« Like nobody's business | Main | Against both bar and tower the black sea runs. »

The Fenway Mutiny

Jeez, I knew people are upset with the Theo departure, but who knew they'd take to the streets in protest wearing cat masks.


Just when I'm about to drink the corporate Kool-Aid that, you know, "no biggie, everything's cool, Theo ain't no big thang," I read Curt Schilling's words: "This F'in sucks to all F'in hell."


And you can't console yourself into thinking, ah, you know, Schilling is always running his mouth off when you've also guys normally reserved guys like Timlin and Captain Varitek expressing similar thoughts.


Absolutely. And Schill goes on to say he spoke to Theo "over 10 times in the last 7 days" and suggests much of the anti-Lucchino sentiment is spot on.


Where the frig is Larry "Baseball Man" Lucchino these days anyways? Hiding out in Dick Cheney's bunkah?


Yeah, right now he's like Captain Queeg in the Caine Mutiny, rubbing his silvah balls togethah in his hands, sweating, eyes dahting back and forth, feeling persecuted.


Yeah, he's all calling out to his Curly Haired Boyfriend, "Dan, write about the strawberries, Dan, how the bastid kid Epstein stole all the strawberries and he and his stat geeks laughed at me …"



Ah, stolen strawberries. Great movie. Fred MacMurray playing a bastard, how often did *that* happen? Probably less often than Larry Lucchino *doesn't* play a bastard from here on out.

And WTF? Errstad? And Glaus? Is Youkilis going to stay on the farm for another full year? I mean, if Manny gets traded, Youk and Ortiz should be able to set some sort of record for walks by two teammates, right?

Well, looks like Kevin Towers is out. Maybe not such a bad thing after seeing his Castilla for Lawrence gem. SD can keep him. OTOH, I'm sure he's had his fill of Lucky anyways.

Jeez, that was an funky flick. Rick from Casablanca and Dad from My Three Sons. They could have thrown in Ingrid Bergman and the guy who played Uncle Charlie as a freaky love interest. BTW, if I hear ONE MORE PERSON saying we can replace Manny's production with a couple of 20 HR, 70 RBI guys, I'm gonna kill a cat. Like that's gonna protect Papi from being walked 300 times. Hell, let's get ten 4 HR, 14 RBI guys; that would be even better, right?

At least you all might get to keep seeing Theo around town. There's a sorta funny article about the Brockton Rox's offer of their GM spot to him here:


Visit www.lucchino-sucks.com and join the movement!

Hey, Lucchinosucks,

Let's take it easy on the self-promo, OK? I let it slide the first couple of times, but I'm drawing the line here. OK?

I'm sure you mean well, but it's a netiquette thing we all have to adhere to.


Yes, Mr. B. has standards.

I for, one, don't, except to say that I can't even read lucchino-sucks.com because of its blindingly red background and poor design.

But, that's just me.

friggn' Larry has ruined my team. Now they can monetize the shit out of Fenway and roll out cardboard cutouts of the Cowboy Up/Idiots gang.
All you seat warmers wearing pink regalia should think that's a hoot.

Holy Shit is this depressing.

Sorry about that, I'm a little too worked up about the whole situation. Won't happen again. I do love this site, and don't want to tick you guys off.

"Yeah, right now he's like Captain Queeg in the Caine Mutiny, rubbing his silva balls togethah"
When I first read this panel, I had a horrifying image of LL fondling DD. Probably not too far off base, all things considered.

First up on this year's Hot Stove, Cool Music bandstand, Hall, Oates & Luchino

"Theo Come Back"

Working all offseason, and with Manny, saying he wants out of town
Can't do anything to get you off the fans' minds
But when Spring training comes I'm right back where I started again
Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Theo come back, any kind of fool could see
there a trophy and a series ring about you
Theo come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

At the GM meetings, wearing a mask of false bravado
trying to keep up the laughs that hide my fear
but as other trades go down, I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to God that you were here.

Theo come back, any kind of fool could see
There's i.d. cards, and dirt I can't sell without you
Theo come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong and I just can't live without you

Now that I screwed it up altogether
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the brains in your head?
Nothing left for me, ain't there nothing left for Larry?

Theo come back, any kind of fool could see
The fans want blood, they'll kill me here without you
Theo come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live...

The more I think about it, the more I have to back off my original "fishbowl" reasoning for Epstein leaving - if it was really bugging him, he wouldn't be negotiating deals thinking "maybe it'll go away...just maybe". No, whatever it was (and Lucchino is the leading candidate for that role), it was sudden.

So if Lucchino is Queeg, who's the ensign? And the Lieutenant who takes control of the ship? Josh Byrnes is my bet for the ensign -- does that make Theo the mutineer?

HB, many congrats on the use of Caine Mutiny. When it was first mentioned, I was wondering how you'd work strawberries in. Well done inserting another nice CHB dig. Two birds with one stone, and all that.

I agree with Dewey's offspring, Theo being sick of the fishbowl is harder to believe given what was said and not said at the press conference.

Then again, I really don't want to believe that Theo left just because LL diss'ed him. That seems a little juvenille. When you have your dream job, you fight harder to keep it than that. $1.5 million a year will smooth over a lot of egos.

For some reason, The Red Sox stopped being Theo's dream job.

I'm psyched that so many of you are familiar with The Caine Mutiny. When I was writing today's strip I was worried it'd be to out there as a reference.

Jim Caple is an ass.


Of course, many of you probably already knew that.

The idea that Theo would leave because the team could be headed for rough waters is borderline lunacy. Does this guy even watch/read sports news or does he just write whenever a spasm hits his brain causing him to gurgle over.

" When I was writing today's strip I was worried it'd be to out there as a reference."


Sadly, some of us are older than dirt. Hook us up with another Wouk reference (like "City Boy") and let the hijinks ensue.

Hey Lou, Herbie Bookbinder grew up in the Bronx and did not care much for baseball, so I don't think he's a good candidate for Red Sox GM. Plus while he was 11 years old in the book, it took place in the 1920s, so by now he would be well over the age limit for Larry's children's crusade.

First off, I chose a pretty lousy week to be traveling for work; no chance to chime in on this fiasco really until now. I have to say I’m a little surprised at how hard h.b. was taking Theogate on Tuesday/Wednesday; yes, I know you’re a fan and you care a lot, but it always seemed that a little bit of bemused detachment was what helped you write the strip so well.

I know I’m probably repeating what others have said this week, but the worst thing about Theo walking isn’t that he’s irreplaceable or that all of his moves have worked out (obviously many of them haven’t); it’s more a concern that we had the right guy in place with a very solid long term plan, and the one thing we thought we could count on in the years ahead was watching him execute on it. Now, not only is he gone out of the blue, but we have to worry about this organization’s ability going forward to attract and retain top-level front office talent given that Lucky Lucchino’s Control-Freak/Credit Hogging/Egomaniacal tendencies are apparent far worse that we ever imagined (and I always assumed they were pretty bad).

The other thing for me about Theo was that I really liked the idea of a much younger and much, much smarter version of myself as GM of the Red Sox. You felt that he was doing the job the way you would approach it yourself, only with much more skill and competence. It’s really disappointing to hear him say that he could no longer give his fullest effort to his dream job after only three years…makes you kinda wonder what’s the point of striving for anything.

And count me as another fan of the Caine Mutiny reference; I should point out that Fred McMurray also played a bad guy (or at least someone with questionable morals) in another classic, Double Indemnity. And the “rubbing his SILVA balls togethah” line…just the standard Bahstan accent, or was that a sly reference to Lucky Lucchino’s original lapdog, RS Dirt Dog?

One last thing: at least h.b.’s ire at Lucky has inspired a great new line of t-shirts; I definitely have to order one of the “Baseball Man” version. Ideally though, I’d like the Baseball Man graphic on the front, and Theo Who? on the back…

the top to bottom lineup in TCM:

Jose Ferrer
Van Johnson
E G Marshall
Claude Akins

all excellent character actors.

Watching that movie makes you realize how much Hollywood sucks now relative to then.

And the boss scum in The Apartment.

I'm suprised that The Larry hasn't tried to make a buck off of this yet. How much would you pay to own a piece of Theo's desk? Chair? There is money to be made here!

Ironic you wrote about The Caine Mutiny today - it was on this morning on one of the Encore movie channels (but I'm sure you knew that, as timely as you are :)). I watched it again for about the 14th time. Was "silva balls" another coded slam? ;)

FWIW: The "silva balls" wasn't anything coded, i.e., silva was not a veiled reference to Steve Silva of BDD/boston.com.

I'm changing it to read "silvah" just to make it clearer.

Small fact:

Jim Jones used Flavor Aid (cheaper, I bet), not Kool-Aid to poison with cyanide his deluded, pathetic, faithful followers. Flavor Aid packets were every where.

But Kool-Aid souds cooler, and like velcro and superglue urban myth stuck-- and the Kool-Aid myth created. Kool-Aid is obviously cooler than Flavor Aid (what's that crap?). We needed it to be Kool-cool- Aid. Grape. I like the cherry better...

I hope they used fruit punch, poor bastards.

Starberries- someone took them and damn it, I am not only Captain, I am in charge of all fruits!
Fruit is most important; in fact fruit is why we fought alll those wars! So, some thief pilfering strawberries must be discovered, disgraced and die a horrible death. Damn the war! Srawberries were THE bridge to peace (except the obvious: the black stewards- crap jobs. no weapons due to the fact they were well aware who THEIR true enemy was for 300 years). Missing srawberries - tear aprt the ship, screw the bagtle, find the fruit!
Since it was ovious the stewards - with permission- took the fugitive fruit yet no one was about to tell Captain Crazy- fear of Humphrey Bograt kept even Fred McMuarray, a real blabber mouth quiet. Besides, America, alawas planned to fix its colored issue with tasty treats, strawberries were an inirtial step.
Boston? their strawberry sitution worked out okay, but housing and jobs would have worked a lot better.
Yet Booston is entering the thores of genetically created anthrax. It started last week.
Of course, it (The UN-in NY- thought it would be fun to see what the new anthrax would do, say, to baseball.
Right not it does seem Boston is okay waiting another 80 years for another WS win; why be greedy like Yankees or win two odd, WS like the big fish. Makes sense- no need to imitate the greedy Yankees or those two odd wins from those big fish.
Yet- regardless of trial viruses, most of us realize when we've gone one toke over the line sweet Jesus (well not W, it was one line over the line).
And someone with sense of peace will talk us down. Or perhaps a teether will be required but our brains will be okay. The frontal lobes will rearrange more or less where your left them.

But for the Boston "organization'life is being lived too large, so large, everyone who was involved in the 2004 win now walk as solid as Gods on the planet, making sure big egos and crummy ideas will ensure another Boston b'ball global style warimg will be the future at Fenway. There wil be so much reflection why a guy like Johnny Dammon has a crew cut, no facial hair and wears pinstripes. It will a confusing time, Red Sox in pinstripes, and what the heck is A-Rod showing up at Fenway, all the time?

Think about my life for a moment.....

Life-long Sox fan, grew up in Hartford, went to Fenway at least 10 games a year with my Dad (always followed by dinner at Anthony's Pier 4)...went to Fairfield Univ. in Fairfield, CT where I got my first taste of full-fledged Yankee arrogance...fell in love and married one of those fans...got job, moved to NYC where I had to work with those fans...sat in a bar watching game 6 of the '86 Series with my Yankee wife and all of those other Yankee fans who suddenly were Mets fans...moved back to Fairfield County, CT (Yankeeville) and had three more, you guessed it, Yankee kids who grew up during the Jeter dynasty and rubbed every moment in my face (I was even forced to endure the purgatory of being a Red Sox dad taking his Yankee-loving kids to, of all places, Yankee Stadium...moved back to Hartford (finally) in 2004 just in time for the greatest fall of my baseball lovin' life...fast-forward one year and all hell breaks loose...my worst nightmare comes true when my number two son (the biggest Yankee of all, the one who can tell you who played second base during the the 1931 season)has his Yankee-lovin' mother buy him a Yankee pin-stripe jersey with number 18 and sew "DAMOM" in blue letters on it, don a long brown haired wig, paint on a beard and proceed to go out on Halloween night as Johnny Damon, "the Yankees new Center Fielder"...this is HELL!!!!

The comments to this entry are closed.

The Soxaholix eBook Spinoff

The captivating and long awaited Soxaholix eBook spinoff is finally available!

There's No Crying in Pocket Pool


Purchase at Amazon.


Logo t-shirts now available, several colors, even pink.

'Soxaholix logo t-shirt