And I think it's gonna be a long long time . . .

Bill:
I don't mean to sound ovahly hahsh, except that maybe I do, but isn't this whole Britney Spears endangering her baby story an example of Darwinism in action?

 

---

Bill:
I mean instead of sending out child protective services, shouldn't we, you know, let nature take its course for the sake of the ovahall integrity of the collective gene pool?

 

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Mike:
Aw, c'mon, dude. The little Spears spawn could grow up to find a cure for cancah or something.

 

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Bill:
Yes, in theory. But why do I have the feeling the adult Sean Preston will be more like this guy who thought it'd be a brilliant idea to fill a balloon with welding gas and take it to a Super Bowl pahty?

 

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Mike:
Speaking of things that go BOOM, you hear the Sox are trying to woo The Rocket to return to the Fens?

 

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Bill:
I think a more apt transition would be "Speaking of stupid rednecks …"

 

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Mike:
Still holding a grudge, eh? I'm with Tom Werner on this one. Make the video and do what it takes to bring Rogah back. It'd be a great story.

 

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Bill:
Look, Werner's been a Red Sox fan for what, 4 years? He has no clue what it feels like to get pissed on by Rogah Clemens. As a fan, there are just some things I won't evah forgive. Clemens is dead to me. Now and forevah.

 

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Mike:
Hey, you could as easily argue that it was the Red Sox front office that dissed Clemens not the other way around. Besides, past history aside, Clemens is one of the premier pitchers in the League.

 

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Bill:
Really? If you ask me, Clemens was mediocre in his final years in the AL East. He was only given new life by pitching in much easier NL. And even then, he broke down last season and was useless for the Astros in the postseason.

 

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Mike:
Dude, forget the story, forget the money, forget the private jet and focus on this: Roger Clemens would be replacing Bronson Arroyo in the rotation. If you don't think Roger Clemens wins more games than Arroyo, you need your head examined.

 

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Bill:
Call the head shrinks then. I don't want Clemens setting foot on the Fenway rubbah unless it's as an opposing pitchah getting bitch slapped by Manny Ortez and company.

 

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Comments

[harwich rich]

Ab-so-lutly right Bill.

[louclinton]

Bring him back. Bury the hatchet. Win the thing.

[Redsauce]

There aren't words strong enough to express my hatred of Clemens. Would he be a great addition that would help us out? Absolutely.
But that doesn't mean I can't have a possibly-irrational hatred of the man.
I'll still hate his guts if he plays for us. I just won't boo him. But I'll sit there quietly and hope his head explodes the instant the season ends.

[Devine]

Redsauce...wonderful final sentence in that last entry. I'm still laughing!

(Oh, you want a comment related to the strip? Err...I'm ambivalent on signing Clemens, with absolutely no personal feelings about him...joined the Red Sox party quite a few years too late for me to feel anything personal about him. It'd be kind of neat, story-wise, but wasn't he kind of falling apart physically at the end of last season?)

[yazbread]

Pedro going to the NL was a good idea. 15-8 2.28 on a team that finished 4 games above .500. Standard argument - the 8 and 9 hitters are easy outs. I doubt that Clemens could made the transition back to the AL. But if the Sox really want to entice Roger, forget the video and just offer to carry his bags through Logan this time around. That might cinch the deal. (Classic K. McHale comment on Roger bitching about carrying his own walk-on luggage - 'they call him Rocket Man, not Rocket Scientist).

[NV in SD]

I completely, totally, and fully agree with Bill on this one. Like I said yesterday, there is no need to pay someone with a bad back and hamstrings in excess of $18 mil for what would assuredly be a serious drop-off from his performance during last year's regular season. Would he win more games than Brandon? Sure- but there's that sticky situation that we already have seven starters.

I say leave 'im in Houston, where he can throw BP meatballs to his son to his heart's content.

[dirtdog in ny]

Who's Brandon?

[Natalie]

Yeah, really, NV, did we have to channel McCarver this early in the season?

HB- great take on the whole Clemens debate. I think I am with Bill, too, but just think how much it will piss off Yankees fans if we get him back. That just might make up for him being the most traitorous traitor ever.

[d56]

All "Roger's a dick" jokes aside . . .

Although his performance last year was in the senior circuit, even his translated statistics were sick - dERA of 2.52 (yes, I realize some debate dERA's effectiveness), and 180+ K's translates to a 7.3 k/9. He even threw 211 innings!

Unless you think he'll fall off the face of the planet this year (which very much has a non-zero chance of happening), I think there's a very good chance he's an above-average pitcher again this year - and you can't have too many of those.

[NV in SD]

Sorry- couldn't resist- mostly to poke fun at the idiocy that is McCarver.

To expand on your thought, Natalie- I picture Clemens getting his free Red Sox DVD in the mail, watching it with his agent, and "accidentally" leaking to the press how it brought him to tears, tugged at his heartstrings, etc. This would be followed by spending spring training ironing out the details, finilazing the numbers and perks, and... his inevitable signing with the MFY. That guy is a dick even in imaginary situations.

Seriously though- he replaces Bronson in the rotation, which translates into 4-6 more W's. $18 mil+ for 4-6 wins? Thanks, but no thanks.

[Natalie]

I have been listening to Bronson's latest CD and you can just tell from the intensity in his voice he is due for a breakout season. Heh.

To expand on your point NV, $18mil+ for 4-6 wins--- none of which will come in the post-season, if history is a guide---thanks but no thanks is right.

[Richard Gadsden]

Um, H.B. - I think the Astros play in the NL Central, not the NL East.

[Jason O.]

Fear not, my brave fellow posters:
It's either Houston, New York or retirement.

Probably 65/35 favoring Houston is my feeling. It's probably personal with Drayton McClane at this point.

Hicks has an outside (less than 5%) chance because he has the resources and instincts to throw a shitload of $$ around, as we've seen in the past.

[Jason O.]

Also, Mr. Steinbrenner's penchant to bathe Clemens in green will be tempered by Cashman*, who, as we've seen, has made great bullpen moves while chopping 20m-25m off the payroll in the process.

*The original boy wonder GM

[Babe Silverstein]

If the director's cut of *Fever Pitch* doesn't lure Clemens back to his diehard fanbase in Boston (clearly evidenced here), nothing will.

How could the downsized NY Yanks possibly compete with such a sweet memento?

[NV in SD]

"..has made great bullpen moves while chopping 20m-25m off the payroll in the process"

Would that be the guy who had Tommy John surgery nine months ago, the guy who pitches to one batter per game, or the guy whose temper is hotter than his fastball?

[Kaz]

Love him or hate him, Roger would put even more butts in the seats at Fenway.

He'd put a few more games in the W column.

He'd be only a few million more than what we were going to pay Johnny Muhammed alone this year.

[h.b.]

Um, H.B. - I think the Astros play in the NL Central, not the NL East.

I just did a copy/paste on that entire line from SoSH, but they may have been talking about Pedro.

I can get pretty sloppy. If you ever to have the misfortune to see any given strip right when it first goes live, you'll see all sorts of crazy stuff, like the wrong character all of a sudden appearing or the window behind Bill showing snow then sunny sky.

[Natalie]

Kaz-

Wasn't aware we needed better attendence. Which series have we not been selling out, because I'll snatch up those tickets?

NV said it best about the price of those extra Ws. And I'm still laughing about Rogah being a dick even in imaginary circumstances.

Were we really going to be paying Johnny Mohammed anything? I think the FO have no intention of paying any more than they did in acquiring Coco Crisp.

(Sorry, just realized I used your comment as a mental exercise-- finally talking myself completely out of the idea of welcoming back that traitor.)

[h.b.]

I absolutely love it that the "Johnny Mohammed" moniker is being used here.

[Elliott]

Dude -

...white passenger vehicle with obvious signs of an explosion in the passenger compartment...

That is a stone riot.

Holding a baloon full of acetyline is rock stupid, but I had no idea it would make such a noise as to burst their eardrums. I figured more of a slo-motion fireball. Live and learn, I guess.

[lisa gray]

rogah ain't gonna be pitchin for yall OR the mfy

he gonna be back in the astros rotation come may 1

so nevah feah, yall don't hafta try to luuvvv agin

[RonF]

NV in SD - yeah, Course VII, '74. Back in those days you could walk up to Fenway on game day and get a ticket; they held 3000 in reserve for game day sales. That's not why I'm a Red Sox fan, though; I was born in Franklin, Mass., about 25 miles away from Fenway.

What course is your sister in? My daughter was thinking of going to the Institute, but she hated the campus. "Too industrial", and for sure you could shoot a post-apocalyptic movie in parts of it.

[RonF]

I'm surprised the only thing that happened to this guy is burst eardrums. He's lucky he's not incinerated. The guy's a welder and he doesn't understand what acetylene can do? Glad I don't work in the same shop with him.

[Jason O.]

Not quite NV:

1) TJ surgery is a regular occurrence these days. He's gonna be vicious this year. This is a giant contract year for OD.

2) LOOGYs are huge these days, particularly sidearm loogys when you have fine power hitters like Ortiz on your division rival. (and you can sell this offseason bullshit about Toronto to the tourists. JP Ricciardi has gone completely, totally insane. It's Boston vs. NY)

3) The media has attempted to tar Farnsie into a new John Rocker, but he's fine...so he got into a fight with Urbina in Detroit, but who didn't? Schuerholz said he was going to be the closer...not exactly a post for an unstable guy, unless you're the Mets and Armando Benitez.

Come on, baseball season!!

[NV in SD]

Ron- She'll be graduating with a degree in Biomedical Engineering. Sheesh- I thought I was doing allright by going into architecture. Must've missed out on a certain DNA sequence or something...

JO-
1- Viscious eh? We'll see about that at the beginning of the season. What's that- he can't pitch until May? Oh- we'll see then I guess.
2-I have to admit that I am authentically concerned with this matchup. You KNOW that's reason #1 the skanks picked him up. Ortiz has even made comments about Myer's delivery and how hard it is to pick up the ball.
3-Farnsie- that's cute. Was it Weavie and Brownie before him? If I recall that fight in detroit correctly, ith wasn't UU, it was "F*#$sworth bodyslamming 160lb. Jeremy Affeldt. Sure he's not unstable- he's just a prick.

[Devine]

You know...Ortiz hit BETTER against lefties last year, though his statement about Myers makes it questionable that he'd do better against him particularly.