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I've got your 'fun' right here

Seriously, I haven't heard this much whining and lack of confidence in one's decision since that time you did the pre-emptive breakup with that supah hot chick from the Cayman Islands. Heh.


Yeah, well, at least I wasn't going around telling everyone I am the corporeal embodiment of "fun" and without my presence a dank dahkness descends over the fuckahs of Sombahtown.


What the hell is up with Damon's fascination with fun? Does he really think baseball fans sit around saying, "Fuck cowbell, what this team needs is more fun"?


Really, despite Damon's beliefs, I've nevah evah not once heard anothah Red Sox fan lament, "These bunch of bums, they just don't have enough fun."


Christ, fun isn't even a word I'd use to describe why I watch the friggin games.


And how could you? I mean last time I checked, when you look up fun in the dictionary it doesn't say "a feeling that at any moment one may shit himself, piss himself, or burst into flame."


Fun is a dad and son playing catch in the back yahd. Whereas rooting for the Red Sox is the fucking rapture.


I wouldn't even use the word fun to describe any paht of my emotions during the 2004 run, it's just too light, too lame, a description.


Fun is to winning the World Series as a rubbah band powahed balsa wood plane is to an F-18 jet fightah on full aftah burnah.


You know, to be fair, I'm totally willing to grant Damon that fun and/or the relaxed atmosphere in the clubhouse was a huge factah in the remarkable 2004 run, but it wasn't enough on its own … Or did I somehow manage to sleep through the 2002 and 2003 championships?


Absolutely, one of the things that put the 04 club over the top was the acquisition of a guy who not only doesn't have fun, he actually doesn't even like playing baseball — Keith Foulke.


Yeah, and the othah guy who was the difference between almost and all the way, Curt Schilling, is fun in the sense that Ghenghis Khan was fun.


What Damon doesn't get is Boston fans aren't looking for fun but extreme intensity from Red Sox players.


Right that's why there is fan site called "Boston Dirt Dogs" but not one called "The Boston 'Idiots'"


And this explains why even a guy as goofy as Manny is respected by the fans. No matter how many trades he demands or how many times his grandmothah dies, fact is, when the dude is at the plate there isn't a motherfuckah on the entiah plaent more intense and locked-in than Manny.


Truth is I will miss Damon, but not the "fun" Johnny so much as the play-through-pain Damon.


As I've said before, my numbah one memory of Johnny Damon and one of the most stunning images from my Red Sox fan life is the one of Damon being carried off in a stretchah with his fist held defiantly in the air.


And there's nothing idiotic about that.



HB -

Methinks THOU dost protest too much.

NINETEEN panels on a guy who plays for the Yankees now.

You could just skip stories about Damon, you know.


Geez, thanks.

Guess I should have taken today off too.

So much for thinking I'd make up for yesterday by going extra long today.

Oh, that's right, I'm being sensitive. Can't have that. I mean I'm getting paid to do this job and all, I should be able to take the negative feedback...

Oh, that's right. I'm not getting paid to do this am I?

Then why do I do it?

Man, I find myself asking the same exact question and I don't have an answer.

Wait I've got more...

Methinks THOU dost protest too much.

So has it ever fucking occurred to you that the characters are supposed to be over the top, reactionary, and that they do protest too much?

I think the Jihadist are right in the end: Cartoons are stupid. Burn this fucking site down.

May peace be upon you.

Even though this is my first comment h.b., I've read Soxaholix since mid 2004. Don't let the haters get to you. I know most people who read your strips appreciate the humor and work you put into it, especially since this is a labor of love, not something you get paid for. Best wishes.

Ditto Dave's comments..

Sorry, HB, it's not hatin. Soxaholix is a great strip. But I think you can understand that some of the RSN obsessions -- and the desire to have it both ways -- get boring.

For months we heard, Johnny "He's Dead To Me" Damon was a little crybaby. "Geez, there he goes again, with his full page ad! Can't he ever stop?"

Well, who's dragging it out now? The Globe and the Herald continue to write about him. WEEI callers continue to talk about him. If a tree falls in the forest and nobody listens to Johnny...

What is the difference between H.B. using fictional characters in an entertaining blog to talk about Damon who plays for the Yanks and Damon who can not for the life of him stop talking about how good it was when he was with the Sox now that he has no soul and realizes this?

H.B. does not devote every strip on Damon, yet Damon can not go thru an entire interview without mentioning the past(i.e. the IDIOTS).

Thats all I'm saying.

But Oy! doesn't think it's overkill that every time Damon opens his mouth it's to lament how Boston isn't "fun" anymore because him and Millar were disrespected?

Give 'em 19 more panels, h.b.

Besides, we all know Johnny's idea of "fun" is tequila shooters off Michelle's cans.

I'm with Dave. Love your work. I think the Damon story remains a story because his leaving so much defines the beginning of this new team. And the fact we can't let go of his letting go (or not letting go) speaks to our own connection to the 2004 club. It may be over the top, but isn't that what makes being a Red Sox fan different from other fans? I'm living outside of Chicago and you would never know from reading the papers, listening to the radio, wathing local news, etc. that the White Sox won it all last year. Definitely not Boston. Keep up the great work H.B.

Aaaaaaaaand Oy posts the stupidest comment in the history of Soxaholix. Congratulations. A great strip is a great strip, buddy boy, whether it's about a Yankee or a Red Sox or a dog riding a tricycle.

H.B. - No hard feelings about the curling comments, they were meant in the spirit of fun. We love the Soxaholix, they are the flavor of the team at a time when the media trumps every sneeze up to be a major news event. Anyone writing anything relevant and publishing it is going to have their critics, people ignore writers with nothing to say.

Of course, if you are feeling the burn and need a guest author from time to time, put a request out to the community. You could have a panel of writers in about 10 minutes and move into an 'executive producer' role if that's what you wanted. Somehow I think you are the type who wants to publish your own thoughts tho.

I can not see you giving this up without a big chunk of Steinbrenner money to pave the way. Think about it: if you wanted to make money, call the Yankees offices and pitch 'Yankaholix'. I'm sure they would like to get their meaty hands on you too.

Everybody loves the boss,

oh, keith foulke http://itsasecretsohush.blogspot.com/2005/10/not-so-blind-items-part-four.html>has fun.

A good, insightful strip today.

Frankly, I'm just glad you're not dead or incapacitated, h.b.

I've never commented before, but this strip deserves it. It's wonderful and it's dead-on accurate on the Johnny Damon 'saga'. Fans like "oy" crack me up...we're supposed to pretend that Johnny, an intregal part of the 2003 and 2004 amazing teams, never existed because he's with the Yankees now?

Much like we spent a lot of time talking about the 2004 World Series in 2005, because it had JUST HAPPENED, we'll be discussing Johnny in 2006. Yankees fans should just get the hell over themselves.

"What Damon doesn't get is Boston fans aren't looking for fun but extreme intensity from Red Sox players."

You're damn right. This is why Trot Nixon is my favorite player - he's balls-to-the-wall any time he's involved, whether it's with the lumber or the leather. He might never bat .300 again, but hell if he's not going to work his ass off for every point of AVG he gets.

You want to know my favorite moment featuring Orlando Cabrera, someone known almost exclusively for how much he smiled and joked around? I forget who they were playing, but there were men on base and the score was close when OC stepped up to the plate. He looked so damn focused I thought he was going to read my mind. He took a strike, and I thought, holy shit, he's got this locked down. He fucking DESTROYED the next pitch into the left-field seats.

Fun only goes so far, and being loose is important until it's go time.

"I am corporeal embodiment of "fun" and without my presence a dank dahkness descends over the fuckahs of Sombahtown."

"Fun is a dad and son playing catch in the back yahd. Whereas rooting for the Red Sox is the fucking rapture."

Beautiful- back with a bang. Any strip that sports numerous possible t-shirt quotes is fucking sweet tea to me.

Red Sox fans, by nature, are rooted to the past. 1946 begat '67, begat '75, begat '86. I know this not because I lived through all of these, but rather because I'm 28 and I'm a fuckin fanatic. The 2004 team will live forever in the memory of fans who were old enough to remember it. The Damon story remains as much, not because we are overtly obsessed with the former Caveman, but rather because he was an integral part of that team and he won't stop talking about 2004, the teammates he had, the clubhouse environs- ad nauseam. It's like someone wrote a while back- "I'd love to forget you Johnny, you just won't go away."

Great strip. The "cowbell" reference really puts it over the top for me. (I also find it charming how you have been shamed into increasing the swearing.)

The other thing about Damon (and this is something I'd planned to get to today but would have needed another couple panels) is how it's a real insult to Red Sox fans to imply that none of us really enjoyed the game until he arrived.

As for fun players, I kinda think Bill Lee was and still is the leader of the "fun" department.

For Damon to suggest that he's the first "fun" player the Red Sox have ever had, that he somehow "showed" everyone how to have fun, is proposterous.

Oddly enough, one of the things I've always admired about the Yankees is how serious they are. And I can't help but wonder if Damon doesn't know this and knows intuitively that he doesn't really fit in over there, so he's is going out of his way to play up the "fun" thing as being the key to the 2004 WS, like he's trying to convince the Yankees that they need to be more like him rather than him being more like the Yankees.

Speaking of admiring the Yankees, I wanted to say that I saw something the other day that made me respect Joe Torre in a more-than-abstract way. So there's this footage on the Bonus DVD of that 2004 collection, right? And one of these things is the banner celebration Opening Day 2005 at Fenway in front of the Yankees. And one part of it focuses on the Yankees in their dugout applauding for the Sox, right? But I'm looking at this dugout full of guys and sure, they're applauding, but it's not really repsectful applause so much as banging palms together. But then the camera zooms in to Joe Torre on the steps in front of everyone else and somehow seems to shrink the audio mostly to his hands coming together. And, I don't know how I can tell this, whether it's the rhythm he has or the barely-visible expression you can see on his quarter-profile, but...Joe Torre *meant* it when he was clapping. I don't know if anyone else on the Yankees did, but he sure as hell did. I mean, they were putting their palms together, but HE was CLAPPING. If you wanna know the truth, it brought a couple tears to my eyes seeing that relatively old man applaud his opponent and mean it. So, yeah, Yankee fans, that Joe Torre guy is all right.

good point h.b., Jim Rice was a fun guy too.


h.b., your combination of all-things Red Sox, pop culture, literature, and philosphy are a continuing delight. I belive you could make 19 panels about cow poop interesting to me. Your work is noticed and enjoyed.

I belive you could make 19 panels about cow poop interesting to me.

Now that would be a challenge! Too funny.

Thanks for all the positive vibes today. In hindsight I should have let the very first comment just pass on by, but I was in one of those "we don't throw at 250 hitters" V-Tek inspired moods earlier this morning, if you know what I mean.

but I was in one of those "we don't throw at 250 hitters" V-Tek inspired moods earlier this morning, if you know what I mean.

So, you're Tek, Oy is A-Rod... can I be Bronson Arroyo? :D

"Fun is a dad and son playing catch in the back yahd. Whereas rooting for the Red Sox is the fucking rapture." Classic HB. Thanks for a great strip.

As for "Methinks thou doth protest too much." People who are going through chemotherapy or are in a car accident or have just gone through a messy divorce talk about it a lot. Doesn't mean they enjoy it or want to go through it again. The guy reports to spring training so the press covers it. What the hell else is there to talk about with the Olympics over? Although personally, I was hoping for something on the Mohr feature in today's Globe, which mentioned several weird baseball accidents like the one wehre the Sox pitcher in the 1930s who forgot he put his false teeth in his back pocket, then bit himself in the butt when he slid into second base.

Re: the fist held defiantly in the air... I think I remember reading that at the time he was being carried out in the stretcher, Damon was so fuzzy that he thought he was still playing for the A's and he was telling the fans he was okay. So maybe there was no idiocy involved, but definitely a little light-headedness or something ...

I bet if I were rooting for the Huns, Genghis Khan woulda been my kind of "fun".


What I hate is losing players I love watching. What I hate more is having them end up on the Yankees.

What I love is them opening up their giant yappers and making so many inane comments that I have an easier time hating them. Thank you Johnny. The more you yap, the easier it is for me to hate. Yap away. Idiot.

Whew! 19 panels, 27 comments, I gotta take the rest of the day off. I'm wiped.

I gotta have More Cowbell, baby!

But Oy! doesn't think it's overkill that every time Damon opens his mouth it's to lament how Boston isn't "fun" anymore because him and Millar were disrespected?

Sox fans are from Venus, Yankee fans from Mars. It reminds of the black / white split over the OJ trial, when blacks couldn't understand how whites felt, and vice versa.

You know, a Yankee fan disagrees with a Sox fan and automatically he's an asshole, in the opinion of some. And sooner or later, some Sox fan drags out the Two Wrongs Make A Right comment: "Well Yankee fans do that, so you're a big MFYF, you asshole."

I don't know why this is so hard to understand: Sox fans, you MURDER Damon for not getting over it. Strips like today's show that Sox fans aren't over it.

This isn't an obvious double standard?

Can't we have ANY rational discussion on this?

" don't know why this is so hard to understand: Sox fans, you MURDER Damon for not getting over it. Strips like today's show that Sox fans aren't over it.

This isn't an obvious double standard?

Can't we have ANY rational discussion on this?"

Try to imagine Bernie Williams a couple of years back signing with the Red Sox when he could have re-signed with the Yankees. Do you really think Yankees fans would just say "Oh well, good luck to him" and never mention it again?

The difference between fans talking about it and Damon talking about it? Damon has a new team to focus on. It's his job. It isn't our job to get over anything...Johnny is a part of our history, our recent history...so we still discuss him. I see no double standard.

And as far as rational discussion...you're original response was snarkiness at it's best...I'm not sure how you expected that to inspire "rational discussion".

The comments here shouldn't be a flame war every day. Both Sox and Yanks fans will constantly bitch because they think the opposite team's fans "do this" or "do that" -- grouping all fans of one team or the other into a category and stereotyping them based on what maybe a few people do.

The people who root for their team also do those things, but the person who bitches about the other team conveniently chooses to ignore it.

Second, it's not a "who is wrong and who is right" site. It's a comic strip, and it's meant to be funny to Red Sox fans and baseball fans in general. The subject matter can be anything in the world -- hell, it doesn't even have to be baseball-related. Saying that Damon shouldn't be the subject of the comic is just plain absurd -- that's like saying the Globe, Times, or Inquirer shouldn't report on Iraq.

Just let it go, and enjoy the site. I do. :-)

By the way, great one today, HB. I'm back for the season, and though you may remember me saying I had to get my tonsils out a while back, but as far as having money for it or insurance... ehhh... notsomuch. But I'm okay. I think.

Let's go, Red Sox!!

So now we know that:
1) The Soxaholix like Damon, despite an initial reaction akin to Pope Leo's reaction to Martin Luther.
2) Kaz needs to brush up on his barbarians...G. Khan and the Mongols started fucking up the program for the Yuan dynasty in China about 800 years after the Huns, who were led by Attila. In fact it was the Huns sweeping west from the central Asian steppes that finally ended the Western Roman Empire...Just fucking around Kaz, who loves ya baby? (As Telly Savalas might have said)
3) Devine likes Joe Torre: Everyone digs Green Tea Guy. Hey, I fucking clapped for the Red Sox after game 4 vs. St. Louis, aka the Indy Colts of MLB

BTW, Oy, relax dude. This is not "Firing Line" with William F. Buckley Jr., where we engage in measured debate re: the decline of Western Culture with our Ivy League friends.

Hey, is anyone else on here besides me going to see the Red Sox at Phillies exhibition game on April 2nd? I basically get the first (or second) look at the Sox this year because I live near Philadelphia. The day before the season starts -- w00t!

Anyway, yeah, I would love to meet a fellow Sox fan at the ballpark if you're going to the game, just to chat for a couple minutes or something. That'd be cool.

I strongly disagree with the notion that any Yankee fan's opinion is automatically disregarded by a Red Sox fan and vice versa. It certainly is true that the characters and readers of Soxaholix sometimes get out of line, usually in jest, but I think there is considerable mutual respect under that exterior. Yankee fans (please speak up if you disagree) frequently post and I would say their comments are almost always taken seriously, provided they don't spell "Sox" with a W. Furthermore, I don't think this strip was all that critical of Damon. It called him out on his comments since signing with the Yankees, which I think deserve being mocked. The guy has been acting like a crybaby who got picked last in gym class. It also commended him on his time in Boston noting his do-or-die attitude to playing to the fullest every day. It wouldn't be hard to entertain a few full houses at Fenway by writing a strip dumping all over him for his "treason," but not too long ago none of us could get enough of him. Way to show some class, H.B.

Damon thinks he is going to have, of all things, FUN on the most serious, solemn, over zealous, self important team in the MLB?

Osama ben Damon is trying hard to make his dastardly switch to look win/win. Boston gets his hair, he gets pinstripes.
His emphasis on 'fun', however, has distracted him from the deep, cold waters of the Hudson, the place bad skanks are baptized when they PO the big Stein. Some have had many a dunk; punishment and pain for those players having too much fun out there.

Since OSB J. Dammonn's first initiation into a team that claims to 'play ball' was to be forced to be, and stay, clean shaven at all times, was his red light- telling hom there's no fun to be had here, fool.
Yankees are not fun. Ever. Even when they win, they are angry. Their fans are angry too- about everything. Why? Thwere is no fun in the Bronx. None.
For the Yankees, gripped with fesr of the evil that flows endlessly in the ventilation system of the House that what's his name built, winning is all there is.
As Bode Miller proved, if a skankie tries to win while having a good ole time, it'll slap 'em as far as Toledeo.
Or Tornoto.
Just who does Dammon plan to have fun with? A-Rod? he saw his shadow 2/2; he is frightened, and in a deep sulk for the season.

Long shot- Jeter- if he wins anexemptment from the sacred Yankee creed 'thou shall, shave, be clean at all times, and never crack a smile on, off field; at home or with your children. Friendly but not friends with other Yankeees, and your wife has to ask for it."
Oh well. Go for it, traitor boy man. Try and have fun. Just watch out for your crummy arm, Achille's tendon or futility of Yankee fun. I suspect you may blow any of the three by June.

Being a traitor was bad enough; now you expect to have FUN with Yankees?

You'd have more fun hiding in the caves of Tora Bora. Plus, you never, ever have to shave.

It's an option.

Good Lord, I get to the party late today and all hell has broken loose. Keep up the great work, H.B.; you're appreciated more than you know.

Couple of quick points:

1) I didn't realize "Oy!" was a Yankees fan when I initially responded. Had that dawned on me, I'd I've just shrugged his comment off.

2) Bill and Doug, today's characters, are not especially anti-Damon. As Pond pointed out, today's strip was as much an homage to the "tough" Damon as it was a refutation of Damon's mistaken thoughts regarding "fun."

3) I will definitely miss Damon, as I missed Pedro, but in both cases I agree with the FO decision that it would have been too much money and too risky to bring either back at their asking price.

4) The characters may lash out at a player one day and then sing his praises the next, just as most fans do.

5) The characters have talked about wanting to urinate on Dale Sveum's head while he was the Red Sox 3rd base coach and, with the exception of picking on A-Rod, they are far more likely, like in the case of Sveum, to castigate the Red Sox themselves as they are the Yankees or any other team.

So I'm always amused when someone gets upset when the characters do single out a Yankee as they did today.

6) Topics for strips are 99.99% of the time chosen for their ease in a) getting a good laugh or b) getting off a really good one liner. There's really nothing more to it than that. So if Topic X is discussed and Topics Y and Z are not, it's not a conspiracy theory or somehow my or the characters inability to emotionally handle Topic Y and Topic Z.

And that is not to say that Topics Y and Z can't be made funny, just that my brain is unable to draw out the humor at 5 in the morning.

//BTW, Oy, relax dude. This is not "Firing Line" with William F. Buckley Jr.,//

Coincidentally, I actually held the door open today for William F Buckley at the Stamford train station. No joke...he looked about 100 years old (I think he just turned 80) and was wearing that sailing cap you always see on him in pictures. He was very polite and thanked me, and I almost started laughing as I immediately thought of Robin Williams' dead-on imitation of him on SNL back in the 80's.

Other than that, I got nothing.
Oh wait...I know, I was going to goof on Jason O. for taking a shot at Manny in the comments last week while at the same time telling us how mature and focused Sheffield suddenly is, given that a day or two later Balco Gary started shooting his mouth off about getting his option picked up.

H.B. I think you're fantastic.

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