Love thy enemy

As some of you have suspected, The Soxaholix harbor a secret fetish and fascination with the Yankees, and, when nobody is looking, they peek in adoringly on the Yankees spring training complex …

Steve:
"Hey, buddy, if you don't step out of my path I'm going to slap that camera out of your hands. Don't make me do it. I'll fuck you up bad with my dropping the shoulder move."

 

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Mike:
"Oh, Alex, you so pretty and funny I just have to touch myself!"

 

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Steve:
"I'll show these motherfuckers how to have some fun. Oh, and did I mention I love it here? I do. I really do. Seriously. It's too bad the Red Sox didn't want me back, oh, wait, I'm happy here."

 

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Mike:
"You know, Wang, China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."

 

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Steve:
Now, I ain't sayin' he a gold digger …

 

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Mike:
"Now don't get all upset, Randy, we're just saying that, you know, you make a fuck load of money, so it's only fair that we expect you to, you know, win games and shit."

 

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Steve:
"This is no fun at all. Where's that new guy Damon? Tell him to get over here and give me a hug."

 

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Mike:
"Now I'm sorry, son. When you said you were an 'idiot' I thought it was a metaphor, I didn't know you meant it literally. But that's OK young man, you don't have to be smart to be a Yankee, I mean look at Giambi. Thatta boy, now go have some fun."

 

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Steve:
"What did you say? Curt Schilling? You're fired. Security, remove this man. And the next sonavabitch who dares mention that bastard's name will not only be fired but I'll call my buddies in the GOP and have all your phones tapped. I'll not stand for this."

 

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Author's Notes
The Giambi with his hand down his pants photo is from Deadspin, where Will actually makes a much caption/joke for the photo than I did. The rest of the photos are from Newsday.com.

Comments

[harwich rich]

Giambi with his hands in his pants? Priceless.What a way to start the day:)

[harwich rich]

...and I can see Yogi saying that too.

[h.b.]

That actually is a Yogi quote! I should have mentioned that in the "notes" section.

[Bob]

I think Juice-ambi is feeling himself up to see if his steroid-shrunken testicles are still there.

[Bob]

By the way, Manny arrived in camp today, all of two minutes late.

[Jay]

you are all just jealous of the Yankees.
always have been, always will be.

[Bob]

No, I HATE the Yankees, pure and simple. I'm jealous of the person in Ohio who won MegaMillions last night. Over $100,000,000 after taxes and everything. (Almost enough to cover the Skankees middle relief payroll for a year.)

[GaryGeiger]

I have National Lampoon Mags from the 70's heyday that aren't this funny.
Spot-on work h.b.!

I love the shot of Pop Pop Steinbrenner. How long can it be until he's driving that golf cart down the left lane of the interstate with the blinker on??

[Jennay]

Loved the strip today! Lol at the "gold digger" comment!

[birthofasoxfan97]

"Pop Pop" - awesome. A-rod is probably a Never Nude. They are the biggest bunch of whiners. At least our guys who whine are genuinely crazy/genius, not just a bunch of babies.

h.b. - you're on a roll - this is superb entertainment!

[Robert]

Wow, about the only thing remotely accurate about this is the Sox secret jealousy of the Yankees. Funny how you don't see that stuff the other way around.... Yeah, right. The Sox didn't want Damon anymore. Sure.....
Talk about small man syndrome!

[Bob]

Have you EVER read the strip before, Robert? If so, you'd know that H.B. lampoons the Sox on a more-than-regular basis.

[Scott]

Why do Yankee fans have NO sense of humor what so ever?

[h.b.]

Yeah, right. The Sox didn't want Damon anymore. Sure.....

Actually, dude, it was Damon who has said this over and over (and over).

You can look it up.

Funny how you don't see that stuff the other way around

Funny how easy it is to push your buttons, eh?

[DenverSoxFan]

Ten bucks says that Jay and Robert are the same person.

Maybe tomorrow we can get through a day's comments without extreme douchebaggery on the part of the vocal minority.

[just some guy]

One of the funniest ever. Great work as always, h.b.

[1918stabbedbyfoulke]

Funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Absolutely great.

[Follower of Tito]

h.b., I wonder if you get the same sardonic pleasure that I do when you get under the collective skins of the Stinkees fans? And the best part is it is much more gratifying after '04, isn't it.

Apropos of the Schilling comment: evidently the reports are he is looking pretty good as apposed to Petey whose toe evidently is killing him. There are times like these where the FO wisdom/planning does reveal itself.

[h.b.]

FWIW I never approach any given strip with a premeditation to piss of any of the Yankees fans who also read the strip.

It sounds corny, but everything here is meant for us Sox fans -- But, if in amusing ourselves we also can get the other guys riled up, well, I'm not complaining.

It should be noted, too, that many of the regular Yankees fan readers (e.g., Jason O et al) understand this and are pretty good sports about the whole thing.

[scott12xu]

HB: Is this the first soxaholix strip to use actual photos?

Great couple of entries you've had this week. And as far as Yankee fans stinking up the place, at least the head douchebag from Chillicothe, MO hasn't made his presence known here lately (unfortunately, he stinks up Surviving Grady from time to time).

Hope I didn't jinx you, HB.

[Babe Silverstein]

I agree, Brachen. Very funny stuff (not being sarcastic).

I'd try to return the favor with some funny photos and captions lampooning Red Sox camp from a Yankee fans perspective, but A.) I wouldn't be as funny.

B.) aside from that jolly fellow with the sock, Nixon, Varitek, and a few others, I don't recognize your players anymore. Didn't you guys used to have a big fellow in left field?

[NV in SD]

Jay and Robert must've missed the opening caption. It's called sarcasm, ladies-look it up. As for not wanting Damon anymore- looks like we got a younger version entering his prime (as opposed to exiting it). Don't worry about us, we'll be fine.

Today the Baseball Gods giveth (Manuel Aristides Ramirez) and taketh away (Tek, Timlin, Papi, Tavarez, DiNardo, Cora, Gonzalez, and the Aussie). Godspeed good WBCers- may your necks be draped in gold and your injury bugs take the bus to Kalamazoo.

[pawsoxpop]

Java-on-the-monitor funny HB. All 10 thumbs way up. Giambi playing pocket pool photo gives all new meaning to the term "Designated Hitter."

The photocaption idea is a keeper. And the photos that come out of spring training lend themselves to this perfectly...

[pawsoxpop]

Or does the Giambi photo give a new meaning to the word "Yanker" -- I mean "Yankee"

[h.b.]

I don't know why the "real photos with characters providing captions" idea never occurred to me sooner.

Glad to hear it's working for you readers.

Definitely was enjoyable for me to write.

[BosoxBob]

Great strip, HB! You've been on a roll lately. And not to steal your thunder, but a comment at Deadspin provided a hilarious caption to the Giambi picture:

Note: photo (L to R) of Giambi, Jeter, ARod

"Hey left nut?"
"Yes, right nut?"
"Who is the dick in the middle?"

[JimmyZ]

I can't stay silent any longer. After yesterday's behemoth strip and today's original effort you have usurped my inbox's position as the first thing I read each morning.
Off topic... I have a 2 week trip to the DR coming up this Month. Does anyone know where I can find some info on checking out some pelota? I know I should have gone in December (winter league) but that fell through...

[Sean O]

Seriously, somewhat-angry h.b. is performing at an Ortiz level of clutchness. We need to make sure you're pissed off every day, if this is the result.

Uh, you jerk.

[Mrs. MLB]

Jay & Robert.... Jay and Silent Bob... coincedence? I think not. I'm a newbie to posting but have enjoyed the strip since 2003! :-) AWESOME strip today... hit all the giggle spots!

[NewtonNephew]

JimmyZ -- The Dominican Winter League season is over for the year (the season starts after the end of the MLB season, and they play their championship series in January). I am sure there's baseball to be seen there year-round, but I don't know under what auspices. However, one thing you should check out is the Calle de los Peloteros (Ballplayers' Street) in San Pedro de Macoris in the southern part of the country. Most of the Dominicans who've made it big in MLB have built their mansions on that one street. I was there in December but did not have time to go see that... wish I had.

[Jason O.]

Jimmy Z: I can not emphasize this enough...visit the La Flor Dominicana plantation: check it out at laflordominicana.com. It's a first rate tour, about 150 acres, they take you everywhere.

Today's captions are funny hb, but the comic potential of Wakefield on Timlin's lap in the Boston Herald is not even gold, it's diamond.

Just a moment: Johnson? Win games? He earned his salary last year on 9/11/05, sealing the series with a devastating performance in a 1-0 win to keep the pressure on the scarlet hose.

[Kaz]

aside from that jolly fellow with the sock, Nixon, Varitek, and a few others, I don't recognize your players anymore.

That's what you get for staring at a roster full of 40-somethings for the past 6 years, Babe S.

You miss out on what it's like to know about up and coming stars like Papelbon, Crisp, and Hansen.

It's also surprising that you don't remember Beckett (15-8, 23G vs Yankees). You'd think he might have left a bit of a mark on the hineys of every Yankee fan.

I'm pretty sure you remember these guys too...but it was convenient for them to be left out of mind to riff on the turnover rate this past year. I say turn 'em over if you've got 'em lined up coming in the front door at the same time. Fortunately, baseball's a game of 5-card draw with the Yankees bidding on a bad 7-card stud hand.

[Blade87]

It's true- Yankee fans are always pissed off, regardless of a team with 26 WS rings. Yankee players may not smile more than three times in 9 inninngs. Laughter is verboten. Camraderie is frowned upon, and errors earn a player 3 dunks in the Hudson- some get 4.

Does Osama ben Damon truly believe he's going to bring on tons of fun, so much so it will cheer up millions of surly Yankee fans and shivering team mates?
Dammon's fun was his hair. Good luck without the locks.

How in the world is a CF with a crummy arm,weakening day after day, a guy who will start to freak whenever he has to hit, then the worst:

JD tops his fun with the Skanks when he snaps his Achille's tendon trying to make catching a fly ball look like laughs. Any is destined to hit him in June, so he can grow back his hair and sulk about his lack of fun.
As, J. ben Dammon keeps yammering how the Yankees are going to be so much damn fun, filled with verve and panache with every play, he's sure to leave the Bronx on a stretcher, but, to keeep allthat fun up to snuff, he'll manage one more big, clean chaven smile- his last.

[Pond]

3 dunks in the Hudson? That touches Jersey. Gross. Be merciful, use the East River.

[Mister Mxyzptlk]

RSN = Bizarro World

- Mr. Mxyzptlk