Fall into the gap

Mike:
Let me get this straight, the Cruise spawn is pushed out on the same day Cruise nemesis Brooke Shields drops her runt?

 

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Bill:
Perfect symmetry. Though it looks like Brooke Shields won the battle of who'd come up with the stupidest name for their kid: "Grier Hammond Henchy"? Jeez.

 

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Mike:
Poor fucking kid.

 

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Bill:
So I love this story about how Rays managah Joe Maddon came up with the idea for the Papi-shift while riding his bike.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, he says he likes to "think about things like that" during bike rides …

 

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Bill:
Would of been a bettah story, of course, if it worked. As Ortiz says, "They can’t catch the ball if you hit it off the Green Monstah."

 

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Mike:
Wonder if when Maddon is pedaling around in circles if he ever thinks about how he's managah of the worst team in baseball?

 

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Bill:
Or if he thinks of how, you know, his home pahk doubles as a shopping mall.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, Tropicana Field is the only place where if the announcer says "and that's hit right into the gap" if he means the no man's land between outfieldahs or if he means the place where they sell khaki, denim and active wear to sartorially challenged baby boomahs.

 

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Bill:
Hey, I shop at the Gap, guy.

 

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Mike:
Er, my point exactly.

 

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Bill:
Don't make me come ovah there and do the Julian Tavarez on your skinny ass.

 

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Mike:
Ooh, will you be wearing your 3/4-length cargo shorts? Scary. Scary.

 

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Comments

[da kine]

I was using the elliptical machine at the gym and came up with the perfect defense against Papi: you cheat and put 14 fielders out there. That way, he'll only hit .300, with 30 HRs and maybe 98 RBIs.

[Kaz]

I think fatigue is starting to set in on Papelbon. We should put him in middle-relief and let Foulke take his job back for a while.

Just kidding.

How about that Loretta? Again! Timlin looked a bit shell-shocked...but still only gives up 1 ER. Youk has got to be one of the best leadoff hitters in the game this past week (OPS of 0.858 and rising)...and that just makes no damn sense to me. I also heard Adam Stern is changing his name to be Adam Williams Tavarez Fitzgerald Stern (he prefers Adam W.T.F. Stern).

Speaking of gaps, maybe they're also talking about the gap between first (Red Sox) and last (Yankees) in the AL East that just widened to 3.5 games after last night.

[harwich rich]

speaking of the spankers, is it just me or do our yankee posters seem strangely subdued this season(so far)?

[James]

Watching the highlights on the net and on sportscenter I can't help but love how awesome the crowd is at fenway... When Youk hit that double last night the place went nuts yelling YOUUUKKK!!! Awesome.

[GaryGeiger]

Grier Hammond? Might as well put a friggin' 'kick me' sign on the kid's back right now.

Ok so....Co-aces at top of rotation; check. Competent 3-5 starters; qualified check. Improved defense; check. Winning one run games; check. Closer; check. And now, coming from behind; check.

Tampa has some good talent...they won;t be a walkover this year, but their ballpark, and their uniforms are a discgrace

[Jeff]

I was there last night. It was a total love fest. They loved Youk, and Loretta, and when people saw Papelbon warming up, they were cheering him, and ignoring the plays on the field.

From such a high place, if we crash... We are going to crash hard.

[birthofasoxfan97]

Stern's catch nearly caused my heart to explode with joy. That was truly kick ass. And Youk's overall hustle and hit so far is a thing of beauty.

Those "shorts" however are retahdid. The Rays have the Gap and the Yanks are just Old Navy, emphasis on Old.

[IkeG]

I didn't understand leaving Clement in for the 8th, but I guess it was to create the madness that was the bottom of the 8th and the top of the ninth. Holy crap, that was fun to listen to.

Oh, and HB, Tampa Bay doesn't beat KC as the worst in the league. Living in the midwest I'm always hoping the Royals will make strides and they always seem to move backwards.

[birthofasoxfan97]

Ike - I had the same thought - that Clement should have been done. I'm sure, though, that there's a reason to the madness. I'm thinking they kinda know what they're doing!

Perhaps this is too obvious - but IkeG - you know, could be just Ike and a last initial, but can also be I KEG! Don't we all... :-)

[Bob]

I freelanced down in Tampa Bay (Clearwater, actually) for a few months the first year the Devil Rays came into being. Saw every Red Sox-Rays game during that time. That Ball-Mall is a disgrace, and in a delightfully blighted St. Pete neighborhood. BTW, if some engineering genius had simply reversed the position of the field, those catwalks wouldn't come into play. The dome is severly slopped, so one side of the roof is much closer to the playing surface than the other. Instead of having home plate at the "narrow" side, and the outfield in the "high" side, they did it the other way around. Result: pinball. Incidentally, while traditionally home plate faces North (I believe), there are a few ballparks in the majors that don't do that, so Tampa Bay certainly could have ignored tradition. Their uniforms certainly do.

[Sean O]

I love this team. That's all I can say. Love 'em to death.

[louclinton]

Old Navy is owned by The Gap.

Figures.

I swore than Stern trapped the ball, but was mistaken, thankfully.

Still waiting for the strip where Imelda Marcos Mae shops at Victoria's Secret....

[Billy Mahty]

speaking of the spankers, is it just me or do our yankee posters seem strangely subdued this season(so far)

Just about the only thing we've got on the Sox right now is that probably more women want Jeter's ass than Tek's.

That and our batting averages, but that's not enough for wins yet.

The Sox look scary. Can't wait til May!

[h.b.]

I love this team. That's all I can say. Love 'em to death.

Even Alex Gonzalez, Sean? :)

If I recall, wasn't A-Gon like the ant-Christ or something to you?

[Cyn]

//Just about the only thing we've got on the Sox right now is that probably more women want Jeter's ass than Tek's.//

On behalf of all the women in the world, that's just not true. :-)

[da kine]

LC brought up the Marcos family, so I will now take the opportunity to brag that Ferdinand Marcos was exiled to a spot not two miles from my home. It isn't particularly thrilling, but the fact that I live in a predominantly Filipino area means that I get pissah chicken adobo whene'er I need it.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

What's up with Mike Lowell and his ridiculous doubles count so far? I mean, I know its early and he might likely just double that tally with the 148 or so games remaining, but I have to say I like the offensive contributions from the guys we got for their defense. And yeah I've got my mini man-crush on Loretta this week. Crushed that low and inside pitch into the Monster seats and the place blows up - welcome to Fenway, son. Then he comes back the next night and knocks in Youk (and what about Youk, whose hustle has been paying off in spades these two games).

Yeah, it's a little bit of a lovefest right now - we'll see how we're doing in July. If I remember the spanks came on during the season after an atrocious April, and we still have another 11 days to go this month. But boy its been some enjoyable baseball, even without the high powered offense we've been used to seeing the past few seasons.

[Greg]

I read that scientology prefers that the birthing be done quietly, no noise and distractions for Katie and baby. Maybe they should have had the baby at Tropicana field during a game when any team other than the Sox is playing Tampa.

[IkeG]

birthofasoxfan97 ... I KEG only applies to weekends. I can't fit one of those in my desk, so on workdays it's I FLASK.

[NV in SD]

I'll be the first to admit that I was none too sure about seeing Mr. Youkilis at 1B on a daiily basis (and even less sure about seeing him at the top of the lineup). After 14 games though- fuckin A.

Gimme more Yoooooooooouuuuk!

Anyone else catch Pap bearhuging Stern after that catch to end it? Definition of "You saved my ass, now I will take you out for a beer or six".

[David Pinto]

Do you think that Papi is upset that the hitters in front of him keep getting game winning hits so he can't? How is he going to argue for MVP if he doesn't hit a bunch of walk off homers? :-)

[Ryan with a Capital "R"]

Those "shorts" are atrocious. They aren't even shorts, they're manpris.

[Aaron]

Penn Jillette of Penn and Teller fame named his daughter "Moxie Crimefighter."

Worst. Celebrity. Baby. Name. Ever.

[dirtdog in ny]

"Just about the only thing we've got on the Sox right now is that probably more women want Jeter's ass than Tek's"

Uh sorry, but you're wrong there. Jeter is a girly boy, Tek beats him hands down!!!!

[h.b.]

OK, I've got to give Jeter this: The dude's been with some smoking hot bitches.

Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johanssen, Mariah...

Jumping Jesus Mohammed, no wonder he's lost some range at short!

[harwich rich]

Glad to see you back Billy-I meant the post in a friendly give and take way.R

[vancouversoxfan]

Speaking of the Gap, I have a pair of Gap boxer shorts that were very problematic. Anytime I wore them the Sox lost. I took to wearing them whenever the Sox were supposed to win in an effort to break the cur...er, bad mojo but the Sox always lost. I stopped wearing them and planned to burn them at our summer cottage firepit, but decided to wear them yesterday, one last time. I figured Matty's pitching, maybe we're due to lose, what the hell. Lo and behold thanks to Canadian superhero Stern, those boxers have been reborn.

BTW didn't we use to call those 3/4 length cargos, "flood pants"?

[Philly Patri0t]

Would someone like to sponsor me to live in Boston? I can't stand too much more of this being away from my favorite team... Even if it has been nice and sunny for the past couple weeks here (which is odd). Come hell or high water, (pun intended on the mancapri pants) I will get to B-Town one way or another. Hopefully in time for at least part of next season.

[Philly Patri0t]

By the way, I looked up the word "sartor", and it is a noun meaning "a person whose occupation is making and altering garments." By that definition, aren't we all sartorially-challenged? I can't remember the last time I've powered up a sewing machine and sat down with some denim and said "Well, time to make myself some jeans!" Hehe. HB's gonna slap me for this one. :-P

[h.b.]

"Sartorially" can also take the meaning of having to do with clothes/fashion in general.

But you're right in the original sense of the word.

It's really an archaic word, which is why I like to try to work it in when I can, you know, doing my part to keep these old words from vanishing.

[Griffin]

Derek Jeter is a Ken doll.

And KC is the worst team in the league. Poor Minky.

[h.b.]

And KC is the worst team in the league

FYI the characters are defining "worst" by more than strict won/loss record, i.e, Kansas City has a better ballpark, better baseball tradition/history, better fans, better uniforms, etc than Tampa Bay.

[birthofasoxfan97]

Philly - good luck with that sponsor thing. Let me know if you make it work. :-) Missing the sox in the flesh and tall trees is made all the worse by 100-degree wrath of God heat down here and seeing the fenway faithful donning light jackets. I am so jealous much.

[Philly Patri0t]

HB - Thanks for the enlightenment on acceptable usages of the adverb form of the word sartor. I shall keep it in the back of my mind if ever I encounter a chance to use it to, if nothing else, help you in your quest to spare archaic words from their grisly deaths. :-)

boasf97 - The only problem with the sponsoring idea is, I have to finish a whole 'nother semester of college here in the Philly 'burbs, and then do a 3 or 4-month internship after that. Maybe I can get an internship with this software company in Boston that my family has the hookups with, and that way I can impress them, and they might just hire me full-time, since I'll be getting my degree just a few months after I finish the internship. Can I get a w00t for clever planning? Hehe.

[NolaSox]

Vancouver, here in New Orleans headbands are the new "flood pants"

[Philly Patri0t]

Some interesting anagrams from the name "Grier Hammond Henchy" relating to Tom Cruise's changing Katie over to Scientology:

NO HYMN RECHARGED HIM
HMM, IRONY CHANGED HER
MY HONING CHARMED HER
HORRID HYMN, CHANGE ME
GO, MY HENCHMAN, RID HER
HER MIRY HENCHMAN GOD

And here, just a funny one:
HIGH NON CHARMED REMY

Don't know what sparked me to do this, so don't ask... lol.

[Sean O]

Alex Gonzalez isn't quite the anti-christ, but he's really bad at his chosen profession. I was more down on him before the fielding bible actually gave him a plus fielder rating, since there was some question about whether he was any good defensively. Now, I realize we're like an NL team, with the pitcher in the #9 slot.

I want Pedroia up as soon as he's ready, is the main point.

In terms of players I want off the team, Seanez and Tavarez are about it for now. Gonzalez, if he can hit .260, will be a poor player who is servicable because of his glove. Everyone else I'm cool with, even Coco.