Having it my way

Because when there ain't jack going on in the baseball world, we have to talk about something …

Bill:
Man, you know I'm a really big fan of "The King" commercials, so I was really, really looking forwahd to Burger King's 60-second Super Bowl spot … But I was totally underwhelmed with The Whoppahrettes.

 

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Doug:
Ah, c'mon, dude, those vegetable chicks were friggin' hot. Check out the onions, man, that's a piece of ass that'll bring tears to your eyes.

 

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Bill:
Yeah, the costumes were clevah, I'll grant that, but if you're going to veer away from the masked King in odd situations artifice, you can't have your anthropomorphic vegetables undercutting the already established mythology of the King.

 

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Doug:
Ohmigod, Bill, aftah all these years of Red Sox haht ache, you've finally fucking lost your mahbles ovah a BK commercial?

 

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Bill:
No, no, look. In all the King commercials we, the viewah, know The King's a freak, right? But the King doesn't think he is at all. No, he thinks he's the nads, you know, and he'll do anything, run a touchdown, appeah bearing sandwich on a high rise girdah, bring you breakfast in bed, anything because he's the King.

 

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Bill:
But when The Whoppahrettes sing their song, if you listen closely, you'll actually hear them refer to the King as "freaky" in a disparaging mannah. So if the pickles, the lettuce, the King's subjects, if you will, those at the very innah sanctum of the Burgah Kingdom think the King is kind of a joke, what is that saying about their self-sacrifice to the Whoppah consumah?

 

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Bill:
I mean aftah seeing this commercial, when I now hold a Whoppah in my hands, rathah than thinking positively about the image of the King, I'm thinking, shit, I've been duped. The King isn't freaky in a cool sort of way, he's just plain freaky, the Pickle chick said so.

 

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Doug:
But, dude, that's where you're totally wrong. What makes the Whoppahrettes self-assembly of and self-sacrifice to the Whoppah so noble is that they aren't doing it for the King — they're doing it for the highah good. The King doesn't command them to this fate. No, the Pickles, the Buns, the Onions, they choose this sacrifice of their own free will. And by doing so, they consecrate the holiness of the Whoppah.

 

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Bill:
Jesus H. Mohammed, I didn't look at it that way. I think you're onto something.

 

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Doug:
Dude, there's more to my 12 year Catholic school education than fantasizing about chicks in matching plaid skirts and knee socks, you know.

 

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Doug:
Hey, did you see that Gammons sent a shout out to baseball bloggahs in his latest Insidah piece?

 

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Bill:
Yeah, but yet again it's the stat heads who get all the attention.

 

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Doug:
Well maybe if we spent a bit less time deconstructing commercials and a little more time on VORP, Gammo would show us the love.

 

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Comments

[Jason O.]

Bill S. wrote that "Some Cupid kills with arrows, and some with traps." (Much Ado)

I was slain by Brooke Burke floating down, mouthing "have it your way..."

[COD]

I have to disagree. The King gives me the heebie jeebies, and I refuse to eat at Burger King while he is the focus of their advertising. I gotta believe that small children everywhere are having nightmares about that thing interjecting into their lives at inappropriate times. 15 years from now when BK goes Chapter 11, they'll trace it to a generation of teenagers that won't go near a BK due to childhood fears of The King.

Ronald McDonald he ain't.

[louclinton]

The spot was creepy beyond belief. Not even the notion of vegetachicks getting all slappy with one another on a bun could make me want to eat one.

And, what's with Mothra canoodling with TRex to give birth to an H3?

ps; The Pat would have dumped some whoopass on either one of those teams last night and I don't even care about football.

lc

[Brian]

There are a few of us whacko vegetarians out there in the sports-fan world who....err....got a *rise* out of the hot vegie-chicks. Maybe they are skewing towards a new demographic, albeit a tiny, weird tree-hugging whacko demographic.

[h.b.]

So, Brian, was the chick costumed as a burger patty kind of a bonah killah for you as a vegetarian? :)

[heathalouise]

That is the best explanation of the King that I have read. I wish someone would call out McDonald's for their ripoff of the BK spots. Hamsters talking to a creepy Ronald McDonald statue on a bench? Not only are they ripping off the king, they're ripping off that statue of Auerbach in Quincy Market. (Oh, and I found the mayonnaise chick extremely creepy.)

[Babe Silverstein]

Whenever I see The King, I'm reminded to tell my sons to not talk to strangers.

I found the whole burger fixin's as showgirl vixens thing unappealing, although not as disturbing as the old Fruit of The Loom weirdos trying to sell me undahshawts.

[timabouttown]

Brian's on to something. BK is the only major chain with a veggie burger. I have no freaking idea what that burger chick's costume was made out of, but I'm guessing it was closer to vegetable matter than protein.

Still, gotta side with the "what the hell was the king doing on the sidelines?" contingent though.

And with anybody who'd rather deconstruct the allegorical implications of all those women squirming around under that other one's dress than talk VORP. Dude, did you hear them grunt when they landed on top of each other?

While we're here, have to shout out the Lost promo's clever Addicted to Love parody. I felt like ABC went above and beyond a mere reminder of a new ep Wednesday just for maniacs like us, living as we do at the intersection of sports, Lost, and uhm, something vaguely fetishistic about women, vegetables and costumes....

[COD]

The wife and I had this conversation during the Addicted to Lost commercial.

ME: That is a horrible dubbing job on chaging love to lost. They couldn't get Palmer to redo the lyrics for real?

WIFE: Palmer is dead, I don't think he is sounding so good these days.

ME: Uh, yeah, that would present a problem.

Although I still think the average Farker could have done a better audioedit.

[Bob]

Louclinton; you're so right. My friends and I would occasionally look over to each other during the game and say things like, "21-nothing" and "35-nothing." It's what we thought the Pats would be ahead by at that point in the game. Worst Super Bowl in a many years. Both teams were dreadful. And I'm no Seattle fan by any means, the the officials should be charged with sodomy.

[Meredith]

Best non-Sox-related post evah. :)

The King seriously creeps me out as well. And I'm not entirely sure what I think about vegetable women invading my nightmares either ... but one thing's for sure, whoever costume-designed that spot had one hell of a good time doing it.

(Loved the "Lost" promo spot as well. "I think we're gonna have to watch that again." Hah!)

[Bob]

Hey, H.B. Got you a little love on Adfreak.com (Adweek magazine's blog, probably the most-read in the ad industry).

[Bob]

Sorry, here's the link:

http://www.adfreak.com

[Bob]

Too many drinks last night. here's the REAL link:

http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

The worst thing about the non-appearance of the Pats in the Super Bowl is that a victory in Denver would've meant me at Gilette Stadium to see Bruschi raise that dorky-ass trophy over his head. Seriously are there lamer championship trophies than the AFC/NFC? Despite what else the NHL does wrong it has a mortal lock in the trophy department over all the other pro sports. The World Series trophy, while great to look at on a pedestal, looks just flimsy in the hands of the victors. Compare that to the obvious heft of the Stanley Cup and you know those hoisting it are warriors and champions indeed. Now they ought to go back to the Campbell and Wales conference names so you know what you're playing for.

Oh and heathalouise is right on - the McD's commercial was bad on its face but even worse because it was such a blatant attempted theft of the BK advertising mojo. Like when the cool kid would bust a move at the jr. high dance and the ladies would flock and then that weird dopey kid trying to ape his syle. You can't put the King on the sidelines! He's the King! He's automatically the centerpiece.

It's too bad Foxwoods couldn't get that King for its "Royal Flush" commercial.

[h.b.]

Bob,

Yes! I saw the Adweek link in my server logs earlier. Didn't realize it was you who posted the original comment with the link back to Soxaholix.

Thanks!

We are on pace to have one of the best days ever in terms of number of visitors.

It's especially good, too, whenever someone outside of the Red Sox web world takes an interest in the site.

Bill and Doug will like this more than a mention from Gammons!

[Kaz]

Number one commercial though: Fly Zapper Doc.

"That killed him!"...Ha!

In the meantime, spring training is around the corner and my friend's parents have a home near City of Palms. We're thinking of taking a break and going down there for a game (or two) earlier in the month. Anyone have suggestions of what will be a good game?

[Sean O]

That was beautiful, man. A true even-handed approach to each side of the debate.

[makethelogobigger]

The King Jumped The Shark last night.

The king is now some Busby Berkeley circus emcee freak. Whether you like him or not, the other spots had a good creep factor going because of the silence. Just a big-ass mask standing there. He lost his edge with that spot though alst night. Hot veggies or no.

Agree on the McD's. I saw this and another spot (where a Carrot Top clone sits next to him and mimics the pose) two weeks and thought wtf happened to the 'Urban Thang' they we're going after? Guess They’re Shelvin’It!™

[Bob]

Just as I suspected...ad blogs steal from each other more than the Skankees do from small market teams. This is from Adpulp.com:

"For the crowning achievement in Super Bowl 40 ad criticism, you'll need to jump over to Soxaholix. Believe me, it's well worth the click."

[h.b.]

Bob,

Adrants give a link out, too.

[Rob]

Agreement all around. H.B., you nailed it. Timabout, I'm with you on the Lost parody - helps that I'm a Robert Palmer fan (the dubbing wasn't the best, but the ad was nicely cut). Pats would have kicked butt on either of those two losers last night. (DAMMIT!) Nothing as clever to offer as the others here, but that pickle girl could jump on my burger any old time. And finally, Lord Stanley's Cup makes a much better jello mold than the S/B trophy.

[Keith Foulke]

I still hate Johnny Burger King no matter how many hot chicks he has in his harem.

[4 yo mama]

Could everybody just get a life? This spot was just plain fun. Relax, take a big breath and enjoy it for its satire, style and humour.

[makethelogobigger]

I agree. We should all get a life and stop posting on blo...wait a sec. Damn.

;-p

[TimfromPittsburgh]

The whopperette ad was so silly and idiotic that I liked it. It was ridiculous on purpose. They could have left out the king but I guess they want to keep going with their creepazoid character. Oh! and by the way, "STEELERS WON THE SUPERBOWL, STEELERS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!!"

[Bob]

The zebras won the Super Bowl. (I didn't care who won by the way. Both teams should just thank their lucky stars they didn't have to play the Pats. It would have been a bloodbath.)

[Barbara Lippert]

brilliant. I think you've hit it on the head-- I never thought about the separate parallel universes of the king and Brazilian tomatoes colliding.
Barbara Lippert

[rascalking]

found a video of a guy in a king mask and robe running around flipping the camera off in front of fast food joints, then dancing in front of bk's.

all set to "the safety dance".

genius.

[Smeedro]

You are all so sad that you are bickering over a commercial.... BK lounge is legit and much better than those fucking weirdos making the McDonalds ones.. Their ad agency is quite clever... give that it's no Apple commercial, they're still clever and witty. The fact that i stumbled onto this site and found so many weirdos complaining about the BK commercials.... come on.... get a life u sickos

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