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Talk Dirty to Me

And yet anothah potential GM candidate says "Thanks but no thanks" to the Red Sox.


Christ, you've got about as good a chance to get a lawyah for Saddam Hussein as you do a Red Sox GM at this point.


Yeah, and Lucchino's about as populah in Boston as Saddam is in Bagdad right about now.


This is what I most feahed all along. It's not that Theo is some irreplaceable GM genius, but rathah that any potential GM candidate with half a brain would look at the Red Sox situation and go, "You're fucking kidding me, right?"


Of course, Lucky's personal Pravda reports that Dayton Moore, the alleged top choice for the GM spot, "felt great chemistry with Larry Lucchino …"


Yeah, and I hear arsenic tastes like burnt almonds, not at all unpleasant as you're slowly poisoned to death.


Author's Notes
Today's title is a reference to a song by glam metal band Poison.


Nice work, Mr. B. Seems like you are giving lawyers for Saddam a bad name by associating them with Luscious.
How 'bout we all just take next summer off, pretend '05 never happened, adjust to The Rebuilding Mode. At this point, Papi will fill the pink seats at Fenway, and RSN needn't spend $$ for JD,MR24,Wellsy,Foulkie,or anyone else. Anyways, I have season tickets to the Portland Sea Dogs, in case anyone wants to see fun baseball.

It'll be interesting to see if any 'market correction' occurs in the offseason re: JD, Manny (and others) in light of the new amphetamine standards. And if Foulkie thought he had a tough rehab coming back from the knee surgeries, wait 'til he has to face Sheffield or Vladi without an added boost....Burger King might have to make some room on the assembly line for him....

BillyBuck- you mean Foulke facing Shit-field and Vlad without a little something extra, or Foulke facing a de-juiced Shef and Vlad (not that Vlad is on the needle. Gary, on the other hand...)? If it's the latter, then bring them on.

I'm thinking that the newest steroid policy has enough teeth to it that we will definitely see some (more) drop off next year. We all saw what happened to the likes of Sosa and early-season Giambi (before he found the magic revitalizing elixir that can't be tested for). It'll be interesting whose stats suddenly plummet. The greenies on the other hand- that might just be to save face. From my understanding, they've been as much a part of the game as pine tar and rosin, and players treat them like the rest of us treat coffee. Not that it's still like back in the day where they had a fishbowl full of them in the clubhouse next to the m&ms, but still widely used. I'll be surprised to see any real action taken against players for any amphetamine abuse.

Don't worry, h.b. Remain calm; all is well. We don't need to bring in a sharp, smart young executive with excellent credentials to be GM. Remember, Larry Lucchino is a Baseball Man.

But they're still not testing for human growth hormone, or doing blood tests (the most accurate). Juice-ombi will stick with his "program" until forced to change it, as will other juicers.

It just struck me that Soxaholix must be target to a younger audience given the need to provide a link on 'Pravada'.

If you were raised on the 'true' baseball bible - Jim Bouton's Ball Four, greenies are an old story. I recall his story about Gary Bell (I think it was Bell) storming into the dugout after getting shelled and hooked, completely pissed off, because 'his greenie had just kicked in'. Then of course, there was Willie Stargell - they probably contributed to his early death - not that the Pirates or MLB had much to say on the subject.

NV- you're probably right. The abuse is too widespread for MLB do do any serious cleaning up of the amphetamine use. I have it on pretty good authority that a certain pharmacy near Fenway fills a number of Rxs for the team, including for a dearly departed pitcher who was instrumental in the title run last year. It just makes me wonder, if the reports of 35-45% use are correct, who on the current 25 man roster is among that percentage? And what would their performance be like without that little boost? While I am not at all naive, I just wish we could concentrate on the purity and beauty of The Game itself and save the distractions for Hollywood...

Without the green M&Ms, I think you either need to go to a 50-man roster or roll back the clock to the era of day games, train travel in a limited geographic area (no bicoastal road trips) and 154-game schedule. Either that or you're going to have to hire baby sitters to make sure a bunch of 20something millionaires get their eight hours of sleep and proper nutrition. Good luck.

BAll Four is tame compared to some of the stuff Bill Lee talks about in "The Wrong Stuff." Of course, most of what Bill Lee was taking in the 70s was not exactly performance enhancing!

I hear ya, COD, "The Wrong Stuff" is one of my all-time favorite baseball books, complete with one of my all-time favorite cover photos. Re: "... most of what Bill Lee was taking in the 70s was not exactly performance enhancing!" -- well, what would you do if you had to watch Don Zimmer destroy a great team's playoff chances game after game, year after year. As Warren Zevon wrote in his classic song about the spaceman: "You're supposed to sit on your ass and nod at stupid things, man that's hard to do. And if you don't they'll screw you. And if you do they'll screw you too."

Dear Soxaholix:

Your GM solution is right under your nose.

I grew up in suburban Detroit (minus 5 critical years in NY when I became a lifelong NYY fan and went to a bunch of Yankees games, including #44's 3 jacks in the WS in 1977 at age 6.)

Bill Lajoie was the architect of the championship Tigers team in '84, and kept the team competitive until Sparky's retirement/Monaghan's sale of the team to Mike Ilitch.

Some players developed under his regime:

John Smoltz
Alan Trammell
Lou Whitaker
Kirk Gibson
Lance Parrish
Jack Morris
Tom Brookens, aka the Bill Mueller of the 1980's

submitted for your consideration.

Bill Lajoie is a very strong baseball man; glad that he chose to stay with the organization after leaving for about a week. But at his age I doubt highly that he would want the full time gm job, or that it would be offered. Hopefully they just give the job to Hoyer, and he makes Lajoie his consigliere.

In other news, I just read in the NY Times, which someone kindly left for me in the can, that Matsui has resigned with the Yanks. So much for my idea of putting him on the Seadogs just to get him out of the damn division. The article went on to say Tom Gordon was looking for a three year deal while the front office only wanted to give him two. How about a Gordon-Timlin one-two punch?

Well I'll be...

Sox just named none other than Al Nipper the new bullpen coach.

Welcome back, Nip.

Technical Difficulties

Thursday 11/17: As of 930am I still can't access TypePad to publish today's strip. Been trying since 7am. Will keep trying...

Hey, illegitimate son of dwight evans, saw your comment about the Simmons dorms. Have they changed in the last 30 years? Because I can testify from personal experience that the Simmons girls bathed in the '70's. North Hall was one of my favorite places to be back then.

Ah, more Ball Four readers. I liked this line the best, as Bouton reflected leaving the game (forgive me if it's not an exact quote): "All this time I thought I was gripping the ball, when it was really gripping me."

Yeah, I remember his comments on greenies. I also remember some far more contemporary accounts from the last year or so when various players said something along the lines of "Steroids? Hah! Let's see them try to get rid of amphetamines - they won't be able to play the games."

BTW: someone recently suggested the Sox pick up the Big Hurt. From out here in Chicago I say that I love the guy, but I would argue against that. For one thing, he's been injured a lot. Second, he hasn't exactly been a positive influence on the clubhouse over his career, although this last year he apparently was much better on that. Upon reflection, I think part of his attitude was fueled by seeing people who were juiced up getting all the attention while his accomplishments took second billing (Frank is generally regarded as being clean). He had to sit back and be outshone in his own city by Sammy Sosa, but look at Sammy now.

Frank did terrorize AL pitching in the 30-odd games he played this year; 1 HR every 8.3 at bats, many of them significant ones bringing his team from behind or out of a tie in late innings. He made a difference and deserves his ring. But it's that "30-odd games" that's the problem when you think about picking him up for the Red Sox.

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