Mike:
Well, now that she's been released I can finally say it: I think that Jill Carroll chick is kinda hot.
Doug:
The brainwashed chick in the head scarf and wonky glassed? Ohmigod, no.
Mike:
You got a problem with that?
Doug:
You're friggin' whacked, guy. Why can't you just stick with lusting after Hazel Mae like any normal horny Red Sox fan?
Mike:
See I don't like to mix the two worlds … I mean if I've got a celebrity crush for Hazel Mae and I've got the man love for Manny Ramirez, but then on TV Hazel Mae is interviewing Manny, well, it just gets weird.
Doug:
Well, shit, maybe you can get a job as Jill Carroll's drivah. I hear there's an opening.
Mike:
That's cold, dude. Really cold.
Doug:
Yeah, well, here's some man bites dog news for you: Tavarez pitched an inning yesterday and shows incredible restraint in not going totally apeshit on anyone. Whoo-hoo!
Mike:
Hey, we're just lucky Tavarez and A-Rod have never joined forces. The ball slap combined with the girlie punch would just be too much of a 1-2 beating for any man to withstand.
Doug:
You know the guy Tavarez punched, Gathright, has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do? Tavarez is lucky Gathright didn't go all Kill Bill on his ugly ass.
Mike:
I shouldn't root against my own team, but I'd pay scalpah prices to see that. I've got a really bad feeling about Tavarez.
Doug:
Yeah, right now on Yawkey way I can imagine this conversation: "Hello, Voros? Yeah, it's Theo. Whatever you're working on drop it. I want you 100% on developing a probabalistic model of guys going totally CoocooBananas. And hurry."