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They will never forget you ('til somebody new comes along)

So Johnny Judas Damon just couldn't lay off the Turkish Delights and had to jump to othah side? The Front Office really tanked anothah one.


Well, I think the doctah finally got my dosage right, as I'm not feeling badly at all ovah this.


You must be fucking high or something … The Yankees now have the most potent lineup in MLB and, at this point, who the fuck is going to play centah?


Look, wasn't the lesson learned from last yeah one of you can't go deep into the playoffs just on offense? So the Yankers got a great leadoff man, but have they improved their pitching at all so fah? I don't think so.


But seeing JD all towing the fascist line, clean shaven, crew cut … Christ, my mind can't handle it. My man love for Johnny has had its mouth stuffed with a dishrag and lies murdahed in a dirty bathtub.


Ah, yes, sucks that he's going to the Yankees, of course, but, on the othah hand, it just makes the rivalry all the more fun. Besides, my gut says the NY fans nevah wahm to Damon's antics and they'll come to rue this signing … maybe not in 2006, but by 2007? 2008? Oh, yes, most def.


Man, can I have the name of your doctah? I need that shit you're on.


Look, grasshoppah, when A-Rod went to the Yankees they were going to be invincible, right? Didn't happen. When Randy Johnson went to the Yankees they were for certain going to be unstoppable, right? Well, not so much, that. So Johnny Damon going to the Yankees is going to be the final piece that takes them to the promised land? Whatev. I'll take the money saved and the pitching improvements we made.



This is a good move for the sox. 52 million is WAY too much. No Yank i've talked to so far likes this move.

It was nice having you Johnny - but we're moving on to bigger and better things - you can take your dirty pinstripes - you'll look terrible in them anyway.

It feels like christmas has come early....

this makes me wonder... what does johnny want for christmas:
Damon's Christmas List:
1. a razor
2. scissors
3. a cut off man in left field
4. a wig for off days

His contract - 52 million dollars
Watching him cut his hair - priceless

I just heard about the signing (takes a while for Sawx news to get to Pittsburgh). I was going through the denial/anger stages when you posted the comic. Thanks for putting it all into perspective. I feel somewhat better now (though what am I supposed to do with this #18 t-shirt I just bought?)

The first time Damon runs into a wall or infielder going full tilt, the Yankee fans will fall in love with him. But I think the Yankees pulled a fast one on Damon. Given the cost of living, 40M in Boston translates to 60.8M in Manhattan (I am assuming that Johnny and Michelle probably won't live in the Bronx). So it appears that Damon was willing to take a paycut to play for the Yankees. Go figure. Looks like the Damon household will have to tighten the belt for a while.

Reminds me of the article the Onion ran a while back:


I'm not too concerned about Damon leaving... he still can't throw the ball farther than 4 feet in front of him. Players already know they can turn a double into a triple if he fields the ball. We'll get a better centerfielder...

Yazbreade is right; Damon IS taking a pay cut by turning down the Red Sox and going to New Skank City:


Wiser words never spoken Yaz. I'm pretty sure my bagel this morning cost $60.8M.

Damon agonistes aside:

Today's strip must be corrected on the NYY pitching staff assessment:

1) 2005 was an IR bloodbath. So, compared to that, anything's an upgrade.
2) Leaving #1 aside for a moment, the bullpen additions are clear upgrades from last season. Dotel comes back 100%:Goodnight, Irene.

I'll return you now to the Chronicles of GM by committee (If by committee you mean Lucchino gives orders to the other two guys)

3. a cut off man in left field


I wonder if there's some sort of curse at the toilet bowl that they need to field a CF that can't throw.

I hope he snaps his knee to go with those two mangled wrecks he calls shoulders. No way you pay that guy over $50M for 4 years.

My disgust that he found his money from the Yankees balances my joy in watching him help get us a World Series. Therefore, when he plays in Fenway he will receive only a mute silence.


1. Time is a bitch.
2. Adoration is situational.
3. Mr. B. is our favorite "fanboy blogger" (see phb column in Globe)
4. Tori Hunter? Fuck yeah!

During this special time of year, I'd like to extend some special Holiday tidings to the newest MFY:

May you truly be Samson and your BA and OBP fall to the floor with your locks.

May this be the Sammy Sosa aquisition of the 2005 offseason.

May Michelle find her way into a threesome with Cashman and Georgie Porgie.

May Bernie have taken over your job by then end of spring training because he's got more range.

May you get horrible, horrible razor burn.

May you find yourself without your alter ego (Unfrozen Caveman Center Fielder) in a too-serious locker room wondering "what the hell have I done"

FUCK YOU John Damon.

Jason -

1 - I'm not so sure that it was really the "IR Nightmare" you're positing - Small threw out of his head, at a level far above what Wright had done before, and Wang put up solid innings in a spot that was a nightmare before the injuries.

It was a nightmare due to raw days and dollars on the DL - however, the Yankees were saved by some of those injuries, in a backwards way . . . at least, according to performance analysis.

2 - Dotel hasn't been '100%' in years, and with the 'normal' 18-month recovery from TJ surgery (which he didn't need, if you recall) he won't be 100% until November. Myers is a good addition, but the Yankees pen lost its 2nd most important component (Gordon was top-10 in reliever WXRL), and while Small adds depth he was shelled out of the bullpen.

That said, their lineup is truly sick - it's shaping up to be an amazing season.


Ahem, and to add to Jason O.'s message, the Yanks have acquired Dotel, Farnsworth, Myers, Villone.. I think the bullpen's going to be pretty sick.

And the Yankees weren't lacking good starters last year, just healthy starters. Johnson, Wang, Chacon, Small, Mussina, Pavano, Wright... they'll have at least five for a solid starting rotation next season.

Damon tips the balance, definitely. I'm surprised the Sox didn't try harder to keep him. Maybe Coco Crisp can be the Sox's next savior.

No matter how much duct tape and bailing wire they're held together with Georgie and Brian will go after them just to stick it to RSN.IMHO

Now what the f do I do with my blohards shirt? Doesn't mean too much anymore........

I heard his contract will not be official until he passes a physical. Whoops! I hope they don’t test for herpes, syphillis, or scabbies, on account of he’s married to a 10-dollar street hooer and prob’ly has a perfect storm of VD.

J-Damn, now that you and your good buddy Jason Giambi are playing together again, will you bulk up to Olympian (i.e. Zeus, Apollo) stature and start knocking the ball out of the park like Manny? Make sure you guys don’t share needles. I don’t want Jason to catch anything bad over and above shrunken testicles, back acne, and his “parasite infection” from two years ago.

Hey Caveman, when Theo comes back to Boston, are you going to cuddle up at his feet and lick his toes like a mangy dog during away games at Fenway?

Johnny, can I get back the 15 hard-earned dollars I laid down for your shitty book about cheating on your first wife and taking the money from any club that would offer it, rather than sticking with the team you loved? (Deja-fucking-vu!) It just doesn’t feel right owning it now.

Thanks for the memories, Caveman. You are dead to us now. Perhaps you should've had a talk with Boomer about how those who switch sides in this rivalry are treated.

An email this morning from a fellow Yankee fan:

"As I told *** *****, if I can find a way to tolerate an a'hole like A'Rod, I guess I can open my heart and mind to a dumbass like Damon. 'tis the season, after all."

Which I suppose sums up my mainly ambivalent feelings pretty accurately.

Check out Damon's comments on CBS4 (I found them on Dirt Dogs). It looks like he took a page from the Pedro playbook. Apparently the only reason the Red Sox won the World Series is because he is the best lead off hitter to ever grace the sport and he isn't staying in Boston only because they didn't suck the balls and stroke the shaft enough. But that's just my read of the situation.

I wish no animosity toward JD. Lord knows a man needs money to pay for his wife's cosmetic surgery. Breast implants don't grow on trees, you know.

If it was going to take $13 mil a year to keep Johnny then it's farewell and adieu...

As long as someone mentioned the inflation rate between Boston and New York, has anyone thought of the differences between Fenway and Yankee Stadium? The toilet in the Bronx wasn't exactly designed with Johnny's game in mind.
The gaps in left and right center are deeper than Fenway, which will only showcase his throwing deficiencies, and a lot of his doubles at Fenway are going to be outs in the Bronx.
He was a star in Boston, but he's going to be what Bill Parcells would call a JAG (just another guy) in NY.

JD - we hate you so much because we loved you so much...

Press conference transcript:


BTW, if you all think this was a big deal, see you during the Clemens bidding war in a few weeks.


Heard this and the first thing I thought was Jesus signed with the Devil.

If you think about it, Damon is either has a skeleton built on a terminator frame or he's due for a catastrophic injury with the way he plays. There are so many ways this would not work out for the Yankees it's not even funny. Wait until he comes back to Fenway and has to deal with being on the other side, I would feel sorry for the man except he did it to himself.


ESPN's Caple says this is a big mistake - for JD.

I went through the list of possible Caveman's replacements here-

Coco seems like a dream, but who could argue with bringing back the Human Standing Ovation in Dave Roberts? He hit .275 with a .356 OBP with 8 homers and 38 RBIs in 115 games last season.

Bring back Roberts Larry, please?

4 years ago Damon bolted the A's for more $$ w/the Sox. He said then what he said today, that his new team was more aggressive in the recruiting, blah blah. 13m X 4 yrs is way too much. So thanks for everything Johnny, u were great. You, Petey, Lowe, Mueller and yes, Millar et al were a huge part of '04. Time marches on though, and you've made your decision. Good Luck. I'll miss Michelle,too.

So what does this do to Manny's chances of being traded? No way now?

"I want to stay here, but I may walk and go home. I might shut it down in a couple of years.

"There's no way I can go play for the Yankees, but I know they are going to come after me hard. It's definitely not the most important thing to go out there for the top dollar, which the Yankees are going to offer me. It's not what I need.

"I'd like to finish my career here [Boston]. I'm not sure they'll let me do it, if they offer me [only] two or three years [on a contract]. I want at least four or five.

-- Johnny Damon, 5/01/05, on MLB.com

YES!! Your blog was right on target with Damon. Finally someone who has pointed out not only the weakness in the Yankees pitching still, but the Red Sox's drastic improvement in theirs. Nice Job!

I'm repeating this because I posted in on yesterday's strip (I was up early, my apologies to those of you who already read it):

JOHNNY DAMON IS DEAD TO ME. Might be the black-hearted Irish in me, but don't let the door hit you on the way out Johnny. Here are the reasons I think he will regret this day in no particular order:

1) He was a huge star in Boston, in NYC, he will be a B-list star at best. To prempt Jason O: Julius Caesar, "I had rather be first in a village than second at Rome."

2) His shoulder must be worse than we knew if the Sox front office wasn't willing to get in a bidding war. Sounds like the ball will come rolling back to the infield this year in the Bronx.

3) JD can't pull every pitch to try and get to the right field porch. As I recall center field in the Bronx is where would-be home runs go to die.

4) Graffanino did pretty well as a leadoff man last year, and I think he has played shortstop before, with excellent speed. If we save $20 million or so, to go after someone who can throw.

5) JD just lost a ton of endorsements. If he thought the fans were going to blame the Sox front office, he and Boras are high. Leave the team you won the WS with for $3 million extra/year...it shows what you truly are..a whore.

I'm glad they didn't sign him for more than the $10mil/year they offered him. People in my (Yankee-fan-infested) office keep saying I'm full of shit, but I was always for not signing Damon if the price was too high and it was.

My only question is where should we spend all this money we're "saving"? I guess some people might say we "need" a "shortstop" and a "center fielder".

I was much more upset by Mueller's departure. Why are we letting him go again? Is he on the verge of injury? Consistently good hitter and excellent fielder...

If Manny goes, a piece of my heart goes with him. He's a flake and all, but when he smashes that ball...I tear up a little just thinking about some of his swings (really!). I remain optimistic until Manny departs the team.

Nice strip, HB. I'm with Tito-ista and Devine. The toughest part of this is dealing with all the Yankee fan gloating in my NYC office. Once the actual games begin, however, I think the Sox will be in better shape without overpaying a guy who may need shoulder surgery before this contract is out. I was a huge Johnny fan but this doesn't even upset me as much as the Nomar trade did at the time -- and we know how that turned out. So bring back Dave Roberts, or go cuckoo for Coco Crisp or reel in Jeremy Reed or bag the big game in Tori Hunter. I think we'll miss JD's bat but not his arm. And maybe not even his bat so much now that the lineup is more even without Millar and K-horn.

As I said prematurely a few days ago, Happy Holidays to all the Soxaholix.

After all the trade-aways and non-signings this fall, the Sox management could have just thrown a few grenades onto the home field at the end of the last game of the season and been done with it earlier.

Interesting point on SoSH (apologies to Fribetarian):

"Taking into account the 40% luxury tax the Yankees will have to pay next season on all salary over 136.5 million, and Damon's number turns into $18.2 million for 2006. If the same system stays in place, his 4 year deal will cost $72.8 million. Gulp."

Take THAT you whores!


With Damon expected to shave his beard before the press conference later this week, Philips Norelco has extended an offer to the newest Yankee.
The company has offered a $15,000 donation to the charity of Damon's choice if he does the deed with an electric shave courtesy of Philips Norelco.
Philips Norelco's vice president of marketing Elwin de Valk said: "As Johnny makes the significant transformation from a Red Sox to a Yankee, Philips Norelco, long known for helping men put their best face forward, is offering up our entire lineup of men's grooming products, a barber and a $15,000 donation to the charity of his choice if Johnny embraces The Boss' clean shave policy.
"We're so excited Johnny is going to be wearing pinstripes," he added, "that Norelco is willing to brave the NYC Transit Strike and meet him anytime, anywhere if he wants to take us up on our offer and get a Norelco shave to benefit his favorite charity."

The pragmatist in me says, JD helped win us a World Series; played hard; and, lived up to his contract. Now that the contract is over, he's free to do as he chooses despite us thinking that he owes it to the Sawx to remain.

However the fan in me, who always wins out, is in total agreement with Tito-ista. JD is now dead to me.

Ambivalent at best. About the closest I can say is that this feels like finding out dad's cheating on mom: some vague, temperate anger overtaken by a disappointment in the man, and a sadness that, indeed, this sort of thing is all too common in life. I liked to comfort myself with the fantasy that Damon wasn't a mercenary, that he had enough affection for Boston, the Sox and the fans that he'd pass up the offer of most amount of money evar to stick around...well that's been shattered. Now I know why they boo him whenever he goes back to KC or Oaktown. One more stop on the boo train now.

And at the risk of sounding like an idiot fanboy, I really don't think this would've happened on Theo's watch. Just sayin'.

Where are the Ray Bourque's of our generation? The kind of guys who really do bond with the city and take pay cuts to free up cash for management to sign other guys? The kind of guys who would spend twenty years of frustration and ask for a trade, for one shot at the brass ring, to win it all and then come back and share the victory with the town he couldn't do it in? Does free agency really compel players to negotiate like this, or are they all really just glorified assholes? And if so, just why the hell do we look up to these guys, anyway?

You have a typo in the second to last frame.
Your on
should be
you're on.

Great strip though.

JD - we hate you so much because we loved you so much... its true. People felt very strong about Johnny Damon and just like illegitimate son said above, we imagined that the love was reciprocal to some extent, that he'd choose to stay with us for less money. We hoped he was different, many of us thought he might be. But he wasn't.

I feel very strongly that wife of his has whispered all of this in his ear that he can be a big star in NY (and so can she) during and after this 4 yr contract. It'll be interesting to see if he is able to conjure the affections of New Yorkers the way he did in Boston. As for her, I will try very very hard to avoid seeing her at all expense.

I am a Boston Red Sox fan and I adore Johnny Damon no matter where he is.Even New York.

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