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Give me my long sword, ho!

"Parting is such sweet sorrow"? Hmmm … You can tell Shakespeare didn't live in the era of free agency when he wrote that.


I don't know, it's not like the Bahd envisioned 15th Century Verona as a walk in the pahk eithah … I mean we just lost a centahfieldah to our sworn rivals is all, you know, no swordplay, no poison, no suicides (well, not yet at least), no deflowering of our only daughter and bearah of the family line …


Yeah, but at least Juliet was emotionally tormented before she leaped to the othah side. Something tells me Johnny Damon didn't stand on his balcony speaking to the moon and wondahring what's in a name.


Yeah, who knew in Johnny O nature didst bower the spirit of a fiend?


You think we'll evah grow weary of this blood feud with the Yankees?


You mean like we'll see what a scourge is laid upon our hate? Not a friggin' chance.


A plague o'both our houses? Oh yeah, double that again.


Talk of peace? I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Yankees, and, now, Johnny.


Author's Notes
As you probably know, the speeches of both characters today are sprinkled with quotes from Romeo and Juliet. Seemed appropriate for the occassion.


There will come a time when Damon, like many other Red Sox who have gone to "better places," will utter the immortal words of Romeo (and Mo Vaughn): "O, I am fortune's fool."

Hey, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone. It's been a blast talking - and often arguing - with each other. Great strip as always, H.B.

I just can't get worked up about it. My allegiance to the Red Sox transcends any one player. Hell, it survived them dumping my favorite player when I was kid - Fred Lynn - it'll survive this.

Merry Christmas to all - even the MFY fans that are lurking here :)


Massive bat, misunderstood.
Can't we get along?

We can fairly agree that '06 is a New Era. Think of the number of pink belly shirts with Mark Loretta's name on the back that will be sold between now and OD. OK, not so many. How about John Flaherty bobblehead dolls? No? OK, how about Josh Beckett blister cream? hmmm. I am holding our for the signature set of LL Silver Balls under the tree. A boy can dream can't he?

Merry Christmas, Kids.


2 things that are Christmas to me:

1) Leontyne Price sings Xmas carols, backed by Herbert Von Karajan and the Berlin Philharmomic. The greatest xmas CD of all time.

2) When Nat draws out the last "two" in The Christmas Song, i.e., "to kids from one to ninety-two." I can see the smile on his face.

Happy holidays to all the misguided twinkletoed communist pinko sox fans.

Couldn't pass up Flaherty's .458 OPS, could you?

One more R. Lee Ermey in FMJ good wish for this site and its regulars:

"Private Joker is silly and he's ignorant but he's got guts: and guts is enough."

Someone better remind Iago that Steinbrenner told him to shave those sideburns.

Like Jason O. I will join in the War on Christmas(tm) and say to you all: Happy holidays!

ToJohnny Damon,
How we loved you,
And we thought that you would love us too,
We never thought it would be you
To leave us that way….

Johnny Damon,
How you left us
You broke our hearts and lost our trust
This decision truly is to us
A great big bust!

We’re in mourning,
And we don’t really see
The reason that you must
Reject us for the buck

We’re in mourning
And we can’t really see
How you will be so happy
In the stripes of the Yankees…

Johnny Damon,
You are leaving
And we hoped you would decide to stay
Instead of disappointing the fans of
Boston’s park Fenway!
be sung to the tune of "Johnny Angel":

Another Haiku:

Johnny Judas left
Taking six pieces of gold
To play for Satan

I do not want Johnny Damon on the Yankees mostly for the same reason that BoSox fans would not embrace Bucky Dent at Fenway in 1979.

But, like Mother Mary, who had no plan to give birth to the messiah, I will submit to God's greater plans.

As Mary said to the angel, "I am the Lord’s servant. May everything Peter Gammons said about Johnny (before this week) come true for the Yankees.”

And then the angel left her.

This Christmas, I will accept God's unwanted gift of Johnny Damon.

As Mary allowed the Lord Jesus to enter her womb, I will allow Johnny Damon into my Yankees-loving heart, even if he throws like Ricky Martin, and looks like a prepubescent Backstreet Boy now.


Let it be.

Peace be with you, Soxaholix

Bah humbug.

Bye Bye Johnny - Chuck Berry
Bye, Bye Johnny

George drew out $52 million out of Bankers Trust
So our little boy hopped on a Greyhound Bus
Left cozy Feneway for a trip to the Bronx
Down came the tears from the fans of the Sox
Their own center fielder name 'o Johnny D.
Was gonna play baseball for the enemy

Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye bye Johnny
Good bye Johnny. Don't be good

They remembered cheering wildly just two years ago
When Johnny and his teammates won the trophy so
As long as he would play for them in Carmine Hose
They'd love him even if they couldn't stand his throws
But never thought that there would come a day like this
When they would see Johnny make them boo and hiss

Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye bye Johnny
Good bye Johnny don't be Good

The Yanks got the center fielder they were dreaming of
At a December press conference they fell in love
But they were not so excited with their newfound on
When Papi jogged around for an in-the-park home run
Then Johnny came chargin' for a pop-up hit so soft
He smashed right into Jeter and they were both carried off

The fans were howling
Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye bye Johnny
Good bye Johnny Don't be Good

Happy Holidays to all the Soxaholix.

The Chuck Berry ripoff - er, tribute was quite good.

Re: the photo of the newly civilized caveman. Isn't his hair still too long for the Yankees. I mean, it looks like it's touching his collar still.

I can wait for Michelle's "in style" segments on the YES Network. Who'll be laughing then?

Couldn't pass up Flaherty's .458 OPS, could you?

The joke's on you when you realize that the spanks now have Jorge Posada calling signs for 90% of the season. Like their rotation really needed help launching the team ERA into orbit.

Move over A-WOL,there's a new psj in town.

Dwight Jr., good point. Jorge has never been a good game caller, and his defense has always been mediocre. But power and OBP have a funny way of making up for that. (see Mike Piazza's entire career) It was only just this past season that Varitek's AL catcher VORP passed Jorgie's, and he's still #2.

I'll take it. Or sign a C like Molina and set up a DH/C rotation.

Samson without hair. I'm sorry the Sox didn't keep Damon, now a well shaved, clean cut center fielder with a crummy throwing arm will not live up to what the Yank-I'll buy him!-ees expect.
The swagger we enjoyed at Fenway will not be much fun for Johnny anymore; he'll try to strut, pose, have fun and the Bronx will reward him with a barrage of batteries showered upon his newly shaven head.
The spring in his step will go, because the game will no longer be fun for him. It's the Yankees for crying out loud. What guy, besides Jeter who was born in pinstripes, has fun on this stinking team?
My vision: the no hair Damon will begin suffering from wicked migraines; his throwing arm will weaken and there's a hint he could suffer a season long attack of vertigo.

I may see 'em, but I only want Damon to suffer as long as he is wearing pinstripes.
Face it: Yankee robber barons shelled outlots of coin for a player without the hair,persona and crowd that loved him, is likely to fall to pieces.

Now the race is on: the 'lets screw ourselves in the arse' Theo-less Boston front office must seek out an excellent, young, CF with the attributes of say, Andruw Jones, and lead off hitting style of Damon.
Good night and Good luck.

Another December, another Yankee press conference. Yawn.

A brief history of the 21st Century:
Oct. 2001: Arizona Diamondbacks win World Series.
Dec. 2001: NY Yankees sign Jason Giambi as multimillion-dollar free agent.
Oct. 2002: Anaheim Angels win World Series.
Dec. 2002: NY Yankees sign Hideki Matsui as multimillion-dollar free agent.
Oct. 2003: Florida Marlins win World Series.
Dec. 2003: NY Yankees announce trade for baseball's highest-paid player Alex Rodriguez.
Oct. 2004. Boston Red Sox win World Series.
Dec. 2004: NY Yankees sign Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright as free agents. Jan. 2005, Yankees obtain Randy Johnson in trade.
Oct. 2005: Chicago White Sox win World Series.
Dec. 2005; NY Yankees sign multimillion-dollar free agent Johnny Damon.

Particularly nauseating to be a Noo Yawk-based Sox fan today. Seeing Johnny Judas Boras in pinstripes reminds me of all the bile I've had to swallow here in seasons past. Fuq it. I say let the Adam Stern era begin! Give the kid a shot at proving to be a very low budget everyday player. He can hit, he can run, he can catch. And he's gotta good arm. I won't miss Mrs. Damon stirring up shite with the other wives behind the scenes, that's for sure. If I'm GM, I'm looking for players who don't marry strippers.

Well I just want to thank HB for such a wonderful strip and to wish all Soxaholix a Happy Holidays.
Sorry I had no biting sarcasm for the JD stuff. To do a take off on the "I love New York, its the Yankees I hate" slogan from _quite" a few years ago,"I love the Sox, it is its management I hate.(At the moment)

As Belloq said to Indiana Jones:
Ah, pawsoxpop, please sit down...before you fall down.

Beane makes a valid point when he says that GMs can only influence the 162...freak random events can happen in short playoff series. Cashman gave NYY a chance to even be in the WS in 2 of those years you mentioned. A statistically remote 9th inning in '01 (given Mariano's overall career) and one Jeff Weaver "shitting the bed" pitching performance in '03 prevented another 2 WS titles.

At some point you have to get the breaks...e.g., how many ground balls would Buckner miss out of 200? Maybe 2? Not to mention that basic probability says that a team has a 0.39% chance of winning 8 games in a row. (not that the sox weren't hot and playing well)

I'll take getting to the WS 3 times over a 6 season span, and then let fortune take over, because it invariably does.

Merry Christmas to you too Jason.
Unless you got the special director's Yankee fan cut, I think I know how that Indy Jones-Belloq thingie turned out in the end.

Have a great holiday. Look forward to December 2006 when you post after the next big Yankee press conference and cry about how if you could only get a break...

Happy Holidays to all the Soxaholix.

J: Too bad the Hovitos don't know you the way I do, Belloq
B: Too bad...maybe you could warn them, if only you spoke Hovitos...

since there will be no post on the weekend, I want to wish the whole soxaholix office and community happy holidays,or as we say here Merry Chritmas.

PS the beard and Sox great adaptation HB
and will the Pats get past wild card weekend?

Merry Christmas to all the Soxaholix, and even the lurking MFY fans, except George $teindolloh, who I hope will end up with yet another lump of coal in his stocking.

...and Mele Kalikimaka, da kine!

"A statistically remote 9th inning in '01 (given Mariano's overall career) and one Jeff Weaver "shitting the bed" pitching performance in '03 prevented another 2 WS titles."

The DBacks were clearly superior to the Yankees in the 2001 World Series, outscoring them 37-14, and posting a .721 team OPS to the Yankees' anemic .528 and a 1.94 staff ERA to the Yanks' 4.26. The Yankees were extremely lucky to even be in position to win that Series in the 9th inning of game 7; the only reason they didn't lose that year in five games was that Bob Brenley had no clue when to take out BH Kim.

And the only reason the Yanks even went to the Series in 2003 was because Grady didn't know when to take out Pedro. I sense a theme...

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