do know a little something about a team refusing to give up despite the odds.

So the general blasé attitude Sox fans have for the Yankees win last night shouldn't be unexpected.

[Dave S.]

Hey, even if it's against a crap pen such as Texas, anytime a team can tie its all-time record for a comeback, it's impressive...most folks here seem to agree.

I'll start worrying about Chacon when his leg isn't purple, and am hoping that Proctor has a little dead arm from overuse, and that Torre will lay up on him. Torre has been dipping into him rather more than a bit.

Any worries on Schilling and his recent propensity for giving up the longball? That win against the O's yesterday was certainly no thanks to Curt.

[vermonter]

The question of whether the chimp or the gator wins has nothing to do with the fact that it is a gator vs. a chimp once they are both named Ditka. That makes it a match of the irresistable force against the immovable object and sets in motion a battle that will live on ad infinitum in some plane of existence. A pack of rabid wolves attacking a half-dead wildebeast is likewise an even match if they are both named Ditka!

The Ditka naming is that powerful.

[IkeG]

//Any worries on Schilling and his recent propensity for giving up the longball? //

I'm dying laughing. Any question for a Red Sox fan that starts with "Any worries..." is rhetorical. Cripe, I worry about every guy on the team. I worry that Manny might smack one off the Monster and chip the paint, then next inning try one of his sliding catches that leaves a cavernous divot in the turf and lifts the paint chips up into his eye ... you see where I'm going.

I'm less worried about Schilling than others, though, because I figure he'll pick it back up sometime. Better he struggle now than later in the season. I would assume that Yankee fans feel similarly about RJ.

[Griffin]

//Papelbon is just bananas. What, a 0.46 ERA?//

Actually, it's 0.42, but who's counting? ;-)

No worries about overwork - this guy wasn't even a pitcher until college, and was a closer in college to boot. He has more than a lot of gas in his tank.

He'll be a closer for the rest of the year - why mess with success? - then he'll move into the rotation next summer and Hansen will take over.

[pawsoxpop]

A win is a win, and an exciting win sure is fun to watch. But I know I was upset and concerned when the Sox blew their lead last night, even though I was happy when they came back.

If Yankee fans weren't worried or concerned about giving up so many runs to Texas, I guess their expectations for their pitching staff must just be a lot lower than my expectations are for mine. It was still a great comeback though. And yes, it's only May, and yes we're only one game ahead. Still, I'm glad none of our starters have ERAs approaching double digits. I guess when you have "mystique and aura" you don't have to worry about that stuff though -- at least in the regular season. Against us, so far though, the MFY's have been more "mistakes and horrors." Here's hoping it stays that way...

[vancouversoxfan]

Freakin' hilarious today, hb. You are always amusing, but chimps and AClod in the same panel is too much.

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